Would you be upset if ...

[SinCity]

You had a arrangements to see your OM/OW and when the time came he/she said they forgot? This happened to me the other night. My OM knew I was coming over after work, which I had to go through a lot of trouble to do. When I got there, he had company. Two female friends whom I do not like. Instead of asking them to leave he said that I would get over it. He justified it by saying he gets lonely when I'm not there and it was just nice to have company. I know these women, and I'm 99% sure he doesn't have anything going on with them. I think he wanted them to stay because they were "partying" and he knew that I could only stay for a few hours.

 

I was really hurt when he said he forgot, since meeting with him was all I thought of that day. He says I don't have a right to be mad but I say I do because we had plans. I'm thinking of ending things with him because if that's his attitude, it's really not worth it. I love him, but I didn't appreciate the way he handled the situation. He felt justified because I'm married and can't spend a lot of time with him. He should just end things with me then. And what's the use of having an affair, lying and scheming all the time if he's going to be so nonchalant about it. Please note, I am looking for advice from those involved in an affair. I don't need anyone chiming in to tell me how wrong it is to have an affair 'cause I already know that. I can't stop those type people from posting, but wanted to add that part anyway.

[LucreziaBorgia]

When a married guy says "I forgot" then it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to be with you - it just means that you are so low on the priority list of what he has going on in his legit life that he probably did forget (or he didn't forget, he just had other things he would rather do - usually its OOW, and in your case I would be a very large amount of money that is what is going on).

 

The fact that you are married puts you even lower on the list. If you were a single OW, he might be more inclined to not "forget" because in a sense he feels a certain ownership over a single OW and doesn't want her to find a single guy who will give her what she needs. Is the OOW single? If she is, then you are probably lower on the priority list than she is. You have a husband at home to keep you company, and its not like there is any real future there for you and MM.

 

I'm sure he feels that the chances of you divorcing and leaving your husband are about as high as him divorcing and leaving his wife. I would bet some part of him is saying "she's married, she knows how it is" and justifies it to himself that way.

 

I guess your choices are fairly limited: accept that your "relationship" is simply one that he fits into his schedule when he has time, and remembers to do so - or... you can find someone else to cheat on your husband with who will devote more time to you. A single OM is good for that, if you are into that sort of thing. That comes with a whole other set of pressures though - not to mention the fact that you are going into it intending to break someone's heart by not divorcing your husband.

 

The married guy you have now probably sees it as a blessing that you are married - because he knows you won't hassle him about leaving. Of course, that same sense of security he feels is exactly how he can take you for granted enough to "forget" that you have time together, and spend that time with OOW.

[sadbuttrue]

i just wanted to say that i am an OW, and do feel that way sometimes. the part about being lonely and upset at times that MM spends so much time with the W and little in comparison with me. i know it is harder for him to see me, but it still hurts.

 

but, i do make myself available to him almost always. because i do want to see him whenever he has the chance. maybe men arent so willing to do that because of ego or whatever. i do feel that he may want to make you jealous, just to show you that there are women who are more available to him.

 

if you are thinking you should end the affair, if it is not worth it to you, then i would definitely do that. it is too risky a thing to continue if you are unsure.

[TogetherForever]

It seems like this is bothering you more than it would if you were single & dating a single guy. If that was the case, it would be more believable that he forgot. But because you both have limits on the time you can spend together, it's more upsetting.

If your affair continues, this will be how it is for a very long time.

TF

(This is my opinion on the situation)

[NearlyThere]

You had a arrangements to see your OM/OW and when the time came he/she said they forgot? This happened to me the other night. My OM knew I was coming over after work, which I had to go through a lot of trouble to do. When I got there, he had company. Two female friends whom I do not like. Instead of asking them to leave he said that I would get over it. He justified it by saying he gets lonely when I'm not there and it was just nice to have company. I know these women, and I'm 99% sure he doesn't have anything going on with them. I think he wanted them to stay because they were "partying" and he knew that I could only stay for a few hours.

 

I was really hurt when he said he forgot, since meeting with him was all I thought of that day. He says I don't have a right to be mad but I say I do because we had plans. I'm thinking of ending things with him because if that's his attitude, it's really not worth it. I love him, but I didn't appreciate the way he handled the situation. He felt justified because I'm married and can't spend a lot of time with him. He should just end things with me then. And what's the use of having an affair, lying and scheming all the time if he's going to be so nonchalant about it. Please note, I am looking for advice from those involved in an affair. I don't need anyone chiming in to tell me how wrong it is to have an affair 'cause I already know that. I can't stop those type people from posting, but wanted to add that part anyway.

 

 

Ok, just to get this right, you are the MW and he is a Single OM I take it. I'm a single OW so can only give you my POV.

 

I very very very much doubt he forgot. I think he was giving you a taste of your own medicine so to speak. There is nothing worse than being the single OM/OW looking forward to seeing the MM/MW and then them ringing you at the last minute and telling you they cant make it because of other sudden arrangements that have taken priority.

 

Maybe you have done this to him recently and just wants you to know that there is more to his life than him just waiting around for you to bestow your presence on him. You could class it as game playing I suppose, or maybe he is just getting fed up with the whole thing. He must care about you otherwise he would not bother with you at all, believe me very few single OM/OW would put themselves thru this unless there were deep feelings involved somewhere because if its only to do with getting ones leg over there are easier ways to do it.

 

On a side note if your love your OM as you say you do, why are you still married, if you have no intention of leaving your H, have you told the OM that, or have you told him you are but you are not making any effort to follow through.

[woodsfield]

I don't need anyone chiming in to tell me how wrong it is to have an affair 'cause I already know that. I can't stop those type people from posting, but wanted to add that part anyway.

 

two wrongs don't make it right...meaning that what he is doing to you is "not nice", but i don't have much sympathy for you because of what you are doing in your own relationship.

 

i know you didn't tell us the entire situation with your H but i would hope you'd come LS to reconcile and fix your MARRIAGE, not your affair. you're cheating and so is he; your both liars and you'll have to deal with a sorry ass man and his sorry ass excuses as long as you are in these relationships.

[SinCity]

Ok, just to get this right, you are the MW and he is a Single OM I take it. I'm a single OW so can only give you my POV.

 

I very very very much doubt he forgot. I think he was giving you a taste of your own medicine so to speak. There is nothing worse than being the single OM/OW looking forward to seeing the MM/MW and then them ringing you at the last minute and telling you they cant make it because of other sudden arrangements that have taken priority.

 

Maybe you have done this to him recently and just wants you to know that there is more to his life than him just waiting around for you to bestow your presence on him. You could class it as game playing I suppose, or maybe he is just getting fed up with the whole thing. He must care about you otherwise he would not bother with you at all, believe me very few single OM/OW would put themselves thru this unless there were deep feelings involved somewhere because if its only to do with getting ones leg over there are easier ways to do it.

 

On a side note if your love your OM as you say you do, why are you still married, if you have no intention of leaving your H, have you told the OM that, or have you told him you are but you are not making any effort to follow through.

 

Yes, you are correct. I am married and he is single. We met when I was separated and living apart from my husband for six months. We fell pretty hard for one another, but about a month before I moved back in with my husband we had a huge fight (about my marriage) and we broke up. I was pretty devastated, not to mention lonely, and that is part of the reason I came back to my husband. I thought it was over with the OM. We just got back together a few weeks ago after talking on the phone one day and determining that we were miserable w/o one another. Me not being able to spend time with me is new for him because before I got back together with H we spent a lot of time together.

 

We have talked about moving in together, which I considered up until the other night when he said that he forgot about our date. When that happened, it really made me wonder whether being with him is worth it. Regardless of whether me and OM are going to be together, I will likely end up leaving H again because we have the same problems we had prior to our separation and my affair. This is after we have spent a lot of $$ on counseling.

[CAMAYPARK]

This used to happen to me too, except differently. Whenever we used to meet up (we seldom do, since we live in separate countries), there have been days whereby he would meet up with his friends in the day time, afternoon time as well as evening. The only time we would meet up is sleeping time:mad:. I have always been alright with that since I quite like being on my own. Howver, previous trip, we had an almight row, because I spent no time with him other than sleeping time.

 

So, obviously there a rule for me and there's a rule for him, nice:rolleyes:

[Tomcat33]

When a married guy says "I forgot" then it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to be with you - it just means that you are so low on the priority list of what he has going on in his legit life that he probably did forget (or he didn't forget, he just had other things he would rather do - usually its OOW, and in your case I would be a very large amount of money that is what is going on).

 

The fact that you are married puts you even lower on the list. If you were a single OW, he might be more inclined to not "forget" because in a sense he feels a certain ownership over a single OW and doesn't want her to find a single guy who will give her what she needs. Is the OOW single? If she is, then you are probably lower on the priority list than she is. You have a husband at home to keep you company, and its not like there is any real future there for you and MM.

 

I'm sure he feels that the chances of you divorcing and leaving your husband are about as high as him divorcing and leaving his wife. I would bet some part of him is saying "she's married, she knows how it is" and justifies it to himself that way.

 

I guess your choices are fairly limited: accept that your "relationship" is simply one that he fits into his schedule when he has time, and remembers to do so - or... you can find someone else to cheat on your husband with who will devote more time to you. A single OM is good for that, if you are into that sort of thing. That comes with a whole other set of pressures though - not to mention the fact that you are going into it intending to break someone's heart by not divorcing your husband.

 

The married guy you have now probably sees it as a blessing that you are married - because he knows you won't hassle him about leaving. Of course, that same sense of security he feels is exactly how he can take you for granted enough to "forget" that you have time together, and spend that time with OOW.

 

 

Did you even read the original post???

 

Not sure what you are talking about!?!?

 

I very very very much doubt he forgot. I think he was giving you a taste of your own medicine so to speak. There is nothing worse than being the single OM/OW looking forward to seeing the MM/MW and then them ringing you at the last minute and telling you they cant make it because of other sudden arrangements that have taken priority.

 

Maybe you have done this to him recently and just wants you to know that there is more to his life than him just waiting around for you to bestow your presence on him. You could class it as game playing I suppose, or maybe he is just getting fed up with the whole thing. He must care about you otherwise he would not bother with you at all, believe me very few single OM/OW would put themselves thru this unless there were deep feelings involved somewhere because if its only to do with getting ones leg over there are easier ways to do it

 

Totally agree with NT on this one I think this as well.

[whichwayisup]

We have talked about moving in together

 

If you leave your husband, it should be because it isn't working with him. To leave and go straight into the arms of the OM could be a mistake. You're going to do what you're going to do, but maybe you should be alone for a while, instead of hopping out of your marriage and jumping into another relationship.

 

am married and he is single. We met when I was separated and living apart from my husband for six months. We fell pretty hard for one another, but about a month before I moved back in with my husband we had a huge fight (about my marriage) and we broke up. I was pretty devastated, not to mention lonely, and that is part of the reason I came back to my husband. I thought it was over with the OM. We just got back together a few weeks ago after talking on the phone one day and determining that we were miserable w/o one another.

 

You can't expect the OM to sit and wait for you, seeing as you're still married. If you say things to him like you're going to leave and you're going to move in with him, then start divorce proceedings. To say I will do this and you don't, well, you're leading on the OM and making promises to him that you can't keep.

 

The part I bolded in your quote:

 

Be alone for a while. Find yourself, be independant with NO man in your life. Yes, it is scary to be alone but if you do this, YOU will be a stronger person and less dependant on a man to complete you and make you happy.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ah.. so he is single. I missed that bit. I have a lot on my own plate and didn't even realize it was a single OM.

 

I can understand a married guy "forgetting" because he has a lot of other stuff going on. A single guy has a lot less distractions. I would think a single guy "forgetting" and then using that time to spend with other women would be a lot worse. I guess I can understand why he would 'forget' if he thinks that the relationship will result in no real future. Maybe the other women were a power play to see if he can get you to make some real changes in order to see your relationship with him through.

 

Would you divorce your husband? Maybe if you make moves in that direction, then OM might be less inclined to 'forget' and spend time with other women.

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

.....but about a month before I moved back in with my husband we had a huge fight (about my marriage) and we broke up. I was pretty devastated, not to mention lonely, and that is part of the reason I came back to my husband

Does your husband know he was "Plan B?" You know, the fall-back guy that you ran back to because of your breakup with your boyfriend? I'm sure he'd be thrilled to know about it.

 

We have talked about moving in together, which I considered up until the other night when he said that he forgot about our date.

Does your husband know that the fate of his entire future lies on your boyfriend's actions and how p*ssed off you are at him at any given moment?

 

Regardless of whether me and OM are going to be together, I will likely end up leaving H again because we have the same problems we had prior to our separation and my affair.

Good, then leave because you don't belong there and you're USING the guy, not because of your boyfriend.

 

I actually think your boyfriend is smart. He isn't letting YOU dictate his life, his friends, and his interests. Until you bring the SAME thing to the table that HE brings (not sneaking and lying all over the place just to get out for a few hours) then maybe you'll have a little more leverage in this so-called relationship.

 

LOL...he 'forgot' you were coming over? That's quite the ego-booster.

[Cobra_X30]

Yes, you are correct. I am married and he is single. We met when I was separated and living apart from my husband for six months. We fell pretty hard for one another, but about a month before I moved back in with my husband we had a huge fight (about my marriage) and we broke up. I was pretty devastated, not to mention lonely, and that is part of the reason I came back to my husband. I thought it was over with the OM. We just got back together a few weeks ago after talking on the phone one day and determining that we were miserable w/o one another. Me not being able to spend time with me is new for him because before I got back together with H we spent a lot of time together.

 

We have talked about moving in together, which I considered up until the other night when he said that he forgot about our date. When that happened, it really made me wonder whether being with him is worth it. Regardless of whether me and OM are going to be together, I will likely end up leaving H again because we have the same problems we had prior to our separation and my affair. This is after we have spent a lot of $$ on counseling.

 

OM wants you to himself. Choose your man or lose them both!

 

Also... are you sure H isnt making the effort? You also seem to be lacking commitment. Just something to consider.

[bish]

You had a arrangements to see your OM/OW and when the time came he/she said they forgot? This happened to me the other night. My OM knew I was coming over after work, which I had to go through a lot of trouble to do. When I got there, he had company. Two female friends whom I do not like. Instead of asking them to leave he said that I would get over it. He justified it by saying he gets lonely when I'm not there and it was just nice to have company. I know these women, and I'm 99% sure he doesn't have anything going on with them. I think he wanted them to stay because they were "partying" and he knew that I could only stay for a few hours.

 

I was really hurt when he said he forgot

 

I take it since you have an OM that you are a MW. That being the case...are you freakin' kidding us? You are cheating on your H and you are hurt because your OM said her forgot? Well boo hoo.

 

since meeting with him was all I thought of that day. He says I don't have a right to be mad

 

Hes right....you are cheating on your husband. You have absolutely NO right to be mad. The only person that has a right to be mad is your husband.

 

He felt justified because I'm married and can't spend a lot of time with him. He should just end things with me then.

 

Why don't you take your own advice? If you are going to cheat on your husband, why not just leave him so he can get on with his life and find someone decent?

 

And what's the use of having an affair, lying and scheming all the time if he's going to be so nonchalant about it.

 

LMFAO...are you joking here? You can't be serious. Do you even realize how you make yourself sound?

 

Please note, I am looking for advice from those involved in an affair. I don't need anyone chiming in to tell me how wrong it is to have an affair 'cause I already know that. I can't stop those type people from posting, but wanted to add that part anyway.

 

Uh...then what the heck are you even posting here for then?

 

You cheat on your husband and you don't want advice or comments....do you usually engage in exercises in futility like this?

[Lyssa]

She is looking for advice FROM THOSE INVOLVED IN AN AFFAIR. She doesn't need some people to bash her up.

[whichwayisup]

She doesn't need some people to bash her up.

 

Just like Treatment was looking for advice and didn't ask for people to bash him, yet they did. He was looking for advice from OW.

[Lyssa]

Like the OP said she can't stop those from bashing her up... All she has to do is ignore those people. Just take whatever she wants to...

[bish]

She is looking for advice FROM THOSE INVOLVED IN AN AFFAIR. She doesn't need some people to bash her up.

 

No...she needs to hear how ridiculous she is being. She is cheating on her husband, but is upset that her plans with the OM were thwarted? Are you kidding me?

 

Or do you think this cheater needs coddling and sugarcoated advice on how to continue with her affair and make her relationship with this OM better?

 

Give me a freakin' break.

[NearlyThere]

Just like Treatment was looking for advice and didn't ask for people to bash him, yet they did. He was looking for advice from OW.

 

 

Well that was hardly surprising was it. He comes onto the OW forum asking for OW advice but calling his xOW a Bitch. In fact I'm glad he did post on here and on the Infidelity forum as it just shows its all about the MM and as far as they are concerned the OW and the W are both expendable depending on his needs.