ToadKing Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I am looking for advice on what to do with my current relationship. We have been living together for a year now and it seems that my boyfriend is always letting me down. He was gone for 4 months working and I saw him only on weekends while I did everything at home. Then when the job was done instead of coming home to spend some time with me he went on vacation without me. I was very upset about it but when I tried to talk to him about it he kept saying that it didn't matter, that I shouldn't care because he would take a few days off before he left to spend some time with me. But that never happened, he just never did it. Then he said it was ok because we would go on a week and 1/2 vacation together. He told me to plan the whole thing and we could do what ever I wanted. So I picked out a bunch of fun stuff I know we would both love (when we are together we get along very well and have a lot of common interests). But now the vacation is 2 weeks away and he says he isn't going because a friend is having a party while we were going to be gone and he says he can't miss it. I specifically asked him the dates of the party when planning the vacation to make sure they wouldn't conflict. He says he made a mistake about the dates but he doesn't care. He says he is really upset about not being able to go on vacation with me but he isn't going and there is no discussing it.
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 He's being selfish and not being a loving and compromising boyfriend. It seems it's ALL ABOUT HIM and what HE wants, not what you want. Tell him that you're pissed and hurt, that you two need to spend time alone together, BE a couple, otherwise the relationship isn't going to grow. It's fine to have things each of you do without eachother, that's normal, but he isn't thinking of you at all. When you live with someone, you gotta consider the other persons feelings. Honestly, he sounds immature and not really ready to commit to a real adult relationship of give and take, communication, sharing and compromising.
amber1 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 You aren't happy. He doesn't care about your feelings. Do you want to stay in a relationship like this? You have brought up before to him that you and he need to spend time together but if you keep doing that all you are going to accomplish is he's going to think all you ever do is nag him and he's going to continue to push you away. This situation is not going to get any better unless HE sees the need to change his immature behavior. Nothing you say or do will make him change if he doesn't see the need to. You need to get out of this relationship because the way it is going it will only get worse.
Author ToadKing Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 He talked to me last night and said we are going on the vacation. He didn't want to let his friend down over the party but he said it was his fault that he mixed the dates up and it isn't fair to me that he cancel our vacation.
overseas2004 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 To me there were a whole lot of red flags when I read this letter and I suppose there is alot about your relationship that I dont know. What struck me is that there has to be something beneath what is going on here. In otherwords, his behavior is irrational. There must be some underlying reason for it. Furthermore, the behavior he displayed is unacceptable. Now if you have already made the reservations for this trip it is even more unacceptable. When my husband does stuff I cant swallow, I just dont let it go until it gets resolved.
Author ToadKing Posted September 16, 2007 Author Posted September 16, 2007 Well I thought everything was going to be good from here on out (I still think it can be) but now he is depressed and just lays around acting sad. When I ask him what is wrong he doesn't really talk but he does say he is depressed and it is because of me. When I ask him to tell me why so I can do something about it he won't talk. I think he is trying to get out of the vacation and he wants me to do it so he isn't "wrong".
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