underpants Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 More times than not, I'm far more straight-forward than a knife in the back. To me, the knife in the back routine is for people who don't have the balls to stand up for themselves. You know the type, the ones that also enjoy their little secrets. Don't get me wrong. I do stand up. I stand up for others' probably mroe then for myself, however this is changing as I mature. I know take alot less poop from people. Also I do try to encourage and empower others to also stand up for themselves. However, there are just some real hard cases out there and ...well, it is hard to resist (even if it is none of your business) If you stand up for what is right and just and are repeatedly met with denial, laughter and mocking (not so much toward me but others) well, I might be capable of wielding a dagger. I throw less daggers now, but I could share some stories.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Don't get me wrong. I do stand up. I stand up for others' probably mroe then for myself, however this is changing as I mature. I know take alot less poop from people. Also I do try to encourage and empower others to also stand up for themselves. However, there are just some real hard cases out there and ...well, it is hard to resist (even if it is none of your business) If you stand up for what is right and just and are repeatedly met with denial, laughter and mocking (not so much toward me but others) well, I might be capable of wielding a dagger. I throw less daggers now, but I could share some stories. Get in there and start whittling then. I've managed a few totem poles in my time. From what I understand, it's traditional to carve an eagle on the top.
underpants Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Get in there and start whittling then. I've managed a few totem poles in my time. From what I understand, it's traditional to carve an eagle on the top. I hear you. When you have no guilt in how you interact then the eagle on top is the cherry on a whittler's sundee....totem pole. Just saying, I have, in the past helped friends carve.
Izzy B Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Because you haven't really dated that much, you really can't relate. You are a jerk for saying "somebody who wasn't a big part of your life in the first place." Just because a couple isn't married doesn't mean they aren't a big part of each other's lives. Sorry but you're an arrogant jerk and yes, people get upset after a recent breakup and don't literally mean everything they say, it is really upsetting to break up with someone who you DID spend a lot of time with and who WERE someone who were a BIG part of your life, sometimes for a long time. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW EMOTIONS CAN FLY AFTER A BREAKUP? THIS BOARD IS TO LIKE, UMMM, HELP PEOPLE OUT WHOSE EMOTIONS ARE RAW, USUALLY BECAUSE OF BEING BROKEN-HEARTED OVER THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP. GET OVER YOURSELF. IT'S NOT REALLY FAIR TO MAKE THESE JUDGEMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE IN PAIN. Get off your married pedestal and thinking you're perfect and everyone out there who has been through a breakup are weirdos. YOU'RE the weirdo if you don't understand that.
Izzy B Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 do you realize you just describe yourself as a sociopath? You are the one who's wacko if you can read that much into that statement, hon.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 I hear you. When you have no guilt in how you interact then the eagle on top is the cherry on a whittler's sundee....totem pole. Just saying, I have, in the past helped friends carve. You do carve well. Didn't I say you're a woman who's good with her tools?
underpants Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 You do carve well. Didn't I say you're a woman who's good with her tools? Awe, Thanks. I do measure (the situation) twice and cut once (deep) and with precision accuracy.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Awe, Thanks. I do measure (the situation) twice and cut once (deep) and with precision accuracy. If you can use a miter saw, which I'm mortally afraid of, I will be sitting at you knee in...awe...
underpants Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 If you can use a miter saw, which I'm mortally afraid of, I will be sitting at you knee in...awe... ...and I will call you if I have car trouble.
uniqueone Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 What are those people so angry about? What's so earth-shattering about the end of a non-committed relationship that someone has to plot revenge. What satisfaction do some people get from plotting vendettas against a perceived wrong by someone who wasn't that big a part of their lives in the first place. Is it all about being right? Winning? Coming out on top? Saving face? Being in the driver's seat? Proving something? If so, there are an awful lot of very emotionally fragile people out there in more need of therapy than a social life. Fight or flight...we have no release for it anymore. The objects of our current frustrations are faceless. In decades past, someone broke up with you in person. Today....maybe an e-mail...maybe a text message...maybe nothing at all. Or maybe they kept telling you all was fine and that your suspicions were unwarranted....and then they fell into someone else's arms and dropped you the minute your back was turned. You feel fooled...humiliated.... But just like there's no sabre-toothed tiger to confront anymore, we often don't get the opportunity to confront that person with our feelings. Our society has become too mobile.....people are on the go....calling them doesn't work because there's caller ID and they choose not to answer. Your adrenaline is flowing but there's nowhere for it go. This faceless-ness of our modern society results in anger. Put two people next to each other in a waiting room and chances are, they'll be polite to each other. Put those same two people in their cars after they leave (not knowing who the other is on the road) and you'll see those two people treating each other completely different. Because, don some sunglasses, and behind the wheel of a car....you're faceless. Watch people after they've put money into a vending machine and it takes their money but doesn't give them anything for it. See how they react. Again they're dealing with something faceless...and when they don't get what they expected from it, they feel they have no control. To quote Charlie Chaplin: Machinery that gives us abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent, and all will be lost.
Author Curmudgeon Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Thank you for you....ahem....enlightened, mature and experienced opinion. Over the course of my 61 years I've had plenty of dating experience. I've just also happen to have been married twice. My bad! Now, then, from your clearly intelligent and much more experienced perspective, pray tell why it's appropriate for such rancorous, out of control and threatening behavior under any of the discussed circumstances. By the way, Izzy. I likely understand more about emotions than you would suppose and that's not all based upon mere experience. It just might have something to do with education and profession. But by all means, please continue to fly off the handle and call names if it suits you. Don't look now but you just validated everything I said in my original post. GOOD JOB!
Author Curmudgeon Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Absolutely plausible explanation. Very insightful. However, while it may explain the current mechanics, it doesn't excuse the lack of adaptation to "progress" which leads to out-of-control behavior. It does, however, validate my observation that our society has lost a great deal of its civility. When did electronic leashes take precedence over truely interpersonal relationships?
uniqueone Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 It does, however, validate my observation that our society has lost a great deal of its civility. When did electronic leashes take precedence over truely interpersonal relationships? Remember when you used to know your neighbor? I remember when I used to know my entire neighborhood. Everyone knew each other. Now...most neighbors hardly know each other...and people move much more often than they did when I was young (we rarely had anyone move). When you know everyone and they know you, you feel more accountable for your behavior. People are going to know it's you who acted a certain way and they're going to know people that you know.....and chances are, you don't want to end up looking like a bad person to them. But when you don't know anyone...and if people can't really identify you....then you're less likely to care how you act. It's similar to Groupthink" where people act differently when in a group vs. when they're alone....because in a group, they become faceless. An example of that would be the Germans under Hitler (that's a direct example taken from my studies on "groupthink" decades ago). So the more faceless we become, the more violent we're likely to be. You ask when it started to occur that electronics replaced interpersonal relationships......just look at teens text messaging each other while they're sitting right next to one another and there's your answer......
underpants Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Remember when you used to know your neighbor? I remember when I used to know my entire neighborhood. Everyone knew each other. Hmmm, Maybe I am lucky. I do suscribe that it does take a village. (In alot of ways). I know my neighbors and they know me. Last week at the drug store a lady asked me about some girl and her marriage. I responded...."Well, I am not 'supposed to know', but I know what happened" however, as far as I know they are still together...point is ...everybody knows...." I post here because I can vent here. IRL, I deal in real life. Those who do not suscribe to REAL LIFE might just be lost. Taken too far and it could be delusional.
uniqueone Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Hmmm, Maybe I am lucky. I do suscribe that it does take a village. (In alot of ways). I know my neighbors and they know me. Last week at the drug store a lady asked me about some girl and her marriage. I responded...."Well, I am not 'supposed to know', but I know what happened" however, as far as I know they are still together...point is ...everybody knows...." I post here because I can vent here. IRL, I deal in real life. Those who do not suscribe to REAL LIFE might just be lost. Taken too far and it could be delusional. Might be different in your part of the world.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Hey, I know my neighbors too. I'm even dating one of them. Out-of-control behaviour begins at the toddler stage, where every need is pandered to, without consequences for actions. For example: Toddler A throws a tantrum at the grocery store because the parent refuses to buy her/him candy. The parent gives in and buys the candy, so the child calms down. Bad behaviour is tolerated, nay, rewarded. The child doesn't learn self-restraint when needs are not being met. In future, the child will continue throwing tantrums for everything they don't get. This turns to violent behaviour as they progress in life, whether it's emotional or physical violence. Poor foundations built on poor parenting make for the self-entitled. Having said that, the road to rebuilding a healthy emotional and intellectual state is when the child hits the age of enlightenment in their teenage and adult years, to look internally and make necessary core changes.
Izzy B Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Thank you for you....ahem....enlightened, mature and experienced opinion. Over the course of my 61 years I've had plenty of dating experience. I've just also happen to have been married twice. My bad! Now, then, from your clearly intelligent and much more experienced perspective, pray tell why it's appropriate for such rancorous, out of control and threatening behavior under any of the discussed circumstances. By the way, Izzy. I likely understand more about emotions than you would suppose and that's not all based upon mere experience. It just might have something to do with education and profession. But by all means, please continue to fly off the handle and call names if it suits you. Don't look now but you just validated everything I said in my original post. GOOD JOB! Dude, PEOPLE COME HERE TO THE BOARD UPSET AND RAW WITH EMOTION BECAUSE OF SIGNIFICANT BREAKUPS. SO....EVERYTHING SOMEONE SAYS SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN LITERALLY. THESE PEOPLE POSTING ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT KILLING ANYONE, DUDE. THEY ARE UPSET BECAUSE SOMEONE SIGNIFICANT IN THEIR LIFE IS NO LONGER THERE FOR THEM. WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND? MY EDUCATION IS: MASTERS DEGREE AND MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GET OFF YOUR GODDAMNED HIGH HORSE AND PEDESTAL, DUDE. WTF DOES EDUCATION HAVE TO DO WITH IT, ANYWAY? IT'S NOT LIKE PEOPLE WITH DEGREES HAVE NEVER BEEN EMOTIONALLY RAW AND VULNERABLE FROM A BREAKUP AND NOT STATED SOMETHING IN ANGER AND SADNESS, GETTING THEIR FEELINGS OUT. IF YOU TAKE POSTINGS ON A "HELP" BOARD AS A STATEMENT ABOUT SOCIETY IN GENERAL, YOU NEED TO GET THE HELL OFF THE INTERNET NOW. IT IS TOO MUCH A PART OF YOUR REALITY.
underpants Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Might be different in your part of the world. I think we are closer then you think. My point is that I am surrounded by differences (geographic/cultural/spiritual). I might not agree with everything but I do try to find a common plane of co-existance and civility. Now...if someone F's with me or my close friends along the lines of dealbreakers...well...oh, I guess this is the right thread... Unders, All along the watchtower.
uniqueone Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Out-of-control behaviour begins at the toddler stage, where every need is pandered to, without consequences for actions. For example: Toddler A throws a tantrum at the grocery store because the parent refuses to buy her/him candy. The parent gives in and buys the candy, so the child calms down. While I'm against rewarding a child's bad behavior, I don't really blame parents too much for doing this particular one. When the entire store is looking at them with pleading eyes to get their kid to shut up, I think the parent would, at that moment, buy the child 10 bags of candy, if that's what it took to shut them up. Hopefully though, the parent reserves those times of disciplinary laxness for in-store crisis.
Author Curmudgeon Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Happy to be an old fart; George Orwell's "1984" notwithstanding!
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 While I'm against rewarding a child's bad behavior, I don't really blame parents too much for doing this particular one. When the entire store is looking at them with pleading eyes to get their kid to shut up, I think the parent would, at that moment, buy the child 10 bags of candy, if that's what it took to shut them up. Hopefully though, the parent reserves those times of disciplinary laxness for in-store crisis. Where I would bodily pick the child up and leave the store, find a safe spot and allow them to continue their tantrum unimpeded. I would also tell them that until they are ready to speak to me in a clear apologetic voice, I will not be speaking to them. If this were at home, I would step over them, while allowing them to thrash on the ground with the same, clear understanding. No attention or bad needs met, the child learns that this type of behaviour has no rewards, therefore, is not worthwhile.
Izzy B Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Happy to be an old fart; George Orwell's "1984" notwithstanding! OK then get off the Internet now. You are too ancient for it; you obviously don't get it. It has become your entire world. Sad.
Author Curmudgeon Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Dude, PEOPLE COME HERE TO THE BOARD UPSET AND RAW WITH EMOTION BECAUSE OF SIGNIFICANT BREAKUPS. SO....EVERYTHING SOMEONE SAYS SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN LITERALLY. THESE PEOPLE POSTING ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT KILLING ANYONE, DUDE. THEY ARE UPSET BECAUSE SOMEONE SIGNIFICANT IN THEIR LIFE IS NO LONGER THERE FOR THEM. WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND? MY EDUCATION IS: MASTERS DEGREE AND MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GET OFF YOUR GODDAMNED HIGH HORSE AND PEDESTAL, DUDE. WTF DOES EDUCATION HAVE TO DO WITH IT, ANYWAY? IT'S NOT LIKE PEOPLE WITH DEGREES HAVE NEVER BEEN EMOTIONALLY RAW AND VULNERABLE FROM A BREAKUP AND NOT STATED SOMETHING IN ANGER AND SADNESS, GETTING THEIR FEELINGS OUT. IF YOU TAKE POSTINGS ON A "HELP" BOARD AS A STATEMENT ABOUT SOCIETY IN GENERAL, YOU NEED TO GET THE HELL OFF THE INTERNET NOW. IT IS TOO MUCH A PART OF YOUR REALITY. Obviously education has nothing to do with your reactions to simple opinions. Why the screaming? But thanks for the validation of my point once again. I you teach this rage then society is doomed! You should really get some help for that.
Izzy B Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 Obviously education has nothing to do with your reactions to simple opinions. Why the screaming? But thanks for the validation of my point once again. I you teach this rage then society is doomed! You should really get some help for that. UMM, THIS IS NOT RAGE. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE POSTS IN ALL CAPS DOES NOT MAKE IT RAGE. YOU ARE TAKING THE INTERNET AS REALITY AND A STATEMENT OF SOCIETY AND THAT IS SCARY.
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