DatingQuestions Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Hi, I've been seeing this guy for about three months. We were intimate but never had the "talk". He was making just enough of an effort to keep me around but always seemed to back off when we got close. He told me flat out that he isn't into emotional drama, and he was ambivalent about his views on relationships in general, as well as how he felt about us. I had a feeling that he is emotionally unavailable and he might be a commitment phobe. About two weeks ago, we had muturally agreed to meet up during the weekend. I was the one to initiate that date, and he suggested that we talk again before the date and make further plannings. However, I didn't hear from him (this happened once before and when I called on the day we were suppose to go out, he canceled on me), so this time, I decided to not call him when I didn't hear from him. Fast forward to two weeks later, now he called me out of the blue, didn't leave a message. I am wondering if I should call him back and let him explain, or just ignore? The one thing is that when he told me that we should "talk" before the date, he didn't say that he was going to call me, so technically, I could've called him but I didn't. So he could be wondering what's up with me. I have been rather independent when we were going out, and I never really shared my feelings about him either since he didn't like talking about the emotional stuff. So my questions is do I give this guy a chance to talk or just leave it? The way I feel about him now is that I am definitely ok to walk away, but if there was some misunderstanding then I would be ok to give it another shot. I like him enough to do that, but I like myself enough to walk away. What do you guys think?
cyberbabie30 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Hi I just went through a simular situation. Dont call. He is not emotionaly available. The guy i was going out did a simular thing. We also didnt have the talk about being exclusive. and also were itimante. We too went for three months. Yours is on the same page as mine. He isnt ready for anything serious right now. Dont call. Let him chase you if he really wants to be with you and has an interest in you. If you do call you may push him away. I asked mine what was going on and even though I really liked him and did find out why he got the way he did. I most likely pushed him away because of my questioning. I havent heard from mine in two weeks. I walked and decided to start dating others you might want to do that also for a little while. Men who get like that cant commit to one woman due to different kinds of reasons. Mine was because he had been hurt by someone he was still in love with that he hadnt seen for years.
norajane Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 but if there was some misunderstanding then I would be ok to give it another shot. If there had been a misunderstanding he would have left a message. Don't call him back. It took him two weeks after the missed date to even try contacting you. Why bother calling him - it doesn't sound like he's really all that interested. Guys who are interested don't wait weeks to contact you.
Krytellan Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 He's playing the push-pull game with you to keep you off balance. The only way to stay balanced is to wait for him to make the first honest attempt at communication. Any half-assed attempts should be ignored (e.g., any form of texting, calls with no messages, emails). Make him call and talk like a big boy.
Author DatingQuestions Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Thank you both for the replies! I wonder why he all of the sudden decided to call me again after such a long time? What makes them carry on such a behavior? It is annoying to have to deal with flaky people like that.
Krytellan Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Thank you both for the replies! I wonder why he all of the sudden decided to call me again after such a long time? What makes them carry on such a behavior? It is annoying to have to deal with flaky people like that. Because it works. One little bone and you go on for hours or days obsessing about him. You call it flaky behavior but LS is riddled with threads that demonstrate it is TERRIFICALLY effective in keeping insecure people attached.
amber1 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Hi, I've been seeing this guy for about three months. We were intimate but never had the "talk". He was making just enough of an effort to keep me around but always seemed to back off when we got close. He told me flat out that he isn't into emotional drama, and he was ambivalent about his views on relationships in general, as well as how he felt about us. I had a feeling that he is emotionally unavailable and he might be a commitment phobe. About two weeks ago, we had muturally agreed to meet up during the weekend. I was the one to initiate that date, and he suggested that we talk again before the date and make further plannings. However, I didn't hear from him (this happened once before and when I called on the day we were suppose to go out, he canceled on me), so this time, I decided to not call him when I didn't hear from him. Fast forward to two weeks later, now he called me out of the blue, didn't leave a message. I am wondering if I should call him back and let him explain, or just ignore? The one thing is that when he told me that we should "talk" before the date, he didn't say that he was going to call me, so technically, I could've called him but I didn't. So he could be wondering what's up with me. I have been rather independent when we were going out, and I never really shared my feelings about him either since he didn't like talking about the emotional stuff. So my questions is do I give this guy a chance to talk or just leave it? The way I feel about him now is that I am definitely ok to walk away, but if there was some misunderstanding then I would be ok to give it another shot. I like him enough to do that, but I like myself enough to walk away. What do you guys think? Oh wow, this sounds like one of the last guys I dated. Just be prepared that if you do call, he might not call you back at all. The bottom line is he sounds like a flake and like he is just waiting for something better to come along, and honestly you don't need that crap.
Author DatingQuestions Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Funny how my last guy had dependency issues and this guy obviously has trouble making commitment. Totally the opposite. Why do guys come in two types when it comes to commitment? Either too eager or too afraid! You guys are right, I will NOT make that call!
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