ordeal between my best friend and I

[flowerfairy142]

THANK YOU in advance for reading this and I really hope I can get good, solid advice on friendships....I haven't been someone's best friend in a really long time

 

I have made a wonderful new best friend. We met through my fiance's family and have become super close....so close in fact that I've asked her to be my maid of honor (she was always asking me if I ever needed help with planning my wedding, to PLEASE call her, etc so I asked her to be my maid of honor). We have so much in common, we hang out a lot and well, everything's great...

We're having a slight dilehma though. My fiance's adopted sister (I'll call her C.L.) has known my friend (N.R.) for years too but has never wanted a friendship with her (for unknown reasons). Now C.L. and I have had a few BIG major issues in the 7 years that I've been with my fiance: and I could never understand WHY she just couldnt be nice to me. I attempted to be nice, honestly. Anyways, now she's in quite a rough time in her life (she got pregnant, her man is in Iraq and to top it off, he cheated on her when she was pregnant; her "in-laws" can be jerks, etc...she has a LOT of drama going on but hey, she MADE those choices).

Anyways, C.L. HAS apologized to me for a huge fight we had almost a year ago (where she really showed me her real self: someone with low self esteem, jealous, and immature, saying things to me about my family that were unfair and untrue, etc). She opened up a wound that even though she stiched back with her apology...the scar will unfortunately NEVER go away.

And funny how life happens...recently she was in a bad situation and she had no one to reach out for help but one person: ME. I helped her, I consoled her, no judgements. She did thank me for helping her and all is good. I still sense a lot of jealousy in her towards me (it has ALWAYS been an issue, trust me), especially since I am planning a wedding and she never got married and has caused shame to the family that ADOPTED her and given her everything and well...its a lot of drama. I must clarify that I honestly never did anything to C.L. to make her dislike me or treat me rudely most of the time. I've always wanted to be on good terms with her but it never really happened...and its not jealousy towards her "brother" because she confirmed with me once that she was glad that he had me to distract him (they've never been on excellent terms either, and have JUST recently started speaking again after 2 years when C.L. really rebeled and did drugs and got pregnant, etc but now with the new baby, my fiance has warmed up to her again and forgiven her)

 

But now here is my concern: We recently went to a party and she saw very well how N.R. and I are super close, always hang out, (and that she's my maid of honor) and all of a sudden, after the party she starts calling N.R. to go out and play tennis, go out to dinner, etc. etc. Whats going on here? There was a point in time that C.L. was practically trying to break up my fiance and my relationship....now that she sees that I have acquired a real and faithful friend...a friend I should've met long ago....does she think she can "steal" N.R. from me? I have told my fiance's family how much I love N.R. and how we're long lost friends, etc. etc. N.R. is also in a dilehma because she doesn't want to be rude and she has gone out twice with C.L. but N.R. wonders if C.L. is really being genuine. C.L. is really on her, contacting her a lot, etc. N.R. also knows the whole past between C.L. and I and doesnt know how to proceed.

 

Why does C.L. all of a sudden want to enforce a friendship? In fact, C.L. and N.R. had their OWN issues in the past....C.L. never wanted N.R. as a friend and I just find it really strange that all of a sudden after seeing how N.R. and I are such good friends she's also all over N.R. Its not like it happened when she saw her for the 1st time in years in C.L.'s baby shower...it happened after she saw N.R. and I are close. Am I being paranoid??

 

C.L. has her own friends by the way....

 

I am trying to be as mature as I can about this and I've even said "Yes, C.L. does need to hang out with good people like us, etc" because she got mixed with a really bad crowd. But she never took those invitations seriously and now all of a sudden starts contacting my best friend N.R. like crazy??

 

I am obviously NOT showing her or my fiance's family that I CARE but the truth of the matter is, I'm confused and wonder about her true intentions. SHe says she's changed as she became a young mother....but truth of the matter is I think she still has TOO MUCH growing up to do.

 

ANy advice on how to continue handling this situation? I know how to handle romantic relationships better than friends....I've been with my fiance 7 years and I haven't had a best friend in over 10 years. I'm not sure how to proceed/act, etc.

 

Any advice is really really appreciated, THANK YOU!!!

[Ocean-Blue]

I don't really see what the problem is. Why do you care what her intentions are?

 

If your best friend is uncomfortable pursuing a friendship with CL, then she will come to that decision herself (and based on what you've said, it seems like she probably will). And CL is not doing anything directly to you, is she? Whether she has changed or not shouldn't matter to you. Perhaps she is trying to turn over a new leaf, perhaps not.

 

You need to stop worrying about CL and focus on what's important: the fact that you have a new best friend. Do not sabotage this friendship by being overly possessive. That may sound a bit harsh, but that is what it looks like to me. NR is (I'm guessing) an adult. She should be able to chose who her friends are without having you worry on her behalf.

 

Let it go.

[flowerfairy142]

Thank you....I think I'm thinking a little too immaturely here and overanalyzing things too much.

Thank you for the virtual slap in the face lol. I really do NOT want to loose this friend.

I guess if anything CL in the end up looking like a desperate moron if her intentions really aren't genuine.

But what is confusing to NR and myself is that CL never tried to pursue a friendship with NR until she saw the way NR and I were at that party. CL and NR don't even have anything in common and CL is constantly texting NR and inviting her to go hang out...especially after hearing that NR and I hang out a lot...

And CL knows I've never had a best friend besides her cousin, my fiance. I've been viciously betrayed in the past and after careful decision-making have just recently allowed good people to become my friends...NR being one.

After knowing CL for over 7 years...I've come to realize she does NOT have good intentions (at least towards me).

I obviously wont tell my new best friend what she can or cannot do...that's her choice...

I just need a little bit of advice on how to act in front of CL because based on her actions and little comments towards me recently it seems like she wants me to get jealous. I guess this girl just hasn't grown up yet and I want to be the one acting maturely and correctly.