fray718 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 1.75 years ago I dated him and he said he didn't see me as his gf as we are too different. But he still wanted to continue to see me. I don't do fwb, so it ended. We stopped talking, except for when we run into each other like once every 3-4 months and we'd just say hi or something. I got over him. He never got a gf for that 1.75 years. Then one day sort of out of the blue he IMs me just to chat. I remained polite, but nothing more. I thought it was kind of strange and had a bad feeling bout it. I became somewhat miserable for 2 weeks or so. No contact for 3 weeks after that IM. Then after those 3 weeks my friend told me that just the other day my ex has changed his relationship status on facebook from 'single' to 'in a relationship'....that was the first time in those 1.5 years. I dont know why he IMed me. Ego boost? He just got bored one day? Why would someone do that? I know it's not just a coincidence. I never did anything bad to him. He was the one who hurt me then, yet he must do this to hurt me again. He had told me before he felt bad for what happened but apparently not that much.
Yamaha Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 To see if you still have feelings for him.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 He never got a gf for that 1.75 years. Then one day sort of out of the blue he IMs me just to chat. I remained polite, but nothing more. I don't know why he IMed me. Ego boost? He just got bored one day? Why would someone do that? I know it's not just a coincidence. I never did anything bad to him. He was the one who hurt me then, yet he must do this to hurt me again. He had told me before he felt bad for what happened but apparently not that much. If he was just chatting and as you said nothing more then I don't quite see the problem. I'm assuming he saw you online and since so much time had gone by that you 2 could chat as friends or acquaintances. Do you feel he hurt you by talking to you? Would you had rather he never contact you again? Maybe you got your hopes up since he contacted you after so long?
Author fray718 Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 To see if you still have feelings for him. That is very cruel
Author fray718 Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 If he was just chatting and as you said nothing more then I don't quite see the problem. I'm assuming he saw you online and since so much time had gone by that you 2 could chat as friends or acquaintances. Yes he chooses to do it 3 weeks before he gets his first gf in the past 2 years. Do you feel he hurt you by talking to you? Would you had rather he never contact you again? Maybe you got your hopes up since he contacted you after so long? Yes I felt hurt by talking to him. I did not get my hopes up as from his way of chatting he didn't imply or do anything to say he wanted to see me again. It was just a 'how's it going' thing. It hurt because it brought back memories and I also had a bad feeling about it...my gut feeling perhaps. And I was right. He finally got a gf. Yes I wish indeed that he never IMed me. I was fine before all that. I bet he knew that his IM to me will bring back feelings (and it did) and he prob knew that I'd find out bout him having a gf finally since me (and he was right).
Krytellan Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Yeah, I don't really see the issue. You guys just chatted briefly. At what point in the IM did he express his love for you? If he didn't what's the deal? If there is an issue it's that after 1.75 years you are so unable to let go of an ex that one IM brings back all of these feelings. That's what I would focus on here. You're missing the issue by blaming him for your feelings. Own up to yourself.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Sorry but it's not really his fault that it brought back bad feelings since it's been almost 2 years. I don't really know why he decided to chat after so long but there wasn't anything too it as far as I can see, just chat. I also don't see a connection between your chat and him getting a girlfriend. He probably didn't plan that around your chat, just two random things that happened not to mention almost a month after he talked to you! Sorry hun but I think your just feeling upset he didn't say he wanted to be with you and finding out he is with someone else.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I don't think anyone can dispute that there were selfish elements that the ex should own. He was probably feeling lonely and looked to fray for some ego boost. I also agree that fray needs to own her own feelings. He never led her on in the conversation. It couldn't have been fun for fray to have those old feelings dug up again.
Author fray718 Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Sorry but it's not really his fault that it brought back bad feelings since it's been almost 2 years. I don't really know why he decided to chat after so long but there wasn't anything too it as far as I can see, just chat. I also don't see a connection between your chat and him getting a girlfriend. He probably didn't plan that around your chat, just two random things that happened not to mention almost a month after he talked to you! Sorry hun but I think your just feeling upset he didn't say he wanted to be with you and finding out he is with someone else. I am at fault for having been checking his facebook page every now and then. His IM to me was the night before he was off to vacation to go see her....according to the facebook page she could not wait to see him in 6 weeks time! (I believe they are having a long distance relationship where she lives about 10 states away). He IMed me the night before he left. And a week after he comes back from seeing her, they are officially a couple. That can't be a coincidence in my book. I knew it coming actually right when he IMed me....it was perhaps the anticipation of knowing that it will happens that was killing me. But right, I should not have been checking his facebook page. I swear to not look at it anymore. He is not to blame for my feelings...I admit I am too emotional. But really, I felt he did it on purpose...and I guess it hurts. Not really his fault, but it hurts nonetheless.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I agree even though your over someone, something can happen to bring back feelings. Though guys can be oblivious to things like that and it wouldn't occure to them for a second. (the amount of time that went by didn't help also)
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Sometimes we do torture ourselves don't we? I agree stay away from his facebook page and don't talk to him on IM, you know how it effects you know and it will help you to put it behind you. Hugs!
Author fray718 Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Sometimes we do torture ourselves don't we? I agree stay away from his facebook page and don't talk to him on IM, you know how it effects you know and it will help you to put it behind you. Hugs! Aw, thanks for the hug . Yea, I honestly didn't think I'd react the way I did. I thought it will just bother me a bit, that was it. I didn't expect to cry my eyes out. Eventhough I knew it was coming and thought I was prepared for it, I was still more upset than I could ever have imagined. He was my first love...perhaps its true what people say bout first loves.
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