Northstar1984 Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Hello all. Just over two months ago my g/f of 4.5 years broke up with me. It was a decision which hit me very hard. I only really began to see it in a different light the last week or so.. Although I'm far from happy; I'm seeing that it was a good decision, generally speaking. I don't hate her. We've not spoken for at least 3 weeks because she had gotten a new boyfriend and I didn't like the idea of speaking. I didn't know what to say and I was worried I'd put myself back a few weeks, in terms of progress.. Yesterday I got home from work and chatted to my mum. She said my ex had texted her twice saying she missed her and she missed my family and my house. I was confused and asked her not to reply in future. I was showing my mum a new car I want to buy and I got a text message..... from her. It said, "Hey.Just heard U2's "With or Without You" and thought id text u really quick.i take it ur not talking 2me anymore seein as you didnt reply to my email? hope your ok." I didn't reply. It confused me. With or Without You was one of three songs we thought of as "ours" and it described us perfectly. Why did she decide to let me know? I saw my friend for a few hours and we went for a drive. As I cruised through town I saw my ex parked up with some friends. She immediately pulled out and sped up behind me. I pulled over and let her pass. My friend and I picked a different route out of town and pulled over to talk. My ex found us. She pulled up behind my car and I jumped out of my friends and told him to just drive on, with the intention of following him and leaving her there. She imemdiately got out of her car and said Hello. I winked and went to get into my car. "Are you just going to drive off?", she said. She walked up to my car door and we chatted. I was distant and unresponsive. She led the conversation and queried why I hadn't emailed her back or replied to her earlier text. I said I didn't think we'd ever see eachother again. I drove off and she asked me to text or email her. I told her I would, maybe. I passed through town again. Twice or three times more. I was thinkign heavily. Her car had repappeared along with her friends. She was sitting alone in her car, looking at her phone. I decided to swallow my fear and pull over next to her. I asked her to get in and we'd go round. She refused. I asked her why and she said she didn't want to. I asked her if she was worried the new guy would see.. she said she didn't care about that! I drove off without saying bye. Soon after, her new boyfriend turned up. I believe she'd contacted him to say where she was and that he should come down. She was fearful he'd see her in my car and didn't want to get in. So why lie? Why has she made these efforts regarding the emails, the text messages and the driving to find me? Let alone the U2 - With or Without you song message. I need a clue here, because I'm clueless. She's confused me. I soon saw her hugging her new guy in town. There's no question about them. They're together and they're happy. Should I reply to her text/email? Thank you.
Darkzen Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it to. If you're not comfortable dealing with her at any level after the break-up, tell her so and ask her to kindly leave you alone.
Author Northstar1984 Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Thank you, Dark. That was my feelings also. I decided to text her: "Do you remember when we said it'd be so hard to see eachother in anothers arms?" I've left it at that. If she replies, (she hasn't yet..), then my final reply.. regardless will be, "Then you'll know why I never want to see or hear from you ever again." I feel so mixed up. Anyone else feel like renouncing love?
lovelorcet Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Listen up man you need to protect yourself. This girl is getting off on being able to mess with you. She doesn't want anything from you other than to boost her ego. The best thing you can do is "No Contact" and that goes for your mom as well. Spend some time on this forum learning what "no contact" is. A few hours reading here can save you months of heart ache. The longer you let her mess with you the longer it is going to hurt. There is nothing louder than silence, trust me on that. There is no need to be rude, if she catches you in a corner all you have to say is that you "have nothing to say and if she could please respect that." With every little response you are showing her that you are hurting and that gives her what she needs to feel. No matter what you do or what you say you will NEVER really get what you need from her. You will always come out the loser until you have gained enough distance and indifference. Just look at the situation you described... She chased after you and got you to talk to her. You drive off... and then you came back (yup, she must have loved how that felt to see you return), and then you asked her to go for a ride and BANG! She slammed your a$$ to the curb. How did that feel? I bet that was another nice little boost for her ego. See what I mean? this will not stop unless you decide to take control of the situation. That means protecting your heart, your dignity and finding a away to move on as fast as you can. Take care!
Author Northstar1984 Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 True words. Thanks, fella. I was happily enjoying my NC. A month, practically had elapsed without problem. I'll tell her to f*ck off if I see her again. I want her boyfriend to start an argument so I can thai box his face off Ahh.. good old anger, I remember you! Advice acknowledged.. I'll keep my head in charge, and not my heart. Thanks guys.
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