BigJayTee Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Hey everybody. In my moment of pain/loss/confusion, I can't tell you all how therapeutic it is to be able to read many of the posts here, both in terms of support and strategy (i.e. the NC manifestos). Let me tell you all my long, boring story. I've been dating the same girl for 5.5 years now. She just got her BS and I just got my doctorate (pharmacy). She was only able to get a job in a new city so we agreed to move there (I already had a job offer from the same hospital). She moved here in January, I stayed behind finishing up school until May. When I got here, things were great as always; good conversation, good sex, she took up playing tennis with me since she drug me here away from all of my tennis partners in our old city, everything felt pretty good. Except for this problem, she was working evenings and I was working days, so it felt like I hardly saw her. Also, she has an active young group of friends at work who go out to the bars, have keggers, play sports together. I've only been here a couple of months and haven't found a way into a group of friends. Alright, so Saturday we had a former roomate of ours come stay with us for the night. I had worked Friday night until Midnight, then Saturday at 7am and had to work Sunday at 7am so I was dog tired and pre-partied with the girls but decided to let them go out to the bars without me. I woke up the next morning at 6am ALONE in our apartment! I was pretty pissed and worried, called each of them thrice (no answer, angry message) but I had to go to work. I get home from work, and my GF is home by herself. I'm angry and asked her what happened last night. She says our old-roomie ran into her ex who was having an after-party at his hotel room. My GF went along as a wingman as our old-roomie hooked up. "Did you sleep on the floor?" I ask her. She says no, in a bed but that she was the only one in the room. That didn't sound quite right (she didn't know whose hotel room) but she handled my interrogation to my satisfaction. She apologized for not calling. That was that, and I left the room to cool-off a bit. I came back in and she made a super cute "scared little girl" face like I was gonna yell at her again. I laughed and said "I can't stay mad at something so cute" and kissed her on top of the head. She then looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I kissed another boy last night." (!!!) She went on to explain that she was sorry, that she loved me and that she was really happy with me, but that everyone keeps asking her when we're gonna get married and that idea scares her SO much. She said that that idea scaring her so much makes her feel like there must be something wrong with us. She said that she feels like she needs to take some time away from me to see how she really feels. Now, this happened once before in our relationship about 2 years ago and she eventually came back to me after a couple of weeks. I asked her what she had learned last time and she said "nothing, because last time she saw me all-the-time". Which was somewhat true, he had theater tickets together (XMas present), had a mutual friend's wedding, and I intentionally ran my group of guys into her group of girls at the bars twice (she made eyes at me across the bar and I drove her home and we had sex). But still, this floored me. I thought that what she learned was that she loved me and wanted to be with me. Well, I was pissed and told her to get her clothes and get out of our apartment. NC since (2+ days). Do I want her back? Yes, I do. She beautiful, SO beautiful. She's also just the cutest thing ever the way she baby-talks and little-girl talks with me (which is a cheap manipulation of my love/protect instincts but it works). She's also pretty smart, has a great sense of humor, and is genuinely convinced that I'm the funniest person in the world. Most importantly, she's my best and closest friend. Is she coming back?? Last time we took a break, she was a real bitch about it but wanted to keep our dates we had upcoming. This time, she cried a genuinely sad cry and said a very sincere "I'm sorry" when she left. I also got an email from her mom saying that "it broke her heart that GF broke up with me" and that she "wishes me the best no matter how things turn out". That ruined my day, she said "broke up" when I was clinging to "taking a break" which means we're still a couple. What should I do?? The current plan is strict NC, exercise and acting strong if she contacts me. However, like many of you, I check my email 30 times a day in case she writes, stare at my phone hoping it will ring, imagine that i hear the front door opening, etc. The other way I look at it, how can I win her back if she never sees me. Whenever she walks into a room, she's always one of the prettiest girls there so she gets lots of attention from other guys. Am I not going to fight for her attention? Also, we work at the same hospital, what if I see her in the halls or the cafeteria (or at a code, someone is dying and I can't do my part to save them because I'm distracted by her, lol)? If she leaves me, I'm stuck working at the same hospital as her in a town where I have no friends, yikes!
Cobra_X30 Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Do the NC... but do it for you! Do it so that you can get over her. If you see her at work treat her like just a friend. You know what it means when a girl admits she kissed another guy.... right?
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