Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 Did you ever date these women at all or dated them only once? Did she have a relationship with this guy? In my case it was one date. In her case it was a guy who only wanted to have sex and once that hapened he didn't see the point of going outdoors with her. She needs to stop going to men houses but she won't take dating advice from men which is understandable snce I have had a second date in 7 years.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 In my case it was one date. In her case it was a guy who only wanted to have sex and once that hapened he didn't see the point of going outdoors with her. She needs to stop going to men houses but she won't take dating advice from men which is understandable snce I have had a second date in 7 years. How long did she have a relationship with this guy?
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 How long did she have a relationship with this guy? It wasn't a relationship, it was a guy she just met a couple of weeks ago and had sex with him before going out on a actual date
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 It wasn't a relationship, it was a guy she just met a couple of weeks ago and had sex with him before going out on a actual date Okay...so how long did she sleep with this guy? Only the once?
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 Okay...so how long did she sleep with this guy? Only the once? Going by the number of times she has talked about him, defintely more than once
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Going by the number of times she has talked about him, defintely more than once So she had a physical relationship, yes relationship, with a guy who broke her heart and now she's been discussing it for a month or so and you're comparing this to your one date or no date situations of rejection?
oppath Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Well, let's see if I can't get another post removed by the moderators... Dateanalyzer, I do sympathize with your position. It sucks when a friend keeps talking about the same thing. It is no fun. But I am going to throw something out there...you might receive more compassionate advice, and more helpful advice, if you were to advise other people on this board. Have you ever once responded to another persons thread? It makes me wonder if the problem is your friend, or if you need to work on being more compassionate and empathetic. Maybe understanding your friend and why she is hurting would help you be able to get a second date over a 7 year period.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 So she had a physical relationship, yes relationship, with a guy who broke her heart and now she's been discussing it for a month or so and you're comparing this to your one date or no date situations of rejection? It's still similar because he never wanted her, just wanted to have sex.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 It's still similar because he never wanted her, just wanted to have sex. It doesn't matter what he wanted, it's about her feelings of investment. As a friend, you need to be there for her unless she's been cycling with this for an unreasonable period of time, like a year. If you can't be there for a friend, you might want to reconsider your friendship(s).
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 Well, let's see if I can't get another post removed by the moderators... Dateanalyzer, I do sympathize with your position. It sucks when a friend keeps talking about the same thing. It is no fun. But I am going to throw something out there...you might receive more compassionate advice, and more helpful advice, if you were to advise other people on this board. Have you ever once responded to another persons thread? It makes me wonder if the problem is your friend, or if you need to work on being more compassionate and empathetic. Maybe understanding your friend and why she is hurting would help you be able to get a second date over a 7 year period. She is a failure in finding love like me so I don't think talking to her will get me to a second date.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 It doesn't matter what he wanted, it's about her feelings of investment. As a friend, you need to be there for her unless she's been cycling with this for an unreasonable period of time, like a year. If you can't be there for a friend, you might want to reconsider your friendship(s). She has a personality problem that drives men away. But I don't feel right recommending therapy to someone.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 She has a personality problem that drives men away. But I don't feel right recommending therapy to someone. I strongly believe in therapy. I would greatly recommend and encourage anyone to have it, as long as you don't look at it as a miracle cure for your issues, only a way to provide you with the proper coping tools. Even the people who feel they are emotionally healthy should do it, in the same way you have a check up with a physician.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 I strongly believe in therapy. I would greatly recommend and encourage anyone to have it, as long as you don't look at it as a miracle cure for your issues, only a way to provide you with the proper coping tools. Even the people who feel they are emotionally healthy should do it, in the same way you have a check up with a physician. Well I may have to soon because it's normal for a 27 year old woman with a car, and no kids, to be lonely and miserable on a saturday night.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Well I may have to soon because it's normal for a 27 year old woman with a car, and no kids, to be lonely and miserable on a saturday night. Btw, how old are you and are you happy with your life? Material possessions and lack of kids are moot.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 Btw, how old are you and are you happy with your life? Material possessions and lack of kids are moot. I'm not happy with the dating part of it but overall i'm ok with my life. She bases her happiness in life on whether she has a boyfriend
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 I'm not happy with the dating part of it but overall i'm ok with my life. She bases her happiness in life on whether she has a boyfriend You must admit that you're a tad obsessive about the dating portion of your life... I will agree that it's not a healthy place to be, to rely on someone else for your own happiness. Therapy time.
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 You must admit that you're a tad obsessive about the dating portion of your life... I will agree that it's not a healthy place to be, to rely on someone else for your own happiness. Therapy time. Well give me some credit for making an effort to change my dating life by coming to this site for advice. She on the otherhand is doing nothing but complaining.
marlena Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Real friends are compassionate and there for you when the going gets even rougher as the days amass! But who indeed is to say what time framework is acceptable or not? We each move at our own pace. Though I'm not much of a supporter of "tough love" and as such weigh my thoughts carefully before verbalizing them I am capable of understanding how frustrating and painful it can be to watch someone you care for fall apart at the seams without his/her exerting any effort to help himself/herself. But it is all about coping. We do not all cope in the same way or speed. Some people NEED to hit rock bottom while others recover more rapidly. Some turn inwards while others turn outwards. There are no MUSTS or SHOULDS. Instead of advising, wouldn't it perhaps be more effective to just lend a shoulder to cry on? Advice should only be extended when we know that the person has reached a step in his/her healing process where he/she is receptive to it. Or so I believe.
MystifiedByMen Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Just tell her that Sunday is your day to relax and you don't want to hear anything negative. Also, just be honest with her about this guy. If you were my friend, I'd want to hear the truth from you. It would hurt me more if I found out you didn't tell me the truth. Just don't be cold when you tell her.
tama Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 By all means, please drop her then. She doesn't need a friend like you. The whole time, you've just been saying horrible things about her, thats you're her only friend and that she's a failure.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Well give me some credit for making an effort to change my dating life by coming to this site for advice. She on the otherhand is doing nothing but complaining. Are you trying to change it though? You ask questions, yes. But they all result in blaming the woman. They are always the problem in your eyes. You think they are playing games or have annoying voices, always something ... So what is the effort your making to change your daing life?
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 Are you trying to change it though? You ask questions, yes. But they all result in blaming the woman. They are always the problem in your eyes. You think they are playing games or have annoying voices, always something ... So what is the effort your making to change your daing life? By Finding the Site and asking several questions. I'm glad that I found it so when I go on my next date, october or november, I can come here if I have any questions before I go
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 By Finding the Site and asking several questions. I'm glad that I found it so when I go on my next date, october or november, I can come here if I have any questions before I go But if you don't absorb what your we are telling you or don't want to listen to what people are telling you then what is the point? So you ask the questions, think your right, don't listen to what people are telling you, go on the date, fail, then come back here complaining on how the woman did something wrong .... That's progress!!
Author DateAnalyzer Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 But if you don't absorb what your we are telling you or don't want to listen to what people are telling you then what is the point? So you ask the questions, think your right, don't listen to what people are telling you, go on the date, fail, then come back here complaining on how the woman did something wrong .... That's progress!! I haven't take lots of the things seriously that has been posted here
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I haven't take lots of the things seriously that has been posted here Huh? Is it just me or did that not make sense?
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