W is stalking me again??????

[Tomcat33]

As far as you know. Perhaps the OW needs to do a little "checking up" of her own.

 

I'm sorry but a woman driving circles around some other woman's house just screams crazy. If she wanted a divorce she already has plenty of proof (the original D-day), she doesn't need more. Stop trying to excuse this woman's obsessive behavior. Can't you just concede that this woman might be a little nuts? Or do you live in a land where every woman that has been cheated on is some sort of sweet innocent patron saint? You don't have to excuse the actions of every BS. This isn't your battle.

 

EXACTLY the only reason women hire PI's turn into psycho stalkers is because they need proof over proof over proof that their H's cannot be trusted before they bite the bullet and do what they really DON't wanna do. Understandable, but c'mon he cheated how much more prove do you need he can't be trusted?

 

Anyone out there wanna fire 5K my way I'll give you a written promise your H can't be trusted and I'll only charge $100.

[annabelle75]

Wouldn't you blow a miniscule amount of money for a little lesson in life. Consider it cruel to be kind.

 

Losing me was enough of a punishment for my H. I didn't need to lower myself to going after revenge. He was no longer worth my time or my energy.

 

Am I the only BS that truly doesn't care about the OWs? I genuinely don't care who my H slept with. I didn't know them. They didn't know me. They owed me nothing. My H was the person that betrayed me. Am I the only BS that gets this?

 

I refuse to sit here and beat up on these women. They don't deserve it. If anything I can relate to them. We've all been in love with cheaters.

[Tomcat33]

You might want to find out a little more about divorce law in Canada, previous to stating this...

 

 

Ahh I know enough about Canadian D laws that infidelity is considered grounds for divorce but there were laws passed that no longer affect the financial aspect of the separation. Nice try though....

 

you sure you live in Canada?

[Trialbyfire]

Ahh I know enough about Canadian D laws that infidelity is considered grounds for divorce but there were laws passed that no longer affect the financial aspect of the separation. Nice try though....

 

you sure you live in Canada?

Keep looking. There's more...

[Trialbyfire]

Losing me was enough of a punishment for my H. I didn't need to lower myself to going after revenge. He was no longer worth my time or my energy.

 

Am I the only BS that truly doesn't care about the OWs? I genuinely don't care who my H slept with. I didn't know them. They didn't know me. They owed me nothing. My H was the person that betrayed me. Am I the only BS that gets this?

 

I refuse to sit here and beat up on these women. They don't deserve it. If anything I can relate to them. We've all been in love with cheaters.

Keep in mind that not everyone is willing to break their vows based on suspecting that the husband is cheating. Some need hard proof by hiring PIs/getting photographs or seeing it with their own eyes.

 

That's how I felt. I take my vows seriously.

[Tomcat33]

Keep looking. There's more...

 

 

WEll yeah there is more.... like say in the case of if his cheating affected you mentally and made you a basket case and you can never work again....oh wait is that you? Maybe in your case you did get money.

 

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/story.html?id=004bb2e7-02f3-4a99-861d-977d4918af32&k=71502

 

 

But generally speaking most women DON'T go mental after a betrayal, well it can't be proven in court at least. Yours must be pretty severe?

[annabelle75]

Keep in mind that not everyone is willing to break their vows based on suspecting that the husband is cheating. Some need hard proof by hiring PIs/getting photographs or seeing it with their own eyes.

 

That's how I felt. I take my vows seriously.

 

So did I. He didn't. No ones fault but his.

 

If that's what you had to do to prove to yourself he was cheating, than I can respect that. If you truly didn't know he was cheating yet.

 

The BS this thread is about already knows he's broken those vows. She already knows he is a cheater.

 

 

I keep coming back to something I went through this last summer. After my divorce I moved into this perfect townhouse that I loved everything about. It was my dream place. I signed a lease and never wanted to leave. With in six months I had new neighbors that were a living nightmare. They harrassed me, stole my patio furniture, kept me awake with their music blaring until he wee hours of the morning and dumped their trash on my front porch. My landlords wanted to rent the place out for more money (I got in on a special deal) so instead of taking care of the neighbors they refused to help and told me that if I didn't like it I could move. I loved my home but it had become unlivable. It wasn't fair. I had signed a lease and I had every right to expect them to hold up the terms. I had to make a choice. I could either stay and continue to fight with my neighbors and the landlords or I could move. I wanted to stay and fight because I was right and it was unfair. What did I do?

 

I moved. I realized that the moment I chose to stay where I was being treated badly it was my own fault if it continued to happen. If I moved than it would stop. It didn't matter what I felt I deserved. If I was still there now I would still be miserable and I woudl have no one to blame but myself.

 

Everytime I hear about a BS that stays in the marriage and then spends years complaining of their misery or obssessing over every little thing all I can think is that they have a choice. They have chosen to stay unhappy. I personally decided that life was too short to be unhappy.

[Trialbyfire]

WEll yeah there is more.... like say in the case of if his cheating affected you mentally and made you a basket case and you can never work again....oh wait is that you? Maybe in your case you did get money.

 

http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/story.html?id=004bb2e7-02f3-4a99-861d-977d4918af32&k=71502

 

 

But generally speaking most women DON'T go mental after a betrayal, well it can't be proven in court at least. Yours must be pretty severe?

There's no mention of mental illness in that article. What are you talking about? Btw, continue reading and searching...

[Trialbyfire]

So did I. He didn't. No ones fault but his.

 

If that's what you had to do to prove to yourself he was cheating, than I can respect that. If you truly didn't know he was cheating yet.

 

The BS this thread is about already knows he's broken those vows. She already knows he is a cheater.

 

 

I keep coming back to something I went through this last summer. After my divorce I moved into this perfect townhouse that I loved everything about. It was my dream place. I signed a lease and never wanted to leave. With in six months I had new neighbors that were a living nightmare. They harrassed me, stole my patio furniture, kept me awake with their music blaring until he wee hours of the morning and dumped their trash on my front porch. My landlords wanted to rent the place out for more money (I got in on a special deal) so instead of taking care of the neighbors they refused to help and told me that if I didn't like it I could move. I loved my home but it had become unlivable. It wasn't fair. I had signed a lease and I had every right to expect them to hold up the terms. I had to make a choice. I could either stay and continue to fight with my neighbors and the landlords or I could move. I wanted to stay and fight because I was right and it was unfair. What did I do?

 

I moved. I realized that the moment I chose to stay where I was being treated badly it was my own fault if it continued to happen. If I moved than it would stop. It didn't matter what I felt I deserved. If I was still there now I would still be miserable and I woudl have no one to blame but myself.

 

Everytime I hear about a BS that stays in the marriage and then spends years complaining of their misery or obssessing over every little thing all I can think is that they have a choice. They have chosen to stay unhappy. I personally decided that life was too short to be unhappy.

Women stay in marriages for assorted different reasons.

 

Perhaps this woman needs to see it with her own eyes. If I recall Burried Alive's story, the wife never saw the two together. I think there was an email from a third-party and then discussion with Burried Alive. If the WS is doing an excellent snowjob, which we've all experienced from someone we trusted, it's not surprising she may need more proof, proof with her own eyes possibly.

[Tomcat33]

So did I. He didn't. No ones fault but his.

 

If that's what you had to do to prove to yourself he was cheating, than I can respect that. If you truly didn't know he was cheating yet.

 

The BS this thread is about already knows he's broken those vows. She already knows he is a cheater.

 

 

I keep coming back to something I went through this last summer. After my divorce I moved into this perfect townhouse that I loved everything about. It was my dream place. I signed a lease and never wanted to leave. With in six months I had new neighbors that were a living nightmare. They harrassed me, stole my patio furniture, kept me awake with their music blaring until he wee hours of the morning and dumped their trash on my front porch. My landlords wanted to rent the place out for more money (I got in on a special deal) so instead of taking care of the neighbors they refused to help and told me that if I didn't like it I could move. I loved my home but it had become unlivable. It wasn't fair. I had signed a lease and I had every right to expect them to hold up the terms. I had to make a choice. I could either stay and continue to fight with my neighbors and the landlords or I could move. I wanted to stay and fight because I was right and it was unfair. What did I do?

 

I moved. I realized that the moment I chose to stay where I was being treated badly it was my own fault if it continued to happen. If I moved than it would stop. It didn't matter what I felt I deserved. If I was still there now I would still be miserable and I woudl have no one to blame but myself.

 

Everytime I hear about a BS that stays in the marriage and then spends years complaining of their misery or obssessing over every little thing all I can think is that they have a choice. They have chosen to stay unhappy. I personally decided that life was too short to be unhappy.

 

I hear your story loud and clear Anabelle. In particualr the bolded part. I found this blog not too long ago and I wanted to share it here it is absolutely amazing, it is called Dontoearth and it is a 93 yr old man that writes these blogs. It will make you think and hopefully touch you the way it has touched many. I highly recommend it to anyone who cares to read something truly touching. I think of all the people wasting their lives away with other human beings that are JUST not worth it, and I read something like this and it just reaffirms evreything I beleive in.

 

http://dontoearth.blogspot.com/2007/01/it-bothers-me-that-i-have-to-go.html

[underpants]

Well,

 

This thread is interesting on many levels.

 

To the OP. It sounds to me like the wife is concerned her husband is straying again and you (in her mind) are the most likely suspect. If you have not had anything to do with her husband is there a way to put her mind at ease?

 

I think it is reasonable to track a wayward (especially a proven wayward) spouse if you want the undeniable truth. Also very reasonable if a divorce is being preplanned.

 

Also, you might just want to expose the man for what he is (liar, serial cheater...). If the OW gets caught up in being exposed as well. This was her choice when she signed up to become involved with a married man.

 

In this particuliar scenrio no laws seem to have been obstucted. However, there are also alot of stories of not so stable betrayed wives (and other women) who do take it too far.

 

Bottom line. There are very real risks for those who cross the line. All parties are at risk.

 

Not a good idea IMO.

[Tomcat33]

There's no mention of mental illness in that article. What are you talking about? Btw, continue reading and searching...

 

 

Read it again, what is the clause that is being considered in court in this particular story and why? Or are you trying to tell us you have mental illness and can't relate to this article because it doesn't speak of what you have in particular? It says that unless they can prove that an A was truly debilitating to the health of the BS the Canadian courts are NOT willing to let the A clause creep back into the system.

 

BOTTOM LINE our laws chaged from the 70s to NO FAULT laws in divorce. So unless they make up your own laws for you, save it with the "the more evidence you have the more you get from him in court" because you DON'T. Unless you can prove he made you mental. Again, if that's your case then I can see why your 5K PI was worth every penny.

[Trialbyfire]

Read it again, what is the clause that is being considered in court in this particular story and why? Or are you trying to tell us you have mental illness and can't relate to this article because it doesn't speak of what you have in particular? It says that unless they can prove that an A was truly debilitating to the health of the BS the Canadian courts are NOT willing to let the A clause creep back into the system.

 

BOTTOM LINE our laws chaged from the 70s to NO FAULT laws in divorce. So unless they make up your own laws for you, save it with the "the more evidence you have the more you get from him in court" because you DON'T. Unless you can prove he made you mental. Again, if that's your case then I can see why your 5K PI was worth every penny.

Hire yourself a good divorce lawyer and find out what can be done. I couldn't be bothered to explain it to you. After all, let the professionals do the work.

 

Btw, who said that I got any financial gain in my divorce? You need to learn to read what I post...

 

Both the ex and I went into our marriage financially secure and we both came out of it financially secure. That he ended up with some substantial legal fees were his issues, including and apart from the divorce itself.

[Tomcat33]

Hire yourself a good divorce lawyer and find out what can be done. I couldn't be bothered to explain it to you. After all, let the professionals do the work.

 

Btw, who said that I got any financial gain in my divorce? You need to learn to read what I post...

 

Both the ex and I went into our marriage financially secure and we both came out of it financially secure. That he ended up with some substantial legal fees were his issues, including and apart from the divorce itself.

 

 

Yeah but that's inevitable in an unamicable D, and proving your partner's infidelity will make him settle with you for what you want outside OR it will just cost him to fight you for what he doesn't want you to have. Either way you don't get anymore BECAUSE you can prove he cheated.

 

That's the point so don't try to make it seem like it's othewise because in Canada it is not. If you wanted to blow 5K to catch your H cheating again that's your prerogative but to tell other readers on here who are outside of Canada and make them believe you did it to take him to the cleaners, then the least you can do is explain it to THEM since we do live in a NO FAULT legal system and all....

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah but that's inevitable in an unamicable D, and proving your partner's infidelity will make him settle with you for what you outside OR it will just cost him to fight you for what he doesn't want you to have. Either way you don't get anymore BECAUSE you can prove he cheated.

 

That's the point so don't try to make it seem like it's othewise because in Canda it is NOT. If you wanted to blow 5K to catch your H cheating again that's your prerogative but to tell other readers on here who are outside of Canada and make them believe you did it to take him to the cleaners, then the least you can do is explain it to THEM since we do live in a NO FAULT legal system and all....

Guess again. Keep looking.

 

As for blowing 5K, no, I blew way more than that and it was worth every penny.

[Tomcat33]

Guess again. Keep looking.

 

As for blowing 5K, no, I blew way more than that and it was worth every penny.

 

Yeah so did I on a trip to Italy, Spain, Morocco and Egypt. Actually it was just over 6K.

To each their own. If you prefer to blow 6 grand on a 2x4......:lmao:

Pick your own poison I suppose.

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah so did I on a trip to Italy, Spain, Morocco and Egypt. Actually it was just over 6K.

To each their own. If you prefer to blow 6 grand on a 2x4......:lmao:

Pick your own poison I suppose.

If and when you can afford to play, we can talk about what's cost effective to each person.

[lovernotafighter]

Your imagination is working overtime but then fantasy appeals, doesn't it?

 

As specified by the OP, the wife is driving around. Somehow you've managed to create a ridiculous scenario from it. So odd.

 

her vision here isn't more convoluted than a astronaut wearing diapers now is it?

 

lady you amaze me by the non-sense you write. you'll say just about anything to give a BS a pass despite what a nut-job you end up sounding like won't you?

 

OMG, is Tony Danza in your avatar?! lol! is that your way of saying "who's the boss?" that's great comedy!

[Trialbyfire]

her vision here isn't more convoluted than a astronaut wearing diapers now is it?

 

lady you amaze me by the non-sense you write. you'll say just about anything to give a BS a pass despite what a nut-job you end up sounding like won't you?

 

OMG, is Tony Danza in your avatar?! lol! is that your way of saying "who's the boss?" that's great comedy!

Oh? So she's a nutjob for driving in her car? Last I heard, it's legal and sane to drive on a public street.

 

Nope. Wrong again...

[greengoddess]

:laugh:This thread is sooo funny.

 

The justifications of the ow's about why the wife should leave is pure humor to me.

 

These other women wait around and wait around for their prince charmings year after year to leave and they listen to I can't because of my kids and finances. They think of more clever ways to go underground when they are discovered because their prince charming still won't say yes I've been sleeping with her. I love her. No he comes back to his wife on his hands and knees begging for another chance and that he will have no contact. Then the poor ow even after a dday still believes he will leave one day and carries on this secret sad romance while wasting the best years of her life waiting for an hour a day for true love.:laugh:

Oh but the wife is pathetic for believing him that his fling is over.

 

So why is it mm is not pathetic staying for the kids but the wife should just pack up and leave? Isn't it the mm that is so unhappy he needs his little side ego boost.

 

Oh and if you read some of the bw literature I think 4 months is aout when the anger stage is supposed to hit. In otherwords the months of sex and honeymoon phase have ended and wife is pissed off. BEWARE.:laugh:

[Tomcat33]

So why is it mm is not pathetic staying for the kids but the wife should just pack up and leave? /quote]

 

 

Because BSs, as displayed here, often lose their sanity over staying with a cheater!

Some people make their entire lives the man they are with, hence those are the ones that turn into nut jobs for years after the A is found out, coming up with new ways to try to "catch"the man in another affair. It becomes their full time job.

 

Get a hobbie if you are that desperate for a time killer. Patroling around the OW's house looking for her husband is NOT a healthy way to live.

 

And to all that say it is only been 4 months post D-day, well the four months will easily turn into a year into two and 5. These women teach themselves to not trust to have to police everything their husbands do, they are bored with their lives not hurt because they were cheated on.

 

They confise time fillers....they need a job, not the cheater in their lives.

[Impudent Oyster]

As usual ladies, we disagree. I set a PI on the exes OW, while getting things prepped for the big D. It was worth it.

 

Maybe the betrayed spouse is doing this on her own.

 

Once again, if you play with MM, expect the wife join the party...

 

Good point. Maybe the wife is just collecting evidence for the divorce. Maybe she's going to take him to the cleaners. Good for her.

[Impudent Oyster]

:lmao: I don't not at all! I find it sad, and laughable, it makes me laugh at the BS that she is so pathetically consumed by what her H did to her that she is prancing around this OW's garden and the OW can see all of this.

I am embarassed for her. She chose to stay with a man who she has to go out and hunt down. It's pathetic!

 

Sorry but I just envision this crazy woman dressed up with a hat that has tree branches coming out of it, in a camouflaged green track suit and hding behind a huge plam leaf running across her law trying to get a glimps inside the living room window and I cant's stop laughing. :lmao::lmao:

 

I read nothing about this BW doing any garden prancing, window peeking, camouflage or hiding.

 

The wife drove down her street a few times, BFD. I wonder how many times the OW drives past the MM's house, if she even knows his address..I had to laugh when I read the OW on another board suggesting peoplefinders and zillow to discover their "boyfriends" addresses, seems their "boyfriends" won't tell them.

 

Don't answer, we all know they do. I've read a lot about the OW's doing drive-bys of MM's home.

[greengoddess]

LMAO Tomcat. You were really hurt weren't you and you totally blame his wife for staying?

 

Is it not insane to be in a relationship where you can only phone at certain times, can't communicate on weekends or evenings, most of your love is thru text and email, being an adult and having sex in cars and parks and office buildings, not being seen in public, can't sleep in his arms every night, not being able to brag about your boyfriend to your friends, not being able to bring him home to mom and dad, not being able to go to his house or meet the biggest part of his life his children? That my dear is insanity.

 

Being emotional at the near end or end of a marriage and all it entails is not insane.

 

Lying cheating and sneaking around instead of being honest to your wife and ow are insane. An ow actually believing the mm is insane.

 

YOU want the wife to give YOU back your sanity by leaving because you know he would never do it. Do you want a man by default?

[2sunny]

Losing me was enough of a punishment for my H. I didn't need to lower myself to going after revenge. He was no longer worth my time or my energy.

 

Am I the only BS that truly doesn't care about the OWs? I genuinely don't care who my H slept with. I didn't know them. They didn't know me. They owed me nothing. My H was the person that betrayed me. Am I the only BS that gets this?

 

I refuse to sit here and beat up on these women. They don't deserve it. If anything I can relate to them. We've all been in love with cheaters.

 

i could have written this - as it is my mindset as well.