CaliGuy Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 My hearts been broke too long..... I can't believe after all these months I'm still stuck in this rut. She left me; she has moved on; she has a new man. Why can't I accept the reality of the situation and move on with my life? Why does my heart still yearn for this woman? Why do I continue to beat myself up over things past? Why do I still hold a glimmer of hope? I have tried to let her go, and try to move on. I'm met with more pain and sadness. It's like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. It seems I always take 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Sorry for the late night ramble, but the booze and pills ain't working... Feel like I'm on a lost highway.... DirectX is right. Better to be single and lonely than married and miserable. Have you talked to a Counselor yet? Are you staying active at the gym? Are you diving into new hobbies? Are you hanging out with friends? The reason why some people move on slower than others is they tend to take an inactive role in their own healing. Forgive her, yes I said that. The only way to let go is to forgive them so you can release the anger and hate. Once that is done then the healing can begin. Note I said forgive, not "forget and take them back." Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 I appreciate everyone's support. CaliGuy, I've been going to a counselor for over a year now. (started when we were still together) I've been trying to stay active, but like I said earlier, some days are better than others. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 How are you feeling today, cecil brown? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 Hey TBF, Tired, but feeling better. Trying to keep her off my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Suppress it. Sure, sure, easy to say but hard to do, right? What I found worked for me is to forcibly suppress the thought. Everytime she comes to mind, why not drop to the floor and do ten pushups or crunches? Not only will you get in better shape but if you hate pushups/crunches, it will be like using Pavlov's theory of negative conditional reflex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 If I had to do pushups every time she came to mind, I'd never get off the floor Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Haha...that's why you need to alternate between pushups and crunches. To give your arms and shoulders some rest. Okay, drop and do ten!! Link to post Share on other sites
NorCalDave Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 If I had to do pushups every time she came to mind, I'd never get off the floor CB, I know how you feel brother. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. Please, please, please, hang in there and do something for yourself. I am like you, I take things hard and I beat myself up and I miss her and long for her and wish I could go back in time. I got treated with no warmth or affection and was constantly told she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me...yet I still pine for her and wish to remain friends with her. I think about her every second of the day. Everything reminds me of her. It just plain sucks and it's not going to change anytime soon. I am going to control what I can control though. And that is taking care of my body, trying to stay happy and calm, and trying to figure out why I am missing her so much. I remain optimistic I will see her again and that's about it. Maybe another girl will come along, maybe she won't. Either way, I figure I am going to come out of this stronger because I don't plan on dying. You don't either, okay? Just tell yourself, death is not an option, so I HAVE to deal with this. It's not going to go away so you just have to deal. I recommend listening to the "Mastery of Love" and "The 4 Agreements". Just take a bong rip too, it helps me. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious139 Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 I share your pain too Cecil - you are not alone. It has been only 2 1/2 months for me and I know I'll still be thinking about her and our dreams in 6 months time. Nevertheless I can now vaguely see the future which I couldn't do at all until very recently. I know logically that happiness lies somewhere up ahead and just try to get on day by day. LS has been very good. It really helps knowing others understand and learning about their own pain. My counsellor says this site is like a therapy group and one of the benefits is rediscovering our empathy. In the early stages of lost love we find it almost impossible to connect with another person's grief, our own loss is so completely overwhelming. However as time passes we begin to percieve how others feel and that is part of the healing process. Reconnecting with others. Frankly the thought of my 9yr old daughter kept me from ending my life to get away from the pain, and it was because I could picture her reaction to her dad being gone forever. I couldn't do that. So Cecil we are here for you and believe it or not I take some comfort from knowing that you still think about her so many months. It makes me feel more normal because I can't forget and "move on" (I hate those words) either in a short time. But it will happen. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 Once again, I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement. Another lonely night is upon me, but it shall pass.... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Are you sober cecil brown? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 Hey TBF.... I can't say that I am....Went to the bar tonight and had a few... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Did you take sleeping pills? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 I can neither confirm nor deny that Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Okay, it's your life cecil B. Good luck with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 I pm'd you TBF... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Okay, let's try again cecil brown. So I'm curious. Do you recall how you felt earlier this year? Do you feel any difference between then and now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 I don't cry every day like I used to. However, those same feelings of remorse and lonliness are still here. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 You've moved along a bit since then. That's a good sign. What makes you stop thinking about her? Forget the alcohol or pills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 When I'm busy focusing on work or a project her thoughts sometimes get pushed back Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Do you work on cars or have a hobby that is intensely interesting to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 Well, I work 3 jobs and go to the gym so that takes up a lot of my time. However I do enjoy working on cars. I have two turds at my house now that need attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 An interesting name to call your cars... What kind are they? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 lol, I usually call the two much worse. I figured I'd tone it down for you. I have a Jeep and a Dodge truck. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Haha...it probably wouldn't have shocked me too much. Btw, cars are a hobby of mine, so don't worry about couching your terms for the completely ignorant, only the partially ignorant. What do you need to fix on your...turds? Link to post Share on other sites
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