Heartache11 Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Well, I'm sure many of you have read my threads the past year and know I have been in an on-again, off-again relationship with a boy who was no good for me. I'm going to give a quick summary, so feel free to skip the next paragraph, and then write my feelings about coping with it all. I know this will be long, but I really need some support one last time. ----- We started dating when I was just turning 17, and he was 20. The relationship was great the first 9 months or so, then things turned sour. We broke up before I went to college but continued seeing each other and stuff. I went to school 200 miles away and we continued to talk but not be together. In October 2005, I came home and we had sex for the first time. Then, that Christmas, we got back together, which lasted until February 2007. We broke up again, him citing the distance being too much and needing to be alone and it wasn't working. I was heartbroken again, the contact was limited, but we eventually talked more. He picked me up from school in May and we hooked up. He said we could 'try' and see how it worked but he wouldn't commit to me. We were together until August, and he broke up with me again, saying I was too clingy and annoying and we tried. In all reality, I just wanted him to treat me with respect and be his girlfriend exclusively. He never told me he felt this way so I didn't see it as 'trying'. ----- At the point now, he texted me two weekends ago saying he really loved me and not to lose my ring (not engagement, just special). We talked for that week everyday and then we got in an online fight on Labor Day because I called him out on being too hot and cold, that we could only talk on his time. I said some mean things, but I was very upset and felt I had reason to. During the fight, he said he was serious, we shouldn't talk for two months, responded yes or no to a few more things and then ignored me. I tried contacting him over and over right afterwards, but he wouldn't respond and texted me just "stop." I did and tried contacting him everyday until Saturday, no response. I let it be and on Monday sent him an IM saying basically I'm sorry, I messed up, I love you a lot, and I am going to give you your space. Call me when you are ready. I stand by my word... Well here I am, a mess and wanting to talk to him. He was so horrible to me sometimes in the relationship and wouldn't openly communicate. I would try to talk and he'd ignore me or say cutesy things to avoid the topics. I was always more mature and am on a different level than him. I'm in college and am a smart girl-- where he barely graduated high school, drinks too much, gambles too much, gets high too much, and has anger problems. I know he is not the right person for me but I still am very hurt. I'm afraid he'll never talk to me again and that he hates me after everything. I was a great girlfriend and would do anything for him. And I'm so scared my being so upset and constantly contacting him has made him think I'm crazy. He said I was starting to be crazy when we broke up, which I really am not. So I stand by my word and am trying my hardest not to contact him. It's been two days. I am a mess and cry constantly. It's affecting my work. Please someone tell me I'm not crazy and he's wrong. How do I get through this?
JCD Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 You're addicted to him. You need to go NC and heal. It's ok for you to feel crazy this early in NC.
Ssheena Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 or even 5 or 6 months later. The only thing I can suggest is just to fill your time with other things. Substitute a behavior for thinking about him. It doesn't sound like it was a 50/50 relationship. More like you giving 90 percent and him maybe 10. That's not what it is about. If he is going to let you walk away, he doesn't deserve you anyway.
Curious139 Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Heck yes, feel as crazy as you want to - its completely normal. It's now 2 1/2 months for me and I'm only now coming to realise how sick I have been. My brain was not thinking rationally at all even though it seemed right at the time. So you are in the very early stages and must be kind to yourself. Lean on your friends and family, distract yourself any way you can. I honestly don't think this was the guy for you - the differences in intellect are too great. You'd eventually get frustrated with him and hard as it is to see at the moment, you are actually moving forward with your life.
Author Heartache11 Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Thank you everyone. I know he wasn't any good but I'm so afraid that he hates me now and thinks less of our relationship. I am trying to keep busy, I just get very overwhelmed by feelings. I will write more after class. Thanks again.
Author Heartache11 Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 The feelings are overwhelming right now but I am posting here instead of trying to contact him. I think my friends are sick of hearing it all too. I just found out a concert for a band that meant a lot to us is playing on New Years Eve. This is hitting me hard because I know we would be going and he will be working it. He told me he realized he fell in love with me at this band's show the last time we saw them. And also, the last time he told me he loved me in person was on New Years Eve. I know it sounds stupid but it's really making me upset and miss him. I really want to call but I can't. I don't know how to get though this.
Ssheena Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 You get through this one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You get through it by feeling what you are feeling, grieving and just putting your head down and plowing through it. Just keep reminding yourself, it's his loss and you deserve better (and smarter, able to be 100% there for you in a relationship, not a stoner, etc). You are worthy of such a person.
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