What should I make of this?

[Quinch]

He's either trying to get you into bed or convert you to islam or both. Either way, tell him to go **** himself

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I dont think he sees it in that way though.

 

Aah..come on Coco. You know he's trying to get a pretty girl (and you gotta admit you're exotic-looking and pretty) into bed.

 

It's very simple, and very obvious. He belongs to the particular sub-species of men called "the creepy co-worker", whose pushes himself onto his female colleague to the extent of being scary.

 

 

I dont want to make a fuss but at the same time, I dont want this to continue either.

 

Like I suggested earlier, don't appear intimidated or naive. You probably give off the cute-little-girl vibe, and hence his action of stroking your hair and asking if you liked it, etc.

 

Be firm, and very clear. Tomorrow when you go in, just ignore him and avoid all talk. If you have to interact with him, keep your distance and keep the conversation short.

 

The moment he veers off-topic and starts getting personal, just tell him that you're not interested in that sort of a conversation with him.

[coco_milkshake]

Aah..come on Coco. You know he's trying to get a pretty girl (and you gotta admit you're exotic-looking and pretty) into bed.

 

It's very simple, and very obvious. He belongs to the particular sub-species of men called "the creepy co-worker", whose pushes himself onto his female colleague to the extent of being scary.

 

Yeah...I just cant believe how naive I still am after everything I have been through. I cant help it though, I always try to see the good in people.

 

 

Like I suggested earlier, don't appear intimidated or naive. You probably give off the cute-little-girl vibe, and hence his action of stroking your hair and asking if you liked it, etc.

 

Be firm, and very clear. Tomorrow when you go in, just ignore him and avoid all talk. If you have to interact with him, keep your distance and keep the conversation short.

 

The moment he veers off-topic and starts getting personal, just tell him that you're not interested in that sort of a conversation with him.

 

Yeah I guess that is what I am going to have to do.

[coco_milkshake]

Ben was a total angel today and didnt leave my side so I wasnt alone with Subey (freaky guy). I kept my distance and limited my conversation with him as much as I could. He kept his distance which I am glad of, even Ben noticed this too.

 

I talked to my best friend and I figure I should talk to one of my colleagues on Monday, tell them about what happened and request to them not to put me in the same room as him. His contract is up in a couple of weeks so I am going to hang in there.

[dropdeadlegs]

Ben was a total angel today and didnt leave my side so I wasnt alone with Subey (freaky guy). I kept my distance and limited my conversation with him as much as I could. He kept his distance which I am glad of, even Ben noticed this too.

 

I talked to my best friend and I figure I should talk to one of my colleagues on Monday, tell them about what happened and request to them not to put me in the same room as him. His contract is up in a couple of weeks so I am going to hang in there.

Glad to hear that you had a good day, I was concerned....

 

Good idea to talk about limiting "alone" contact.

 

See, you're not so naive after all! His contract could be renewed, but taking steps to keep your contract comfortable is doing what's right for you, and that is admirable and very grown up!

[coco_milkshake]

Glad to hear that you had a good day, I was concerned....

 

Good idea to talk about limiting "alone" contact.

 

See, you're not so naive after all! His contract could be renewed, but taking steps to keep your contract comfortable is doing what's right for you, and that is admirable and very grown up!

 

I was a bit concerned as well but it went better than I thought.

 

I figured it was best to talk to someone about this cos I dont want him to repeat what he did that day and Heavens forbid, if he tries something else, I wont be able to handle it and I have enough stress on my plate as it is.

 

His contract is definitely over as he has started back at college to be a social worker (God help any girls he works with ). I just want my life to be a bit easier there and I dont want to cause any frictions by confronting him cos then he will know it got to me and will probably encourage him more.

[coco_milkshake]

Well I spoke to my manager and she has told me to tell him in a matter-of-fact way not to put me in that position again and has said she will be on stand-by if things get out of hand.

 

I am worried cos this can result in 3 scenarios:

 

1. He is apologetic

2. He tries to justify his behaviour

3. Denies it

 

This thursday is going to be fun fun fun.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I don't know, Coco...I thought he was laying off already. And his contract was ending soon. And that you didn't want to create a fuss when things were going okay anyway.

 

Did he do something between then and now, that made you go and talk to the manager?

 

If not, what's they point of bringing this up with him again and re-kindling the whole unsavory issue?

[coco_milkshake]

I don't know, Coco...I thought he was laying off already. And his contract was ending soon. And that you didn't want to create a fuss when things were going okay anyway.

 

Did he do something between then and now, that made you go and talk to the manager?

 

If not, what's they point of bringing this up with him again and re-kindling the whole unsavory issue?

 

The thing is I dont want this thing to repeat and I dont want him to think he has gotten away with what he did. My manager said the sooner he knows this, the better cos of the line of work he will be going into (social work).

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

The thing is I dont want this thing to repeat and I dont want him to think he has gotten away with what he did. My manager said the sooner he knows this, the better cos of the line of work he will be going into (social work).

 

Hmmm. Yes, I see where you're coming from.

 

However, I still think it's akin to flogging a dead horse, really. Look, workplace flirtations are going to happen. Flirtations - friendly and otherwise - are going to be induldged in, and part of learning to adjust in the work world is learning how to handle these situations without stressing yourself out or creating a huge fuss.

 

I can imagine you being disgruntled that he's secretly happy that he "got away with it". But really, all he did was flirt - he did not pass inappropriate, insulting comments, nor did he touch you inappropriately. If he'd done that, you had every right to make a big issue of it and deal with it with a heavy hand.

 

About him being a social worker - as far as I know, he's not a sex offender or a child molestor or something. Him flirting with you is not necessarily an indication of him being incompetent or unfit in his line of work.

 

I don't mean to sound dismissive - I totally understand what you might be feeling. It's normal to feel indignant and perhaps apprehensive that he might flirt again. But right now, he's not showing any indication of messing with you further. So what's the point of bringing up this issue again and discussing it with him?

 

If he tries flirting again, then you know what to do. He tries to pass off his actions as "friendly", right? Well, you deal with it in the same manner - in a "friendly" but firm, non-intimidated way. Tell him that you don't want to indulge in that discussion, and that's that. If he has any sense, he won't try that again.

 

 

This is my opinion, though. If you do want to take it up with him and talk to him, it's your decision.

[coco_milkshake]

Hmmm. Yes, I see where you're coming from.

 

However, I still think it's akin to flogging a dead horse, really. Look, workplace flirtations are going to happen. Flirtations - friendly and otherwise - are going to be induldged in, and part of learning to adjust in the work world is learning how to handle these situations without stressing yourself out or creating a huge fuss.

 

I can imagine you being disgruntled that he's secretly happy that he "got away with it". But really, all he did was flirt - he did not pass inappropriate, insulting comments, nor did he touch you inappropriately. If he'd done that, you had every right to make a big issue of it and deal with it with a heavy hand.

 

About him being a social worker - as far as I know, he's not a sex offender or a child molestor or something. Him flirting with you is not necessarily an indication of him being incompetent or unfit in his line of work.

 

I don't mean to sound dismissive - I totally understand what you might be feeling. It's normal to feel indignant and perhaps apprehensive that he might flirt again. But right now, he's not showing any indication of messing with you further. So what's the point of bringing up this issue again and discussing it with him?

 

If he tries flirting again, then you know what to do. He tries to pass off his actions as "friendly", right? Well, you deal with it in the same manner - in a "friendly" but firm, non-intimidated way. Tell him that you don't want to indulge in that discussion, and that's that. If he has any sense, he won't try that again.

 

 

This is my opinion, though. If you do want to take it up with him and talk to him, it's your decision.

 

I find it sleazy how he asked me if I liked it when he stroked my hair. That to me is creepy behaviour and the fact that he told me to come to the back of the building when we are locked from outside (I am still kicking myself for that).

 

I guess you are right. I will talk to my manager again tomorrow and see what she says of this, just to confirm if I should still go ahead with confronting him or not. It will be a week since its happened which does seem daft but he is only in 2 days so I cant do it before then...

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I find it sleazy how he asked me if I liked it when he stroked my hair. That to me is creepy behaviour and the fact that he told me to come to the back of the building when we are locked from outside (I am still kicking myself for that).

 

 

I know..that was definitely unsavory. And I can see why you'd still be smarting from that.

 

I'd have suggested a couple of sharp, smart-alecky comments to make to him during general conversation...but it might actually just egg him on and make him retaliate.

 

I guess you are right. I will talk to my manager again tomorrow and see what she says of this, just to confirm if I should still go ahead with confronting him or not. It will be a week since its happened which does seem daft but he is only in 2 days so I cant do it before then...

 

Why would you ask your manager again? She would tell you the same thing she told you.

 

In my opinon, give the situation some rest. Show him that you're willing to maintain a respectful relationship, if he plays fair. While making it clear that you won't tolerate anything less.