JamesM Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 shut up james! I am a ruthless heartless biotch! and I like it that way! Oh, I love it when you talk that way!! Oops...off topic, sorry.
JamesM Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 I think that even if a woman doesn't want children it's still scary to physically not be able to produce them. I don't think I will ever want a child but I would still be saddened if I found out I was not able to and the choice was no longer mine. I remember my wife saying that if we had never had children, she probably would not have minded. But now that she has them, she would. What allina said reminded me of something else she said. "It would be okay if I had made that decision, but if I found out I could never have them even if I wanted them, I would be devastated."
Cobra_X30 Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 A4A, He does have a u-haul! And as I see it he is grappling with it, and one of the reasons is that his wife IS making deposits! Thus he sees that it is worth working on. BTW... I dont think your heartless, ruthless or a biotch. James, I agree with everything you said with two minor exceptions. If she isnt helping then she is hurting. It's just one more woman that fits his negative image! And when we enter into a relationship we have to accept that persons baggage also. Yes they will have to be the ones to ultimately take responsibility and fix it... but you have to be ready to assist. You can't marry someone and expect them to just change... it's unrealistic and unfair.
dropdeadlegs Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 I remember my wife saying that if we had never had children, she probably would not have minded. But now that she has them, she would. My feelings are a mirror image opposite. I'm kidding....most of the time.
JamesM Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 . James, I agree with everything you said with two minor exceptions. If she isnt helping then she is hurting. It's just one more woman that fits his negative image! And when we enter into a relationship we have to accept that persons baggage also. Yes they will have to be the ones to ultimately take responsibility and fix it... but you have to be ready to assist. You can't marry someone and expect them to just change... it's unrealistic and unfair. No, she can actually be a neutral influence. a4a has responded many times to Woggle. Interestingly enough, I have noticed on his threads that he responds more to women's input than men's...and I don't mean that negatively, but for the many problems that women have caused in his life, he gives the opinions given by women here quite a bit of respect. This is good. I agree...we need to help our partners with the baggage that they have. I know this full well. My wife brought much baggage with her, and I was/am willing to help her each and every day. BUT...here is the catch. When she has not been willing to help and I tried to "fix" her, nothing changed...at least not for long. So, it goes back to...she needs to fix herself, and then I can help. The other thing with her baggage is that when as her partner I make her baggage mine, I can no longer be of capable assistance. I can help her best by being objectively involved and not emotionally involved. This I have learned...and am still learning...the hard way. So when I say, her baggage is her baggage..it is. And Woggle can only help if she is willing to resolve her issues. He cannot fix her on his own. And this goes for him, too. He needs to resolve his issues without her. She may help, but he needs to make the choices. That is how I meant it.
JamesM Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 My feelings are a mirror image opposite. I'm kidding....most of the time. I know what you mean... some days they can be so...
katiebour Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 My ex was an adoptee- after seeing the wonderful relationship between him and his adopted parents, and after thinking about how his life might have been if he had not been adopted, if I could not have children biologically I would have no problem with adoption. Even though I am capable of having children I could very easily see myself adopting in addition to have some children biologically. Once that child is in your house, and you're taking care of them, learning who they are, reading them bedtime stories and loving them, how they got there is much less important. My ex was adopted from S. Korea- he was born with a cleft lip and palate and probably would not have been able to have the surgeries that took place here, or the medical care in general, or the unconditional love of the parents who chose him even with his condition. His life was utterly changed for the better because of his wonderful parents, and they adore him. It's not the end of the world if she can't have kids biologically- there are plenty of children already here that need some loving parents and a stable home. The question that really matters is: Can you see yourself as a loving, responsible, stable father? Can you see yourself being one of the primary caretakers of a baby, of teaching a child how the world works without prejudice or hate? Can you be the kind of parent you wish you'd had? Think very carefully before you leap. Once that baby is there, there is no going back. You will absolutely be responsible for the welfare, physical, mental, and emotional development of another human being for 20+ years. Even if your marriage fails you will still be Daddy.
babydoll6 Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 IMO..It may not be the end of the world but it will definitly have a huge impact on her emotions...And I agree, if she finds out she cannot, after the healing period, then adoption is a wonderful option....
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