chocolate_boy Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Man I forgot how hard this break-up shiz can be. I'm still living with my ex, she is moving out next weekend, she's trying to be as busy as possible, and makes friends easy, so she's found a houseshare with 10 other people, she's pretty much out with them every night at the moment, as well as people from her new uni course. I'm still stuck in our apartment as I work full time (and don't get on really with anyone from work as a friend, I have aquantences but no friends there), so pretty much I'm on my own most of the day/night. I've just lacked motivation to do anything, I work nights and normally go to bed at 7am and wake up at 2pm, although this last week i've slept til 5pm, one day i didnt get up til 9pm and just got showered and went back to work. I just have absolutely no energy, even getting off the sofa is difficult, and at work i'm just drained and tired. Any tips on this? Conversely, the ex is now out at all night parties 7 nights a week and with her new friends from dinner time til way after midnight most nights, she stumbles in drunk, falls asleep and wakes up and goes out. It does mean I havent seen her much more than an hour or two in the last week though, which is wierd, we were so so so close, we moved here to this new city as I got a new job and she told me we should move together, in our last city I was surrounded by friends and family, and she had none, so said we'd be on an even keel here, and I looked after her so much then, always took her out with the boys everytime (much to their annoyance) and never visited my folks without taking her along. Now she's suddenly got this big group of friends for the first time in her life, and here i;m just on my own 24/7 and sleeping about 12 hours a day, so so ****. I really just want to quit my job and move back home, i'm so tempted, although it does feel a bit defeatist. i was out with workmates the other night, but just can't seem to gel with them for some reason, prob cos i'm not in my best frame of mind right now, I wanted to go out and party on sat night, but they all went home about 9pm, so i had to as well. I even tried meeting people on a bloody friends site on the net, they turned out to be a bunch of geeks who were really awkward and it was so uncomfortable, we had nothing in common, I'm feeling so lost and alone here, after 5 months I'm beginnign to thing maybe this city isnt for me, despite having a really good well paid job.
underpants Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Things will probably get better after she does move out. Eventually. I sounds like you are coping by overworking yourself. It also sounds like she is coping by over partying. IMO you approach is more healthy. Make sure you get your rest though. Once she leaves just give yourself some time to adjust. You might find you like things once the final details of this ending are over. Sorry you are having a tough time.
sedgwick Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I don't think there's anything wrong with moving back home if that's what you really want to do. My ex-husband (and still my very best friend; we call each other "my trophy ex-wife" and "my trophy ex-husband") moved back home (Cincinnati) after his first marriage broke up. He felt defeated, too, especially since he had to live with his parents for a month while he found a place. But then he found a job he really enjoyed, stayed there five years, and met me because he got cast in a play that I wrote. It really was love at first sight. We are totally soulmates. The fact that our marriage broke up after six years was due to a lot of issues, but it was an amicable divorce, and, like I said, he is still my best friend. So it turned out that moving home was the right thing for him to do. He felt that the geographical distance helped him get over his first wife, plus having his friends and family around helped too. So if it's really what you want to do, don't hesitate to do it. Also, the way your ex is dealing with the breakup is no healthier than the way you are dealing. Both of you have to do whatever is necessary to help yourselves heal.
Curious139 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 It sounds like you are depressed which is perfectly natural - nothing wrong in the circumstances. You need to eat healthily, get the sleep you need, but also exercise. You'll start to feel better even if you don't notice at first. I admire you for working and keeping busy, that is really healthy. Ignore her - the partying etc is shallow and ultimately is no answer to how she really copes. Take care.
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 Thanks for all the advice so far guys. She's really annoying me now, she's been acting all "I'm gonna miss you" and trying to hug me last night, this morning I find out she's already dating somebody else, we've been broken up like a week. Great, she's still living here, but it changes now, no more eating my food, watching my tv, using my broadband, she can suffer til she leaves on saturday, now i'm pis*ed off.
Curious139 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Good man. Get angry, it is a normal and valid reaction. Just don't take it out on her in any direct way. Keep your dignity, your self-respect. To be honest it sounds like she is taking advantage of you so the sooner that stops the better.
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