fryedegg Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 I've been dating this girl for almost 2 months. About a month into our dating she mentioned she got out of a 6 month relationship about a month before we started dating, and that she didn't want to tell me in fear it would scare me away. She told me she really likes me and wants to get to know me better as a friend and more, and that we should take it slow, which I feel we've been doing. (we were already having sex at that point, but that's not really what she meant by "slow"). Things have been great. We have a lot of fun together, and I know that she really likes me and enjoys my company. We are always smiling and having a good time. We decided to date exclusively, and have been sleeping with each other occasionally, but I feel like it's been a good pace, and not too fast. However, she won't call me her boyfriend, even though she claims to be in a relationship with me, which I find strange. Her friends all love me, and it's really set up more perfectly than any relationship situation I've yet to be in. Last night we had a great dinner at my place, and she then decided to bring up that she's in a "really weird place" right now, and that she's not ready for commitment. She's extremely busy with grad school and work, and I'm very understanding and let her know that I'm ok with that and I'm willing to work around it (I work full time and feel like I have all the time in the world compared to her). She's been very stressed the last couple weeks since the beginning of the semester, and her sex drive has disappeared since (she's also been kind of sick and it's that time of the month, so it's a bad time for her). (We still kiss alot, etc, just not much sex) I told her again that I'm willing to take it at a pace that's comfortable with her, and she told me it meant a lot to her that I'm willing to do that. I like this girl a lot, and I'm starting to have feelings for her. I've dated A LOT lately, and she was the only one I'd even consider being exclusive with, so I was very excited to hear that she was feeling the same way. Thankfully, she'll be a lot less busy in a couple of weeks, so I really see things getting better in that regard, so I'm being patient. I really have a feeling that, if done correctly, this relationship could become something more. She still talks a lot of things she wants to do with me, and they usually follow through. She even stops by my office randomly (I work right next to her apartment) to say "hi", which I love. I'm confused. She likes me a lot, and that's what scares her. Should I continue this or cut it before I get more attached? I've never met anyone like her, and I can tell she feels the same about me...it's just bad timing. I can see myself totally falling for her, but I think I can keep that at bay for awhile while I wait for her patiently. Any kind of insight (especially from women) would be totally appreciated. edit: I forgot to mention that she's nearly done with school, and has mentioned that she's looking for someone long-term at times, which is confusing. I'm just getting settled down in my career, and looking for the same.
kymberann Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Hi there, If she is worth it, then she is worth the wait. Just continue with the patience, but don't put your life on hold. I think it would be appreciated more if you gave her the time she needs to finish her grad school stuff. I know that can be overwhelming, so if you take additional pressure off, she wil appreciate you for it in the future. Just don't give up doing the things you normally do though!
Cad Rake Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Sounds like a mess of a girl. Don't get too involved emotionally. No reason to stop banging her, but start dating other chicks as well. Sounds like you're being excessively clingy. Resume dating other chicks.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 I don't blame you for being confused, I am myself as well after reading above. Does she want to date anyone else? If she doesn't want to date anyone else, is dating you and does girlfriend like things. Then it doesn't make sense why she talks about this weird place and won't call herself your girlfriend. Does she have commitment issues? I would be very nervous if that is the fact.
Author fryedegg Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 No, she told me that she only wants to date me. She admits that she's in a relationship with me, but says she doesn't like "labels" like boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't know about the commitment issue. She's been in a couple 2 year + relationships, one of which she was engaged with someone until they cheated on her (which was years ago). I don't blame you for being confused, I am myself as well after reading above. Does she want to date anyone else? If she doesn't want to date anyone else, is dating you and does girlfriend like things. Then it doesn't make sense why she talks about this weird place and won't call herself your girlfriend. Does she have commitment issues? I would be very nervous if that is the fact.
Krytellan Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Last night we had a great dinner at my place, and she then decided to bring up that she's in a "really weird place" right now, and that she's not ready for commitment. She's extremely busy with grad school and work, and I'm very understanding and let her know that I'm ok with that and I'm willing to work around it (I work full time and feel like I have all the time in the world compared to her). She's been very stressed the last couple weeks since the beginning of the semester, and her sex drive has disappeared since (she's also been kind of sick and it's that time of the month, so it's a bad time for her). (We still kiss alot, etc, just not much sex) I told her again that I'm willing to take it at a pace that's comfortable with her, and she told me it meant a lot to her that I'm willing to do that. This is her trying to back out of the situation while still keeping you close enough to be a fall-back should her "plan" not pan out.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 No, she told me that she only wants to date me. She admits that she's in a relationship with me, but says she doesn't like "labels" like boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't know about the commitment issue. She's been in a couple 2 year + relationships, one of which she was engaged with someone until they cheated on her (which was years ago). This is her trying to back out of the situation while still keeping you close enough to be a fall-back should her "plan" not pan out. That's the feeling I got too, why I got the feeling of commitment issues. It's like she tells you one thing but to the rest of the world she still wants to be known as single. She may not even realize she is doing it, but she is none the less and that's not fair to you. She should be more honest with you and stop stringing you along. I have been there and it doesn't feel good, it's always something. After this I will tell you, or we have to do this before I know ... always something until they run out of excuses and don't call back.
SteadyState Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I can sympathize because I am in a bit of a similar situation. I think that if you think it is worth it, then go for it, but I can understand the fear of getting attached only to have it not work out. I will take issue with the "excessively clingy" comment above and make mention that sometimes when you find that someone who makes you not WANT to date other people, it's hard to see any other girl as a possiblity. Feel for ya man.
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