broknhearted Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 ok guys... remember my last post? well... things were cooling off with my MM and still are. If i don't call him first, he won't call me. he knows my schedule. I'm tired of him calling the shots. so, i quit calling him, if he wants to talk he'll call me, you see, he used to call me once if not twice a day. last week i had to call him mon, tues & wed.... it really pissed me off. so... i quit calling him, didn't call him thur or fri, he called me saturday, lol. i was kinda cold to him on the phone and stayed off my computer all weekend so he couldn't IM me. it just has been irritating me how HE calls all the shots. I mean... i have never dated a MM before, i really thought he loved me, i don't want to just be someones piece of a**. i know he'll never leave his wife. he leaves the country in about a week (vacation with his wife-how nice...). i will start my NC then. I have been pulling away too, i really hope he senses it. I don't want to discuss it with him, i really don't have much to say anymore. i know he can't offer me more. i just want to fade out of his life and focus on my own. we have kind of a long distance affair, we don't hook up very often, maybe once every couple months, i'm sorry but i want more than that. i can't believe i fell for all of this... i'm so pissed off at myself, lol. he wanted to hook up with me next month, i made the excuse i couldn't take off work, seemed like after that his calls have slowed way down. i got an email from him last nite to "call him when i can tomorrow". whats up with that? he could call me if he wanted to talk. do you all think that the MM loves it when they are the ones being pursued? i think they like it, ego boost. i just feel he's not putting any effort into the R. do you all think i should just fade out of his life or call or even e-mail him that its over? i know if i talk to him on the phone he could possibly drag me back into the R. what do u all think? i can tell u one thing, i'm glad i've finally come to my senses, lol.
CAT100 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I would email him that its over. Dont get into a phone conversation as it might drag on & on & especially do not talk to him if you think he may change your mind. Once you've emailed him then block his emails. I think it would be best to def let him know, as you'll feel you have got 'closure'. Also, that way he will totally know where he stands
CAT100 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 And yes, I think some MM love it when they're being pursued- especially if their W is also chasing them up. It makes them feel soooooo in demand & inportant, like no-one can live without them, lol
Lizzie60 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 If i don't call him first, he won't call me. Then don't call...he knows your schedule... so, i quit calling him, if he wants to talk he'll call me, you see, he used to call me once if not twice a day. last week i had to call him mon, tues & wed.... it really pissed me off. so... Wow.... did you quit or not? i quit calling him, didn't call him thur or fri, he called me saturday, lol. Good, I'm proud of you i will start my NC then. I have been pulling away too, i really hope he senses it. I don't want to discuss it with him, i really don't have much to say anymore. i know he can't offer me more. i just want to fade out of his life and focus on my own. Why not NOW? Keep going you will eventually convince yourself. i just feel he's not putting any effort into the R. You think so? do you all think i should just fade out of his life or call or even e-mail him that its over? i know if i talk to him on the phone he could possibly drag me back into the R. what do u all think? I would email that's it's over... period. But I KNOW that you'll be back with him... cause from your post you're still trying to convince yourself...you're not there yet... i can tell u one thing, i'm glad i've finally come to my senses, lol. Have you? come on... be honest!
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Yup I agree with the others. Email him and tell him you no longer want to be the OW in his life and not to contact you again. If you think you're going to end it by fading out of his life slowly, you're only leaving the door open for something to happen...Honestly, I'm not too sure if you want that door closed and locked forever...? One can't end an affair and just slowly fade away in hopes that the affair partner will get the hint.
Author broknhearted Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 I would email that's it's over... period. But I KNOW that you'll be back with him... cause from your post you're still trying to convince yourself...you're not there yet... i can tell u one thing, i'm glad i've finally come to my senses, lol. Have you? come on... be honest! Its not that i'm trying to convince myself. I know i have to do whats right for me. I guess i'm saying i'll miss his friendship and thats a hard thing to let go.
greengoddess Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Its not that i'm trying to convince myself. I know i have to do whats right for me. I guess i'm saying i'll miss his friendship and thats a hard thing to let go. He's not your friend. Friends don't treat you like this.
Author broknhearted Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 He's not your friend. Friends don't treat you like this. okay... i see your point, but we did start out as friends. I'm really glad i found this board, you all have really been helping me sort things out. Thanks for all comments from you all. I appreciated all of them, even the ones that were to the point, lol.
PoshPrincess Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I agree with the others, BH. Just make sure that when you do let him know it's over you don't go back on your word as that will end up driving you insane. I did, over and over again, and it made me feel like sh*t about myself, that I could be so weak. I miss MM but I feel more in control now and that's the way I like it. You say he's not going to leave his W anyway - has he told you that? If so, there's no point in continuing a R with him anyway. Lots of luck x
justfine Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 BH... You guys never really did have a relationship. You're just some side action for him. If that's not enough for you, move on.
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