I want my Ex GF back..

[Diesel69]

[FONT=Arial]First, I need to say I apologize for the length of my post, but I am truly in love and feel like my partner is making a mistake. I really would appreicate it if you put all of your wisdom and advice into this one. Please.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Once again please, please read my post carefully. I want to follow your adivce but I by no means want to push her away and blow my chances. For starters, we have been going out for over two years. She is my first SERIOUS GF and I am her first SERIOUS BF (thus, first loves). About a month and a half ago, things started turning bad towards my GF and I. I saw the warning signs, but always pushed them away and tried making things "right" between us. I was always the optimist. She was more pracitcal and realistic, which made it harder to work things out. Well anyway I always took her for granted. I really NEVER thought she would dump me. We used to laugh and have so much fun, but now she dumped me. She wrote notes to me like "we will always be together" and frequently told me that i was "the one." [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Well, about two weeks ago, she told me we were through. She left my house and didn't give me an explanation. When I started pleading with her, she said, "this just isn't working, you are a great guy, but I'm not in love with you." I tried being persistent and she told me to move and that she didn't want to be a bitch. So I just turned and walked away from her. She said, "Don't go please." Then she just drove away. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Well a week and a half went by and although this sounds stupid, we were still listed as "in a relationship" on facebook. So naturally, I thought everything was okay and that she would soon call to fix things. Well what do you know, this past Friday, (4 days ago) she put "single" on her profile. Needless to say, I was crushed and acted like a WUSS and called her, left her a voicemail and said that I just needed closure to know why things went bad. Well, she called me back about 5 minutes later and I tried talking to her, but to no avail. She kept saying, "NO, we are not getting back together, I'm content with my decision." I tried everything (WUSS) and it didn't work. So I just gave up and said goodbye. I was so crushed because it seemed like she was just over me like that.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Well the next day, I was being a WUSS and sent her a facebook message writing to her one of the notes she wrote me about how when I got back home from school (June 2007), we would always be together. She messaged me back and said that we needed to stop talking or we would never get over each other. She also said, "don't make me block you." I messaged her once more and said, "look I've been a good bf to you, the least you could do is let me see you before I go on my interview on Tuesday, just so my head is clear and so that we can say goodbye and get closure." She said fine and that she would text me. This was at 10:30 AM[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]At this point, I just realized all hope was lost and started reading her notes she wrote to me. At around 1:30 PM, as I was reading the notes, she called me crying, saying how she was sorry and that she didn't want me to hate her. She also kept telling me to "learn from this relationship." By learn she meant, don't be jealous/possessive/unsupportive in my next relationship. I kind of prodded around seeing if we could try again and she said "I don't know" but essentially, the answer was NO. She did say though, "I don't know how I feel, my feelings may change for you tomorrow." Of course I was optimistic by this. She then asked if I wanted to see her. I flipped it on her asking if she wanted to see me. She started sounding all weird so I just said, "if you want to see me, call me later tonight."[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]So around 6:30 PM, she called me and we talked for another hour about things. She was still upset, saying how everything reminded her of me. She said though, we need to stop talking or, "we will never move on." Is this bad or do I have a chance? At the same time though, she needed to hear my voice. We got off the phone saying, "I love you," but I think hers was not one that meant, "I'm in love with you."[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]So I'm not going to lie, I felt SO much better after hearing her cry--it proved she wasn't as heartless as I thought after all. Well, of course on Sunday (the next day) I was getting lonely and sent her an e-mail, seeing if I could ask her a question about how to approach my interview. I asked if I could call and she said, "ok." So I got my question out of the way and asked how she was doing. She sounded better than Saturday. She said this was because she went out shopping with her mom and sister. Well, of course I started prodding as to what went wrong. She then told me that I essentially suffocated her and that she wanted to be alone now. She said I was a great guy, but she didn't want anyone to answer to at this point in her life and that my actions affected how she felt about me. She said that me not going out with her cousins/family made her really upset and that she wanted to go on vacation to see her family and how she never wanted to go because I would just get mad. Finally, she said that she never went out with her friends because she didn't want me to get jealous. She said that I depended on her for too much. At the same time though, she admitted that I had been making changes in my jealousy over the past months, but the feelings she felt were still fading. This summer, she also hit me with, "you are so lax about getting a job," and all of that bull****. I mean come on I JUST GRADUATED CHILL! She admitted to me once that that was one of the reasons she didn't know if it would work between us. However, she also added that that WAS NOT the main reason, and that her feelings (as well as her) have changed towards me. Over the last month and a half, she would often hit me with the "how do we know if we're meant for each other, I don't want to make a mistake." I would reassure her, but I never wanted to force her. Well, Sunday night, I tried everything under the sun to convince her I could change. She just kept saying, "No I want to be alone now, please just go live your life, don't wait for me, I may change my mind BUT DON'T WAIT for me." Then she said, "we need to move on or we will never stop talking, maybe one day we can be friends, but not for a while." Then once she said, "I need to see what I want in a guy." I was like, "WHAT?" Then she changed what she meant and said, "I mean, I need to see what will make me happy. I love you but I am 21 (almost 22) years old and want to enjoy my youth. I'm not saying I want to go to bars and clubs, but I want to travel. Honestly, if I knew you were the one, I would have NO problem being with you, but I don't know if you are at this point in my life, so go on and live your life, don't wait." Towards our, "goodbye" I told her how every song, and everything in general reminded me of her. She choked back tears and said the same. Needless to say, I was crushed.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]I knew I shouldn't have called her, even my sister and cousin said that was the wrong strategy. We left off on Saturday saying how she needed space and by Sunday she was saying, "The answer is no, we are broken up right now, you are not listening to me, you are saying one thing and I am saying NO, please I don't want to be a bitch but we need to stop talking." So once again, I gave up.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Well I didn't call her Monday--I was too busy preparing for my interview today (Tuesday). Well last night at around 8:30, I get an e-mail from her with two Microsoft Word documents with interview tips. She wrote, "Hey, check the attachments, not sure if you have them...good luck tomorrow...you will do great!!! I did NOT respond to the e-mail. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Today (Tuesday) was my interview at 11:00 AM. I KNEW she would text me. She texted me at 10:30 AM saying "Good Luck!" I have not responded to this either. It is currently 2:30 PM.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]My question is, what strategy do I pursue now? Do I return her text and simply say, "Thank you?" What if I don't return the text and she calls? What if she e-mails me?[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]I NEED TO STRESS-- MY GF HAS A LOT OF PRIDE, I'M NOT SURE IF THE TECHNIQUES EXPRESSED HERE WILL WORK TO MY ADVANTAGE OR BACKFIRE! I DON'T WANT HER TO JUST GIVE UP AND GET OVER ME. At the same time though, we were each others first true loves and dated for more than 2 years. I keep thinking that in a month she will be over me (because of her PRIDE and becuase she often kept her emotions in check), but at the same time, she's a girl and she has to be thinking about me right? I don't want her to just give up on me! When she called me on SAT, she said that the two weeks (earlier) that we didn't talk were okay because she was busy with stuff, but on SAT she was lonely. I don't want her to want me because she's simply "lonely." I want lonely to mean I miss your love, I miss US.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]How do I follow this program effectively? I've listed all of my questions and concerns, now the problem is effective implementation. Remember, this is a UNIQUE case, she has pride, I don't want to push her away![/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Also, her pride and communication issues seem like a nasty combo. She always expects me to speak and fix things. How do I avoid this and get it out of her?[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Do I just stop cold turkey responding to her? I don't want her to think I'm avoiding her, that is childish. I also don't want to play the whole, "oh i have a hot date" game. NO we had a close, loyal, loving relationship. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]What if she asks, do you miss me? What do I say?[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Is the program ABSOLUTELY no contact for 21 days? 30 days? Once again, I'm not trying to push her away or SCREW this up.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]What if by day 10 she is crying for me? What about even earlier-- Day 5? Is this risky to try and work things out this soon? Should I make her sweat? I don't want her to want to get back and then change her mind! [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]If she wants to make things right, how do I go about facilitating the process? I don't want to look desparate.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Finally, she first stopped talking to me 2 weeks ago. Then she did that whole facebook bull**** on friday, and we spoke. She said on Friday (when she seemed indifferent) that "I thought it was clear we were done." Does that count as two weeks or does the PROGRAM START NOW?[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]Finally, by getting a job in this corporation, will that improve her view/appeal of me/increase my chances of winning her back? Her company is actually only 10 mins from where my "potential company is." BTW I made sure I did well on the interview.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]I want to change and show her I will never be jealous, possessive, unsupportive ever again! However, she told me on Sunday (last time we spoke live over phone), that, "I just think too much damage has been done"[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]The final big question--Have I lost her for good? Is there a chance to get her back? I love her so much and want her to feel like she used to feel for me but I'm scared she will never want that again. She's hard headed and may just be like, "NO I don't want to be in that situation again--I'm not risking it"[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]So, about her text what do I do. Please provide me with a DETAILED response to all my questions and feelings. I need confidence, support, and most importantly ANSWERS! PLEASE HELP A HEARTBROKEN GUY![/FONT]

[JCD]

She's only 21 and girls that age don't know what they want until they hit maybe 28 or so. You mentioned that she is proud, hard headed and has poor communication skills. Those are MAJOR RED flags to me. If she is hard headed then she is also self absorbed and thus she doesn't know she needs to change and if you mention it to her she will flip out on you. Stay away from her, heal yourself and become a better man. She told you what you must do ie. be less jealous, allow your new girl to visit her friends and relatives, etc. Find yourself an older girl that wants to settle down not one that just got out of the nest and doesn't know what to do. That would be my recommendation.

[Diesel69]

its just hard bc we always had a pretty understanding relationship and could talk about almost anything..it just sucks..i miss everything about her

[jaelynne52]

I know how you feel. I felt the same way after by ex broke up with me. But it's been a month now, and I just realized this week that my trying to hold on to him instead of looking out for myself was only causing me more stress and preventing me from moving on. My ex is also hard-headed and sort of full of himself, and once he's made a decision there is no talking him out of it or changing his mind. He also admits that improvements have been made to our relationship, but he doesn't think that anything can improve it enough to make it worth getting back together.

 

What I've decided to do, and I know it's not what you want to hear, is move on as best as I can. I told him I don't want to hear or see him for a while, if ever. I know it's hard, it's so hard, because you feel like you are giving up on the only thing worth fighting for, your entire body aches to keep trying, but I've come to the conclusion that trying to cling to him and to a relationship that he doesn't even see anymore was only making things harder for me in the end. Also, every time I mentioned that I thought there still might be hope, he would draw further and further away from me.

 

Maybe she just needs time and space to figure out what she really wants. In the mean time, you can take that same time and space to figure out what you want. Don't equate happiness with being with her, but think of things you enjoy without her, and try to focus on them. I've decided to take a drawing class to help me space out for a while. Maybe finding a project that will take up a lot of your time, and that you can do without her but still give you happiness, will help. If nothing else it will make the time that you feel so lonely go by faster, and once you've spent enough time teaching yourself not to think of her, it will be easier to see your relationship with a clearer vision.

 

I'm not saying I think you should give up hope. I still hope with all my heart that my ex will see what beauty we had together. But I can see that he needs to go through whatever he's going through alone, and that I just have to have faith that things will work out the way they were meant to. You never know. Maybe a month, a week, whenever will give her time to realize how important you were to her. Or maybe having you back up and do your own thing will make her realize that you wanted to be with her because you love her, and not because you need her. If she feels like you were suffocating her, that might be an important thing to show her.

 

The best advice I have for you though is not to try and analyze it. Don't look for 5 weeks, 3 days and 2 hours to be enough time to call her. If you feel like you have to have limits, in order to feel like you have just a little bit of control on the situation (I know that was a big thing for me, I felt so HELPLESS...) make them specific to a goal for yourself, and not a goal for your feelings for her. That will help you concentrate on what you need, and once again, concentrating on you will help make the time go by faster. There's nothing quite so tedious as watching the clock tick before you can make your move. I don't know what your field of work is, but if you are starting a new job, maybe you could make your goal be something involving that. "I won't contact her until I can go a day in my new job without asking a question", or something more specific. But don't make it time based. It'll just make you waste that time thinking of a future that you can't predict, when you should be enjoying the time that you have available to you.

 

Please keep posting. It's good to get it out, and everyone here is so helpful and supportive. I want to hear how things continue for you, and I wish you the best. Stay strong.

[Diesel69]

jay,

 

wow finally some words of compassion and hope..ive talked to others on different websites and they have said stuff similar to you, but pretty much told me---"you have no chance it is over she does not care at all"

 

i just dont really feel that the last time i would be in contact with her would be her, "good luck!" text before my interview..she made sure that we left on good terms..she said, "i dont want you to hate me" and "i dont want to date anyone, i just want to be alone right now"..im not sure tho she may be thinking of me but i could see her easily getting over me in a month..i could be wrong tho..

 

i dont have a crystal ball or anything, but i just dont feel i will never speak or hear from her again..i WILL NOT initiate contact..i dont want to be seen as desparate or needy..i want to show her im strong..maybe then she will realize

 

as far as hobbies are concerned..i go to the gym a lot..i was doing really well until all this crap went down..now i feel no energy in the gym and i barely feel like eating which is terrible for bodybuilding! idk what to do everything makes me see her face....

 

do you think shes even thinking of me at all?

[jaelynne52]

I will never tell you to give up on hope, because sometimes it feels like hope is the only thing that sustains me. I have to think that somewhere, buried under all the distance and what seems like coldness that he shows me, he still cares just as deeply as he did before. I also have to tell myself that there is a difference between having hope and living my life based around that hope. I can hope that I will win a million dollars, but that doesn't mean I'm going to spend money like it will be in my bank tomorrow. I hope that things will work out, that he will find his love for me again and be willing to communicate with me and work with me, but I'm going to live my life whether that happens or not. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't doing that, and I have to make it a conscious choice every day, but I keep at it, and I know it will get easier every time that I make that choice.

 

The last talk I had with my ex wasn't a pretty one. He said that he was sad for a week but that now he's just trying to live his life and let go of the feelings. I couldn't, and still can't, believe that it took him only a week to get over a two year relationship that was as deep as ours. He says he's over me, completely, and I can guess about it all I want, whether it's true or he's hiding from how he really feels because it hurts too much, but I'll never know. Try not to think of her getting over you as a bad thing, as much as it hurts. You want to be the center of her world again, but maybe she feels that having you as the center made her lose everything else. Maybe she needs to get over you to find herself again.

 

Another thing that I tell myself, and I don't know how heathy this is but it makes me feel better, is that if I don't let him fall out of love with me, let him go and be by himself for a while, how can I expect him to fall back in love with me? How can I expect him to miss me and want to be with me, if I don't give him time and space to realize that I'm gone? Also, how can I expect him to see that I've changed, if I do it right in front of him? Think of a haircut: when someone gets a really drastic haircut, you notice it right away. But when someone grows there hair out, you never realize it when you see them every day. Separate yourself, work on the problems you can recognize that you had in your relationship with her, and then once you've had time to really change and grow, then maybe she'll see that, and she'll learn to love the new you all over again.

 

But once again, I want to stress that any changes you make, you need to make them for yourself, not for her. You have to look inside yourself for reasons to change, because if you look to her for them, then they won't be real changes. As soon as something happens where she isn't expecting it from you anymore, isn't on the look out for it, you'll slip into old habits and things will fall apart again. That's why I believe you should set goals for yourself, and live by them, so that you can fully concentrate on you. She'll still pop into your head every five minutes, trust me, but slowly it will help.

 

I spent a week laying around the house, not eating, sleeping in and zoning out. It was really hard to force myself to have energy, and it still is sometimes. My job has been crap since the whole break up, because I can't concentrate on anything but what I think he's doing, thinking, feeling...so I know how that goes. And I know what you mean by being SO SURE that things will work out, that it was meant to work out. I feel the same way. I'm trying to ignore those feelings though. I tell myself, "I know you are sure, but he isn't, so focus on yourself."

 

As for your last question, I ask that of myself every day, every minute. I hear something on the radio, and I want to call him up and tell him, and then I think "I wonder if he would even do the same thing for me". I'm sure she thinks about you a lot. I'm sure this is eating at her just as much as it's eating at you, late at night when she's trying to sleep. But it's easier for her, because it was her choice, she's been in control this whole time. Your emotions are all over the place. Make some choices for yourself, and I promise it'll start to feel like things are falling back into your sphere of control, of reason.

 

Maybe you should contact her one more time to tell her that you don't want to talk to her, don't want to see her. Explain how you aren't finding it easy to let this go, and you need to do this, to set these boundaries, so that you can find peace. It's okay to express yourself, but don't expect her to give you what you want. I know that when I did this, it made me unbearably sad, but it also lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. Before it didn't feel like we were actually broke up, and now I know that this chapter is over, because I made the choice to say that it was to him.

 

Let me know if any of this helps. I don't want you to feel like you have to go through this alone. if you need to talk, post, and I promise I will give you what solace I can.

[Diesel69]

jay,

 

thanks a lot it helps to have someone to talk to during this time..i can talk to my family, cousins, and friends but i almost feel bad for it..like im sure after about a week they will begin to get tired of it..i dont feel like crying as much as i initially did..its weird i hope its not because i have false hope..i keep checking myself everytime i think, "oh she will call you"..i mean first-- if she calls it will probably just be, "how have you been" and bs to comfort HERSELF..2) she may not call..3) she may call and say she made a mistake..i doubt number 3..she called me crying a day after she broke up with me, but she has always been a practical person acting upon her judgment and intuition, which is pretty accurate i have to say..still, i think she second guessed herself a lot in this relationship instead of conveying to me exactly what i was doing wrong..

 

i just feel like i am regressing into the person i was before i met her..i mean, not to sound conceited, but im good looking, i work out a lot (im ripped lol), smart, good personality, happy, optimistic, and very considerate to others..the thing is, i always second guess these qualities..i never think im smart enough..i always think im too mean, or im not lean enough..i dont even think im good looking but ppl always tell me i am..when you have issues like mine, it's hard to have a positive outlook on yourself..maybe this is where i messed up....

 

another thing-- my girl said, "dont beat yourself up over this, youre a great guy" hmmm that hurts dude! i know it's not all my fault, but i know i could have done better..less jealousy, less possessiveness, more confidence, less neediness, more supportiveness..DAMMIT i was so immature sometimes!

 

still though, she did her fair share to piss me off..at times, she was selfish, unapologetic, stubborn, and spiteful..it really was a love hate relationship..but at least i know I TRIED..I TRIED for her..her bs with me that "she tried" was just that--BS..she did not put the effort i put in..it's like she thinks mr prince charming will just scoop her away..yeh, i told her to have fun testing the waters..have fun drowning..she told me tho that she dont wanna date now tho..she just wants to be alone and "not answer to anyone"....

 

so im sure my attitude contributed to her actions, but we could have worked more....

 

ahhh im saying she had all of these bad qualities, but ahhhh the good ones!!! she was so generous, responsible, thoughtful, helpful.....i could go on forever..she transformed me from ambitious to SUPER DRIVEN in terms of life goals....

 

another thing she told me was bothering her was that i had not yet begun to pursue a career..i was clearly annoyed at her impatience (another bad quality of hers, but i suffered from it too =P) because I JUST GRADUATED in may and was just taking a break..and at the same time, I WAS WORKING 20-25 hours a week at my old job!!! making decent money too!

 

but she did change me..i loved her and still love her for that....is it true that the first love is the most important? is she thinking of me now? could she have made a mistake? will she ever forget me in her life? if this is it......i will never forget her..such a beautiful person..even through all of her bad qualities.....that is love..when you can be with someone through those tough times and WANT to make it work..damn im so drained..so lonely..i miss her so much =(

thank you for listening and consoling me....i truly appreciate it....

[jaelynne52]

You sound so like me!! I said the same things to myself all the time. "what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? What could I have done better?" And then I would wonder what was wrong with him. "Is he just giving up? Does he just not have the courage to face this problem? What is he lacking that he can't work on this with me?"

 

I know what it's like to feel like you are drowning all your friends in your sob story. That's what I love about this forum. People here have been through it, so they know how important it is to get it out and they are always ready to listen. Sometimes you need a complete stranger to talk to, to get a different outlook!

 

You're going to have a lot of unanswerable questions for a while. But in the mean time, just do what feels right for you.

 

I have to say thank you for sharing your story! Being able to help you and offer what little advice that I have has really shown me how far I've come since I first found this website. It also helps to know that I'm not the only one thinking these thoughts. There's nothing worse in the world than feeling like you are all alone. It's good to know that I'm not, and I'm glad I can say to you that you aren't either.

[Diesel69]

damn i just never pictured this....figures....this is what happens when you take stuff for granted

[Diesel69]

damn i feel like crap again..when does this start to get better? just when i think i can get over her i start thinking of her again..

[JCD]

It gets better when you grow sick and tired of thinking of her and analyzing yourself. Then you'll say that enough is enough. That might take a month or two or six. The best is not to see her at all as that will help you get over her sooner. I think you should think less of what people think of you and if you think you're buff then you are. If someone tries to say otherwise then laugh them off.

[jaelynne52]

Remember Diesel, you can't put a time limit on how you feel for her. It's going to hurt for a while, especially if you love her as much as you say you do. Try not to dwell on how much it hurts, but do let yourself feel it. Kind of like when you are working out and you feel the burn of muscles that haven't been used as much, you keep going through it. It hurts, and you acknowledge that it hurts, but you keep going anyway, you don't concentrate on the pain, you concentrate on how much stronger you will be once you've gone through the pain.

 

I know this is little comfort. Even writing it puts a little knot in my stomach because I know how hard it is, I want to hear the same thing you do, that it'll just go away one morning and you'll never think of her again. Just keep telling yourself that what you are going through now is necessary for the greater good.

[Diesel69]

how long have you been broken up jay? it's only been a week and i hate it....plus i just found out that i did not get the job i interviewed for..that definetely made me relapse a bit today..i cried for like 10 minutes..

 

sure i really wanted the job....but it's her that means everything..and i can't have her..just every memory seems to be flashing before my face..

[jaelynne52]

It's been a month and ten days for me as of today. I spent a month trying to be friends with him, hoping to at least get over some lingering issues I had left over from the break up, but our biggest problem was a severe lack of communication. Even after we broke up, it was still a big issue, and I felt like he wasn't making an effort to try and work on it, so I finally broke down six days ago and said no contact. I don't want to put myself through more and more pain when he isn't even going to try and work with me.

 

I still love him with all my heart, and I'm hoping that in the future maybe something will work out. Right now though, I recognize that I need to take this time for myself. I've been doing a lot of improvements to my life, I have more energy, I'm picking up old hobbies that I neglected from even before I started dating him, I'm learning how to be independent again. It's a hard process, and just last night I cried my eyes out for what felt like no reason except that I thought of him, but each day gets easier.

 

I'm sorry to hear about the job not working out for you, Diesel. Don't let that discourage you though. Looking for a job right out of college isn't an easy task, but things will look up for you, trust me. I know right now you probably feel like you are drowning, but just go with the flow and things will be alright.

[justfine]

how long have you been broken up jay? it's only been a week and i hate it....plus i just found out that i did not get the job i interviewed for..that definetely made me relapse a bit today..i cried for like 10 minutes..

 

sure i really wanted the job....but it's her that means everything..and i can't have her..just every memory seems to be flashing before my face..

 

 

 

I would say it's going to take a couple of months before you get over her completely. Sooner, if you accept that probable outcome that it's over.

 

Don't despair bud. At your age, it's probably best that you date different people and experience single life. In my opinion, people shouldn't get married until their 30s when they are more sure of what they want and are ready to settle down.

 

Just take comfort in knowing that we've all been there, nursing the wounds of lost love. It's just part of life. More than likely, you're bound to have a few more gfs before you meet the one.

 

Take care.

[Jilly10340]

Well

 

Her problem with you seems to be jealousy/possessiveness/suffocating just like you said in your original post. So take that to heart....leave her alone! If you cut off all contact (except when she contacts you, don't ignore her) you are essentially doing two things: You're giving her what she wants (space) and you're allowing yourself a chance to heal. Who know, maybe she'll get her space that she wants and find her way back to you. Maybe her life without you won't be what she imagined it to be. But if you keep messaging/texting/im'ing her, you're doing exactly what she broke up with you for. And by doing that, she's playing the chasing game with you, because she's giving you hope of getting back to together. Don't call, keep yourself busy.....and take care of yourself first