How to counter "Why Men Love B!tches" technique?

[birdie]

Cheap shots eh? Cute.

 

you don't deserve any better. I hope she gets rid of you

[halfarock]

If she is manipulating you it is because of how you are and how she is. If she has the upper hand she probably always will. If you try to take it away from her she will probably fight, or just end it.

 

I often have multiple girlfriends but never get into any of these power struggles. It probably has a lot to do with that I tend to like the friendships that I have with the women in my life and the comfort that that brings. Power struggles aren’t conductive to that.

[frannie]

FYI, I AM already "cheating" on her.. I'm dating 2 other women and have been for a long time. I have absolutely no interest in having a "healthy" relationship with her or any of them, I want to be able to control them so that I can get laid without having to put up with endless bitching. I have no interest in "emotionally investing" with her.. I just don't want to lose the poontang.

 

She is the one playing all these games because she is emotionally involved. I just want to play them to win, so I can get what I want from her. At this point she's so manipulative that I couldn't give a rat's tookus about her, but I do want to tap that sweet behind some more.

 

Sounds like you're emotionally involved yourself (and I don't mean 'love', just needy) otherwise you wouldn't need to engage in any counter-games you're not cut out to win.

 

I can't see that its just about 'sex without bitching'... otherwise you'd be with another woman. One without the silly book, maybe..?

[lindya]

She'll feel me pulling away a little bit and she will use the "Principle #63" which states, "... a slightly aloof demeanor can often renew his respect."

 

I'd do the same, and it's got nothing to do with any "how to be a bitch" books. Quite the opposite - it's to do with having a bit of sensitivity and respect. If someone is pulling away from me, it's a sign that they could do with a bit of space and time on their own. Backing off rather than fussing over them is the courteous (not to mention self-respecting) way to respond.

 

It sounds to me as though this "men love bitches" book was titled to attain maximum sales, but contains the same old advice and messages that you'd get in something like "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." You could argue that your gf is an expert game player/manipulator. Or she might just be a psychologically healthy person who will take positive advice from a variety of sources. You should probably take the title of that book with a grain of salt.

 

Giving someone space when they seem to need it doesn't seem like terribly bitchy behaviour to me. Unless you're pulling away not so much because you need space but because you're trying to establish a bit of power. In that case, you'd be the one playing the game and it would be back-firing on you because it wasn't eliciting the result you wanted.

 

When it comes to one person playing a dysfunctional game and the other maintaining a psychologically healthy approach, the game player is generally going to end up feeling (and looking) like the loser.

 

From your posts later on in this this thread, it seems clear that you are trying to develop some kind of expertise in puerile power games. You've said you're not interested in being healthy. That's up to you....but as long as you keep trying to play games, healthier people who aren't even trying will keep on beating you at them.

[stillafool]

When I was single and dating I would act the same way your GF does but it was not an act. It was the way I was. It could be that this girl is not that impressed with you and (like I was) dating other guys on the side and still keeping my options open. So you might want to ask yourself "Whose fooling Who?". She may be a far more skilled and greater "Playa" than you.

[jcster]

FYI, I AM already "cheating" on her.. I'm dating 2 other women and have been for a long time. I have absolutely no interest in having a "healthy" relationship with her or any of them, I want to be able to control them so that I can get laid without having to put up with endless bitching. I have no interest in "emotionally investing" with her.. I just don't want to lose the poontang.

 

I bet if you tell her that, the games will end real quick!

[Green]

well ur cheating on her eh congratulations your lucky this is the only tactic shes using to cause you trouble instead of poisining you, atacking you or your car, or what ever else she can do to screw up your life. If you want a little more peace of mind with the women in your life I sugest learning how to be an honest genuine person. If yours such a player just dump her and get a new gf.

[Trialbyfire]

OP, I will state that I will never agree with your approach to life and love.

 

Having said that, I also don't believe in withdrawal. If a person wants something, they need to clearly state it. If their needs aren't being met, decide how important it is. If it's important enough, walk. So simple, direct and easy.

 

If they don't know what they need, they're pretty messed up so not worth your while.

 

The way to offset withdrawal is to walk away.

[Beauty28]

Something is off with your story. How do you know that she is actually playing these games with you? Did she specifically tell you that she is using those tactics to play games with you? Because in my experiences, when I am playing games with someone I NEVER tell them. Especially if I am doing it to a guy that I like in which case he is probably acting aloof with me as well so I am giving him a dose of his own medicine. Anyhow, I wouldn't play her games right back. It just spirals downward and back fires on both of you. And then the relationship never works out because it wasn't based on honesty, communication, respect, ....essentially all the things that are required to build a solid foundation in a budding romance (minus the game playing). Yes I agree to playing hard to get to an extent but not to where your playing games on eachother. If she is doing this to you I'd have to ask "Is she really that into you?"

[Izzy B]

Ok, did she tell you she read the book or did you find it in her book collection? She's really stupid if she told you she read the book and follows it because doing so negates the really good points the book makes.

Secondly, if you have to devise strategies to beat her or counter her, you are seeing it as a game and you just need to end it now if this is how you see relationships.

[amber1]

I hope she dumps your ass soon.

[Cad Rake]

Did she specifically tell you that she is using those tactics to play games with you? Because in my experiences, when I am playing games with someone I NEVER tell them. Especially if I am doing it to a guy that I like in which case he is probably acting aloof with me as well so I am giving him a dose of his own medicine. Anyhow, I wouldn't play her games right back.

 

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. We were in a bookstore together and I pointed at the book and laughed and said something like "I bet you've read that one!" and she looked at me strangely and I said "Hahaa you HAVE read it?!!?" and so I went to pick it up and she wouldn't let me and she said "I don't read books on how to pick up women, so you shouldn't be reading that book." So then I knew she'd read it and each time we were in a bookstore I'd try to pick it up and she'd get all pissy. So I bought it online.

 

I'd already read ALL the "make men want to marry you" books like The Rules; He's Just Not That Into You; How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You; Men Are Like Fish; Date Like A Man; The Art of Seduction; The Technique of the Love Affair; and my personal favorite "Searching for Courtship" (what a riot) etc etc etc.. So it was just a matter of time before I got this one.

 

So no she didn't tell me exactly what tricks she uses, but it's pretty clear. And of course if you ask her she'd tell you that she's getting more distant not as a "technique" but simply because she's not feeling the love as much from me. And that could be true (after all, I'm dating other women and sometimes I have to devote time to them), but even if it's true her actions are the same, and I should be able to overcome them the same way as if she were consciously "gaming" me.

 

But you're right, if a girl is playing hard to get, she's not as into you as you'd like her to be. Girls who are WAYYY into you CAN'T play hard to get because they can't control themselves. So I want to play whatever "game" I can to knock down her "bitch-shield" and aloofness and get her way more into me again.

 

Update: I have been doing what I said I'd do in the first few posts. I've been friendly and confident but not overly eager to talk with her. Instead of calling and calling like I usually do when she acts this way, I've sent her a couple of text messages wishing her well, and she's started texting back trying to open up lines of communication. I've respectfully and positively said essentially "I'd love to talk, maybe I'll call you tomorrow."

 

Tonight I won't contact her in any way and we'll see what she does. Besides, I think I might want to get laid by my blonde girl tonight. I think my girls can tell I'm dating other women and all try to noise up as much drama as they can to push themselves to the top of the attention heap.

 

Thanks again for the responses, even the .. weird.. ones.

[nicki]

Hey, did it ever occur to you that this woman might be "pulling away and acting friendly but distant" because SHE is screwing another guy on the side, too? Maybe that's why she isn't "noising it up" like the others.

 

Have fun with your blonde one tonight. Your lifestyle is not for me either, but I find it kind of funny that you are playing games with a woman you only want to sleep with when you have others to sleep with.

 

So, you might consider that this woman is doing the same thing to you. Maybe she only pays you attention when the other guy is too tired to do it again.

[Cad Rake]

I love all the below-the-belt attacks from chicks here. Any time they don't like how a man is treating a woman they suggest that she's screwing around on him. I realize that arousing male jealousy is a powerful tool, but is it the only tool in most women's bags?

 

Anyway, she certainly could be messing around with other guys. She has before, in fact they all have. Like most women, they use their sexuality as a weapon when they feel they have to. That's ok, UNlike most men, I've mastered that game too

 

In fact, I think the blondie still has an old boyfriend that she sees every once in awhile. I really couldn't care less -- these chicks would be stupid to be monogamous with me. Things are so much more fun when chicks aren't in love with you... they have sex freely, they don't lie, they don't nag, they don't care if you go out with the guys, they don't care if I spend my money on silly guy toys... it's only when they start falling in love that they do all that crap. So if they're screwing other guys, more power to 'em.

 

Here's the thing though.. and I know this because I "cheat" all the time.. when you're seeing someone behind another person's back, usually you become EXTRA nice to the person, not withdrawn. At least that's how guys are. They don't want the girl to clue in to the fact that the guy is screwing another broad, so they are super nice and loving to the girl.

 

It's only when you feel LESS powerful in a relationship that you start trying to make the other person nervous.

[stillafool]

I'd already read ALL the "make men want to marry you" books like The Rules; He's Just Not That Into You; How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You; Men Are Like Fish; Date Like A Man; The Art of Seduction; The Technique of the Love Affair; and my personal favorite "Searching for Courtship" (what a riot) etc etc etc.. So it was just a matter of time before I got this one.

 

 

I don't think you are as much a natural "player" as you pretend to be. It sounds like you get all your rules from books made for women.

 

 

But you're right, if a girl is playing hard to get, she's not as into you as you'd like her to be. Girls who are WAYYY into you CAN'T play hard to get because they can't control themselves. So I want to play whatever "game" I can to knock down her "bitch-shield" and aloofness and get her way more into me again.

 

If you are such a "player" why do you care about this one girl? A real "player" would have replaced her by now. IMO I think this girl has really turned your head around and you want her badly. You wouldn't spend time on this board about her if you weren't sprung.

 

Update: I have been doing what I said I'd do in the first few posts. I've been friendly and confident but not overly eager to talk with her. Instead of calling and calling like I usually do when she acts this way, I've sent her a couple of text messages wishing her well, and she's started texting back trying to open up lines of communication. I've respectfully and positively said essentially "I'd love to talk, maybe I'll call you tomorrow."

 

Tonight I won't contact her in any way and we'll see what she does. Besides, I think I might want to get laid by my blonde girl tonight. I think my girls can tell I'm dating other women and all try to noise up as much drama as they can to push themselves to the top of the attention heap.

 

See, still with the games. You are the one playing the games not her. You should stop reading those stupid books and start acting from your heart. She probably sees you as immature and a game player.

[Cad Rake]

hehe, well I've never called myself a "player." I certainly don't think of myself as one. I'm just dating a number of different women. Because you're right, I'm not able to walk away as a player would be. I tend to hold on to the chicks, and if they get distant or try to break up with me, it affects me! Not just this chick but all 3! That's what the whole purpose of this topic is about !!! You silly bozos.

 

And it's not just books for women I've read, I've read all the "how to pick up chicks" books too. So it's true, I'm not a "natural player" at all. I read and I read and learn techniques (and counter-techniques) from others' experiences. Whether it's self-help or Shakespeare or Nietzsche, there's a lot of wisdom to be gained by books.

 

So, I guess I don't understand the point of anyone's criticism here. I'm not asking for your approval, I just laugh at those who get all critical of me. And I'm not going to change my spots, so it's pointless for people to tell me (or anyone else for that matter) to totally change my personality.

 

What I was hoping was for some REAL player here to let me know hints and tricks for overcoming the technique I mentioned in my first post. That's all. All the ad hominem attacks are superfluous.

 

Thanks to all those who have TOPICALLY replied.

[Green]

I think your in your head to much, and I think your thoughts are kind of nasty. Look if you read those books about women then you know the most important type of game you can play on a woman is your own inner game. You really need to stop placing all your feelings of insecurities on other people and just work on having a posotive state of mind yourself whether people are paying atention to you or not. I really once again must say I wouldnt recomend tricking girls into thinking your only dating them when your not. People will allow you to date who ever you want as long as theres been no agreament to be exclusive, next I would sugest not getting into seriouse relationship with people you dont respect or care for. hopefuly you'll find some one you care about and stop thinking you have to play mind games and counter things.

[mental_traveller]

That's just one of my weak points. Can't tell you why I keep falling for it, other than it's a very effective technique. So your opinion is that I should stay away... eg, not call, not text, etc?

 

Just text her "I'm tired of your aloofness. It's over."

[mental_traveller]

 

But you're right, if a girl is playing hard to get, she's not as into you as you'd like her to be. Girls who are WAYYY into you CAN'T play hard to get because they can't control themselves.

 

That's not always true. Not all women are "girly girls". Some are more reserved or aloof by nature, and are able to exercise just as much self-control as any guy. Maybe more, since they don't have a load of testosterone telling them to hump anything that moves.

[stillafool]

That's right Mental Traveller some girls are jus aloof by nature. These are the ones that ususally get all the guys because they confuse them. I don't think this girl is playing games at all but is being herself. I think Cad Rake would get further with her if he would just be hisself and stop the games.

[Green]

the hole concept of romance is one big game. You have to put people into this sexy trance and bam u got em.

[Trialbyfire]

the hole concept of romance is one big game. You have to put people into this sexy trance and bam u got em.

In this particular situation where the OP is a player, this would be accurate.

 

In a situation where someone wants a real relationship, the hormonal trance breaks easily when actions don't match the b/s words.

[Cad Rake]

In a situation where someone wants a real relationship, the hormonal trance breaks easily when actions don't match the b/s words.

 

Interesting.. please elaborate.

[Trialbyfire]

Interesting.. please elaborate.

Actions have to match or exceed words. You can spew all the nonsense you want but when you don't pull through, sooner or later the gig will be up. No one can continue lying or practicing deceit for the rest of their lives.

[Green]

I never said romancing some one doesnt involve actions because it definetly goes beyond just saying stuff. and being romantic doesnt mean your not genuinely into some one, alot of times you probably are into that person if you take the time to play the romance card.