my 2 year old is awful!!!

[alli02]

i know it is most likely just the terrible twos but what do i do???? he hits me, kicks me, screams, doesnt listen to anything i say....what kind of punishment is the best. i dont like spanking him, it doesnt work anyway. i know i need to be firmer with him, but i feel bad. what works and what doesnt. i am at my wits end here....i dont think i can take much more of this.

[Mustang Sally]

I'm sure you will get many very wise and helpful responses to this.

 

Here's my (short) take:

He is testing limits.

He wants your attention.

He is not capable of complex, adult-type reasoning.

All of this is developmentally appropriate for his age.

 

Be firm and consistent.

Usually, at this age, time out (which is basically short-term deprivation of your attention and "the spotlight") is very effective IF consistently and persistently implemented.

 

There are many great books on how to set firm and consistent limits with this age group, I'd recommend you read some.

 

It's good you want to nip this in the bud. Getting his emotional responses under some control now will only help him (and you!) in the future...

 

Good luck, and don't sweat (too much) the small stuff!

[uniqueone]

i know it is most likely just the terrible twos but what do i do???? he hits me, kicks me, screams, doesnt listen to anything i say....what kind of punishment is the best. i dont like spanking him, it doesnt work anyway. i know i need to be firmer with him, but i feel bad. what works and what doesnt. i am at my wits end here....i dont think i can take much more of this.

 

Ignore bad behavior. But you have to stick with it. You can't ignore it for a second and then not ignore it two mins. later.

 

If he starts screaming until he gets himself into a frenzy, you need to stay calm and speak to him in a calm voice and use calm movements. You should say things to soothe him if possible but at the same time, not giving into his demands.

You should try to give him choices so he feels like he has some control because with 2 year olds, that's what they are struggling with the most. They want control, yet at the same time, they realize how dependent upon you they still need to be and that's what frustrates them.

[bones]

Read the book Children are from Heaven. It has tremendous positive parenting techniques that focus on reward vs. punishment. It provides great detail on what to say-- what NOT to say and how to cope with tantrums.

 

Remember this: We teach people how to behave by what we tolerate. Two or twenty-- if you accept how he is behaving toward you and others, the behavior won't change.

 

I remind myself daily that if my daughter doesn't hate me every now and then, I'm probably not doing my job as a parent. Overall, we have a great relationship and she is very well behaved because she knows my expectations. I reward her with reading extra stories, trips to the park, a special snack when I see her doing the right things. I don't reward her with gifts, I reward her with my time--unless it is a big thing like a great report card. Then we shop for something special.

[Love is Tragic]

i know it is most likely just the terrible twos but what do i do???? he hits me, kicks me, screams, doesnt listen to anything i say....what kind of punishment is the best. i dont like spanking him, it doesnt work anyway. i know i need to be firmer with him, but i feel bad. what works and what doesnt. i am at my wits end here....i dont think i can take much more of this.

 

My advice is to BE CONSISTENT!! This is one of the only things that has worked for me. (my little demon just turned 3). Make sure that the word no stays the word no. Completely ignore the tantrums, put them in time out and make them stay there for a couple minutes depending on the crime. For me, it was difficult to stay consistent because of my childs grandparents who would basically undo every bit of work i had put in, as they give her everything she wants. Then she would come home to me and be a complete whiny brat. If in-laws are a problem, have a talk with them telling them how its going to be.

 

Also, make sure you get time to yourself on a frequent basis, or you will go completely insane-trust me on this!! lol.. Take any offer of babysitting that you get. Good luck..

[kobegirl]

everytime he acts out with kicking and punching , put him in a time out location with a door closed and totally ignore him for a minute . a minute is a long long time for a toddler. if he is not hitting you but he is screaming .. just ignore him completely . dont look at him dont tell him stop or anything .

 

 

now , when he is well behaved like you see him watching tv nicely or playing nicely ect give him alot of affection and kisses. rewarding him for good things. even though it is hard to imagine scolding as rewards but to a child that is attention good or bad and they want attention . so only give him attention when he is good.

 

bad behavior should be completely ignored .. not even a look . as long as you know he is in a safe place where he cant use anything to hurt himself.

[kobegirl]

ps .. even if he kicks the time out door .. do not respond only after a minute let him out and explain why he was in there eye to eye at his level . if he throws another tantrum then tell him he is back in the time out area for another minute. it will be hard at first .. because he will get louder and more angry at first but trust me after about the 5 th time or the 2nd day .. he will be better . then you just keep it up .

 

dont forget the time out area cannot be a fun place like his room . it has to be really boring . like a adult bedroom or even a really clean safe bathroom or even a corner of the room if he stays there. but i am sure he will need a door .

[justpassingthrough]

Two things worked for me; we didn't have "terrible twos":

 

1.) Give them a choice (green shirt or blue shirt) and let them have a little control of the independence they're getting.

 

2.) Understand they don't have the language development we adults do. NEVER talk "baby talk" (unless you want them in speech therapy later) but do use words they will understand.

 

Hope this helps.

[riobikini]

I'm glad my mom was away alot when I was growing up -I did the babysitting for all my younger siblings and there was never much in the way of spanking going on when they were in my care.

 

I gave them things to do -stuff to keep them busy- stuff that kept their minds focused- stuff they could stay involved with for hours.

 

All of them were (in age) like stair steps, so it didn't require too much of a jump to go from one age-appropriate activity to another, until you reached the extreme end of the spectrum.

 

And -most of the time- they were just happy with whatever I came up with for them to do, or be entertained with.

 

But when they grew bored with what they were doing, and the shine kind of wore off I was creative enough to think of something else just as fun to do.

 

I guess you could say I was sort of the "entertainment scheduler" (Smile) -but, at least, it worked so much better than how my mom would have handled it.

 

Of course, there were times when the proper consequence had to follow a certain action or behavior and a spanking was in order -but very rarely was there ever a need.

 

Someone mentioned that wanting your attention might be the reason your two-year-old is throwing tantrums -could be, at that- as well what another pointed out when she mentioned that very young children have a frustratingly limited vocabulary.

 

I agree.

 

Introduce new words to him to help him out with expressing himself with real honest-to-goodness *words* (not squinchy-faced disappointed-in-you looks) -but in order to do that you have to be focused on him -not the cell phone convo you're having, or some other distraction.

 

Look at him -talk to him- and give him *you* for a few minutes, and make an offering of some helpful words him might learn to express himself and alleviate the need to kick, scream, or hit anyone.

 

If you've tried all you can (suggestions from knowledgeable others, as well) and nothing works -go ahead and try the time-out notion.

 

Just remember that using prolonged periods of time-out with a two year old is never going to work.

 

Give him the quiet corner to stand in, or the lone chair to sit in, expecting it to last for only about five minutes.

 

If you try to go longer than five minutes, you'll likely fail with the whole notion -and he'll be more upset and both of you will feel like failures -and that's something that will only compound your problem.

 

I agree with the other posters that you should be consistent, cool, and firm when you go this route of consequence to rotten lil' bursts of ugly behavior.

 

Just don't overdo it on the amount of time you expect him to maintain that perfectly isolated "holding pattern" in the corner.

 

If he sits down on the floor with a flop and rolls over to his side or his tummy -seeming to languish there pathetically whining- just arch your brows, roll your eyes, sigh, and look away stating to him the amount of time you approximate that he still has left to stand in the corner and pretend you're busy with something nearby.

 

You might want to mention over your shoulder -and within earshot, of course, of your temporarily indisposed "Little Monster"- that you have an empty lap that is just longing for a well-behaved little boy to sit in -and that you might have available a really fun book to read to "someone" who can behave really well.

 

Emphasize the important parts for clarity in just the precise type of behavior you're trying to get out of him -and group it all together so he can see the comparison of the two types of behaviors -and which is preferred and gets the rewards.

 

If he yells, "No!" from his place in the corner and tells you he hates books, just sit down far enough away from him to still feel somewhat isolated but where he can see you and page through the book and giggle every now and then, giving him the impression it's from something you're reading in the book.

 

In my experience, by the time his "time-out" is up, he'll be dying to come to you, crawl into your lap and see what you're reading.

 

It might not hurt at this time, to point out (just in case he isn't putting the whole message together, yet) that empty corners or lonely chairs are for little boys who behave badly.

 

I think it's probably, also, the best opportunity for him to realize -all by himself- that your lap represents behavior on your "good side".

 

Just don't forget the hug.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Kasan]

i know it is most likely just the terrible twos but what do i do???? he hits me, kicks me, screams, doesnt listen to anything i say....what kind of punishment is the best. i dont like spanking him, it doesnt work anyway. i know i need to be firmer with him, but i feel bad. what works and what doesnt. i am at my wits end here....i dont think i can take much more of this.

 

Well, I have some bad news for you--the whining and bad behavior really never goes away--it just takes on a different form.

 

My personal favorite was the day my son came up to me and said in his best whiny voice--Why won't you buy me a car? Everyone has one!

 

These days you have with your child will go by in a blink of an eye. I often wish I could turn back the hands of time and sniff their little baby heads one more time.

 

As hard as it is for your right now, remember this too shall pass. Now that my kids are adults, I sometimes wish I could give them a swat and put them in time out.

[Kenyth]

My two year old is quite well behaved in comparison to many. I attibute this to giving him plenty of attention, plenty of love and cuddle time, plenty of stimulating things to do, choices, etc.

 

Also, one thing to remember with toddler discipline is knowing the difference between a temper tantrum and truly hurt feelings. Temper tantrums should be treated with discipline, and hurt feelings should be treated with love. A temper tantrum can move into hurt feelings very quickly. That's when they need the security of cuddle time to let them know you still love them.

 

Toddlers also need a lot of stimulation and learning activities at this age. Boredom will quickly lead to frustration. Keep plenty of educational videos, chunky puzzles, flash cards, books, crayons, play-do, etc. Interactively play with them rather than setting them down by themselves. They learn a lot from the interaction and talking. Offer them plenty of juice, milk, ice water, and healthy snacks throughout the day while they're on the run. They'll get thirsty or hungry and won't notice until they're cranky. My toddler often refuses a drink because he is busy, only to reconsider seconds later and completly drain the cup.

[MoonGirl]

My advice is to BE CONSISTENT!! This is one of the only things that has worked for me. (my little demon just turned 3). Make sure that the word no stays the word no. Completely ignore the tantrums, put them in time out and make them stay there for a couple minutes depending on the crime. For me, it was difficult to stay consistent because of my childs grandparents who would basically undo every bit of work i had put in, as they give her everything she wants. Then she would come home to me and be a complete whiny brat. If in-laws are a problem, have a talk with them telling them how its going to be.

 

Also, make sure you get time to yourself on a frequent basis, or you will go completely insane-trust me on this!! lol.. Take any offer of babysitting that you get. Good luck..

 

 

At ages 2 or 3, a child can be confused about your expectations vs. grandparents' expectations, but I've found that as the child gets older, he or she will understand that different people have different expectations. Just be consistent with your son, do not give second chances (don't say "if you hit me again, you're going in the corner"; instead say "You hit me. It hurt me. Go stand in the corner.") If you nip undesirable behaviors in the bud immediately, you should see a huge improvement in a short period of time.