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Posted

Well, by the looks of the different threads, I am not the only man suffering from Walkaway Wife Syndrome!

We have been married for coming up on 8 years and have 2 boys (5 & 6 1/2) and two dogs. We both have excellent jobs, a nice house, and lots of material things (new cars, trucks, camper, boat...)

3-years ago I met up with my first love. We began emailing each other family photos and getting to be friends again (hadn't seen or talked for 12 years). The emails started to get more emotional and that is when my wife discovered them. She begged me not to leave and I told her I loved her, and never planned on leaving. We did not go to counseling, but we should have.

In January my W started working out like crazy. She dropped from a size 6/8 to now being a size 3!!! I started to get jealous long before her deployment overseas...

My W returned from being deployed overseas for 5 weeks. While she was gone, I started to get even more jealous. The pictures were always of her at parties with guys hanging on her, or her on the beach (again with guys around). When she got home on July 29th all I received was a tiny kiss and a weak hug. She said it was from jet lag. We were planning a family vacation with my Mom starting on August 1st. My Dad passed away July 28th, 2006 and this trip was supposed to take our minds off of the 1-year anniversary of his passing. We left on our trip as planned. I noticed that there was absolutely no affection and kept asking. She said she still wasn't feeling well. On August 3rd she told me that she didn't love me anymore and that she hadn't for the last 2-years and that she hadn't been sexually attracted to me for the last 2-years.

I spent the entire vacation wandering around in a daze. She told me I was being selfish and to pull myself together for the sake of the Kids and my Mom. Half way through the trip my Mom asked why we were fighting so much and I broke down and told her that my W said she didn't know if she wanted to be married to me anymore.

The entire month of August I was a wreck. I have lost 20lbs (not that I needed to lose any). We started to go to counseling (joint and individual). I have moved into the basement for now. She continues to say she doesn't know if it is repairable.

On August 25th I got on my wife's laptop and discovered that she had a myspace and hotmail account. On the morning of August 26th I gained access to those accounts and found out that while overseas she had an affair. I also came to realize that while she was telling me, her Dad, friends and everyone that she was "trying" to make things work she was actually sitting up every night since she got home chatting with her boyfriend and talking to him on the phone! I took those emails, copied them into a document, packed up the kids and told my wife we were going to visit my Mom (90-miles away). From the road I emailed the document home and at the top it said when we returned I wanted her to have packed a bag and left the house! She called me 30-minutes later and I hung up on her and turned off my the ringer on my phone (6:30 PM). She called 75 times throughout the night and left messages. The messages started out mad, then sad, then meltdown tears. The last message from the house was at 3:40AM. At 8:00AM she called from just outside my mom's house (90-mile drive on no sleep). I got dressed and drove up the road to talk with her. I told her I had nothing else to say other than for her to go home and pack up. She started to cry and asked me for a hug. I told her no and for her to go home. She went home and we came home later that evening. That night she came out to talk to me in the garage and she told me she had deleted the hotmail, the myspace, the pictures, the poems he wrote her. She said he was gone and we needed to focus on the problems that got us to where we were. She begged me to sleep in our bed and I did. I ran my fingers through her hair and scratched her back until she fell asleep.

The next day I found that at 4:20 she had copied the love poems to her local computer before deleting them from her hotmail. I took that file and emailed it to her and went out to the garage. She came out 30-min later begging me to forgive her and she coundn't belive she did that. I slept downstairs that night. At 2:00AM she came down and begged me to come upstairs, so I did.

I haven't slept upstairs since.

She did start wearing her wedding ring at work after the two confrontations...

Posted

Bless your heart. I know the pain you are feeling and now is a time to reflect on what you really want. Do you think she will lie again and talk to the OM? Is she sincere? Could she be after she told you that she has not been attracted to you or in love with you for 2 years now? Sounds like she is full of herself and only wants you now because you do not want her, BEEN THERE done that, I was her...except I did not cheat. I am an attractive 40 year old and I knew that and played the game. I loved the attention, well when the one person I should have been worrying about did not care anymore and did not want me, I freaked out.

 

So, think hard and make sure you can trust her again. She may be playing you to make sure she can still have her cake and eat it to.....

  • Author
Posted

I have been through such a roller coaster of emotions. When we were on vacation all she kept saying is that I had not paid enough attention to her. I stopped being romantic and treating her like a princess. I work too much (job and on the house). I started sending her love poems, love texts, bringing flowers and cards home. She snapped on me and said I was smothering her. So, now I am giving her all the space she wants. I took the boys camping last weekend. I took them to my Mom's the weekend before. I am taking them to a football party next weekend. Maybe she will start to realize that she might really miss having me around. I am going to start going to the gym and work out a couple of days a week. I am going to go buy a new wardrobe (she already did). I am going to start making myself feel good about ME! That way if things do not work out, I am in a better place to move on. I make a lot of money, I am good looking, I am in great shape...I am not worried about finding someone else, I just never thought I would have to!

Posted

Well, I for one think you have a great attitude. I have a feeling that if things don't work out between you and your wife, the adventures that lie ahead are going to terrific; good looks & rich, lucky sob.

  • Author
Posted

It is hard to keep myself looking strong on the outside when I am still hurting so bad on the inside. It will get better with time, but how long.

Sunday night we noticed our 6 year old was yelling at his 5 year old brother a lot. We asked him what was wrong and he said "I don't know". My W and I went into her room (master bedroom) and closed the door to talk. She said that our oldest is the one she is most worried about right now. She said that if she had to stay in this marriage for the boys she would. I would continue to live in the basement and her in the "Master Suite". She then said that I might as well plan on living a life of celibacy!

What kind of a future is that? How can she continue to tell me and everyone around her she is still giving 100% and trying?

Posted

Um..she sounds like a bitch.

 

She tells you she'll stay for the boys...why? So they can be made to be "yes" men? Because that's what they'll become.

 

Don't let her call the shots. She is the one who went outside your marriage and was unfaithful. You have proof of that.

 

I sincerely hope you deleted any emails between you and your former GF from years ago...

 

Call a good family lawyer. And by all means throw her cheating ass into the basement and take back your bedroom.

 

You have the proof. She is the one in the wrong. By all means use this power to your advantage. Call a lawyer. Let them guide you on what to do next.

 

And in the meantime, quit treating her nice. She doesn't deserve to be treated nicely by you anymore. She ruined that for herself.

  • Author
Posted

My EA 3-years ago never went to the extent hers did. I only saw my old GF once at a grade school basketball game (and my W knew I was going to see my old GF there). Our emails talked about "what if things had been different" and "I love my W" and "I don't want to do anything to ruin our marriages or families. Hers started out as a physical attraction. They were together overseas "dating" (dinner, beach, bars, naps together...). I have no idea how far the physical part went, but I do know that he said in one email how he missed "tucking her in" and "scratching her back until she fell asleep". I asked my W about the sleeping thing and she said he scratched her back on the couch while she fell asleep for an afternoon nap. They even had a "reunion" planned in the States for next month! He sent her boxers and a t-shirt and asked her to wear them for 5 days and then ship them to him. She told him she wore them the 5 days and they would have her perfume on them that he liked and also would have "her smell" on them!!!!!!!! She did open a safety deposit box and she did ship the clothes to him. I told her I wanted them shipped back and I was going to make her burn them in the fireplace in front of me. I told her that her BF did not get to keep them.

She said the "reunion" was just a fantasy and was never going to really happen (although they both talked about how they couldn't wait). Even to the point of counting down the days!

 

Unfortunately for me, I still love her and want this to work. I guess I am just crazy and stupid!

Posted

You're not crazy or stupid for loving your wife. But you have to re-gain your strength somehow. She cheated and she wronged you. So you got the victim mentality of it all. But you need to take a stand for yourself.

 

You need to get your dignity back and not allow her to keep deteriorating it further by calling all the shots.

 

She has the power over you and you're allowing it. Don't get stuck as a victim. Not now not ever. Be a survivor. If you two work it out she would probably appreciate the survival strength you have. And if it doesn't work out you'll still be a survivor.

 

I honestly think the best way to gain back some of the power you've lost is to call a lawyer. Explain to them that your marriage may be headed for divorce and you need some guidance.

 

I think it will help you to feel better about the situation you're in.

Posted

She really is behaving like a bitch, which, is typical behavior for someone who no longer loves their spouse. You have to decide whether you can live in a loveless marriage for the sake of your children. If you can, there's no reason why you, yourself cannot get youself a girlfriend. At this point, you're not betraying your wife. She's made it clear that she hasn't been in love with you for a long time, and, she is the one that betrayed you.

 

As far as how long before you feel normal again and stop hurting so much? This will happen as soon as you stop loving her. Too many betrayed spouses say, even, after divorce that they'll love their wives forever anyways. I think this is ridiculous. The cheating wife does not deserve to be loved by the X. And if you tell your wife you will love her no matter what, it will make her lose more respect for you and she will view you as pathetic.

 

I think it would do you a world of good to return to the gym and work out. Spend time with friends and family. And if you meet a nice woman, do as you please.

Posted

[quote=2boys2dogs;1314852

She said the "reunion" was just a fantasy and was never going to really happen (although they both talked about how they couldn't wait). Even to the point of counting down the days!

 

Unfortunately for me, I still love her and want this to work. I guess I am just crazy and stupid!

 

 

If I were you, I would not believe a word she says. As far as asking her to stop doing things, I believe this to be futile. It's like a father telling her daughter she is not allowed to date a certain boy; it only makes her want to all the more. You should just let go and accept the fact that she no longer loves you. I know this hurts, but, the sooner you accept this, the sooner you'll no longer care and fall out of love with her yourself.

 

Pursue your own happiness now. If your old girlfriend is single, go out with her. If not, go out and meet other women. It should be easy for you since you are very succcessful and good looking.

 

I also think it's a good idea to speak to an attorney. She may already be planning on divorcing you so be ready.

 

Don't waste more time being miserable if at all possible. And btw, you can bet your wife had sex with the guy she sent the boxers too. Don't be naive.

Posted
My EA 3-years ago never went to the extent hers did. I only saw my old GF once at a grade school basketball game (and my W knew I was going to see my old GF there). Our emails talked about "what if things had been different" and "I love my W" and "I don't want to do anything to ruin our marriages or families. Hers started out as a physical attraction. They were together overseas "dating" (dinner, beach, bars, naps together...). I have no idea how far the physical part went, but I do know that he said in one email how he missed "tucking her in" and "scratching her back until she fell asleep". I asked my W about the sleeping thing and she said he scratched her back on the couch while she fell asleep for an afternoon nap. They even had a "reunion" planned in the States for next month! He sent her boxers and a t-shirt and asked her to wear them for 5 days and then ship them to him. She told him she wore them the 5 days and they would have her perfume on them that he liked and also would have "her smell" on them!!!!!!!! She did open a safety deposit box and she did ship the clothes to him. I told her I wanted them shipped back and I was going to make her burn them in the fireplace in front of me. I told her that her BF did not get to keep them.

She said the "reunion" was just a fantasy and was never going to really happen (although they both talked about how they couldn't wait). Even to the point of counting down the days!

 

Unfortunately for me, I still love her and want this to work. I guess I am just crazy and stupid!

 

One question to you, deep down, after having all these evidence including her constant lies, do you truely believe that they never had sex?

 

To me, asking for a updated, recent picture could mean PA or EA, but asking for a dirty worn shirt.......?

  • Author
Posted

Read this from the bottom up so their conversations follow in order...

 

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 5:01 AM

Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: hey sexy

Body: *Cheer* XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:19 PM

 

hopefully this evening I can run to CSV and pick up those pictures and get them in the mail too :-)

MISS YOU MISS YOU MISS YOU MISS YOU MISS YOU...

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 29, 2007 3:39 PM

 

ROFL, I love talking to you.

Sorry I did shop but I am not having any luck. I really want this next package to be a step up. I have 4 days this weekend, so I really don't have any excuses not to getter done.

Double back acha XOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 12:46 PM

 

you have been there for me sooooo much - I can't imagine not being there for you. I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough around me to vent :-) I'm also glad you didn't vomit!!!

Did you shop? I'm glad yours is in the mail :-) Are you excited???? I really don't like my purse right now :-(

hey - right back at cha xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 1:23 AM

 

I really appreciate you letting me vent and then having you vent on me. Also, I had fun shopping online for you today and look forward to shopping at the mall tonight. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO ~ infinity

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 26, 2007 11:05 AM

 

oooohhhh ya!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 24, 2007 12:54 AM

 

Wow. Thanks. I really miss you and so look forward to OKC.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 23, 2007 2:49 PM

 

Just had to go you your page again to remember just how sexy you are! Miss you xoxoxoxoxoxo

 

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 5:00 AM

Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: worried???

Body: I am looking in the mirror that you just took pictures through.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:20 PM

 

You must be looking in the mirror

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 8:43 PM

 

How about sexy?

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 12:46 PM

 

you can tell me that all you want :-)

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 1:09 AM

 

How about smoking hot?

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 26, 2007 11:02 AM

 

aahhhhh :-)

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 24, 2007 1:10 AM

 

Thanks!

Have I told you lately that you are sexy?

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 22, 2007 4:12 PM

 

well... you know I do!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:46 AM

 

No

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 20, 2007 4:42 AM

 

hve i told you laately i miss you

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:42 AM

 

Ok

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 20, 2007 4:38 AM

 

it's hard but i care about you too much to throttle back too much... jusst have to be careful

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:29 AM

 

I changed this almost right after I thought the throttle was way back for good.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 18, 2007 2:43 PM

 

why does your mood say worried?

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 4:59 AM

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Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Good Morning

Body: I hate that I missed it. I can't wait to have a real phone again.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:21 PM

 

sorry I didn't get to tuck you in last night - hope you still had happy dreams :-)

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 8:39 PM

 

I feel great! Thanks for the affection. I really am eating it up.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 12:50 PM

 

Hiya! When you get this it should be your morning! thanks so much for staying up late for me. I bet you're really tired today & I'm sorry for that.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 26, 2007 2:55 AM

 

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 25, 2007 2:25 PM

 

:-)

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 25, 2007 3:51 AM

 

Hiya!!!!

 

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 4:58 AM

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Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: seriously...

Body: *Cheer*

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:20 PM

 

In a few days you'll be less than 30!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 8:40 PM

 

When does that start?

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 12:47 PM

 

It's almost countdown time!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 26, 2007 2:58 AM

 

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 25, 2007 2:28 PM

 

AMEN!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 25, 2007 3:30 AM

 

I am so looking forward to being in the states where we can talk without such a delay. I miss you!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 24, 2007 3:57 PM

 

Ok... seriously - don't do it again! It's 6pm my time, almost 9am your time & I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU! For all I know you could be in a ditch somewhere? Or with another girl???? DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT! Please, please call...

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 4:57 AM

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Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: hey hey hey

Body: Spot on

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:22 PM

 

Ok - let me see if I get this right..... RIGHT ON

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 8:39 PM

 

The last few days have been awesome with you on the phone. I really enjoy our conversations!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 12:51 PM

 

You better ALWAYS feel good about yourself... I'm still waiting for my dance....

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 24, 2007 1:09 AM

 

Damn these emails are nice! Careful, I might start feeling good about myself!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 22, 2007 4:10 PM

 

just looking at your picture again and realizing how sexy & good looking you are... god I miss you and can't wait to dance again...

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 21, 2007 8:47 PM

 

Anytime you want love!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 21, 2007 2:52 PM

 

Hey there sexy pants.... when are you going to salsa with me??? I need a good instructor and hear you're the best there is....

 

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 4:55 AM

Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: worried???

Body: I can't wait to be tucked in IRL

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:23 PM

 

I was just curious since I scratch your back to sleep to tuck you in feeling a little insecure...

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 8:38 PM

 

No sweetie!

I posted a comment on Homewrecker's page about my ex. Something about, "May the fleas of 1,000 camels infest my ex-wifes croutch." Then homewrecker responded with a comment on my page...go look at her page it is from a few weeks ago.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 4:26 PM

 

Ok... so I admit that I looked at your postings on your page - what does this mean from your home wreckers friend? Is it aimed at me???

That's GREAT!!

But let me add ..... "And may her arms be too short to scratch"

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 24, 2007 1:07 AM

 

Ok, careful when you read this response. You might need a minute. Once you have time, read on.

First off, as far as your rights, feelings and what you do: you have the right to do what ever you want. You are a beautiful person and a sexy soccer mom. Any of 1,000 guys in Lincoln would so do their best to out do me. I am willing to bet that a few could be successful. I do think that it is awesome that you chose me. For that, I am thankful.

Next, I do like guilt-free flirting. So for that, I also thank you. Trust me in the fact that I also know what I want and am unsure of how to get there. Furthermore, the possibility of the best door in my life being closed soon could happen. So, I do keep other doors unlocked and I do flirt. That being said, I have no intention of slaming every girl that walks. Yes there are a few girls in this world, that in the right circumstances, I would entertain.

For instance, J-Lo...naw she is too chunky...Maybe Avril Lavegne...naw she is too young...Maybe Danica Patrick...naw she is too uppidy...ok maybe there isn't anyone else.

So after I have thought about my previous paragraph, unless someone that is hotter than those with millions rolls around, I am not going anywhere.

Lastly, I do have fun without you. It takes a lot of my friends, a good amount of alcohol, and some loud music to get my mind off of you for any period of time. So do us both a favor and stop talking about this.

Yes, I am hooked <--there you have it in writing.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 23, 2007 2:54 PM

 

I know you keep telling me to quit telling you I'm sorry about being dissappointed in you for not being there - but quiet frankly I don't have the "right" to do that, say that, or feel that. I'm the one whose trapped right now. I know how I feel, where I want to be & what I want to say but I don't have a way to get there right now. Until then - you're free. You are a very single, very attractive, very fun & sexy man. Like you said - life for you right now is like looking into a candy jar. Please have fun! Be safe, dream of me - but have fun. I do miss you so much that it hurts and patiently await our reunion but until then....

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoox

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:42 AM

 

Ok

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 20, 2007 4:38 AM

 

it's hard but i care about you too much to throttle back too much... jusst have to be careful

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:29 AM

 

I changed this almost right after I thought the throttle was way back for good.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 18, 2007 2:43 PM

 

why does your mood say worried?

 

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 4:54 AM

Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: phone

Body: Right on! Hit um squa!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:24 PM

 

I may try and go out and hit some balls this weekend :-)

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 8:36 PM

 

Game on. I assure you that you will have a great time.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 12:49 PM

 

Now I'm worried since you know I've got Amateur clubs

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 26, 2007 2:57 AM

 

You are sooooo, done...Ninth hole will come true

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 25, 2007 2:28 PM

 

THAT sounds like a challenge my dear friend....

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 24, 2007 1:14 AM

 

Doesn't matter, I will beat you fair and square.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 20, 2007 4:39 AM

 

you never know - even though Ihavent golfed for a while i may be a natural...

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:20 AM

 

MUHAHAHA, got you running scared

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 18, 2007 2:45 PM

 

I'm really trying to get to the driving range...

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 17, 2007 11:08 AM

 

You won't let me win once? Ok, game on I am so gonna whoop you in golf!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 14, 2007 5:04 PM

 

You sure you want to challenge me??? I WILL win!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 14, 2007 2:06 AM

 

Not even 1 time?

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 13, 2007 3:12 PM

 

NEVER :-)

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 13, 2007 9:41 AM

 

Nope, I won.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 11, 2007 5:01 AM

 

NEVER!!! Can't it be a tie?

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 11, 2007 3:28 AM

 

I think I just won

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 10, 2007 4:54 PM

 

Are you trying to TOP my xxxxoooo'sss and OOOO'''ss.. not possible!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 9, 2007 7:59 AM

 

I guess your computer didn't update. They close at 2300.

X^10000000 & O^10000000

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 8, 2007 7:06 AM

 

Why??? It says you're still on line? I've got to jet myself anywho... miss you miss you MISS you - xxxxx&ooooo's

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 8, 2007 9:03 AM

 

Sorry gotta go Hotspot just threw me out.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 8, 2007 7:01 AM

 

You told ME before your MOM??? Shame on you :-)

I'm probably going to have todrop off in a minute - kids & others keep walking in and are getting antsy to go to the beach. I just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of youa nd would much rather be talking to you right now

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 8, 2007 8:52 AM

 

You will be the second to know. My mom is .... HOLY CRAP...I have been so rapped around you, I forgot to tell my mom that I even won....ROFL...Ok, now. That is a first. Woah.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 8, 2007 6:49 AM

 

I so want to be there when they promote you! You are such a postive person!!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 8, 2007 8:28 AM

 

No worries! Good things happen to good people. I am quite certain Karma is in my favor. For instance, look at April/May...wife left/divorced me...June/July got Wing Level SNCO of the Month and the woman of my dreams

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 8, 2007 4:45 AM

 

You need your rest to stay on top of your hectic work schedule!!! Afterall - you are a future SMSgt!!!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 7, 2007 10:05 PM

 

Ohh and stop worrying about waking me up!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 7, 2007 1:12 PM

 

I am soooo sorry that I called (again) and woke you from a deep sleep! I know you say it's alright but it does make me feel bad when I wake you up. I just can't believe that i JUST dropped almost $400.00 on a new phone... it got wet on the inside from being in my backpocket when I run and fried the motherboard so all is history with that. I also bought a

 

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 4:54 AM

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Subject: RE: RE: RE: jealousy....

Body: What is this maybe crap>?????

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 29, 2007 2:24 PM

 

maybe

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 28, 2007 8:36 PM

 

ROFL, trust me. She is not a threat to you. Hrm, would she qualify?

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 28, 2007 4:29 PM

 

Hey... little jealousy bug here.... Claudette is absolutley beautiful!

 

 

Date: Aug 30, 2007 4:53 AM

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Subject: RE: sweetie

Body: See that is so hot. Well coming from you makes it extry hot!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 30, 2007 2:39 AM

 

Good morning sweetie - hope you have a great time at wing night! miss you

 

Date: Aug 24, 2007 1:07 AM

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Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: worried???

Body: Ok, careful when you read this response. You might need a minute. Once you have time, read on.

First off, as far as your rights, feelings and what you do: you have the right to do what ever you want. You are a beautiful person and a sexy soccer mom. Any of 1,000 guys that would so do their best to out do me. I am willing to bet that a few could be successful. I do think that it is awesome that you chose me. For that, I am thankful.

Next, I do like guilt-free flirting. So for that, I also thank you. Trust me in the fact that I also know what I want and am unsure of how to get there. Furthermore, the possibility of the best door in my life being closed soon could happen. So, I do keep other doors unlocked and I do flirt. That being said, I have no intention of slaming every girl that walks. Yes there are a few girls in this world, that in the right circumstances, I would entertain.

For instance, J-Lo...naw she is too chunky...Maybe Avril Lavegne...naw she is too young...Maybe Danica Patrick...naw she is too uppidy...ok maybe there isn't anyone else.

So after I have thought about my previous paragraph, unless someone that is hotter than those with millions rolls around, I am not going anywhere.

Lastly, I do have fun without you. It takes a lot of my friends, a good amount of alcohol, and some loud music to get my mind off of you for any period of time. So do us both a favor and stop talking about this.

Yes, I am hooked <--there you have it in writing.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 23, 2007 2:54 PM

 

I know you keep telling me to quit telling you I'm sorry about being dissappointed in you for not being there - but quiet frankly I don't have the "right" to do that, say that, or feel that. I'm the one whose trapped right now. I know how I feel, where I want to be & what I want to say but I don't have a way to get there right now. Until then - you're free. You are a very single, very attractive, very fun & sexy man. Like you said - life for you right now is like looking into a candy jar. Please have fun! Be safe, dream of me - but have fun. I do miss you so much that it hurts and patiently await our reunion but until then....

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoox

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:42 AM

 

Ok

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 20, 2007 4:38 AM

 

it's hard but i care about you too much to throttle back too much... jusst have to be careful

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:29 AM

 

I changed this almost right after I thought the throttle was way back for good.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 18, 2007 2:43 PM

 

why does your mood say worried?

 

 

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:43 AM

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Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: size...

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 20, 2007 4:36 AM

 

last night is the last time I'm wearing them, need your address again so I can get it off in the mail today - along with packing instructions!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 20, 2007 6:33 AM

 

I think 5 times will be fine.

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 18, 2007 2:45 PM

 

Last night you told me you wanted me to wear the clothes 5 times??? won't they be a little ripe? Ive worn them 3 & washed once - lemme know :-) miss you

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: OM

Date: Aug 14, 2007 2:02 AM

 

Wow, what a nice email. You are awesome! I thoroughly enjoy talking with you about every subject even if I do accidently upset you. Trust me, my intensions with you are nothing but good. I really don't like upsetting you, but I don't like hiding information from you either.

As for the clothes, don't over do anything. Just sleep in them as you would normally a few times. If you were wearing perfume in guam a little bit on yourself will be fine. THanks for being you!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: W

Date: Aug 13, 2007 6:29 PM

 

So right now I've got your new shirt & boxers on :-) They are a little big for me & scratchy because I haven't washed them yet. I figured I'd wear them once, then wash & then wear them 2 more times before I mail them off :-) They'll be nice & snuggely by the time you get them. I'll make sure that I wear my perfume so it not only has my "smell" but it also has my perfume smell (if that' what you want - please let me know). Just so you know... you are on my mind right now and I'd like to be in my happy place. Thanks for all the smiles, laughes, giggles, compliments, O's and everything else you bring to my world! You are a very special person to me. thanks for being you...

 

 

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What do you suppose the "O's" are in the 2nd to last sentence? I only have one guess! That was our third day back from vacation...only 16 days after she returned from overseas.

 

Am I crazy for still wanting her??????????????

Posted

Man,

 

Sorry to hear about your situation and sorry for your pain. You were me about 3 months ago, wife told me she didn't love me anymore the day before we went on a 1 week vacation with our kids. It was HELL.

 

Only difference for me was that though my wife had an unhealthy friendship with a guy (from our church, no doubt, who I befriended in a time of need) there was nothing intimate, she just thought a lot of him. That has since subsided but she and I remain separated and have scheduled a meeting with an attorney 4 times to divorce but always called it off. The last few weeks, we've been getting along like friends but who knows.

 

I'm not sure what to tell you...................if I were in your shoes, and she didn't do everything under the sun to let you know she was sorry about the affair, get into counseling, call him on the phone and tell him it's over with you on the line to hear it..........anything along those lines would be manditory for me. It's one thing for her to need space, wonder about what she wants....etc., it's a completely different thing to have an intimate affair with someone then act as she is.

 

Best of luck to you.

Posted

PS -

 

didn't have time to read the whole play-by-play you attached between your W and the OM, but, from the little I read..............HE SOUNDS LIKE A TOTAL IDIOT..........something akin to a hormonal high school boy and sounds like that's how he acts. Too bad your W won't take the blinders off long enough to see what she's getting.

Posted

So she and he are in the AF?

 

You can "smoke" her azz, all it will take is a phone call to CID?

 

Adultery is a punishiable offenses under the UCMJ!

 

What do you want to do?

Posted
So she and he are in the AF?

 

You can "smoke" her azz,

 

Thats funny.

Posted

Your marriage is over! She's just stringing you on until its safe for her to divoce you!

 

I cant tell you how much damage watching you fight with each other is going to do to the kids! You have a zero love marriage... do you want to give them that as a template?

 

Also... get full custody ASAP. You have no idea what this OM is like, and if you drag this on she WILL put him or some other guy in contact with your kids. Fancy the idea of your W unwittingly putting your kids in contact with a child molester!!! You want to take that kind of risk?

Posted

I know you love her but get a lawyer. She is not worthy of your love and as for this OM- his XW does that to him and then he does it to someone else! If she wants to be with such a f**ked up piece of trash let her! It says more about her than it says about you.

 

Get her a$$ out of the house, get residency of your children and live a bloody fantastic life without a woman who thinks so little of you and your children and so much of herself. In these circumstances her suggestion of a 'celibate' marriage is beyond laughable- it is a sign of a woman who has no respect for you as a man and your masculinity and you have sons! Sons!

 

Get your boys and get out- or get her out. They need you to show them that its not okay to be disrespected by someone just because you love them.

Posted

Things that make you go.... :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

I posted a comment on Homewrecker's page about my ex. Something about, "May the fleas of 1,000 camels infest my ex-wifes croutch." Then homewrecker responded with a comment on my page...go look at her page it is from a few weeks ago.

 

Unbelievable. Am I reading this right? The POS is bitching about somebody 'wrecking his home' all the while he's carrying on a skanky affair with a married mother of two??? :sick:

 

I'm with Gunny. Adultery is punishable under the UCMJ, and I'd be hard pressed not to contact her CO about it. But... as things stand right now, that's a card in the hold you can always play another day, so see an attorney first. Do this ASAP, so you know where you stand in terms of finances and child custody BEFORE you confront your wife with 'how it's gonna be'.

 

Then... lay it on her. You can't make a marriage work as long as there's an active affair afoot... so you have nothing to lose by putting her out. Once you know where you stand legally, there's nothing stopping you from telling her to pack her junk and get out of the "Master Suite" or out of the home altogether for that matter. Give her a dollar-amount on how much child support you expect her to pay, give her a visitation schedule... then put her out.

 

She might squawk about it, but as long as you're still able to play your "hold card", her likely choice will be to cooperate. She's not going to want you burning the OM on adultery charges. Make her NO PROMISES though. Keep that "card" in the hold.

 

There's no reason why you should be living in your own basement like a mushroom. Your WW doesn't intend to "work on the marriage", so all this horsesh*t about "staying together for the kids" is just a matter of her trying to keep a roof over her head while she plays with the OM. :rolleyes:

You don't "stay married" for the kids. You make your marriage WORK for the kids.

 

Now, you don't have to be an a*hole. In fact, it was YOU who opened the door to interlopers when you involved yourself in an EA three years ago, so that dog won't hunt. In emotional terms, you started it first.

 

But... at the bottom line, a marriage is for TWO people, not three. She can't be married to you and be f*cking around with somebody else. The line must be drawn. If she wants 'in', she's got to BE "in". And if she wants 'out', she shouldn't let the door smack her in the ass. :rolleyes:

Whatever feelings of guilt you might have in association with your previous EA can't be tolerated as a factor when it comes to making the best choices for the future of your family. Guilt is counterproductive to positive action at this time.

 

The affair has to END in order for your family dynamic to have even a marginal chance at recovery, so my advice would be to pull off your hair shirt, and show this girl what a divorce is going to look like BEFORE it's too late.

  • Author
Posted

Last night at dinner she asked me if I had deposited my paycheck into the joint account. I said not yet. She asked why and I told her that we were finally close to even as far as our own personal accounts. She transfered $3000.00 from savings and $500.00 from checking the day after we got back from vacation (before counciling) without telling me. She also transfered $1100.00 from checking into another account that same week (she told me about that). I opened an account that week with $500.00 and changed my direct deposit to that account. When I found the deposit slip for $3500.00 dated the day after we got home I immediately took the remaining $1800.00 from that account and closed the account. She came outside 30-min later screaming at me "how dare you clean out our savings". I said me? You were the one that took $3000.00!!! Last night I told her that I would deposit the same amount into the joint account as her to pay bills. She said that was unfair because I make twice as much as her. I told her tough, this was your choice!

I went out and worked on the yard and she came out to try and talk to me. I told her I had nothing else to say to her right now. I told her that she made up her mind in the 5-weeks overseas and that it was time for me to move on with my life. I told her that if she didn't want to do anything to REALLY try and make this work then she needs to pack a bag and get out. I told her I wasn't going to sit by while she goes out dancing with her divorced friends and guys. I told her I was going to go out and have fun and flirt! I slept downstairs and at around 3:00AM she came down, crawled into bed with me and begged me to come upstairs. I did. I ran my fingers through her hair while she fell asleep. I wish I hadn't now, but I really wanted to, so I did.

 

Should I refuse to go upstairs with her if she asks again?

Posted
Last night at dinner she asked me if I had deposited my paycheck into the joint account. I said not yet. She asked why and I told her that we were finally close to even as far as our own personal accounts. She transfered $3000.00 from savings and $500.00 from checking the day after we got back from vacation (before counciling) without telling me. She also transfered $1100.00 from checking into another account that same week (she told me about that). I opened an account that week with $500.00 and changed my direct deposit to that account. When I found the deposit slip for $3500.00 dated the day after we got home I immediately took the remaining $1800.00 from that account and closed the account. She came outside 30-min later screaming at me "how dare you clean out our savings". I said me? You were the one that took $3000.00!!! Last night I told her that I would deposit the same amount into the joint account as her to pay bills. She said that was unfair because I make twice as much as her. I told her tough, this was your choice!

I went out and worked on the yard and she came out to try and talk to me. I told her I had nothing else to say to her right now. I told her that she made up her mind in the 5-weeks overseas and that it was time for me to move on with my life. I told her that if she didn't want to do anything to REALLY try and make this work then she needs to pack a bag and get out. I told her I wasn't going to sit by while she goes out dancing with her divorced friends and guys. I told her I was going to go out and have fun and flirt! I slept downstairs and at around 3:00AM she came down, crawled into bed with me and begged me to come upstairs. I did. I ran my fingers through her hair while she fell asleep. I wish I hadn't now, but I really wanted to, so I did.

 

Should I refuse to go upstairs with her if she asks again?

 

Sounds like you have her attention now. You've made your stand and drawn the lines.. at this point keep it up and see what happens over time.

Posted

AB-SO-LUTE-LY!!! You should refuse her anything she asks!! Her treatment of you is deplorable! I understand, we all have moments of weakness...your emotions are going through the wringer right now, and it's scary to think of making such a big change. She capitalized on your weak moment. She's pulling out all the stops to try and get you to go easy on her. Don't. Don't fall for it. I say you re-claim your bedroom, send her to the basement, or better yet, OUT of the house entirely.

 

She's done. Having her there in the house is not beneficial to you in any way. Best of luck to you.

Posted

BTW...great job laying it all out there for her. You definitely need to protect your assets and she needs to know what her life is going to be like, once she gets what "she wants".

 

I'm proud of you! That takes SO much courage!

Posted

First of all, O's are ORGASMS!! No doubt in all those weeks overseas they were intimate or he wouldn't want clothing with her perfume on it. He also wouldn't be calling her his "dream girl" and crap like that. Come on, they have slept together.

 

Do NOT put that additional money in her account. As a matter of fact separate your finances now. Let her see what it will be like financially without you.

 

You need to get tough. Move your stuff back to the master suite and tell her that if she doesn't want to sleep with you she can move to the basement. She is the one who has caused all of these problems.

 

I agree with Gunny and LJ- your trump card is the adultery and how the service feels about that. Definitely use that to your advantage.

 

Then, read up on marriage builders. Google "What is marriagebuilders" and "What are plan A and Plan B". There is lots of good info there.

Posted
I slept downstairs and at around 3:00AM she came down, crawled into bed with me and begged me to come upstairs. I did. I ran my fingers through her hair while she fell asleep. I wish I hadn't now, but I really wanted to, so I did.

 

Should I refuse to go upstairs with her if she asks again?

 

Unless she's ended her affair and is willing to reengage in the marriage, her most likely motives would be that she's either trying to "keep you sweet" or that she wants emotional absolution from you so she doesn't have to feel like such a jerk.

 

You have nothing to lose by calling her on her bullsh*t. She'll argue back that she's just "confused" or what-have-you, but when you maintain your boundaries regarding what kind of treatment you're willing to accept, you're actually CLARIFYING matters. ;)

 

Next time she asks you to come upstairs, maybe just ask her if she's still in contact with her adultery partner, and if she can't give you a resounding 'no'... wish her good-night and then go about your business.

 

I don't think you're in a position yet where you ought to be willing to fulfill ENs (emotional needs) for her. It sounds to me like she's not so much "on the fence" as she is "in the OM's backyard". Fulfillment of ENs would be reserved for either encouraging movement when your partner is truly undecided or for reconciling the marriage. To fulfill ENs when she's recalcitrant might be sending the wrong message.

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