nicki Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I agree. That's why you give someone a chance and go out a few times to get to know them. I never judge and reject someone based on a first date -- unless he acts way too pushy to get physical or looks at every woman around. As for dating several guys at once, I've done it and loved it. It keeps me light hearted and makes me feel like my options are open. However, I think one can only do that for so long. Fairly quickly, I will want to focus on one of the guys and spend my time with only him. And I wouldn't sleep with any of the guys I'm casually dating. Only the one I decide to date exclusively, and not until the other guys know I'm no longer available to see them. But, then again, I'm talking about casually dating a few men for a short time, not longer term. So, I'm wondering. If I date a few guys casually, are they most likely dating and sleeping with other women? The dating is fine. It's the sleeping with other women part I don't like. I really didn't think guys would be pursuing other women if they were already sleeping with one. I must be naive.
sweetie7 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I suppose this is the bit I don't understand: why would you date someone you are 'not wild about'? Has it ever happened to any of you where you met someone you didn't think that much of, you started dating anyway and they grew on you? I don't think it's good to be "wild about someone" before you even know them well...that's when the biggest disasters happen. In my opinion, it takes a few dates at least and getting to know someone before you can be wild about someone. I guess I'm not the type of person to jump into "omg! he's the one!" before I even start dating. I'm a lot more cautious, which means I date some guys I'm not too sure about, but can get a good feeling for after a few dates. You have to remember too, when I'm talking "dating," I'm just talking hanging out, seeing each other maybe once a week, not spending significant time on the phone, mild hooking up. Dating to me is the whole getting to know you thing.
Author uniqueone Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 Yes...I honestly don't see anything wrong with this. Guys do it all the time. I've been in a couple really long-term relationships (3 years) and would neverrr cheat or do anything when I'm in an exclusive relationship. But if I'm just "dating," meaning basically going out with a guy once a week, I'm not going to stop the rest of my life and close my other options. If I met a guy who knocked me off me feet and drove me crazy, I probably wouldn't want to date others, but often when I'm "dating," I'm not wild about the person and just trying to get to know them. Please don't take my asking you that question as being judgemental. I was just asking because I'm trying to understand this whole circle of men thing and why they stay around. I just can't see them staying around if a woman is just going out for coffee with them all the time and they want more....and she is dating others.
Author uniqueone Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 I suppose this is the bit I don't understand: why would you date someone you are 'not wild about'? Has it ever happened to any of you where you met someone you didn't think that much of, you started dating anyway and they grew on you? I don't get that either. I just can't do it. I certainly cant' be physical with them.
Author uniqueone Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 I agree. That's why you give someone a chance and go out a few times to get to know them. I never judge and reject someone based on a first date -- unless he acts way too pushy to get physical or looks at every woman around. As for dating several guys at once, I've done it and loved it. It keeps me light hearted and makes me feel like my options are open. However, I think one can only do that for so long. Fairly quickly, I will want to focus on one of the guys and spend my time with only him. And I wouldn't sleep with any of the guys I'm casually dating. Only the one I decide to date exclusively, and not until the other guys know I'm no longer available to see them. But, then again, I'm talking about casually dating a few men for a short time, not longer term. So, I'm wondering. If I date a few guys casually, are they most likely dating and sleeping with other women? The dating is fine. It's the sleeping with other women part I don't like. I really didn't think guys would be pursuing other women if they were already sleeping with one. I must be naive. Ok, this is totally different. I've done exactly what you do and I can relate to this completely. What I was referring to was ones that go on for quite some time dating others. This is why I figured there must be physical relationships going on. As far as what you say about the guys you're dating casually sleeping with other women....some I've dated were and some weren't. It just depends on the person. With some, it also depends on who they have available.
Author uniqueone Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 I don't think it's good to be "wild about someone" before you even know them well... But you said that you have physical relationships with them, didn't you? If you don't know them well, why would you want a physical relationship with them?
compassion42 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I'm dating a circle of men for the first time in my life. I am a relationship girl at heart but really don't want to rush into a relationship unless I am feeling true chemistry. I don't sleep with them all because that would be sleezy in my opinion... but I will show affection. Generally I don't tell them that I am dating others but if they were to ask, I would be honest. Although it gets a little confusing from time to time-it's actually fun and exciting! You have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince.
Author uniqueone Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 I'm dating a circle of men for the first time in my life. I am a relationship girl at heart but really don't want to rush into a relationship unless I am feeling true chemistry. I don't sleep with them all because that would be sleezy in my opinion... but I will show affection. Generally I don't tell them that I am dating others but if they were to ask, I would be honest. Although it gets a little confusing from time to time-it's actually fun and exciting! You have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince. But that brings back birdie's question of....if you don't find true chemistry with them....why date them?
compassion42 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Why date them if no chemistry? Well I date them so that I can see if there IS some sort of potential for chemistry. If I don't feel it after a few dates and sometimes all it takes is one, then I don't see the guy anymore.
MystifiedByMen Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 I have to say that 6 months after my 6 year relationship ended, I did date a circle of guys. It was 3 of them. It was something weird I went through and I had fun doing it. Gave me the ego boost I needed. The only reason I did it was because all three of them were ACTIVLY perusing me at the same time. They were all cute and stuck around for awhile. I wasn’t sleeping with any of them. I think when you are NOT looking, people find your more appealing and try much harder to win you over. That was the case I think with these guys. I did give them affections such as kissing, snuggling, allowing them to sleep over, etc.. But never sex. Eventually I got bored with that and faded them out of my life because I met a new guy I actually liked. Which ended 3 months later on our trip to Key West together. Now, I’m just single and focused on school. No dates recently at all and I’m ok with that. I just turned 26 and know after that 6 year relationship ended, I had to “do my thing” for awhile. You know.. get things out of my system. Now I’m stable and ready for commitment once I find the right person. But, I will not settle.
MystifiedByMen Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 But that brings back birdie's question of....if you don't find true chemistry with them....why date them? Because they are there and attractive. That's why you date when there is no chemistry.
DateAnalyzer Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 This guy wrote to me on the personals yesterday and told me that most of the women he meets have a circle of men they're dating....one on Tuesday, one on Wednesday.....etc.... He said he's looking for someone who isn't just squeezing him into a slot. That guy I'd been seeing told me that women he'd date were also dating others. A woman I knew from the personals last year told me how she dates several at a time. When I hear this, I get a puzzled look on my face. I can barely find one person out of 50 that I am interested in (and who are interested in me) to date. How in the world, do they find several? (Maybe this goes back to the point of how I'd rather be alone than just date to be dating...and maybe that's not true with them.) So then I'm thinking...guys usually want SOME form of physical contact after a few dates. Are these women ok with that from multiple guys? And really...how do they find so many guys that they like physical contact WITH? Then again, many of them seem to drink a bit so maybe they just done care as much because of that. And this might sound bad, but if these dates aren't going anywhere physically and the woman is dating others, surely the guy doesn't continue taking her out and PAYING for the dates, right? I HAVE dated more than one person at the same time but it was more like friendship. And it doesn't last that long either because if it's not going further like the guy wants it to, he moves on. i can't see several of them hanging around, taking me out, knowing that others are taking me out, me not getting physical with them, and they keep doing this for a considerable length of time. So my guess is that these women who have a circle of men to date get physical with them (in some way). Why else would these guys stay around? Sorry if that sounds bad, you guys out there, but I can't see why you'd want to stay around otherwise. I mean, I wouldn't if I were you. So who's had these circles of men? Are you just not that picky? How far do you go with them physically? Do they pay for your dates? (and please...no bragging) And men....have you dated women who date several men and what has been your experience with them? I fantasize about dating 2 or 3 women at one time but never ever been in that situation. I see nothing wrong with it because how else do you find out who is the best for you?
katiebour Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Only between the breakup between my last ex and my current relationship did I ever date more than one at a time- and it was weird. I dated 4 men and had a casual physical encounter with another three, and also a husband and wife. My average score on a purity test went waaaaay down (lol.) All this happened in a time period of about 6 months, although the circumstances were bizarre: Had a one-night stand with a cute guy. Called cute guy after that and tried to go on a date with him, cute guy never calls back and avoids me like the plague. I assume that one is over and go on date with guy #2. Date guy #2 exclusively for a month, really like him, kiss and snuggle but nothing more, then he disappears off the face of the earth. Wait two weeks, then assume that guy #2 is not coming back. Go one one date with a really insecure guy, I give it one more date before admitting that I am absolutely not into him. He's moving to another state so it's no great loss. No physical contact desired or given. Have one night stands with husband and wife and another recently broken-up with guy- that was a very comforting evening to be with someone who was getting over someone else and feeling much the same as I was. Date guy #4 for a few weeks, yes to the physical although it wasn't great, am getting ready to move cross-country and suddenly guy #4 drops off the face of the earth (later revealed that he locked himself in his house and smoked pot for like two days straight- good riddance!) Moved cross-country, met another guy in the same area over the 'net, got together for a first date. Could not deal with his (severe lack of) fashion or his high-pitched laugh, or crooked teeth- had only one date. Gave him his first kissing lesson as he had never been on a date with a girl. That was as far as it went. Met another guy over the net- met for coffee. Went on a few dates, had some amazing sex; then his interest dropped off a bit. Met current b/f and was head over heels after talking on the 'net and a wonderful first date. We've been together for over two years now. The only reason I count some of those people as simultaneous was because I wasn't sure where they disappeared to or if they would be coming back for more dates (lol.) I felt really weird about it because I don't really care to date more than one person at the same time. When I met my current b/f, I immediately emailed the other two people I had gone out with in this part of the country, let them know that I had met someone amazing and would not be available for anything at that point. I had no interest in seeing anyone else after I met my b/f- he felt the same way and we've been exclusive from date #1. I don't think you'd call that so much a circle as more a string of guys- hehehe.
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