Triple Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I tried this on other forum but i guess less people look there? i duno, hopefully someone here can help. Alright, so she has this gay friend who she used to make out with before we started dating, im friends with him now too. Couple months into we go to a club, she gets drunk, ignores me the whole night and dances with him looking like she has way more fun with him than she does with me. Then a few weeks later one of her friends (im friends with this person as well) starts telling me shes still making out with him. So i confront her, we argue, she says she hasn't since, blah blah everything is alright. But i still dont trust her completely because of the dancing night. Then one night at a party one of her friends is hammered, tells us shes a virgin, never kissed a guy, so my gf asks "would you be mad if i made out with her?" i said yes, and then she disappeared for a bit. 5 months later she tells me she made out with that girl even after I told her i would not like it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at the gay guy or anything, but to this day I still feel worried something is going on when I'm not with them... What should I do to overcome this fear? Also, the only reason why she told me about the girl she made out with was because we did ecstasy... which makes you tell the truth quite a bit, and she told me then, otherwise I probably would not have known. so... any advice, should I confront her about my issues or try to deal with them by myself? Her last boyfriend cheated on her btw and my frame of thinking is "people abused are more likely to abuse others, so she was cheated on so she is more likely to cheat on me" I was sexually abused as a child by someone very close to me so I guess trust is an issue with me
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Your girlfriend sounds immature and doesn't seem too understanding of the word committment, trust and not cheating. Sure, she got cheated on in the past, you'd think she would be more understanding of your feelings, but she hasn't. Do you love her? Can you see yourself marrying her or even living together? Another thing, her drinking and partying it up...How old are you two? Just seems that she's not 'acting' like a girlfriend and she's acting like a single person, hense the fooling around and kissing her gay friends! Both male and female. To me, that is cheating. I am sorry to hear that you were sexually abused when you were a child, I do hope that you've had therapy to help you cope....
Author Triple Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 yeah i got therapy and can deal with it, just difficult for me to trust people, lol we're 20, and she only did the dancing with him all night ignoring me thing once, although she did ignore me another night while she spent all her time with him, leaving me at a party alone that I knew no one... but they were best friends in high school i so duno, i guess im just paranoid? lol yes i love her, and she always says she loves me sooo much but it doesn't appear that way really...
Geoffrey Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 ...I would give her an all-expenses paid trip TO THE CURB. No disrespect to you, but I've endured what you are enduring now and I WILL NOT have ANYONE mistreat me like that again!!!! It sounds like you deserve to be with someone who will honor you by not messing around on you - unless there has been a gap in expectations between you...? Or does she even KNOW what a normal, respectful relationship looks like? And no, I don't trust ANYONE either! I had my heart VERY badly broken a couple of years ago by someone I loved, it left some pretty dep scars on me, I'm afraid. I'm 42, maybe I'll consider giving dating a try when I'm 50. But the thought of it now literally makes me nauseous!
JCD Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I think she's nuts and you can do so much better. Stay away from bi or gays, nothing but drama.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I would be concerned about someone who can make out with anyone, when the two of you are supposed to be exclusive. Btw, you have had the exclusive discussion, haven't you?
Author Triple Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 oh yeah of course, but i guess other women are ok, hahaha Im pretty sure if i made out with guys she'd be pissed, lol when she told me she made out with her i said it was no biggie, but yeah it did bother me and i think about it quite a bit now for some reason
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Whether you have trust issues or not, cheating is cheating. She's pretty immature. Are you certain you need someone like this, in your life? What do you need? How about a girl who loves you and wants to be with you, in a relationship where there's mutual respect?
Author Triple Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 its weird though, shes always worried ill leave her, and talks about kids and marriage and crap her reason for making out with the person was "She never made out with anyone before, i felt sorry for her"
Author Triple Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 no... especially since she knew it would bother me but went ahead and did it... then finally told me 5 months after... i just didnt think it was a big problem then until I thought about it
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Why not put your foot down on this type of behaviour? How badly do you want to keep her, that you're willing to accept her cheating and keep taking her back?
Author Triple Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 What do I do though? Just tell her that it did bother me and my trust in her is really low? I would like to keep the relationship... well I dont know....... its my first relationship, lost my virginity to her... i duno if im with her because I do love her or because if i break up with her i got nothing. I have pretty low self-esteem, everyone tells me im good looking but i dont feel it, im extremely shy and can hardly talk to women and I feel if i break this off I might not get another... Ok I do want to stay with her... but how can I gain that trust? Tell her I don't trust her and make her prove herself to me?
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 You need to tell her that she's treating you like crap and if she cheats again, you're gone. You don't want to hear anymore lame arse excuses. If she wants to slut around, she's on her own. As it stands, because she's gotten away with it in front of you, in some ways, she's lost respect for you. You need to regain your 50% share of the control of the relationship and she needs to belly up to the counter and make it up to you so you can trust her again. When you draw hard boundaries like this, you have to be prepared to stick to them. If you don't, you might as well continue being a doormat, 'cause that's how she sees you. You deserve better treatment. Everyone does. Don't be afraid to claim it.
Author Triple Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 I feel I should break up with her.... I don't know why... I feel bad though... I know she'll cry... probably beg me to not break up with her... gahhhhhhhhhhhh
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Perhaps it's because she's been treating you badly? If you feel the need to break up with someone who's not treating you right, don't worry about her feelings. She most certainly hasn't been worried about your rights or feelings.
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