coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Today was a strange day at work in more ways than one, but one incident stood out for me more than the rest. I am working as a volunteer at the moment for a charity organisation which helps young teens get work. There is another guy who is also a volunteer who I have gotten to know during my 3 weeks there. We were just talking today as Ramadan has started and I was questioning him about Islam (he is muslim) and he questioned me about Sikhism. He then said "do you mind if I say something?"...I was so I said ok to which he replied "I think you are very attractive, you have a nice curvy figure. I like the way your jeans sit nicely around your waist." Me: He then asked me what I was thinking...to be honest I was a little bit flattered but at the same time I found it a bit....odd. I replied to him that I was a bit shocked at that and a bit suprised. I tried to laugh it off and turn it into a joke by saying all my friends say I have a J-Lo butt...just trying to lighten the subject up a bit. Then lunch came and he wanted to talk to me some more...we went to the back but I was a bit uncomfortable cos that is a fire exit and basically we would be locked from the outside. He started asking me some more about how it felt after he said that he found me attractive. I gave him the same response. Here comes the weird part: he got me to get up..which I reluctantly did. I am 5'3" and he is 6'3"...he took my glasses off and he started stroking my hair. He asked how that felt and I was like "wtf?!"...I stepped away from him a bit and told him that it felt odd. He asked me how and I said that it just did...he told me not to feel odd. I asked him to check the time and lunch was over...cos we were locked from the outside, we had to go down the lift and go outside and walk around to the main entrance and go back up the lift again. What should I do? I am completely stumped.
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Today was a strange day at work in more ways than one, but one incident stood out for me more than the rest. I am working as a volunteer at the moment for a charity organisation which helps young teens get work. There is another guy who is also a volunteer who I have gotten to know during my 3 weeks there. We were just talking today as Ramadan has started and I was questioning him about Islam (he is muslim) and he questioned me about Sikhism. He then said "do you mind if I say something?"...I was so I said ok to which he replied "I think you are very attractive, you have a nice curvy figure. I like the way your jeans sit nicely around your waist." Me: He then asked me what I was thinking...to be honest I was a little bit flattered but at the same time I found it a bit....odd. I replied to him that I was a bit shocked at that and a bit suprised. I tried to laugh it off and turn it into a joke by saying all my friends say I have a J-Lo butt...just trying to lighten the subject up a bit. Then lunch came and he wanted to talk to me some more...we went to the back but I was a bit uncomfortable cos that is a fire exit and basically we would be locked from the outside. He started asking me some more about how it felt after he said that he found me attractive. I gave him the same response. Here comes the weird part: he got me to get up..which I reluctantly did. I am 5'3" and he is 6'3"...he took my glasses off and he started stroking my hair. He asked how that felt and I was like "wtf?!"...I stepped away from him a bit and told him that it felt odd. He asked me how and I said that it just did...he told me not to feel odd. I asked him to check the time and lunch was over...cos we were locked from the outside, we had to go down the lift and go outside and walk around to the main entrance and go back up the lift again. What should I do? I am completely stumped. This guy just wants sex...make it clear to him that his behaviour is not taken kindly. If need be....tell someone, Coco...he is onlty a volunter. Remember me telling you that people will take advantage of you?....Stay away from him , coco.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Yep, Eric's right. The guy is trying his luck for getting some exotic booty. Keep your distance, avoid going too close. Don't act surprised or intimidated. That will just egg him on. If he tries getting touchy-feely again, tell him VERY firmly that he can say what he wants to without touching. Perhaps he'll get the point and you can still be work-friends. If not, then think about talking to a supervisor.
Krytellan Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Eww... how creepy. Excuse me, I need a shower.
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 This guy just wants sex...make it clear to him that his behaviour is not taken kindly. If need be....tell someone, Coco...he is onlty a volunter. Remember me telling you that people will take advantage of you?....Stay away from him , coco. Yep, Eric's right. The guy is trying his luck for getting some exotic booty. Keep your distance, avoid going too close. Don't act surprised or intimidated. That will just egg him on. If he tries getting touchy-feely again, tell him VERY firmly that he can say what he wants to without touching. Perhaps he'll get the point and you can still be work-friends. If not, then think about talking to a supervisor. I think you are both right. I dont think he sees it in that way though. I dont want to make a fuss but at the same time, I dont want this to continue either. His contract is almost up so he is going to be leaving my work soon. I hope things dont get worse.
dropdeadlegs Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Wow, coco, that is strange indeed. He's putting out his feelers () to see if you are interested in him, but it was done in a way that most women would find too freaky and too strong. The whole asking you how it made you feel (duh!, very uncomfortable) was strange. If this is the way he "attracts" women, he needs to change his tactics. As for working with him, I would try to keep some distance if possible. Don't be alone with him if you can help it. If he continues this kind of conversation and action tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and that you don't like it. If he doesn't get it, tell someone higher that he is giving you the heebie jeebies. Hair stroking is not something that opposite sex coworkers normally do.
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Wow, coco, that is strange indeed. He's putting out his feelers () to see if you are interested in him, but it was done in a way that most women would find too freaky and too strong. The whole asking you how it made you feel (duh!, very uncomfortable) was strange. If this is the way he "attracts" women, he needs to change his tactics. As for working with him, I would try to keep some distance if possible. Don't be alone with him if you can help it. If he continues this kind of conversation and action tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and that you don't like it. If he doesn't get it, tell someone higher that he is giving you the heebie jeebies. Hair stroking is not something that opposite sex coworkers normally do. I considered him a friend. We have talked about family and such since our cultures are sort of similar. He is training to be s social worker so I felt like I could trust him. He put his hand on my thigh earlier that day. I was a bit worried when he did that but I thought it was a one off until he told me he found me attractive and such. For the first time in ages I am finding myself in a situation where I feel very uncomfortable and a little afraid to speak out. If things get worse than this, then I will have no choice but to tell my manager. :(
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 He wants to drink some coco. You are soo not helping here Tan.
tanbark813 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I agree with DDL. You could also tell him you don't date coworkers so he doesn't take it personally.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Stay away from hanging out with him. If he attempts to touch you again, push his hands away or shrug him off so he realizes that you don't want him to touch you. If he makes too personal a comment, call him on it. Basically tell him it's too personal and you don't want to hear about it again.
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Stay away from hanging out with him. If he attempts to touch you again, push his hands away or shrug him off so he realizes that you don't want him to touch you. If he makes too personal a comment, call him on it. Basically tell him it's too personal and you don't want to hear about it again. Yeah I think thats what I am going to have to do. *sigh* It takes me ages to find a job and now I am experiencing this. Just when I thought things couldnt get any worse.
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Geezus, I hate seeing you having to put up with this , Coco, specially after your trying to get your life back on track... Next time....kick him in the nuts, it's the only solution.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Yeah I think thats what I am going to have to do. *sigh* It takes me ages to find a job and now I am experiencing this. Just when I thought things couldnt get any worse. The reason why I'm kinda' adamant about this is that I had the situation of attempted rape from a drunk coworker, years ago. Don't let them corner you. Be assertive. His contract will be expiring soon. If he keeps up the harrassment, go to your boss. This will ensure that his contract will not be extended.
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Geezus, I hate seeing you having to put up with this , Coco, specially after your trying to get your life back on track... Next time....kick him in the nuts, it's the only solution. I am tempted but what would that achieve apart from me being fired on the spot? I seriously need to work on my judgement of character cos I did not expect this from him at all. I am soo crap at recognising people for who they really are, this has confirmed it. I honestly thought I had got better at it but obviously I was wrong. :(
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 The reason why I'm kinda' adamant about this is that I had the situation of attempted rape from a drunk coworker, years ago. Don't let them corner you. Be assertive. His contract will be expiring soon. If he keeps up the harrassment, go to your boss. This will ensure that his contract will not be extended. Wow that is pretty full on. He is a pretty big guy, as he is over 6' tall and very strong. I will make sure my other friend Ben is in the room, even though he looks like a little boy compared to him, at least he wont do anything while Ben is there...at least I hope not.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Wow that is pretty full on. He is a pretty big guy, as he is over 6' tall and very strong. I will make sure my other friend Ben is in the room, even though he looks like a little boy compared to him, at least he wont do anything while Ben is there...at least I hope not. Good idea. Don't be alone with him. The guy who tried it on me, had about a foot on me in height and around 100 lbs in weight. Thank god my chair rolled backwards, which is how I got away. He had me pinned to the desk, trapped with me sitting in the chair, with my back to him. I pushed back on my chair as hard as I could, when he was least expecting it and then ran away. The sad part was that I trusted him as a friend and coworker, previous to this. That he came back drunk one night, while I was working late and alone in my office was bad news. His wife was pregnant at the time with their first child...
dropdeadlegs Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Don't be so hard on yourself, coco. Not all people are easy to read. When I was 18 I was seated next to a man on a Greyhound bus who kept making sexual suggestions all the way from Cincinnati, Ohio to Memphis, TN. The distance wasn't really that far, but a Greyhound stops in every teeny tiny town for pickups and it took twice times as long as it would have if traveling by car. I was terrified at the time, and the bus was packed because another had broken down and two bus loads of people were crammed into one. There weren't any other seats, but instead of suffering silently, I should have asked to be seated next to someone else, like a nice elderly woman. The man kept saying we should get a room in Memphis. He was probably in his 40's and smelled of alcohol. I was much too nice and respectful of my elders to do anything, but it's easy to see now that I didn't have to put up with him. At the time I was just scared and felt helpless. He was so creepy and I worried that I would be abducted or something. memphis was not the edn of my ride, I still had a long way to go afterward, but it was the end of his ride, thank God. My point is that nobody has to take anything from anybody. I hope this guy can take a hint, but if he can't, do not feel bad about telling your manager that he speaks to you and touches you in inappropriate ways. You have the right to feel safe and comfortable even as a volunteer.
sb129 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Isn't Ramadan about abstinence and making your self stronger thru abstinence, fasting and prayer? Wierd timing for him to make a move on you. Maybe the lack of food/ smoking has gone to his brain? Although it did only start yesterday... Seriously, Coco, I think you should the R as professional as possible, and try not to be alone in a room with him if you can possibly avoid it.
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I am tempted but what would that achieve apart from me being fired on the spot? I seriously need to work on my judgement of character cos I did not expect this from him at all. I am soo crap at recognising people for who they really are, this has confirmed it. I honestly thought I had got better at it but obviously I was wrong. :( I wasn't serious, dork.. Maybe do something unattractive next to him?...Like let out a big burp or tell him you need to shave your armpits one of these days, lol...He'll get turned off right away, lol
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Yeah, I just find it incredibly odd. He started asking me about my ex boyfriend and what guys I am into. I still gave him the benefit of the doubt cos I try not to judge too quickly but...at the end of the day when I was on the train on my way home, I couldnt stop thinking about it and I honestly didnt know how to look at it. I am glad I am not the only one who finds that strange.
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 I wasn't serious, dork.. Maybe do something unattractive next to him?...Like let out a big burp or tell him you need to shave your armpits one of these days, lol...He'll get turned off right away, lol Or maybe turn up to work in a potato sack? I think the best tactic is avoidance.
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Or maybe turn up to work in a potato sack? I think the best tactic is avoidance. Put a bunny in his pants, and it will thump the hell out of his sack?...yeah thats it. Seriously though, if he was a nice guy, he wouldn't be coming onto you this strong.. Maybe he is a nice guy, but this behavior is not acceptable...Just tell him to watch his step.
Author coco_milkshake Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Put a bunny in his pants, and it will thump the hell out of his sack?...yeah thats it. Seriously though, if he was a nice guy, he wouldn't be coming onto you this strong.. Maybe he is a nice guy, but this behavior is not acceptable...Just tell him to watch his step. Will you send me the bunny for that purpose then? If this continues then I will tell him to watch his step. He is only in on Thursdays and Fridays so I am stuck with him tomorrow as well. Joy. Not.
EricOnTheWeb Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Will you send me the bunny for that purpose then? If this continues then I will tell him to watch his step. He is only in on Thursdays and Fridays so I am stuck with him tomorrow as well. Joy. Not. Bunny is in the mail...
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