I'm living in hell...

[wmrjw82]

My girlfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago and I still haven't gotten over it. She's all I think about. It's pretty sad and pathetic really. I go over and over in my mind the things I could have done differently and she would have stayed or not thought of me in ways she thinks of me now. I have tremendous guilt. I never cheated or abused her... but there are definitely things I should have done differently. I blame myself all the time and I envy those out there that can easily just move on after a relationship has ended. Why do I have to feel this way all the time? Why can't I move on? Why can't I just turn it off the way she did to me?

 

I try NC and it doesn't work. And everytime I text her something I think maybe this will affect her in a way that would miss me. But somewhere in the back of my mind I have this feeling that since this is our 2nd breakup (she dumped me the first time as well) that's it. She never responds and when she does it has nothing to do with her and I. I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch and she told me that she knows at this point its impossible for us to just be friends so not a good idea. I replied with, you're right...it's not possible and never was. Do you think of me that way? She never responded. How the hell am I supposed to be just friends with someone i've been in love with for a year? Is this the only way she will contact me?

 

She won't tell me she's seeing someone else and she won't tell me she doesn't love me. She always just cuts off communication when we get that deep. I feel that if she could tell me there is someone else or that she doesn't love me it would help me wake up and move on. She refuses to do so.

 

So I say stupid stuff that I don't really mean like "i'm going to start dating...i can't take loving someone who doesn't even aknowledge me anymore". I'm not dating and she knows obviously from my text messages that i'm not dating but i thought maybe this would wake her up or something i don't know. I've also told her that i'm going to delete her number out of my phone so i don't bother her anymore (she never replied to that either)....and the next week i found myself breaking down and looking like even more of a loser and texting her again.

 

We dated for a year, she has a little girl that i was really fond of and i loved them both very much. But she has put up this barrier between us now and I don't know what to do. I can't move on and i know that everytime i contact her i look more and more pathetic. I hate myself for my mistakes and the way iam. I hate the fact that I feel so deeply for her and I know she did me too but has now turned it all off. I feel like such a loser. Would it make any difference if I just showed up at her house and told her face to face because i actually haven't seen her since the breakup. All communication as been through text (except for 1 phone call i made to her a week after the break up and she hung up on me) I truly am living in my own personal hell....

[Newtotheblogthing]

I am sorry for what you are going through. I understand how you are feeling. Even though I initally did the breaking up, I wanted to get back together and he then turned the tables and sort of broke up with me. He is moving on with someone else but won't tell me he doesn't love me. I feel it's his way of keeping me around.

 

I understand that when I text I want them to feel something and to respond but really it only irritates them and lets them know we are not moving on. I have felt pathetic, had no self control with the texting.. I get it. I have made bold statements. Sent angry texts, sad texts, loving texts. You name it. I went to a beach right by his house.. needless to say none of this works and it makes me feel horrible.

 

At some point you have to cut contact at least thats the advice that was given to me. I am on day 3 and it's hard. I wonder what he's doing with his new gf who I can't get into my head is actually someone real he may care about.. It's sad, I am delusional but I am doing my best.

 

You can't force it and the more needy we seem the more they pull away. Seriously try NC just for today. See how you feel.

 

Post on here if you get the urge to text. I did it today. It felt good.

 

Hang in there and try not to be so hard on yourself. It's normal, that's what I have found out from this site. You are human..be kind to yourself right now.

[NorCalDave]

My girlfriend broke up with me a month and a half ago and I still haven't gotten over it. She's all I think about. It's pretty sad and pathetic really. I go over and over in my mind the things I could have done differently and she would have stayed or not thought of me in ways she thinks of me now. I have tremendous guilt. I never cheated or abused her... but there are definitely things I should have done differently. I blame myself all the time and I envy those out there that can easily just move on after a relationship has ended. Why do I have to feel this way all the time? Why can't I move on? Why can't I just turn it off the way she did to me?

 

I try NC and it doesn't work. And everytime I text her something I think maybe this will affect her in a way that would miss me. But somewhere in the back of my mind I have this feeling that since this is our 2nd breakup (she dumped me the first time as well) that's it. She never responds and when she does it has nothing to do with her and I. I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch and she told me that she knows at this point its impossible for us to just be friends so not a good idea. I replied with, you're right...it's not possible and never was. Do you think of me that way? She never responded. How the hell am I supposed to be just friends with someone i've been in love with for a year? Is this the only way she will contact me?

 

She won't tell me she's seeing someone else and she won't tell me she doesn't love me. She always just cuts off communication when we get that deep. I feel that if she could tell me there is someone else or that she doesn't love me it would help me wake up and move on. She refuses to do so.

 

So I say stupid stuff that I don't really mean like "i'm going to start dating...i can't take loving someone who doesn't even aknowledge me anymore". I'm not dating and she knows obviously from my text messages that i'm not dating but i thought maybe this would wake her up or something i don't know. I've also told her that i'm going to delete her number out of my phone so i don't bother her anymore (she never replied to that either)....and the next week i found myself breaking down and looking like even more of a loser and texting her again.

 

We dated for a year, she has a little girl that i was really fond of and i loved them both very much. But she has put up this barrier between us now and I don't know what to do. I can't move on and i know that everytime i contact her i look more and more pathetic. I hate myself for my mistakes and the way iam. I hate the fact that I feel so deeply for her and I know she did me too but has now turned it all off. I feel like such a loser. Would it make any difference if I just showed up at her house and told her face to face because i actually haven't seen her since the breakup. All communication as been through text (except for 1 phone call i made to her a week after the break up and she hung up on me) I truly am living in my own personal hell....

 

 

Man I empathize with you.

There's really nothing I can tell you to make you feel better. It will make you look worse in her eyes if you keep trying to contact her, that's all I do know.

As hard as it sounds, you have to let things be for a little bit.

Just think about how you were before you met her and go back to that person.

I am dealing with the loss of a loved one too....someone who has left me over and over too.

There's nothing we can do to bring them back to us.

So, we have to keep taking care of ourselves, because they sure as hell aren't going to do anything for us.

Honestly, the only way you stand a chance of getting her back is leaving things be and hopefully she misses you enough to want to get back in touch.

You don't have any other power over her except hoping that in time she misses you.

If you just STOP all the texting and calling, I think she will eventually wonder why you stopped and she'll come calling....eventually, whenever that may be.

Hang in there, and remember "absence makes the heart grow fond."

Be strong.

[wmrjw82]

Thanks for the responses. After looking over this site i've noticed alot of people in the same boat as I. In some strange way, it feels like i'm not exactly AS alone as I thought. This gave me some strength today which was a nice change of pace. I decided to send her one last text message to apologize for all the immature crap I had been sending and told her it was time to start acting like a man and move on.

 

The only thing I have is hope, bleak hope for a future with her but even if we did end up back together I know I would have my insecurities that this would happen again. And I HATE it when this happens. It seems like my whole world falls apart. This break up was worse than the first with her because I had a good job at the time of the last one. Well, during this last relationship I got fired and well....I have alot of free time on my hands. My goal is to find a new job as soon as possible and get busy! (and yes, there is a part of me that wonders if she broke up with me because I am on unemployment....I know that's not exactly a quality women like in a man)

 

It seems like at times like these the ex becomes a drug. The sad thing is I saw the breakup coming weeks ahead of time. We were fighting all the time and I distanced myself from her because I guess I was getting ready for the big letdown. I remember not even caring at the time....but as soon as she broke it off with me....I felt like a little lost puppy and wanted her back so bad. There is something seriously wrong with that! But I guess the first step is REALIZING the problem and REALIZING its more of my abandonment issues then me generally missing the relationship.

 

All this stuff really gives me a headache thinking about it so i'm gonna go to bed now. But please feel free to respond it really makes me think i'm not alone in this thing. LOVE STINKS!

[Heartache11]

Hi everyone,

 

I am in day 4 of my version of no contact as well. I say my version because he stopped contacting me after we argued online on September 3rd and I texted/called/IMed him everyday until this Monday. I sent him a final IM Monday saying I'm sorry, I know he needed space, please don't hate me, I love you and I hope that means something to you, and call me when you are ready. He didn't respond so I am trying to leave it at that. So far, so good.

 

But I know exactly how you are feeling. You look more and more crazy when they don't respond and you keep contacting. I'm afraid he hates me now and thinks little of our relationship because of my constant annoyance. You don't want that to happen.

 

 

Just try your hardest to make that last text, your true last text.

 

My weakness is I'll put up away messages saying do you hate me and things, that I'm pretty sure he reads. He hasn't blocked me online and if he really hated me, I think he would have. That's the only hope I'm riding on and that he told me two weekends ago (after we broke up) that he really loved me.

 

 

Just stay strong and post here.

[shockandawed]

Hey wm,

 

I know so well how you feel, it is absolute hell. I came here after my ex-fiance and I broke up last December. When I think back to how I felt a month and a half after, it was as you said, living in hell.

 

Like you, I knew contacting her was not right, but I thought somehow if I communicated with her, I could eventually win her back. I convinced myself if I maintained low contact, I could pull it off. Everyone one here advised differently.

 

I think the urge to communicate has several causes. One, like I said, is to try to restore things. Another cause is the urge for the "perfect goodbye". I know that was strong with me. We would have IMs about every two-three weeks. If one ended well, I was convinced I was on the way to getting her back. If one ended crappy, like her getting emotional and telling me off, then I would crave to have another. It was a vicious cycle with her in complete control of my heart and emotions.

 

Finally, when I came to my senses and deleted her from IMs, etc. and began strict NC, did I actually start to feel better. Even then, it was at the 4 month mark or so.

 

I know you know texting her is not right and I know why you do it. And I also know that deep down inside, you probably realize that you are pushing her farther away each time. The best advise I can give you is to come here and post every time you get the urge to text her.

 

Hang in there, I know it doesn't seem like it, but it WILL get better.

[wmrjw82]

well, this is my day 1 of my OFFICIAL NC. I'm really gonna try this time guys. It's all I have left. I ended it right and apologized for the immature texts and I haven't spoken to her since..... day freakin' 1....god this is gonna suck.

 

If i'm gonna do this I suppose I should put an initial goal down. What do you guys think? I'm gonna start low and go for 1 month. I know if I can get through 1 month without talking to her i'll be alright after that. The longest i've been able to go so far is 2 weeks.

 

But I will stick to this and try my HARDEST! Please stand by me guys! I miss her already!

[sedgwick]

I know how you feel. Mine dumped me two months ago and I want to run after him and beg him to come back, but instead I've blocked his email and his phone number and I just absolutely will not talk to him until either a) he makes a major effort to get me back or b) I get over him. We last talked two weeks ago, and every day I miss him more. I constantly want to contact him. All I can do is tell myself every day -- every hour, if necessary -- that it is the right thing to do to walk away, let him go, don't call. It's horribly difficult, but somewhere in me I know it's the right thing. He knows I love him, and he knows where I live. If he really wants me, he can find me, but I won't respond to any phone calls or emails. I don't want to know if they're happening or not; either way it hurts. I've decided this is the way that hurts less. The one thing I want to maintain in the middle of this horrible, sucky, hellish situation is my dignity. I know that I've lost my dignity before in breakups and when I look back I'm totally over the person but filled with regret about my actions. I will not contact him. It gets harder every day. I miss him with every fiber of my being. But I just have to hang on and know I've felt this way before and know that if I just ride it out it will pass. That's all I can do.

 

At least you know there are others of us out here who feel exactly like you do.

[shockandawed]

We're standing right here!!!

 

Good to hear. This will be very difficult and will be for some time. I do know that once you get some time under your belt, you will begin to feel a pride of how long you have gone and that will make your resistance to breaking down even stronger.

 

I didn't believe I could do it either. Just go back to my posts from last winter and spring and you will see for yourself. Not only did I finally do it, but I really think I have gotten over her for the most part. Yes, I still think about her and sometimes get myself pretty angry for what she did. But it is nothing like the pain I was carrying back then. In fact, she tried to contact me about a month ago with some cockamanie story that she had overheard some people in a restaurant talking about a friend of theirs getting remarried to someone with my last name. She was just curious if it was me. Didn't even hesitate, just delete and moved along.

 

Since I started N/C in April, she has tried to contact me twice. First in June and then again with the above story in August. I have nothing to gain nor any desire to talk with her. I am only telling you this because I want you to know you will reach the same place.

 

Now if I can just learn how to date.............................................

[wmrjw82]

We're standing right here!!!

 

Good to hear. This will be very difficult and will be for some time. I do know that once you get some time under your belt, you will begin to feel a pride of how long you have gone and that will make your resistance to breaking down even stronger.

 

I didn't believe I could do it either. Just go back to my posts from last winter and spring and you will see for yourself. Not only did I finally do it, but I really think I have gotten over her for the most part. Yes, I still think about her and sometimes get myself pretty angry for what she did. But it is nothing like the pain I was carrying back then. In fact, she tried to contact me about a month ago with some cockamanie story that she had overheard some people in a restaurant talking about a friend of theirs getting remarried to someone with my last name. She was just curious if it was me. Didn't even hesitate, just delete and moved along.

 

Since I started N/C in April, she has tried to contact me twice. First in June and then again with the above story in August. I have nothing to gain nor any desire to talk with her. I am only telling you this because I want you to know you will reach the same place.

 

Now if I can just learn how to date.............................................

 

 

That is definitely an interesting story. I respect the willpower that you possess. Because you see this happened to me with my first love, oh, about 5 years ago. I never actually talked to her again until this past year. Found out unfortunately she was engaged and the guy died. I always wanted her to feel the pain that I went through but when it actually happened to her I felt bad.

 

Anyway, i'm kind of rambling but there is honestly nothing in you that ever thinks that it might work out this time? I mean, I wonder what the statistics are of relationships working out after they have broke up more than twice? I'm sure its low but I know there are couples out there that have gone on and gotten married on the "third time is a charm". I don't know, maybe that's just wishful thinking. But i'm glad you are able to not even look into that and move on. Unfortunately, even if months and months go by I know there will be something inside of me that says "if only she gave it one more try...it will definitely work".... I would definitely do things differently but I don't know if it would make a difference.

 

Was there cheating involved in your relationship? Because if so, that would definitely make a difference.

[frd150]

Anyway, i'm kind of rambling but there is honestly nothing in you that ever thinks that it might work out this time? I mean, I wonder what the statistics are of relationships working out after they have broke up more than twice? I'm sure its low but I know there are couples out there that have gone on and gotten married on the "third time is a charm". I don't know, maybe that's just wishful thinking. But i'm glad you are able to not even look into that and move on. Unfortunately, even if months and months go by I know there will be something inside of me that says "if only she gave it one more try...it will definitely work".... I would definitely do things differently but I don't know if it would make a difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Man,

 

I sat in your seat not that long ago. Shock and others know the story. I was a miserable mess and I never woulda believed that things would get better despite people here telling me that they would. I was proven way wrong. It does get better.

 

 

Eventually a scab will form around your heart that will cause you to feel less and less miserable. Before you know it you will be healed up and you will feel more like yourself. Norcal hit on an idea that I fully adopted in my healing process and that is you need to go back to that pre relationship attitude. In my case I was content with life, I could handle things as they came and I did not need to be validated by a relationship. You need to find that person again regardless of what happens between you and her but never forget the lessons you are about to learn cuz there will be several.

 

N/C will get easier. I will admit that I do talk to her every once in a while but never ever about us. If she wants to talk about that then she can bring it up,im tired of beating the dead horse.

 

I think the goal of one month is a good Idea.

 

Success stories are great but do not let them get your hopes up,your situation has its own unique characteristics. Im not saying that you do not have a chance, Im only saying that you should not rest everything on something thats not for sure.

 

What is for sure is this is a good time to work on you. Do what ever to improve yourself. Caliguy(a poster) said something to me once that i believe to be extremely on point and that is "the best revenge is a life well lived."

 

Oh, and incase you forgot, dating is actually quite fun.... when your ready.

 

We are here to help.

[JCD]

I think if she didn't make up that story and instead was seriously asking you to reconsider the relationship again, maybe you would have. That is my thinking.

[wmrjw82]

I think if she didn't make up that story and instead was seriously asking you to reconsider the relationship again, maybe you would have. That is my thinking.

 

okay i'm confused...what story?

[wmrjw82]

uh....day 2 is already SUCKING.

 

I went to the gym and my ex's mom brought my ex's little girl and she saw me and ran and gave me a hug. I told her i missed her and that I hoped she was doing really good. I grudgingly pulled myself away and went on with my workout.

 

Passed by my ex's mom and told her "gee, i'm doing really well and then [ex's daughter] shows up!" (half jokingly)... i told her mom that i really loved her daughter but i'm going to stop bothering her and move on. I also told her mom how all the ex had to do was tell me she didn't love me or there was someone else and I wouldn't have been so annoying. Her mom replied that it wasn't necessarily the case just conflicting personalities. And you can't have just one person working on the relationship. (i'm assuming her mom meant that her daughter was the only one working on it)...

 

I didn't say anything but in my opinion 6 months is not exactly "working on it". I mean damn, what if we would have gotten married...?

 

Anyway, i'm still going strong and not contacting her but seeing her mom this early at the gym with my ex's daughter tells me that the ex went out partying somewhere last night and had her mom watch the kid. Which depresses me even more.

 

Gotta stay strong and keep the faith.... what goes around comes around.

[marty]

what your going through is totally normal. i was there too.

 

i too felt pathetic, trying too hard to get her back, feeling terrible when a txt came back and the reply wasnt the one you wanted. you say to yourself 'right thats it.. no more', and then 2 or 3 days later your at it again.

 

mine was kinda weird as a breakup, as we both initially left it as a mutual thing, which i could deal with,, but once she got back home , she twisted things and let me take the blame for everything. it was terrible and looking back,, kind selfish on her part.

 

please dont be too hard on yourself, it shows you have a heart and you care. all the guilt.. all the anger,,, the what if's.... its normal. You're being normal. if anything, it reflects on your ex's character if she's handling things like this.

 

it'll take as long as it takes to get past this, its different for everyone. your mind just has to try and process everything , the only thing in its way is your heart. its telling your other things. but trust in the fact that what your feeling and doing is all part of over her.

 

nc is a must though.

 

take care

[wmrjw82]

Guys am I doing the right thing here? I mean, I have this horrible gut feeling inside of me that tells me she is getting farther and farther away. I know she has the power in this situation and she is the only one who can change things but i'm scared of losing her forever.

 

How could she do this to me? To us? I admit there were many arguments (mostly because we are both head strong people who both like to be right) but the feeling I had with her this time around was a love I haven't felt in a long time. I KNOW she felt it too. So how can she do this? Why can't we stick together and work THROUGH it. Seems like couples these days just dont do that. I feel like she saw something in me she didn't like and even though she loves me just decided "well.... that's it. it's not perfect....gotta run"...and it PISSES ME OFF!

 

I'm sorry about the lame post but as each day passes i'm left facing the idea that this could very well be PERMANENT. And what's worse is I know i will have overwhelming guilt for the rest of my life over the demise of this relationship. Should I have done this differently or reacted this way instead of that way and things would be different. I'd give anything for things to be different. I'd give anything for her to feel for me again.

 

I don't know if it's a case where she doesn't feel for me anymore or she's hiding from her feelings. Because like i said before, she won't tell me doesn't love me. I would rather her tell me she didn't love me...then have her love me inside but feel we "just don't belong together".....I don't understand that. But she refuses to communicate anymore.

 

It's only day 3 of no contact but this is scarier than ever before because this time I know I'm not breaking it and in a sense i'm really letting go. The only thing I have is hope and i'm sure as each day passes that hope will slowly fade away. God I wish I could do something.

 

Sorry about the vent, but i'm going to use this thread as a tool let out my emotions instead of breaking nc and making myself look more desperate.

 

It just sucks because once again in my life i'm left wondering will absence make the heart grow fonder or yonder. It almost makes me want to hate love. Because whenever I give myself totally to a person this happens. They leave. I'm left alone. And my heart is ripped apart.

[shockandawed]

You're definitely doing the right thing, especially by posting here instead of trying to contact her.

 

I know all about that feeling she is slipping away when you don't have contact. She may be, but she definitely will the more you try to have contact.

 

Just this last Friday, my ex-fiance sent me an offline IM with just a smiley face. You know what I did? Just deleted it. Finally following NC allowed me to get over her and get to the place I could do that. It seemed impossible last March, but I am living proof it works.

 

Hang in there my friend and post all want to. I am following your story now.

[Curious139]

Guys am I doing the right thing here?

 

It just sucks because once again in my life i'm left wondering will absence make the heart grow fonder or yonder. It almost makes me want to hate love. Because whenever I give myself totally to a person this happens. They leave. I'm left alone. And my heart is ripped apart.

 

Yes you are doing the right thing - believe us. I broke NC a few days ago and was put back weeks in my recovery.

 

Yes absence does make the heart grow fonder but you set yourself up for a fall if you keep hoping that will work. Instead you have to focus on a future for yourself and to do that you need to be mentally healthy. That takes time but it does happen.

 

You are on the right course. Keep going.

[Teacher's Pet]

I've learned, in my 15 months of NC with my ex, that at first, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.....

 

.....but also makes the mind grow stronger, and you learn to accept why they are an ex in the first place, and you learn to deal with it.

 

It gets easier in time, and I'm living proof.

 

When I came to LS last June just after being ditched by my fiance, I was an emotional wreck.

 

Now I have a better job, the greatest friends on earth, and the desire and ability to love again.

 

It will happen for you, too!

 

-tp

rah rah rah

[wmrjw82]

Thank you guys so much for being there for me. I really appreciate your comments. Today is day 5 (I can't believe it's been only 1 week almost...seems like forever) But I woke up with this OVERWHELMING feelingo of laziness in my past relationship. She probably thinks i'm some kind of bum. You see, when we were dating I was a pretty successful banker. Well, I have been unemployed after I was let go last April.

 

I don't consider myself lazy but I feel from her eyes I probably am. You see I should have mowed the lawn more or payed for more groceries or fixed things around the house. I'm at a cross roads in my life, i'm 25 and I don't want to do sales like I was in before. So i'm stuck thinking about what to do with my life (go back to school, just get another job)... since our breakup i have registered for the GRE in case I want to go to graduate school and i have also been applying my ass off at different jobs because my unemployment will be over in October. I don't feel like its hard for me to get a job I was just so much looking at getting a CAREER something I wanted to do for a long time then a mere job. Now that unemployment is ending I have no choice.

 

I feel pathetic. I want to reach out to her and ask her if i can mow her lawn or pay some bills because I know she struggles. I did help out in ways though. After i became unemployed I took her daughter to school everyday and on Mondays I took care of her most of the day because she didn't have school on mondays.

 

I know i'm rambling but is this breakup a case where I need to SHOW her that iam not lazy? Is this the reason she really broke up with me?

 

God I feel horrible. I just want to apologize to her and say that i'm sorry for being so lazy I was just concentrating on our future instead of the present. Ugh.... would telling her this make any difference or should I just stick to the no contact? I don't want her to view me like that if she does!

[wmrjw82]

 

Okay guys update. I just got done with a job interview and i'm in the process of getting my highest paying job yet. I don't have the job for sure yet but i'm pretty confident they want me.

 

I'm so happy about the job because i'll be making good money again and and most of all i can start getting busy to take my mind off her (not totally though)!

 

QUESTION: Should I let her know? A part of me tells me I shouldn't because i'd rather her come back without her knowing i have a good paying job again so i know she's not just content with my finances but me. Another part tells me I should share my joy with her because I love her so much, but that would be breaking no contact! aarrgghh!!! I just don't want her to think i'm lazy as stated with the previous post! Someone help!

[shockandawed]

Congrats!!!!!!!

 

I think you answered your own question as to whether you should let her know. I know the feeling of wanting your ex to see you accomplished something. The thing I have found is that the few things I wanted her to know, she somehow found out. It's strange. How close are you to her? Do you have mutual friends, acquaintances, that would say something to her?

 

I would hold off for sure until you know you actually have it. Maybe get a couple of months under your belt, be sure this job is what you think it will be and allow you some time to get over her. Just telling her you got a new job is nowhere near as impressive as if you have contact with her months from now and you tell her you have completed several months.

 

If she did leave you because of your situation, then you are better off now to find out what type of person she is. If she couldn't handle this, she wouldn't be able to handle any of the family crisis we face from time to time. Thank her for showing her true stripes to you.

[gdguy07]

Hi & sorry to hear what you are going through it seems there are a lot off people here been through the same, myself included.

I did exactly the as you but if i could turn back the clock i would off just turned a cold shoulder towards the ex.I hate to tell you but i think she has met someone else & she is seeing if the grass is greener on the other side,now days there is far too much temptation out there & this probably has something to do with the high percentage of break ups/divorces.

She doesnt respond to your textes etc & while your trying to be a friend she is snobbing you..i bet you rush to the mobile each time it beeps just hoping its her,ive done this also.

My advice from a very similar experience is get busy,get out & about do internet dating or what i did was join a singles club not to actually meet another woman but just some company & socialising because i found it hard being around some of my close friends as they are all couples & here i was with the love of my life gone,i didnt enjoy going out with them.

Be strong mate i know its not easy but the less you see & talk to each other the easier it gets.Im just coming better 9 months down the track.

All the best & good luck.

[wmrjw82]

Congrats!!!!!!!

 

I think you answered your own question as to whether you should let her know. I know the feeling of wanting your ex to see you accomplished something. The thing I have found is that the few things I wanted her to know, she somehow found out. It's strange. How close are you to her? Do you have mutual friends, acquaintances, that would say something to her?

 

Not exactly a mutual friend but one of her friends has a myspace. I don't really talk to her but I guess I could if you guys thought it would work. Do you think I should tell her friend about how i got a new job? I know it would get back to her, but is that considered breaking no contact?

 

P.S. - For some reason, I honestly don't think our breakup is about another guy. I had my suspicions before but... I just don't get that feeling this time around. Not sure why...just don't.

[shockandawed]

I wouldn't do anything until you are on the payroll and started. Do you talk to this mutual friend normally? I don't see anything wrong with saying something as long as it is not out of the ordinary, but definitely wait until you are on board.

 

The best way to get past an ex is to move on with your life better than it was before. You aren't doing this for her, it's for you. If you get satisfaction from improving yourself and her finding out, then fine. Just remember, everything you are doing is strictly for you! Not to impress your ex.