Hopeless&Hurt Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 So I have been with the same guy for 10 years, through thick and thin. I loved him, stood by his side when he went to jail for 2 years, then again for another 2 months. I have dealt with his drug addiction for the past 3-4 years, and last night I told him to get out. He came home high and I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't trust him and I haven't for a long time. I loved him once, but maybe the past year or so I was just trying to hold it together for him. I don't know, I still haven't had enough time to figure it out. He slept in his car last night in the driveway, and let himself in at 3:30 AM to use the bathroom. I meant he needed to GET OUT this time. See, I haven't followed through with things I have said in the past in regards to throwing him out, breaking up, etc, and he thinks its just something that will pass. He just left here demanding his phone back (because its payday and he needs the dealers # ) and since it is in my name I am not giving it back until I shut it off, which I need the $$ to do. He is going to have to wait. He has put my name out there enough between the car that I (used to ) have in my name, the phone, the drug "stuff" he has "hidden" here (not very well I might add). He called me all the names he could and left saying why would he come back here to a f****** fat c****. That's nice. I have only held this idiots hand through the worst times in his life and I am a liar, a bitch, etc. Wow. Just makes me wish I had broken it off sooner. He also spit on my car. I have always thought that we would get married, have babies, a home, happiness. WRONG! You can't have any of those things with a drug addict. I have known for the past 2 years or so that I cannot have children with him, something I want very much. The best part of this whole thing is that my 28th Birthday is tomorrow. Happy Birthday to me! Wow, do I feel used! He should be begging me to take him back. We have a nice home, I have a good job, I am completely loyal, honest, trustworthy, caring, understanding...I don't want to be with another guy. I don't play games. I just want someone who will respect me for who I am and who I want to be. Well, I must admit that I did lie to him last night when he was looking for his keys, and he was SO high, I was afraid for him to drive. Yeah, I hid them and I lied about it, until later (about 1-2 hours) when I (hoped) thought that he was able to drive. I guess that might make me less than honest, however, I feel as though I couldn't have dealt with it if something had happened to him. Yes, I am a control freak. He was a mess, though. I haven't cried yet. I spent the last week crying 1-2 times a day and I think I may have been grieving what was coming- I knew it was just a matter of time. He got his car back on the road last Thursday and I knew the end was just a few paychecks away. I did almost cry when he called me names, though. That hurt. Hey, I didn't yell back- you're a druggie, your d*** is small, you can't keep a job, you will never find another girl like me...I was trying to just break up quickly, no contact, just get your stuff and go. I do still love him, I probably always will. I cannot sit here and type all of the mean, nasty, sneaky, underhanded, unfair and selfish things that he has done- none of us have time to read it. What a jerk. Thanks for listening. If you have any words of encouragement, I sure could use some. I bet that he will be crawling back by the beginning of next week - when his (drug) money runs out. I know (honestly) he came here and probably though I would ask him to talk or beg him to stay or try to help him like I always do. I think I might have stunned him into a really angry place when I didn't yell and I didn't fight, I just said "You are not welcome here anymore." I think he was trying to make me hurt as much as he is hurting, because I don't really look like I am. I was cleaning the house when he came here, something I can never do when it's "crisis" mode around here. I am usually too depressed and I can't do much of anything.
quankanne Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 hugs to you, HH – I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to love someone with an addiction. but I'm proud of you for standing your ground this time, which must've been difficult because of your history together and the love you feel for him. Just keep reminding yourself that you deserve a do-right man who will love and cherish you because you ARE a good person. stay strong, q
Newtotheblogthing Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Unless he gets sober there is little chance that things will improve. I know this from experience. I recommend an Al-anon mtg. if you are open to the suggestion. (For you) Seriously, you are not alone. He is a different person without drugs and he can be that man but he has to address his problems at some point. you enabling him will get him and you nowhere. Glad to hear that you are doing what you need for yourself. Unless he asks for help in getting sober, there isn't much you can do that will help him. It's painful and I know firsthand how it can turn into fights, name calling and worse. It does get better, I am know from experience. I am sorry for your pain. Stay strong and check out Al-Anon.
Author Hopeless&Hurt Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Thank you for the support... Its not going to be easy, but I have to do it.
Newtotheblogthing Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 I know it's very very difficult. I was in a 3 year relationship but we were both using. It tears people apart and we do things that we don't normally do, act in terrible ways and I am now sober myself and no longer with my ex. Although I know what you are going through as I stilll love him. Being the caretaker is hard but we do it because we love them. I hope that you get the support you need. Maybe you should just check out the Al-Anon site. Its up to you. Hang in there.
ebonyjade Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Hi babes, He sounds a right arse but the only way he can help you is to help himself. He has a slight narcotic problem by the sounds of it.... i to have been in the sam e situation with a guy and cocaine he was lovely wen off it but a **** wen high!!!! It's gonna hurt but everything happens for a reason and u probably are better off without him. Tell him to come back wen his love for all things chemical is over. Good luck sweetie ebs x x
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