Are you angry?

[Jmina]

I want to ask anyone on here who has been angry at their ex enough to forget about a future friendship.

 

Does the anger last?

 

my ex is angry at me as i affended her, but i never meant to.

 

so far its been a few months... i dont believe it will last because i know she loves me very much just all her feelings are tucked away.

 

does anger last a life time? or do you come to a point where you realise they never tried to hurt you or if they did try to hurt you do you realise something else that helps you forgive?

 

Im not an angry person and i cant stay angry for more than a day... the longest ive been angry for is a few days. I have been a bit bitter but when ever it comes up i always try to dissolve the bitterness because i know people do the best that they can.

 

let me know how you have reacted to anger and if you have gotten over it, forgiven or stayed angry

thanks

 

Jmina

[Reactor]

I find that the anger remains, but not in a violent form. Theres always a tiny little bit of anger (for me anyway), I think it remains because:

 

A) To remind you what the person did to you in moments of weakness

B) And allow you to move on

 

Its kind of a defence mechanism, you're perfectly civil to your ex, its just you wouldn't ever think about getting back together with them, because everytime that thought crosses your mind, bam! Mr/Mrs Anger steps in and reminds you what they did.

 

You should always harbour a little anger (not violent anger) to avoid making the same mistake twice!

[Trialbyfire]

Perhaps you could expand on what happened, to cause the problem(s) in the relationship. The amount of anger is directly related to the depth of emotion and personality type of your ex.

 

I will also say that sometimes the anger goes away but what's left isn't pretty either.

[CaliGuy]

Depends. At some point if you have made her angry enough, she could decide it's not worth it anymore to pursue a relationship. Two months have passed. That's plenty of time to cool down. If she's not sniffing around by now, chances are she may never.

[Curious139]

Anger is normal and usually fades but it always depends upon the events which caused the anger. The fading could take years but I'd think 6 months - a year should be enough in most cases. As it fades we start to see the good things which is healthy.

[Jmina]

Here goes then. it will be long.

 

When we were together she was caring for someone in her family with cancer. I fully supported her, told her everyday how caring, brave, wondeful she was. I told her that not anyone can do what she is doing and that she has a huge heart and a lot of great karma to come. I made a website for her from her closest friends and some friends of mine from all over the world to send well wishes and encouragement, it really touched her heart and took her from having thoughts of suicide back to 'yes i am doing the right thing and i am loved' I gave her the encouragement that she needed and i gave her all my love and support. She told me i was her rock.

 

I struggeld a lot in this time as she had to go away to care for this person, and we only saw each other every few weeks for about 4 days at a time.Even though i was her rock, she was also mine. You see at the same time i was going through a thyroid storm, i was struggling to keep myself afloat, i ended up in emergency a couple of times with very distressing symptoms and side effects and it was taking me a while to recover (as it normally would) emotionally and physically.

 

So i was battling my illness, i was always trying to give her everything i thought that she needed, but i didnt feel i was getting it back in return. Sometimes i did, but when i really needed her, she wasnt there. She just wasnt able to do it. Because it was such hard times and because of the circumstances i just swallowed it and believed it would improve after it all setteled down. In the meantime what i wasnt aware of was that i was upsetting her when i became depressed/sad when it was time for her to go back. I didnt realise it made her angry/frustrated. I mean we were both upset when she had to leave... She now tells me she thought i was manipultating her to make the hard time all about me. I have struggled in finding the truth. Did i? but i wouldnt do that! i love her SO MUCH, all i want is good for her, i just adore her. but then here comes this

 

during the time she was away i never once felt a part of it all - her family, a part of the family crisis, i wanted to be there, i wanted to help too, her mum never really accepted me as i was a girl (so was my ex) i wanted them all to know that i really cared and that i wanted to be a part of it too in some way. my ex was living with me and my family (when she was back from caring) and they had all accepted her but i felt like a seperate life in my exs life. Someone to hide, someone to lean on in bad times, someone her and her mother talked about behind my back. so when she left me to go back i got upset and felt abandoned. she was my everything and she said i was her everything, i was in love she said she was in love, i told her she was my angel, she said i was her soul mate and angel, but when it came down to it she never reassured me and never looked into my eyes and said it will be okay, i love you and i will be back in no time when it was time for her to leave.

 

I know that i never meant to manipulate her. but that is what she is angry about from the relationship.

 

in the breakup she read my myspace and i had written "i hate men!" in one of my blogs. the reason i wrote it was because i had just had an argument with my dad, and also because i was blaming men for taking her from me. (she didnt want to spend her life wondering about men)

 

(i dont really hate men. but i had a huge chip on my shoulder at the time)

 

so my ex read this which i didnt intend for her soley to read, and she read it as 'i got back with my old boyfriend and then had an argument with him'.

i couldnt believe it when she told me this. i was just speechless. but that is what she believes. i dont know if she really thinks it deep down, but it was something that hurt her whether it was true or not.

 

after that i sent through texts i ended up telling her that i will always love her and that i have to greive for her as she is disapering from my life. I told her that there is no difference in my loss of her and her loss of her grandma (who she was caring for) she had told me before that she didnt want to be friends ever for a very very long time and that is if it got to that, so i felt i had lost her for ever. like she had died. and i felt that i would always love her (i still do) i told her she wouldnt understand but the amount that i love and care for her is endless.

 

this affended her and she thought i was comparing our breakup to the loss of her grandma. this isnt what i was trying to do. this was only a month ago. so shes had about a month to start to calm down but i think it will take a long time as she is dealing with the death of her grandma and i think she thinks i just added insult to it all. what a horrible thought. =(

 

its funny coz the time we were together i was angry with the people that had hurt her most in her life who she still hadnt dealt with within her self and had problems from it... now i feel like im on that list. cant believe it.

 

so a number of things has happened to make her angry and the whole time i have felt like she has jumped to conclusions and i am just sitting there shocked at her reactions to things. i have told her the truth but she says she still cant forgive me. i knwo she gets angry easy, and i know she holds onto things to keep her self 'protected' i love her so dearly i never want to hurt her but i feel i have just gone and made it worse by trying to fix it all.

 

do you think in the end she will realise i didnt mean to hurt her and never tried the things she was saying? friends noticed we had a one of a kind connection and were so shocked at our breakup. they think she will realise one day. i think she will too, but i dont think she will let me know.

 

we really were great friends, then very caring and sweet lovers. we never had a fight when we were together, we always talked about things. (except for the whole manipulating her, which i had no idea about and couldnt change or help her with because she never told me as she felt she couldnt)

 

i am up the creek on this one

my heart tells me one day it will be okay, we will be friendly again.

my head doesnt know what to think.

 

 

Jmina