Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted
She asked me to move back in and cancel the divorce. I couldn't answer her.

 

I think you need to ask yourself what has changed between now and last week when she was still secretly contacting the OM and lying to you about it. :confused: (????)

And it seems to me that it's kind of weird that after meeting with an attorney, she all the sudden wants to give it another try. Sounds to me like she might have heard some things in that meeting she didn't expect to hear.

 

I hate to be negative, but I believe if I were you... I'd need to see something a bit more moving from her than what you've posted here. If you go back to the beginning and re-read your thread, this woman has told you that she hasn't had romantic feelings for you in years. She's stated in her email to OM that she feels "trapped", and that even though she KNOWS where she wants to be, she doesn't have a way to pull it off.

 

Sorry, man :( ... but I think she's bullsh*tting you.

Posted

She is lying to you in order to put herself in a better position for the divorce. Women like this are clever and conniving as hell and there is something up with her. She wanted to seperate and now you have given her what she wanted. If she didn't want seperation why did she ask for it? I would proceed with the divorce because if you go back this will just happen again.

Posted

I've got to agree with LJ and Wog ~ something's not adding up right here. I'd give it more time, investigate further, proceed with extreme caution!

  • Author
Posted

Like I said last night, the ball is in your court. I have told you that I am willing to try. I don't know if those feelings will come back but you're asking me to try and for you I'll do that. I am as in as I can possibly be right now. No, I am not happy today - in fact I'm very depressed. It's very hard to leave a man who loves you more than you thought you could be loved. You just haven't been that person for many years and now all of the sudden you say you are that person. I don't know if I believe you, but I will try.

Are you pressing forward with the divorce papers & doing the 2 month thing?

Are you still living away from the house?

  • Author
Posted

I know in my heart that I can be the man you want. Can you be the woman I need?

I don’t know what to do now. You really wanted me to move out and give you space, now you don't sound like you want me away. You really have me confused and scared.

I am going to call the counselor and see if I can get some suggestions/opinions from her. I don’t know if she will do that over the phone or if I will have to schedule an appointment. When you talk about leaving a man who loves you more than you thought you could be loved, who are you talking about, me or him?

Posted

Tangled web this one weaves! Obviously you aren't in a "no fault" state.

 

Please don't let her cast a spell on you, believe me those "spells" are temporary. I'll bet you would have loved to be a fly on the wall during her visit with her attorney.

 

Let her have her OM, take care of your kids, and work toward closing "her" chapter in your life. She knows that she has to buy time with you to improve her position in divorce court. Don't give it to her.

 

You might try telling her that if she's really serious, you can try "dating" again after the divorce is final... watch her boil over when you suggest it.

  • Author
Posted

I was talking about you - you said you loved me more that I thought I could be loved but you've just had a funny way of showing it, previous to Guam.

I do need space, as do you but I told you I'd try. I honestly don't know how much I have to give right now as I am broken emotionally. I don't know if I can be the woman you need, you've already told me that I haven't been.

I am not playing games, merely speaking from my heart. You say you know in your heart you can be the man I want, how? I am just as confused and scared as you and don't know what to do. I told you for you and our family - both

immediate & extended I will try whatever you think would fix things.

Posted

Have you guys have/had a close relationship ever? Both of you seem to be speaking very superficial. Im reading text here and i could be way off but im not seeing much reality going on here. Everyone has issues, have either of you talked about them. Those are the problem. Not (being the man/woman they need to be).

  • Author
Posted

Last night I confronted her about the OM. She said that she called him that same day and told him to never call again, it is 100% over. I got up from my chair, grabbed my keys, and started toward the door. She asked where I was going and I said I was going "home". I told her that I couldn't keep tolerating her lies and her cheating by continuing to talk to him. She said they talked about me moving out and filing for divorce and how upset she was about it. I said "BS, you are not even allowed to talk to him about the weather, let alone about us". My voice was fairly raised at this time and I told her that I gave her too many chances already and she told me more than once now that it was completely over. I asked her if it even bothered her that she continues to get caught in lies and in cheating. She said yes, it does. She says she wants to do whatever it takes to make this work. I don't know if I have the strength to try anymore.

Posted

Disregard my post. Now it sounds like you are getting down to it. YOU dont need this!! And she has to start being honest and stop playing games.

  • Author
Posted

I am going to work on building a new relationship with my W now. She says she is willing, so we will see. She leaves for her conference on Oct. 1 and I don't think I am going with her, even though last night she asked me to. When she gets back it will almost be our anniversary. I am going to go ahead and book the trip I was planning while she was overseas. I told her about it and showed her online last night. She said to make it a reality, not just empty promises again. If things are better at that time, we will go, otherwise I will reschedule it for later and find someone else to take! (By the way, I told her that last night and she was shocked)!

Posted

My call on the ball is that she got to Guam, started getting all this attention from all these men on un-accompanied tours for six months to a year ~ got in her head that she could have any man she wanted ~ anytime she wanted ~ started playing with fire!

 

Meanwhile between the the mortgage, the car payments, the boat payments, the two children, the day to day druggery of being marriage ~ and day by day, one day at a time things slipped into a martial comma.

 

What I would suggest would be that you remain seperated. Meanwhile, Google Dr. Hellen Kreidmans's "Light Her Fire"&"Light His Fire" programs $99 per package. Giver her the "Light His Fire program, and you listen to the "Light Her Fire" program.

 

Get into MC and IC, work on each other, the marriage. I would even say NC for thirty days or more while you really think about what it is you want and need from each other, your marriage, and life in general.

 

And yea you really need to hold her feet to the fire and hold her accountable for action, word, and deed. Be willing to let go of the past, with the understanding that you will trust in the future ~ but will also verify ~ inspect what you expect.

 

Way to man up! Keep on keeping on!

Posted

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:Things she's NOT saying:

 

"I'm so sorry."

 

"I was wrong."

 

"I'll do anything within my power to fix this."

 

"Please give me another chance to prove to you that I can be a good partner."

 

"Here's my cell-phone and here are my passwords. Feel free to verify that I'm telling you the truth any time".

 

"I don't know what I could've been thinking."

 

"I love you."

 

 

Listen, I'd never discourage a guy from trying to repair his family dynamic. All I'm saying is that you need to make sure you're looking out for yourself too. In the long haul, in order for you to be happy as a couple, you've got to BOTH be happy with whatever solutions you come up with. And if her solution is that you just keep kissing her ass from here on out... well, I can't imagine anybody being happy with that for long.

 

It's okay to bend and compromise. That's a good thing actually. But it's not okay for your spouse to cheat on you, blame YOU for it, and then have you be the one promising to do better in the future. :rolleyes:

 

I also think it might not be a bad idea to talk to your attorney before you agree to make any moves toward reconciliation. If you offer her de facto forgiveness for the infidelity now, it's kind of hard to imagine that you'll be able to use it as grounds later on.

Posted

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:Things she's NOT saying:

 

"I'm so sorry."

 

"I was wrong."

 

"I'll do anything within my power to fix this."

 

"Please give me another chance to prove to you that I can be a good partner."

 

"Here's my cell-phone and here are my passwords. Feel free to verify that I'm telling you the truth any time".

 

"I don't know what I could've been thinking."

 

"I love you."

 

All of that along with a river of crocidile tears~! :laugh::mad:

 

I also think it might not be a bad idea to talk to your attorney before you agree to make any moves toward reconciliation. If you offer her de facto forgiveness for the infidelity now, it's kind of hard to imagine that you'll be able to use it as grounds later on.

 

I'm a Murphy's Law kind of guy. When in a situation like all of a sudden turns around and starts going your way?

 

HIT THE DIRT! & LOOK OUT!!!!

I can't help but feel in my gut that old Murphy and his sidekick Mr. Reality are just around the corner alley with a couple of Louiville Sluggers saying, "Come on up in here! We've got something for your azz!"

 

I personally wouldn't trust it ~ its doesn't look right, its doesn't smell right, it doesn't taste right ~ something's not right!

  • Author
Posted

Well, being an I.T. Director, I was able to go pull our backup tapes for our email server and restore the EA I had years ago. Please read through this from the bottom up to follow the timeline accurately. I did not delete anything out other than names. Then go back and review my W's EA and please give me an honest opinion/comparison. I don't know why, but I needed to do this to know.

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Friday, February 25, 2005 11:07 AM

To: ME

Subject: A request

Could you please send me a picture of you, a recent

one? I like your eyes. They are so awesome!

Thanks!

It is Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Friday, February 25, 2005 10:49 AM

To: ME

Subject: RE: What I just found!

I got a good laugh when you wrote that. It made me

smile actually and I know you have forgiven me.

I didn't write in yours. I want to write in yours now

but I just can't think of anything I could say that I

want to say without anyone else reading it. I will

just leave it blank. (Unless you want me to write

in it a special little friendship letter). Your

choice.

So, are you getting ready to rent the movie this

weekend? My Mom & Bub are watching it tonight. She

said that a guy at Bub's work told him to rent it so

he would be mad at her if she watched it without him.

I want you to know that you can call me anytime of day

or night on my cel phone. I can talk anytime even with

my husband being around me and it is not a big deal. I

will not be calling you a lot b/c I don't want your

wife to get upset or feel threatened. It's best I

don't call you for the closeness of your family. If

it is important and I really need to talk to you I'll

call.

I have one week until the neighborhood sale and I

don't want to go out in my garage and get things

organized. It is so much work. I will be happy to get

it out of my garage so I can set up E-bay again.

I will give you my user name so you can see what I all

sell when I am back up again. Elizabeth sells on e-bay

also and she misses me going out garage sailing with

me. I like taking breaks off but when I get back on it

is so.............much fun and being out there early

hours of the morning. It is such a high! Is there

anything you need or want from garage sales. Between

Eliz & I we will find it. Let me know and I can take

it back with me when I come home in June.

HER

--- ME <1> wrote:

> I was just giving you a hard time. I forgave you

> for that a long time

> ago. I never could stay mad at you back then (other

> than the big one

> that took me years to get over).

> So, what did I write? Did you write in mine?

>

> ME

> Information Systems Manger

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: HER [mailto:1]

> Sent: Friday, February 25, 2005 10:07 AM

> To: ME

> Subject: RE: What I just found!

>

> Unhuh......I was hoping you wouldn't reply back with

> that answer but you did. If my memory serves me

> correctly that would be the night you & Jeff ignored

> Amy & I the whole time!!!!

>

> Still I will take full responsibility for that and

> say

> I'm sorry again for that.

>

> HER

> PS...I was reading my year books last night and you

> did write in it! I will go it and tell you what you

> wrote.

>

> Just a second. Be right back.

>

>

> --- ME <1>

> wrote:

>

> > Hmmm,

> > If my memory serves me correctly that would be the

> > night you and Amy

> > ditched me and Jeff for other men!!!

> >

> > ME

> >

> > -----Original Message-----

> > From: HER [mailto:1]

> > Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 1:39 PM

> > To: ME

> > Subject: What I just found!

> >

> > Wow, I was watching some home video's that were

> not

> > labeled. This movie had Ferris Bueller's Day Off

> on

> > it

> > so I fast forwarded it to the end of the movie. At

> > the

> > end of the movie was you & I and Amy & Jeff at

> your

> > house for homecoming. Who could know? It was

> pretty

> > cool. Just had to share. I have 2 more tapes I

> have

> > to

> > go through and I'm done with all video's,

> > etc....Horray!

> > See ya

> >

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Friday, February 25, 2005 10:27 AM

To: ME

Subject: RE: What I just found!

HER, To one of the best friends anyone could hope to

have. Heres to all the great times we've had and to

all the times to come.

Love ya

ME

It was so much fun reading all the stuff people

actually say in those things! My kids will not be

reading any of those books until they go to college!

Any plans for the weekend? I have Jake's soccer

practice tonight. Tomorrow we have a basketball party

for Jake at the Main Event and we are going bowling

with the team. Then we have a birthday party at the

same place. At 2:45 we have Jake's first soccer game.

He is so excited! Sunday, will be church in the

morning and then my husband packs for California. He

is leaving Sunday night and coming back on Friday. I

think he is going to Sunnyvale and I'm pretty sure

that is where Heidi lives. I'm going to have to look

up her address. You know that Heidi is gay right? She

has a girlfriend named Claire. She only talks to Juli

Kruse & I b/c she doesn't want anyone else to know her

sex choice. She trusts us and values our friendship to

respect her. What a hard life that has to be.

I was thinking about it and we have a lot of catching

up to do. Who is your best friend (guy)? Does he live

in Lincoln? What is he like? I have a best friend. Her

name is Letty. I want you to meet her someday. She & I

will be friends for life. We tell eachother we love

eachother, we can share everything with eachother. Our

husbands are TOTALLY alike. I could actually be

married to Jason (that is his name) and she could be

married to Andy and it wouldn't be any different.

(with exception of looks and in bed I'm sure)

Anyway..........I'll shut up. Anyway....Lettie is like

me and I'm like her! You would enjoy her

so...................................much. You will

meet her someday! I promise. I met her in San Antonio

for the 8 years I was there. I love her son like he is

mine. We are going to San Antonio for Easter to see

them and some other good friends of ours. Their names

are Wendy & Keith. The have two children Kelcie &

Kyle. They are our family away from family. We

celebrated every holiday together that we weren't with

our immediate family.

That is some of my stories. Could you tell me a few

stories?

I just got back from the doctor. I went over to

Elizabeth's house last night(the one you met) she

invited some mom's over and kids and we all had a few

drinks and ordered pizza. I wasn't feeling too well

and didn't even feel like having a beer. I woke up

this morning and couldn't talk. Went to the doctor and

I have an infection and he put me on medicine. I

didn't want to be out for the weekend. I have had a

cough for about 2 months but just figured it would go

away.

Later

HER

 

--- ME <1> wrote:

> Hmmm,

> If my memory serves me correctly that would be the

> night you and Amy

> ditched me and Jeff for other men!!!

>

> ME

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: HER [mailto:1]

> Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 1:39 PM

> To: ME

> Subject: What I just found!

>

> Wow, I was watching some home video's that were not

> labeled. This movie had Ferris Bueller's Day Off on

> it

> so I fast forwarded it to the end of the movie. At

> the

> end of the movie was you & I and Amy & Jeff at your

> house for homecoming. Who could know? It was pretty

> cool. Just had to share. I have 2 more tapes I have

> to

> go through and I'm done with all video's,

> etc....Horray!

> See ya

>

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Friday, February 25, 2005 10:07 AM

To: ME

Subject: RE: What I just found!

Unhuh......I was hoping you wouldn't reply back with

that answer but you did. If my memory serves me

correctly that would be the night you & Jeff ignored

Amy & I the whole time!!!!

Still I will take full responsibility for that and say

I'm sorry again for that.

HER

PS...I was reading my year books last night and you

did write in it! I will go it and tell you what you

wrote.

Just a second. Be right back.

 

--- ME <1> wrote:

> Hmmm,

> If my memory serves me correctly that would be the

> night you and Amy

> ditched me and Jeff for other men!!!

>

> ME

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: HER [mailto:1]

> Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 1:39 PM

> To: ME

> Subject: What I just found!

>

> Wow, I was watching some home video's that were not

> labeled. This movie had Ferris Bueller's Day Off on

> it

> so I fast forwarded it to the end of the movie. At

> the

> end of the movie was you & I and Amy & Jeff at your

> house for homecoming. Who could know? It was pretty

> cool. Just had to share. I have 2 more tapes I have

> to

> go through and I'm done with all video's,

> etc....Horray!

> See ya

>

From: HER [1]

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 1:39 PM

To: ME

Subject: What I just found!

Wow, I was watching some home video's that were not

labeled. This movie had Ferris Bueller's Day Off on it

so I fast forwarded it to the end of the movie. At the

end of the movie was you & I and Amy & Jeff at your

house for homecoming. Who could know? It was pretty

cool. Just had to share. I have 2 more tapes I have to

go through and I'm done with all video's,

etc....Horray!

See ya

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 12:00 PM

To: ME

Subject: Year Books

Wow, there is so much to read. I'm going to have to

read them each night little by little. How fun. I have

two year books of my own and they are both signed. You

didn't sign my yearbooks. Your cousin Chris signed

mine so I thought that was weird. Anyway....I have to

get back to organizing my pictures. It is my goal

before I start back up work (selling on e-bay). It is

an 8-3:00 job for me and I'm sure enjoying my time

off. I will start back up working after our

neighborhood garage sale since I'm busy with that

also. So, I need to get all these pictures in albums

and be done with it!

Good Day

HERm

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 11:40 AM

To: ME

Subject: RE: Very Scared!

Okay, you are right,it isn't healthy. Fear is such an

awful thing. I haven't had these thoughts for years,

years & years! It is horrible to feel this way. But,

now you made a promise to me and I'll be fine now b/c

I know I can trust you.

You will not believe this. I just found Jeni's

year book. Why do I have her yearbook? This should be

interesting, there is a lot of writing in hers. Maybe

you wrote a little something to her? I guess I will

be getting her address as well to send off her book to

her.

About being sexist, your wife will not understand your

friendship with me. Nope, won't happen. The only way

would be for me to have a friendship with her and then

she would begin to trust me and like me. Most Women

don't like to share their men. This summer I was

talking to my brother about his friends. His best

friend is a girl. They have talked about dating but

decided not to b/c they wouldn't be the same. They

were the smart ones. Anyway....he told me she is going

to stand up in their wedding as best woman on his side

and his wife will have to approve otherwise they are

not getting married. They are a huge part of

eachothers lives. Runs in the family I guess. Kelly,

my sister her best friend is Dan. They still talk all

the time and her husband is fine with it. So strange

how all three of us picked our best friends to be

opposite sex. Aaron is attracted to his best friend

but Kelly isn't. Dan is attracted to Kelly.

Anyway.......I'm going to look to see what these year

books have to say.

Chat later.

YMMS

 

--- ME <1> wrote:

> Please stop worrying, it isn't healthy! I am not

> going to leave your

> life again, I promise. I will admit that Susie did

> confront me last

> night and ask if everything between her and I was OK

> because she could

> tell that my thoughts have been somewhere else since

> I got back from

> Dallas (I didn't really tell her much of anything).

> She does know that

> we were best friends since age 14, and that we were

> First Loves. I

> haven't really talked to her about why we broke up

> and why we grew apart

> for so many years. Maybe some day, but I am not

> sure if now is the

> right time. I think she is OK with us being friends

> again and I

> reassured her of my love for her and that I would

> never do anything to

> hurt her. I don't want to sound sexist, but it

> seems to me that women

> are much more insecure in something like having

> their spouse have a

> female friend. :-)

>

> ME

> Information Systems Manger

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: HER [mailto:1]

> Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 8:32 AM

> To: ME

> Subject: Very Scared!

>

> Oh, my gosh. I am so scared! The reason why I called

> you yesterday b/c my heart was racing, I had

> feelings

> that I want my mother. I'm so afraid you are going

> to

> leave me as a friend. I know this is all part of my

> past and my Dad but could you do me a favor. Please

> tell me your not going to disappear from my life as

> a

> friend. Please! If you promise me than I won't have

> to

> ask you again. I'm so afraid that your wife is going

> to tell you that you cannot talk to me anymore. I

> told

> my husband this morning of my fear and I also told

> him

> this morning that in the past I was in love with

> you.

> We had a very nice conversation from 6:00am-7:00am.

> He

> is being so supportive and is happy you are back in

> my

> life b/c it is making me happy. He thinks that

> having

> a friend from 14 years of age is neat. I told him

> that

> my mother had wrote you, etc.....I didn't say what

> she

> wrote but I'm trying to be as open as I can with my

> husband.

> What does Susie know about you & I. Did you tell her

> about our past. Does she know I dated you? Does she

> know how much I hurt you? I'm just curious. Was she

> uncomfortable with me calling you yesterday? I don't

> want to put any stress on your family. It was neat

> to

> hear your kids though in the background. My

> husband

> is not a jealous person AT all. I don't ever think I

> have seen my husband jealous. Sometimes it would be

> nice if he would get jealous but he doesn't. I have

> only seen my husband cry once. I have seen tears in

> his eyes but a real cry, only once.

> Talk to you soon. I have to run up to the school to

> volunteer for reading group and go to Wal-mart. (My

> least favorite store)!

> Have a good day!

> HER

>

>

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 11:25 AM

To: ME

Subject: RE: Year Book 1988

I just got off the phone with my mom. She is a mess.

She said her heart was racing as she sent us that

letter, she wanted to know if were okay, what we

thought of the letter. She is so cute.

Your yearbook, I have no idea how I ended up with it.

It has no writing in it. You probally gave it to me

and you never got it back. I'm so sorry. I will send

it in the mail to you soon.

So what do you want me to write in it? Just kidding.

Better not.

Did you get my last letter. Your killing me!

Did you get my mom's?

Chat soon.

HER

--- ME <1> wrote:

> I bet that it is mine. How did you end up with it?

> That would be my

> senior year book. Is there stuff written inside it?

> Maybe I gave it to

> you to write something special and sweet in it for

> me back then! :-)

>

> ME

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: HER [mailto:1]

> Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 10:53 AM

> To: ME

> Subject: Year Book 1988

>

> Do you own that? I am going through all my pictures

> and I came across the Year Book from 1988. Is

> this yours? Why would I have one?

HER

>

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 10:53 AM

To: ME

Subject: Year Book 1988

Do you own that? I am going through all my pictures

and I came across the Year Book from 1988. Is

this yours? Why would I have one?

HER

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 8:32 AM

To: ME

Subject: Very Scared!

Oh, my gosh. I am so scared! The reason why I called

you yesterday b/c my heart was racing, I had feelings

that I want my mother. I'm so afraid you are going to

leave me as a friend. I know this is all part of my

past and my Dad but could you do me a favor. Please

tell me your not going to disappear from my life as a

friend. Please! If you promise me than I won't have to

ask you again. I'm so afraid that your wife is going

to tell you that you cannot talk to me anymore. I told

my husband this morning of my fear and I also told him

this morning that in the past I was in love with you.

We had a very nice conversation from 6:00am-7:00am. He

is being so supportive and is happy you are back in my

life b/c it is making me happy. He thinks that having

a friend from 14 years of age is neat. I told him that

my mother had wrote you, etc.....I didn't say what she

wrote but I'm trying to be as open as I can with my

husband.

What does Susie know about you & I. Did you tell her

about our past. Does she know I dated you? Does she

know how much I hurt you? I'm just curious. Was she

uncomfortable with me calling you yesterday? I don't

want to put any stress on your family. It was neat to

hear your kids though in the background. My husband

is not a jealous person AT all. I don't ever think I

have seen my husband jealous. Sometimes it would be

nice if he would get jealous but he doesn't. I have

only seen my husband cry once. I have seen tears in

his eyes but a real cry, only once.

Talk to you soon. I have to run up to the school to

volunteer for reading group and go to Wal-mart. (My

least favorite store)!

Have a good day!

HER

 

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 9:24 PM

To: ME

Subject: Fwd: Fw: wed night

Attachments: Fw: wed night

 

Note: forwarded message attached.

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 9:23 PM

To: ME

Subject: Re: hi

Yes, I will. I thought you said you knew how to do

that? Hmmmmm...Just giving you a hard time. Thanks mom

for everything. That was a very nice letter you wrote

the two of us.

HER

--- <1> wrote:

> HER, will you please forward on my letter to ME.

> Thanks

>

>

 

From: 1

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 10:39 AM

To: ME

Subject: Photo Album from Andy & HER:View my online photos

 

Andy & HER's album

snow and pool

 

Isn't this pretty! Our first time having snow in Dallas for more than 10 years!

 

 

From: 1

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 10:37 AM

To: ME

Subject: Photo Album from Andy & HER:View my online photos

 

Andy & HER's album

C-town friends

Some more pictures. You can see my Mom & Dad.

HER

 

 

 

From: 1

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 10:34 AM

To: ME

Subject: Photo Album from Andy & HER:View my online photos

 

Hi! I thought you would enjoy these pictures. The baby girl is Hailey, my sisters baby. Isn't she cute!! Kelly is in the green sweatshirt in the pictures. My brother Aaron is the one holding me up in his arms. His best friend my adopted brother Ben is the hippy dude next to Aaron. He is basically my brother. My friend Jay is in the orange stripped sweater. My-tie (Mayuret) Angel r, Amy , Juli and Jenny . Jenny was engaged to Jay! Pretty wild huh. Paula and her husband Brian are in the pictures. These are pictures from this Christmas and we went out to the bars two times the 23rd & 26th. It was so much fun. I don't know if you remember Brent Humberg he is also a great friend but his wife won't let him see me so he snuck out and came to the bars without her knowing. Brent is good friends with Andy and was in our wedding. Pretty wild seeing everyone again I thought you would enjoy it!

HER

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 10:07 AM

To: ME

Subject: RE: OK, one more thing...

Mine is tomorrow.

Just kidding. It is June 3rd.

Yes, it has been a long time.

I'm working on all this garage sale stuff. We have a

lot of people participating. It's going to be hard for

me to have a sale and not go shopping. Maybe I'll have

to have Andy run the sale & Eliz & I can go shopping.

PS. Eliz told me a couple days ago that she thought

you were very attractive and that she could tell that

we had a special bonding. She said the feelings were

thick in the room when she walked in. I didn't tell

her ANYTHING! She brought it up to me and told me that

it is normal to feel this way. I couldn't believe it!

Who could know?

HER

--- ME <1> wrote:

> My address is:

> 33 West

>

> My birthday is July 11th. No, I tried to remember

> your birthday and

> feel bad that I really can't remember (although it

> has been over

> 10-years since I would have been around you on your

> birthday)!

> I am glad that I get to keep my meaning since that

> is the one I always

> thought/hoped it meant.

>

> ME

> Information Systems Manger

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: HER [mailto:1]

> Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 8:51 AM

> To: ME

> Subject: Re: OK, one more thing...

>

> 29 Eagle

>

> What is yours?

>

> When is your birthday? Do you remember mine?

>

> Yes, It is okay with me that you keep your meaning

> for

> the above initials. That is how I prefer to think of

> them.

>

> HER

>

> --- ME <1>

> wrote:

>

> > One more thing tonight...

> > What is your full home address?

> >

> > SKCBB

> > ME

> >

>

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 9:56 AM

To: ME

Subject: Sleeping Again

Yes, I am sleeping again. My back isn't hurting

anymore. I hadn't had my back hurt in years, & years.

So many feelings and emotions. Today I feel great, I

feel so happy and I don't need any time away from you.

The feelings are mutual about our friendship and our

intensions. And now my mom is getting these letters.

Ahhhh, What was I thinking. She isn't getting this

letter. She gets the picture now with all the letters

and she can help us through this. What peace and

happiness a friend can bring to someone's life. Cool!

Chat soon.

HER

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 9:48 AM

To: ME

Subject: ME

Mom, you have to start reading from the bottom of this

letter on up. I am missing a letter that I wrote to

ME, ME do you have that? It is the letter that I

told you I never stopped loving you, etc...etc..I had

to type this all in because I printed out the letters

and deleated everything so no one gets hurt.

Well, here I am sitting here thinking about you

again...OK...I promise I will find time to watch the

movie sometime soon only because you are back in my

life and you asked me to. I'm not quite sure when I

will be able to watch it though since I don't think it

would be a good movie for me to watch with Susie right

now. I can watch it after everyone is asleep since I

usually stay up much later than Susie and the boys. I

really can't begin to tell you how happy I am to have

you back in my life and to have our original

frienship. I never really gave it enough thought when

you first told me that we couldn't date because you

were afraid of losing our friendship and you might not

have know it then, but you were right from the start.

It is wonderful and yet life is cruel. I have a

request. Can you give me your Mom and Bub's phone

number? I would really like to call you the next time

I am in C-town and try and get together with them to

reassure them that you & I only have the best

intentions of families in mind. I want to make sure

they are OK with us being friends again (STILL)! This

will have to happen on a trip that Susie is home, but

I would love to see them and talk about everything

that happened in the past and just recently. Let me

know if you think this is a bad idea. I hope you are

starting to sleep normal again. Thank you for coming

back in to my life again (finally).

SKCBB

PS. I think I will keep my meaning for the above

initials if that's Ok.

ME

Okay, we have to go through this together! I just

rented the movie Notebook. I had to watch it again. I

know you said it is going to be hard but you are my

best friend & it is a story of our life. That is what

best friends do with eachother. We go through hard

stuff "together". You will agree with me after you

watch the movie. Please watch it soon and tell me

after you watched it. You will so..........understand

why I wanted you to watch this movie, we are already

going through the emotions so I think you should do

it, get it over with and we can move on being friends.

We did make a promise to eachother and in the movie it

talks about the promise. We are staying friends!

Thanks for being you!

I guess I'm not doing very well not talking to you but

I will get better, HER

Hi there!

Sorry it took me so long to reply to your emails and

your voice message. Like I said on the phone

yesterday, that if I tried to tell you I wasn't

avoiding you I would be lying. I had to think things

through and I am truly sorry if our conversation at

your house caused you andy pain or confusion in your

life. I don't know if I had known what a hard time you

went through getting over me if I would have allowed

us to meet again but I'm glad that we had a chance to

talk and I am glad I said everything I did, but I also

wish I could have been thoughtful enough to you and

not brought up our past. It isn't fair to you to put

you or your family through any pain again. I never in

my life wanted to do anything that would have hurt

you. I could never have imagined that us hanging out

together would have brought back so many memories and

brought out so many emotions for both of us. Someday I

will watch the movie The Notebook, but from the

description I read, I don't know if I can right now.

Maybe we should have watched it together Thursday

evening (JUST KIDDING)!!!

I really hope that someday we can work through all of

these emotions and become best friends again. I know

we can! I will let you be the judge when we can

continue our re-found friendship, but either way I

will always be your best friend and be here for you if

you need me. I just want to say one last thing and I

told you Thursday night that I really am proud of you.

Keep that cute smile on your face and give your three

boys a big hug. PS. I wrote most of this at about

12:30 last night...Talk to you again when you are

ready....

SKCBB

ME

Hi, Wow, I cannot believe you are actually going to

get this. Your e-mail address works!

Thanks again for the fun evening. It brought back a

lot of good memories, good & bad.

I did a lot of thinking last night and I just have to

say a few things. I just wanted to tell you that

b/c of you & my husband you both are responsible for

me being who I am today. I greatly appreciate that!

Because of you, because I hurt you, because of my

feelings for you I went to treatment, therapy. I

learned about who I was, who I wanted to become and

what I wanted out of life. I couldn't be close to

anyone b/c I was so scared if I did they would leave

me like my father did. So, the people that I loved and

cared about the most I would always hurt them. Makes

no sense...I tried leaving my husband so many times, I

was mean to him, etc..etc...but he kept coming to

therapy with me and made me keep going. I went under

hypnosis, however you spell that, my husband made

signs and posted them in my apartment to remind me

that he loved me and he wan't going to let me leave

him. It sounds korny but I was really really messed up

during our time together. We had to do an excerise to

have Andy stand and I was supposed to fall back in his

arms and he would catch me. It took me a year to trust

him that he would catch me. It was awful! Anyway....I

truly believe that God had a plan for us & it was to

put you in my life in the beginning and the end.

On that note: I want you to watch a show for me. It is

a story that reminds me of our life. It is called

Notebook. Please watch it and get some kleenex and

write me back and tell me after you have seen it. The

storyline will not turn out like the movie in our

lives but you will understand everything after you

watch the movie. I really hope that this summer you &

your wife, kids can come to my mom's house and swim at

the lake. I want you to meet my husband. I also hope

your wife likes me. Thanks for the GREAT talk and

being my best friend. Have a good trip back to the

cold.

HER

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 9:12 AM

To: ME; Subject: LIfe is good!

Great! I'm so happy you will find time to watch the

movie. I did want to tell you that the mom in the

movie doesn't play my mom's feelings. Also, I was

never rich and you were never poor. Yes, you must

watch this movie by yourself!

About you talking to my parents and getting together

with them. I just called my mom at Wal-mart and she

told me to tell you that she wishes she could give you

a big hug. She told me last night that you are very

special to her just as I am and wants the best for the

both of us.

One problem. Bub, (my Dad) doesn't know ANYTHING about

this. This is how I want it! So, getting together with

Bub would be a really bad idea! He is old school

material and wouldn't understand any of this. (my

thoughts only) I don't know how you feel mom about Bub

knowing but I personally don't want him to know

anything. MY REQUEST! I'm going to send this letter to

my mother, hi mom! I'm going to send all the letters

we wrote to eachother and have her in our "love"

"friendship" drama. She is okay with us being friends.

She is going to write you. Mom, now that you are in

our soap box you must watch the movie also. You have

been with us through our feelings since we were 14

years and I want you to see this movie also. Who would

know that I would be trusting my mother, my best

friend, to get involved in something this huge! Wow!

You did a great job raising me. Morals, values,

respect and most of all teaching me about love &

friendship and how to treat people. Thanks!

Mom, I will talk to you over lunch today. I am also

going to send the letters that ME and I have been

writing to eachother.

Mom, I'm also not going to write you & ME both like

this all the time. He, He...... I just feel you

need to read this stuff since you have been helping

ME & I through this difficult time. You have been

listening to my feelings, listening to me cry, my

pain, my happiness, etc... so here are the letters.

Love HER

 

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 8:51 AM

To: ME

Subject: Re: OK, one more thing...

 

What is yours?

When is your birthday? Do you remember mine?

Yes, It is okay with me that you keep your meaning for

the above initials. That is how I prefer to think of

them.

HER

--- ME <1> wrote:

> One more thing tonight...

> What is your full home address?

>

> SKCBB

> ME

>

 

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 8:49 AM

To: Jody ; ME

Subject: Fwd: One more favor...

Attachments: One more favor...

Hi ME & Jody,

ME here is her address. Jody, here is ME's.

Jody, let me know when you are ready to do the e-mail

necklace party.

Chat soon.

HER

Note: forwarded message attached.

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 3:32 PM

To: ME

Subject: A Promise to a Best Friend

Okay, we have to go through this together! I just

rented the movie Notebook. I had to watch it again. I

know you said it is going to be hard but you are my

best friend & it is a story of our life. We are best

friends and that is what best friends do with

eachother. We go through hard stuff "together". You

will agree with me after you watch the movie. Please

watch it soon and tell me after you watched it. You

will so..............understand why I wanted you to

watch this movie. We are already going through the

emotions so I think you should do it, get it over with

and we can move on being friends.

We did make a promise to eachother and in the movie it

talks about the promise. We are staying friends!

Thanks for being you!

I guess I'm not doing very well not talking to you but

I will get better.

HER

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 9:30 AM

To: ME

Subject: RE: Question

No, you didn't cause any problems for me at home. Andy

knows that we had a very special friendship. We talked

about how hard it was b/c it brought back so many

great memories. I of course did not tell him that you

never stopped loving me and I didn't share my feelings

with him about you. That is between you, me and my

mom. (kidding)

My husband did tell me that everything I was looking

for in a man was right in front of me for many years.

He made fun of me b/c he said I messed up and married

him when I should have been with you.

No problems. We are all good.

HER

I have to take Jake to the doctor now. He has ear

infection. Have a great day.

--- ME <1> wrote:

> Yes. Just wanted to make sure I didn't cause any

> problems at home for

> you!

>

> ME

>

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: HER [mailto:1]

> Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 8:43 AM

> To: ME

> Subject: Re: Question

>

> Yes

> And you?

>

> --- ME <1>

> wrote:

>

> > Are you the only one that reads emails sent to

> this

> > account?

> >

> >

> >

> > ME

> >

> >

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 9:22 AM

To: ME

Subject: Thanks for the nice letter.

So, you were up at the same time I was huh?

Yes, were going to be best friends again and I am

assuming you got my letter from last night?

PS. I'm sorry also for having to share all these

emotions with you. It isn't fair however I'm sure glad

we did. We will work through it!!!!! I promise!

PSS. My mother knows that you would NEVER come into my

life to destroy my family and neither would I in

yours. She just knows that we were soul mates and she

wants us to be careful and for both of us not to be

hurt again.

I have a peace now. I can sit here and smile when I

write this letter. I can move on and will be able to

be friends with you.

 

Yes, I will take some time just to give us months of

breathing and thinking time. In those months you will

be okay to watch the movie, I think it will bring you

happiness and peace also. You are too funny. If we

would have watched that movie together it would have

been a disaster! Thanks for all the laughs.

I'm proud of you too!

HER

 

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 8:43 AM

To: ME

Subject: Re: Question

Yes

And you?

--- ME <1> wrote:

> Are you the only one that reads emails sent to this

> account?

>

>

>

> ME

>

>

>

>

From: HER [1]

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 7:12 AM

To: ME

Subject: I didn't run in my sleep last night!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to make sure you got my last message. Please

e-mail me back and let me know that you received it. A

simple Yes in the subject box will be fine. I would

REALLY REALLY appreciate it.

HER

 

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 1:03 AM

To: ME

Subject: Thank-you!

Okay, I have not slept yet and it is 1:00am. I have

figured it out!

The reason all of this is so hard is because so many

things went unresolved.

I have always loved you, I never stopped loving you

and always will. If you or I die tomrorow I want you

to know that.

You told me you never stopped loving me. I know that

because I could see it in your eyes and could feel it!

You are my best friend, we promised eachother we would

stay friends. I'm not running again! I could hear it

in your voice at the end of the conversation that you

didn't want me to go.

So, on everything being said now. Let's take a break.

I'll write soon, many months ahead and we will start

out as best friends again.

PS. SKCBB, what you were hoping for came true.

PSS. I still sleep OVER the sheet.

HER

 

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Friday, February 18, 2005 8:24 AM

To: ME

Subject: Me Again

I just wanted you to know that after you watch the

movie Notebook (which you cannot tell your wife I told

you to watch) I don't want to discuss anymore stuff

about "us", our past, anything. I'm just excited to

have your friendship back and go through life as

friends. We have said all that has been needed to be

said, closure has happened and we are good! We can now

go through life and learn about our families together,

children, send pictures, etc....thanks so much for

letting us have the chance to express everything and

for coming back in my life.

Okay, done. Have a great day. I'm going shopping.

Yeah.......

 

From: HER [1]

Sent: Friday, February 18, 2005 7:11 AM

To: ME

Subject: Hey!

Hi, Wow, I cannot believe you are actually going to

get this letter. Your e-mail address works!

Thanks again for the fun evening. It brought back a

lot of old memories, good & bad.

I did a lot of thinking last night and I just have to

say a few more things. I just wanted to tell you

that b/c of you & my husband you both are responsible

for me being who I am today. I greatly appreciate

that! Because of you, because I hurt you, because of

my feelings for you, I went to treatment, therapy. I

learned about who I was, who I wanted to become and

what I wanted out of life. I couldn't become close to

anyone b/c I was so scared if I did they would leave

me like my father did. So, the people that I loved and

cared about the most I would always hurt them and

leave them. Makes no sense. I tried leaving my husband

so many times, I was mean to him, etc...etc.... but he

just kept coming to therapy with me and made me keep

going. I went under hypnosis however you spell that,

my husband made signs and posted them all over my

apartment to remind me that he loved me and he wasn't

going to let me leave him. It sounds korny but I was

really really messed up during our time together. We

had to do an excerise to have Andy stand and me fall

back in his arms and he would catch me. It took me a

year to be able to trust him that he would catch me.

It was awful! Anyway....I truly believe that God had a

plan for me and it was to put you in my life in the

beginning and the end.

On that note: I want you to watch a show for me. It is

a story that reminds me of our life. It is called

Notebook. Please watch it, get some kleenex and write

me back and tell me after you have seen it. The

storyline will not turn out like the movie in our

lives but you will understand everything after you

watch the movie.

I really hope that this summer you & your wife, kids

can come down to my mom's house and swim at the lake.

I want you to meet my husband. I also hope your wife

likes me.

Thanks for the GREAT talk and for being my best

friend. Have a good trip back to the cold.

HER

  • Author
Posted

Rest assured, I am not just rolling over here. I have not cancelled the divorce, even though she asked. I have not moved home, even though she asked. I am treating her with tough love instead of hatred right now.

When she gets back from her conference/mini vacation I am going to demand she log into her cell phone account and let me look through the call details. I have the OM's cell phone number and if it shows up in there after yesterday it is OVER, and if she refuses, it is OVER.

With that, I am going over for dinner and we are going to talk some more tonight. One day at a time...

Posted

In Ref: to Post No.#65 all I need to know is does the wife know of the EA back in 05?

 

If she does, then of course its relevant to your current situation. If not ~ its not, (you can beat yourself up alone with your therpaist ~ whatever.) If she doesn't then its not applicable and you would be throwing gas on a hot raging fire by succumbing to your guilt and confessing your sins. You would actually be harming the marriage more by telling now?

 

And, I agree with gaining and maintaing control of your emotions and negotiating from a position of tough love.

 

But, what you've got to do is to open a dialog ~ an on-going conversation with the wife, and you must subject yourself to listening patiently with an open mind (and a closed mouth) to her complaints about the marriage and about you.

 

Clearly neither of your are happy with the status quo or the way things have been in the marriage ~ and clearly its the eptiome of insanity to contiune as you have in the pass.

 

Its also clear that both of you are professionals in fast paced, demanding careers. Albeit high paying, but I have to ask you if all that successful living you're doing? Is it worth your marriage.

 

From your post, I'm not so sure that its you or her, so much as the lifestyle that you've evolved into over the course of the years.

 

My ambition, my drive to succed and achieve and to be successful in my career in the Marine ~ flat out cost me a wife.

 

The primary reason my wife divorced me? Because I was a "work-aholic" (Not really, I just always managed to find myself pulling billets one or two paygrades above my current rank.) I was damn good at what I did in the Marine Corps. In fact, according to the Secertary of the Navy the best in the Marine Corps worldwide. No bragg ~ just fact. I've got a room full of plaques, trophies, letters, commendations, awards, medals etc. I'd trade them all if it could have saved my marriage.

 

Its funny now? In a way? I've got one the most laid back, easy, stress-free, worry free jobs in the world. With probally one of the easiest bosses there is to work for. Low stress, no stress! Most days? I might actually work four hours although there are days when I actually work eight. The rest of the time? I watch cable tv, football, listen to Sirius radio, read the newspaper or a book, watch movies.

 

My point in telling you this ~ isn't to brag! My point is that there's a lot to be said for living a simple life. Living to work and not working to live! I don't have everything that I want, (who ever does?) but I've got everything I need. I won't owe a single red cent to anyone in ten months. I could if I had to, live off my retirement in Margaretiville, but I've grown accustomed to a certain standard of living.

 

Me thinks you should seriously reconsider your life ~ with or without the wife. The point of living? Is to live! Not working to live!

 

You need a roof over your head, medical, dental, life

insurance. You don't need a $12,000 Rolex, nor a Jaguar, nor a Benz! (And I'm not saying that's you! Just pointing out the benefits of "simple" living!)

 

Me? I'm all about keeping things simple and un-complicated! Stress-free! I don't have to deal with the public, an azz-hat of a boss, nor co-workers! I could give a damn if I live in the big house on the hill. I'll never drive a Cadalliac Escalde, but I love my loaded out Mazda Tribute. I don't have "deadlines" and other such BS! I go in, I go to work, I go home!

 

My point? Life is about living ~ not hating life and everyone in it!

 

YOU'RE way too young to be feeling THIS damned OLD!

Posted

 

 

All of that along with a river of crocidile tears~! :laugh::mad:

 

 

 

I'm a Murphy's Law kind of guy. When in a situation like all of a sudden turns around and starts going your way?

 

HIT THE DIRT! & LOOK OUT!!!!

 

I can't help but feel in my gut that old Murphy and his sidekick Mr. Reality are just around the corner alley with a couple of Louiville Sluggers saying, "Come on up in here! We've got something for your azz!"

 

I personally wouldn't trust it ~ its doesn't look right, its doesn't smell right, it doesn't taste right ~ something's not right!

 

 

I'm tellin" ya! my "Murphy" meter is off the scale! And all you've got to use is "harsh" language!

  • Author
Posted

I went to the house last night for dinner. We sat and talked. It was pretty nice that we didn't really fight. I explained to her that I am setting the bar really high for our new life. That if things work out I am not willing for either of us to go back to our old ways. I told her I was not willing to neglect her anymore, and I was not willing to be neglected anymore. She doesn't feel like she neglected me. I explained that I can't remember the last time she told me I was handsome, or sexy. I told her I never felt like she appreciated all of the hard work I did remodeling each of our now three houses we have lived in. She said that she did appreciate it, she was proud of my good handy work, but that was when I was neglecting her. I told her I built the limestone fireplace in the basement and finished the basement so we could spend time together by the fire. I told her I wanted the love and admiration that she gave to the OM, that she stopped giving me a long time ago.

We put the boys to bed, she told me she was tired and going to bed. I tucked her in, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and said goodbye. She asked me to stay. I told her I would stay when I felt wanted, and I left.

She called me in the morning and asked me why I left and I told her the same thing. I went to the house to shower and get ready for work. When I helped her put the kids in the car for her to take them to school, she gave me a hug and a small kiss and told me she loved me.

I am taking the boys camping without her this weekend. We will see how things go.

Posted

If you want her to tell you you are sexy, you need to flirt with her in a way that she will feel safe to expose herself.

 

I appreciate that you are walking a tighrope...

 

Can you think of anything she could do that would entice you to stay? If you are having a hard time imagining what would work, think about how much harder it is for her.

 

Everything needs to change, even the way you communicate. I hear you, and believe you when you say that you are giving her a chance. But the behavior you describe sounds more like you are issuing ultimatims than engaging in conversation. It sounds like there is a fair amount of dead-air when the two of you talk.

 

Dead air can be good if the body-language, and physical chemistry are open and inviting. But if you are closed off you may be sending really mixed signals.

 

Engaged conversation, with full focus on each other will help...whether you decide to stay together or not, you have to build that base for the co-parenting you will do for the rest of your lives.

Posted

 

 

I'm tellin" ya! my "Murphy" meter is off the scale! And all you've got to use is "harsh" language!

 

II fully agree. This is a calm before the storm type of deal. She has something up her sleave.

Posted
She doesn't feel like she neglected me.

How does THAT statement square with THIS one :confused::

On August 3rd she told me that she didn't love me anymore and that she hadn't for the last 2-years and that she hadn't been sexually attracted to me for the last 2-years.

 

It seems to me that your wife is unwilling to admit she's played any part in the problems in your marriage. Her words and actions don't meet. Hell, her words and words don't meet. :eek:

How can you not love the guy you signed on to love, and not be neglecting him?

 

I explained that I can't remember the last time she told me I was handsome, or sexy. I told her I never felt like she appreciated all of the hard work I did remodeling each of our now three houses we have lived in. She said that she did appreciate it, she was proud of my good handy work, but that was when I was neglecting her. I told her I built the limestone fireplace in the basement and finished the basement so we could spend time together by the fire.

 

It's possible that what one person believes to be a loving action is not perceived by the other as such. This is well described in books like The Five Love Languages. So yeah, if your wife is a person who feels more loved by your expenditure of Quality Time and you are showing your devotion in Acts of Service, she's liable not to recognize your efforts as love. But damn... once you've cleared it up and communicated your positive intentions, you'd think she'd make some kind of effort towards understanding. Particularly when you're letting her know that what YOU are missing is Words of Affirmation, so you haven't been getting your needs met either.

 

See, in this interchange, I don't see her recognizing your efforts to clear up these misconceptions. And I don't see her acknowledging your ENs (emotional needs), which you stated CLEARLY. I see more "ME, ME, ME".

 

You know, if your wife walks up to you and kicks you good and hard in the crotch... it ceases to be important that you didn't take the trash out as often as you could. :rolleyes:

You can't look at a husband and tell him you don't love him, that you haven't had any feelings for him in two years, and not be 'kicking him in the crotch'. Did your alleged "neglect" of her really warrant that? And if not, what is it that she's willing to do differently in the future?

 

IMO, you're doing the right thing by keeping the lines of communication open as well as by maintaining commitment to your goals. If your goal is to have a wife who loves you, you can't back down from that and then just HOPE maybe someday she might. You've got to put that expectation up on the table and settle for nothing less.

  • Author
Posted

I sent her favorite flowers to her work. She was at lunch when they tried to deliver, so they took them back to the shop. I had them delivered to me this afternoon and put a card with them and I will hand deliver them to her after work. I asked her out on a date tonight. I am taking her out to dinner and a movie. We are going to see "Good Luck Chuck".

She resisted at first, but then decided to say yes. She doesn't sound very excited at all. I have also started writing her poetry again, like I used to. She never replies with more than "Thanks" or "That was nice". Oh well, at least I will know that I am truly trying.

Have a good weekend everyone and thanks for your ears and your words of wisdom.

Posted

Dude, I would proceed with extreme caution!! She is not saying the right things. She has had no REALITY to come out of what she said and did the right way. I personally beleive she is posturing for a better position in the divorce. Thats exactly what my stbx wife is going to do after she gets served next week and meets with a lawyer. Try to use your brain a little more than your heart. Your heart will confuse things. Cloud your judgment. You brain knows more than your heart. A persons heart, for all intents and purposes, is stupid. Your wife knows what to do to tug at your heart.

 

Cheaters are very clever when they need to be. I would still do whatever you can to find out about the contact with the OM. The more you read, learn, and grow form this, the clearer the things you will NEED to hear, feel, and see will be.

 

Her statements are not what needs to be said in this situation. You need to hear:

 

I want to be a better person for you!!

 

Here is what I feel I've done wrong in this relationship.

 

Thank you for letting me love you.

 

Im glad to see and feel the changes in you.

 

I want to grow from this.

 

I am commited to lasting change.

 

I want to express my feelings, and LISTEN to yours.

 

Your not getting any of that. IM SORRY DOESNT CUT IT!! proceed with caution. She has already shown you she can't put up the charade for long. Shes already giving you hints that she doesnt appreciate what your doing. See it for what it is. Keep getting legal advice. Your only increasing how scathed you come out of this divorce.

Posted

JL, I, Jmargel, all of us are telling you! You're about to find your azz up underneath a bus! :mad:

×
×
  • Create New...