Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Not currently but in the past, I've dated more than one guy but won't sleep with them. How far do you go with them? Do you kiss them? Do you make out? Btw, your two examples of messages: Message 1: Can't spell. Eject. Message 2: Way over the top with compliments and a life story. A blatant snow job. Eject. Message 1---he was never even under consideration. Message 2---I was the one who winked at him and I'd already told him he was attractive. So no, I don't think this was a snow job. Believe it or not, they actually DO think I'm stunning sometimes. Also the message he sent me was about six paragraphs longer than what I posted here and it was not full compliments. I chose to post these paragraphs because the other paragraphs had too much personal information about him.
Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 I have to say I am basically a one at a time girl too. Maybe two at once, but any more than that it just gets too dramatic and I lose track of what I've told one guy versus the others. The guy I was seeing that was involved with others....he'd tell me something that he thought I was familiar with and I'd tell him I didn't know what he was referring to. He'd say "oh...I thought I told you that story." I'd say "uh...no". What I REALLY wanted to say was "Uh...no...that must have been Jennifer...Susie....Kelly....Denise....."
Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Also, I am drawn to intelligent men. However, I am considering changing this. My ex had a genius level IQ (so he says) and he was highly intelligent, very manipulative and well, unfortunately perhaps just downright crazy. 'Derpants, I think I'm with you on this. I'm starting to believe that these extremely intelligent people --as much as I'm attracted to them--are ones to avoid. It seems that, more often than not, they're good at manipulation. And it's true that "craziness" and genius have never been that far apart.
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 How far do you go with them? Do you kiss them? Do you make out? It depends on the kissing portion. If I'm going to make out, it will be all the way... Message 1---he was never even under consideration. Message 2---I was the one who winked at him and I'd already told him he was attractive. So no, I don't think this was a snow job. Believe it or not, they actually DO think I'm stunning sometimes. Also the message he sent me was about six paragraphs longer than what I posted here and it was not full compliments. I chose to post these paragraphs because the other paragraphs had too much personal information about him. I'm sure they might think you're stunning but any guy who's going to lavish so much in one correspondence, is doing it up too thick. It comes across as fake.
Krytellan Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Now see? Is it THAT hard to judge intelligence before meeting????? First off, I never mentioned Email. However, you should be careful judging too much from an email. We are in a text age where people have learned to take shortcuts in everything they do. And just because someone can type well doesn't make them a savant. That's why the GREs have a verbal, analytical, and mathematical section. Me being able to string together well-written sentences does not make me genius. And have you ever seen a writing from Albert Einstein? VERY unorganized. I just think you only get a glimpse of a person through media. Words alone count for 7% of human communication. You're missing inflection, body language, and expression. As long as you choose to judge people by media, I can assure you you will be dismissing people you'd be surprised at. As long as you're OK with that then there's no problem.
Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 I just think you only get a glimpse of a person through media. Words alone count for 7% of human communication. You're missing inflection, body language, and expression. As long as you choose to judge people by media, I can assure you you will be dismissing people you'd be surprised at. As long as you're OK with that then there's no problem. I can get inflection in a phone call. True, body language and expression would have to be in person, but like I've said, my intuition has always been right so far. You said I'd be dismissing people that I'd be surprised at if I'm basing it on something such as their emails. But if they can't write a decent email, I don't care how good they sound in person. My question to them in person would be "If you're so smart....why can't you figure out how to write a friggin' email?" LOL
sweetie7 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I'm 25 and just decided to start doing the whole dating more than one man at a time thing. I actually think it's smart, much more so than putting all your eggs in one basket. Of course, there are different definitions of "dating;" I'm talking the go out maybe once a week, call to make plans and not just to chat phase of things, etc. I'm sooo picky and I decided it would be healthy for me to go on actual dates and try to get to know someone before immediately writing them off. I'm really bad at dating and used to think that if I was dating someone, it had to get to a relationship eventually, and then I realized how dangerous this is and I ended up getting "serious" with people I wasn't even fully into. Also, I'm not ready to get rid of some people in my life for a guy I just started dating and don't have a commitment from...I have one guy who I consider an amazing friend..we talk for hours at a time and always stay up until the sun rises talking about life, etc. We always hook up when we're together and it's passionate and the best I've ever had (no sex though). Right now he's really not relationship material and needs to get a lot of stuff in his life in order (28, in a band, "bad boy", but has an amazing family, ivy league education, extremely outgoing, and incredibly intelligent) but we have an amazing connection and until I meet someone who I enjoy being with as much as him, I'm not letting him go. If I meet someone who I start wanting to see more than once a week and can see a potential future with, I will no doubt break it off with "bad boy" and all other guys I'm dating...but right now, I can't see blocking people out of my life to date someone who might be gone tomorrow. I can see how this sounds bad, but I've learned in life that it's every man for himself and you need to do what makes YOU happy. Just remember: Don't intentionally hurt anyone in the process, be SAFE, and if questioned, be honest.
johan Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 This sounds intriguing! What would they be doing while they're in this circle? Are you in the middle?
birdie Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 it is strange for me to read this thread because this sort of 'structured dating' is so alien to a lot of Europeans. 'structured dating' is when you purposely chase the opportunity, go speed dating, sign up to websites, look at each man as husband potential, date 'non-exclusively', etc my friends tell me of similar trends here in the UK as well now, especially the last couple of years but really a lot of Europeans just go out and socialise a lot, maybe meet the odd person they like here and there and perhaps end up dating them. we don't plan things so much and definitely don't have such a rigid approach - except for the exclusivity part. it is assumed that when you are seeing someone, it is exclusive from the start.
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 it is strange for me to read this thread because this sort of 'structured dating' is so alien to a lot of Europeans. 'structured dating' is when you purposely chase the opportunity, go speed dating, sign up to websites, look at each man as husband potential, date 'non-exclusively', etc my friends tell me of similar trends here in the UK as well now, especially the last couple of years but really a lot of Europeans just go out and socialise a lot, maybe meet the odd person they like here and there and perhaps end up dating them. we don't plan things so much and definitely don't have such a rigid approach - except for the exclusivity part. it is assumed that when you are seeing someone, it is exclusive from the start. This is my approach to dating. Guys appear when they do. Sometimes it rains men, sometimes there's only one.
halfarock Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 …have you ever seen a writing from Albert Einstein? VERY unorganized. I’ve read probably everything that Einstein ever wrote that is available. I don’t find his writings to be unorganized; they always lead to a point. Just sometimes it takes a lot of little pieces to get to that point.
halfarock Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I have a circle of women in my life but don’t really date. It is more like just hanging out, socializing. With all there is an emotional connection. Most are really just friends. Well maybe more as there tends to be a lot of hugging and kissing, sometimes a little more. I usually am having sex with only one although there are times when I’ll be being sexually active with two or three. Some of the women who I’m involved with date/hang out with other men, one is married. I don’t have to have physical contact with a woman to be friends with her. As far as paying for things, it is mostly 50-50.
underpants Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I have a circle of women in my life but don’t really date. It is more like just hanging out, socializing. With all there is an emotional connection. Most are really just friends. Well maybe more as there tends to be a lot of hugging and kissing, sometimes a little more. I usually am having sex with only one although there are times when I’ll be being sexually active with two or three. Some of the women who I’m involved with date/hang out with other men, one is married. I don’t have to have physical contact with a woman to be friends with her. My case in point about pseudo intellectuals (intelligence?) and the inabilility to have a real emotional connection to one woman. No offense half cocked. Unique you seem to want more then to fill a slot in a rotation or a vehicle to fill someone's deflated ego. Don't settle for less then the qualities you desire in a partner. That being said I do know two certified genius level guys that are completely faithful to their wives. (one is a little quirky though..)
birdie Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 My case in point about pseudo intellectuals (intelligence?) and the inabilility to have a real emotional connection to one woman. No offense half cocked. your posts crack me up sometimes
Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 I'm 25 and just decided to start doing the whole dating more than one man at a time thing. I actually think it's smart, much more so than putting all your eggs in one basket. Of course, there are different definitions of "dating;" I'm talking the go out maybe once a week, call to make plans and not just to chat phase of things, etc. I'm sooo picky and I decided it would be healthy for me to go on actual dates and try to get to know someone before immediately writing them off. I'm really bad at dating and used to think that if I was dating someone, it had to get to a relationship eventually, and then I realized how dangerous this is and I ended up getting "serious" with people I wasn't even fully into. Also, I'm not ready to get rid of some people in my life for a guy I just started dating and don't have a commitment from...I have one guy who I consider an amazing friend..we talk for hours at a time and always stay up until the sun rises talking about life, etc. We always hook up when we're together and it's passionate and the best I've ever had (no sex though). Right now he's really not relationship material and needs to get a lot of stuff in his life in order (28, in a band, "bad boy", but has an amazing family, ivy league education, extremely outgoing, and incredibly intelligent) but we have an amazing connection and until I meet someone who I enjoy being with as much as him, I'm not letting him go. If I meet someone who I start wanting to see more than once a week and can see a potential future with, I will no doubt break it off with "bad boy" and all other guys I'm dating...but right now, I can't see blocking people out of my life to date someone who might be gone tomorrow. I can see how this sounds bad, but I've learned in life that it's every man for himself and you need to do what makes YOU happy. Just remember: Don't intentionally hurt anyone in the process, be SAFE, and if questioned, be honest. So do you have physical relationships (of any kind) with them?
Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 This sounds intriguing! What would they be doing while they're in this circle? Are you in the middle? I'm doing my best Britney Spears imitation.....
Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 it is strange for me to read this thread because this sort of 'structured dating' is so alien to a lot of Europeans. 'structured dating' is when you purposely chase the opportunity, go speed dating, sign up to websites, look at each man as husband potential, date 'non-exclusively', etc my friends tell me of similar trends here in the UK as well now, especially the last couple of years but really a lot of Europeans just go out and socialise a lot, maybe meet the odd person they like here and there and perhaps end up dating them. we don't plan things so much and definitely don't have such a rigid approach - except for the exclusivity part. it is assumed that when you are seeing someone, it is exclusive from the start. I think they key there is that you go out and socialize a lot. Here, there aren't many opportunities to socialize once past a certain age. People are busy with work, kids, working out, and just taking care of their day to day life. And some people want to go out and socialize but they don't want to do it alone and have no one who is single to go with. It's not like everyone lives like the characters on "Friends" or something....soooo...they have to go looking for it.
peace_pipe Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 So who's had these circles of men? Are you just not that picky? How far do you go with them physically? Do they pay for your dates? (and please...no bragging) I do have a big circle of men... and yes.. I am extremely picky... How far do I go... we have sex. I am not attached to any of them. They pay. Somebody just shoot me now and get it over with. Ewwwww
peace_pipe Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I met a woman from a dating site she claimed to be dating 4 guys at the sametime. I left her at the club. I am sure one of her many boyfriends saw that she got home safely. I feel like nothing would turn a good man away more than this behavior. Any man that is okay with it is a player himself.
Author uniqueone Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 I met a woman from a dating site she claimed to be dating 4 guys at the sametime. I left her at the club. I am sure one of her many boyfriends saw that she got home safely. I feel like nothing would turn a good man away more than this behavior. Any man that is okay with it is a player himself. Funny you should say that. The guy I knew who was a player wanted the girls he dated to be dating others. That way they wouldn't become too attached to him.
peace_pipe Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Funny you should say that. The guy I knew who was a player wanted the girls he dated to be dating others. That way they wouldn't become too attached to him. Yep, and I have no time for players. They can find another way to stroke thier ego. Personally, I feel any person who dates multiple people simultaneously is just gross. I feel like it defeats the point of dating, which is to get to know someone well enough to decide if they want to persue it further.
sweetie7 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 So do you have physical relationships (of any kind) with them? Yes...I honestly don't see anything wrong with this. Guys do it all the time. I've been in a couple really long-term relationships (3 years) and would neverrr cheat or do anything when I'm in an exclusive relationship. But if I'm just "dating," meaning basically going out with a guy once a week, I'm not going to stop the rest of my life and close my other options. If I met a guy who knocked me off me feet and drove me crazy, I probably wouldn't want to date others, but often when I'm "dating," I'm not wild about the person and just trying to get to know them.
birdie Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I suppose this is the bit I don't understand: why would you date someone you are 'not wild about'? Has it ever happened to any of you where you met someone you didn't think that much of, you started dating anyway and they grew on you?
Krytellan Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I suppose this is the bit I don't understand: why would you date someone you are 'not wild about'? Has it ever happened to any of you where you met someone you didn't think that much of, you started dating anyway and they grew on you? That's happened to me. She was quite a girl.
birdie Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 That's interesting. It happened to me when I was friends with someone first and I ended up really falling for them but I suppose that's different
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