sedgwick Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 My ex broke up with me on July 16. Since then, we've spoken twice. The first conversation was really good and gave me a lot of hope, and in the second one he was kind of a jerk and I was crying by the end. Both times he was the one who called. I've sent a few text messages (like three) but I haven't called him at all. I'm still really baffled by the breakup, and I'm still completely in love with him, but the anger is taking over more now. I'm just trying to keep my dignity. I'm running off to Mexico alone for five weeks to write my book. I've joked all along that if I sold it, I'd go write it on the beach in Oaxaca, and then I sold it and now I'm really going to do it. I just thought, why not? I'm not with him anymore. I can do whatever I want. But there's a part of me that wants to tell him I'm going just so he'll think I'm brave and awesome, realize what he's missing, etc. I keep composing emails to him in my head. I'm thinking of sending one that just conveys the facts -- I'm leaving, gone until November, won't be reachable, maybe I'll see you when I get back. But the last conversation we had was me saying, "Do you understand how much I love you?" and him saying, "Yes, I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you want." I know I need to quit fantasizing about getting back together with him, but I still want him to know I'm gone. What to do?
jung Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 My initial reaction in a situation like this is if you love somebody so much what have you got to lose by making contact one more time to explain that you’re going away. However it will have 2 possible outcomes. One is that if he contacts you and want’s you back then it will be very difficult for you to go and concentrate while your away or 2 you’ll get some kind of satisfaction knowing that you’ve told him and that it’s up to him from here on if he really wants you back. I think if you really want to email him and tell him this then do it on the day you’re leaving so that your mind is to some extent at rest. I have been deeply hurt as have all those on this site and have no great answers to how to cope with the pain of losing love. I am a survivor and have been through a lot and most recently I have lost love that I never had in my life before. I made the few mistakes of texting and phoning etc when no contact was really the best way but I have no regrets doing this even if it prolonged the pain as I feel that it’s so natural to try and hold on to something that we love and will try everything to do that. My honest feeling is that sometimes trying to hold onto someone is like trying to hold your breath but if you hold on to long then you suffocate so we all need to let go at some point. The simple truth is that to acquire anything in the physical universe means you need to let go of it and not hold on. Hard to take that I know however if you look deep into your soul you can see that’s the obvious answer simple as it seems. Good luck …. you’ll know what’s right for you. You sound very strong and remember you are brave doing what you’re doing and you don’t need him to tell or make you feel that. I’m involved in the Arts for a long time so good luck with the book and lets know when we can buy a copy. Jung
Darkzen Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 I know it's probably one of the worst feelings, but you have to move on. He broke up with you and hasn't tried to get back with you yet. So it means he's moved on at this current point and time. If being around him is causing you issues, you need to put some distance between you and him, until you've gotten past the "still in love with them" phase. Otherwise moving on will take longer and be even more painful. It's just my opinion though, God only knows I'm in the middle of trying to move on myself.
Author sedgwick Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Thanks for the advice, guys. Everyone I've asked seems to be saying just go and don't tell him. Except for the two times we've talked, which were both because I sent an email telling him he could, and both times he called right away, I've had his phone number and email address blocked since the week after it happened. I don't know if he's tried to contact me. I don't want to know. I think I just have to totally avoid him until I'm over him.
Curious139 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I agree - keep up the NC. Don't email him. The consequences of a reply could destroy your exciting adventure into the new book. Be kind to yourself and don't set yourself up for more pain. Besides he'll only respect you more if you appear strong and getting on with life. Go for it.
Blue Liana Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I did ask myself that why people love each other, and the answer is someone needs, but someone not In your situation, you should think that he does not need you, and turn our eyes around, somewhere, the person who really need you is Do everything you want, hope you fun
rapunzel_2000 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 While I understand the temptation to tell him, and thus have the hope that this will re-spark his interest in you, you are much better off NOT telling him and going off and writing your book, and working on healing yourself. In addition, pat yourself on the back for your continued strength and belief that you'll be fine without him. If in the future you DO hear from him and he asks you what you've been up to, you can nonchalantly say, "oh I spent a month in Mexico writing my book....it was glorious!" No contact is the way to go since he hasn't tried to contact you recently.
Author sedgwick Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 I don't know if he's tried to contact me or not. I've blocked his email addresses and phone number. I last talked to him two weeks ago today; that night I blocked his number again and it's been that way since.
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