uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 This guy wrote to me on the personals yesterday and told me that most of the women he meets have a circle of men they're dating....one on Tuesday, one on Wednesday.....etc.... He said he's looking for someone who isn't just squeezing him into a slot. That guy I'd been seeing told me that women he'd date were also dating others. A woman I knew from the personals last year told me how she dates several at a time. When I hear this, I get a puzzled look on my face. I can barely find one person out of 50 that I am interested in (and who are interested in me) to date. How in the world, do they find several? (Maybe this goes back to the point of how I'd rather be alone than just date to be dating...and maybe that's not true with them.) So then I'm thinking...guys usually want SOME form of physical contact after a few dates. Are these women ok with that from multiple guys? And really...how do they find so many guys that they like physical contact WITH? Then again, many of them seem to drink a bit so maybe they just done care as much because of that. And this might sound bad, but if these dates aren't going anywhere physically and the woman is dating others, surely the guy doesn't continue taking her out and PAYING for the dates, right? I HAVE dated more than one person at the same time but it was more like friendship. And it doesn't last that long either because if it's not going further like the guy wants it to, he moves on. i can't see several of them hanging around, taking me out, knowing that others are taking me out, me not getting physical with them, and they keep doing this for a considerable length of time. So my guess is that these women who have a circle of men to date get physical with them (in some way). Why else would these guys stay around? Sorry if that sounds bad, you guys out there, but I can't see why you'd want to stay around otherwise. I mean, I wouldn't if I were you. So who's had these circles of men? Are you just not that picky? How far do you go with them physically? Do they pay for your dates? (and please...no bragging) And men....have you dated women who date several men and what has been your experience with them?
Cad Rake Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 yup, no big deal to me. In fact I like it because then the chicks don't get all clingy. I date several women at a time and the biggest pain is when they start "falling" for me and then start trying to run my life. It also depends on where you are. Where I am is a big city and unless you're ready to settle down you might as well see whats out there. My mom always told me "date lots of women" and I expect chicks would do it to. Nothing personal.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 yup, no big deal to me. In fact I like it because then the chicks don't get all clingy. I date several women at a time and the biggest pain is when they start "falling" for me and then start trying to run my life. It also depends on where you are. Where I am is a big city and unless you're ready to settle down you might as well see whats out there. My mom always told me "date lots of women" and I expect chicks would do it to. Nothing personal. How old are you (or at least an age range) and how far do you go physically with them? And do you pay for the dates?
Cad Rake Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I'm 30, I have sex with all of them, and sometimes I pay for dates.. about 2/3 of the time.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 I'm 30, I have sex with all of them, and sometimes I pay for dates.. about 2/3 of the time. Ok, that's pretty much what I'd thought about the whole thing. Thanks. I couldn't do that myself.....hence why I don't date a circle of men (besides the fact that I couldn't find even a triangle of men that I'd be interested in.....)
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 So who's had these circles of men? Are you just not that picky? How far do you go with them physically? Do they pay for your dates? (and please...no bragging) I do have a big circle of men... and yes.. I am extremely picky... How far do I go... we have sex. I am not attached to any of them. They pay.
Krytellan Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Sounds like you're just pickier than some men. I date women I'm only somewhat interested in initially because you just never know who you're going to fall for. I would advise that you reduce your stringent criteria if you're concerned about how much you're dating. Otherwise, that's why some people are dating many, and it makes sense. Why limit exposure when you can cast a wide net and just see what happens? You don't have to have an emotional connection with someone just to go out for one date with them. But who knows what the date might bring?
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 So who's had these circles of men? Are you just not that picky? How far do you go with them physically? Do they pay for your dates? (and please...no bragging) I do have a big circle of men... and yes.. I am extremely picky... How far do I go... we have sex. I am not attached to any of them. They pay. Well...in your case it's just a little bit different. They're paying because it's a business.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 Sounds like you're just pickier than some men. I date women I'm only somewhat interested in initially because you just never know who you're going to fall for. I would advise that you reduce your stringent criteria if you're concerned about how much you're dating. Otherwise, that's why some people are dating many, and it makes sense. Why limit exposure when you can cast a wide net and just see what happens? You don't have to have an emotional connection with someone just to go out for one date with them. But who knows what the date might bring? Because I can tell over the phone if I want to meet them or not. If the phone conversation isn't going smoothly, then I dont really care to meet them. And if I don't like their pictures, I don't care to meet them either. I HAVE done so many times---met people that i wasn't really that attracted to in their pictures or that i didn't really click with on the phone. I really tried to give it a go each time. And everytime, it didn't work. So, I've learned to trust my instincts now. You could be more like that one friend of mine. To him, it only matters that the girl is reasonable attractive, not overweight and nice. Me? I need intellectual stimulation and wit. Not easy to find.
justfine Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I've never dated more than one person at a time and I certainly would not date someone who was seeing someone else. To me, it just seems cheezy plus people who date alot and are sexually active with several partners at the same time, are high risk partners for STDS.
Cad Rake Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Well I don't know what you mean in this case by "cheezy" but you're right about the STD risk.
Krytellan Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 You could be more like that one friend of mine. To him, it only matters that the girl is reasonable attractive, not overweight and nice. Me? I need intellectual stimulation and wit. Not easy to find. Intellec... what's that? I measure a woman's brains by the size of her boobs You say that like I don't care about a woman's brains. That counts too, and my point is you don't always get a sense of their intelligence from their picture (or a phone call for that matter... I HATE talking on the phone). If only it were that easy. That's why I date them.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 Well I don't know what you mean in this case by "cheezy" but you're right about the STD risk. Unfortunately, women are the ones who are at higher risk of getting STD's which is yet another reason why women shouldn't treat sex as cavalierly as some men do. Surprisingly, it's seen as "liberating" for women to do so, when in reality, it's just the opposite.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 Intellec... what's that? I measure a woman's brains by the size of her boobs You say that like I don't care about a woman's brains. That counts too, and my point is you don't always get a sense of their intelligence from their picture (or a phone call for that matter... I HATE talking on the phone). If only it were that easy. That's why I date them. I pick up things easily in emails and phone calls. I'm very in-tuned to nuances in behavior (doesn't mean I always choose to pay attention to the red flags though...but I DO see 'em). I guess it all depends on the person. Some people have to meet in order to get a feel for a person. My problem as far as intellect goes, is that I like a very high intellect. Although I've been beginning to wonder if very high intellect types are not good prospects for relationships. But that's a whole 'nother story.
chill chic Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 well to me, it causes drama, maybe because I can't handle that many guys at once, or it's probably because I don't know WHAT I want, in either a relationship OR in a guy. so yah I've been known to have a group of guys at a time. but it's not all that great, and the sex part of course can get confusing, if you just read the many posts I've started about my guy triangles, you'd get the idea. you're probably better off NOT being able to see a circle of guys at one time.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 well to me, it causes drama, maybe because I can't handle that many guys at once, or it's probably because I don't know WHAT I want, in either a relationship OR in a guy. so yah I've been known to have a group of guys at a time. but it's not all that great, and the sex part of course can get confusing, if you just read the many posts I've started about my guy triangles, you'd get the idea. you're probably better off NOT being able to see a circle of guys at one time. CC, how far do you go with them physically?
chill chic Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 CC, how far do you go with them physically? well basically I've been physical with all of them, physical meaning sex, some faster than others, others meaning if I see them as a potential "dating" partner. if we don't get exclusive after the fact we have sex, I either put them in the pool of fun sex partners for in the future, OR I call it quits with them, and move on. and all of them do come back to be honest.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 you don't always get a sense of their intelligence from their picture (or a phone call for that matter... I HATE talking on the phone). If only it were that easy. That's why I date them. Ok...two examples...hard not to discern the level of intelligence between these two guys..... Here's one message I got: .....your profile is different.....but i like it.....been on here for about three months...and realy looking for a great women to have a relationship with......and most of the dates that i have been on have all had a circle of men ....me tonight and someone elce tomarow nite and i might be free wensday...i am sure that you have heard that..and then before you leave...be sure to call me ..wow dating any how any how your photos are what made me stop and read....o ya they are hot to.Any how nice profile.realy..if you ever get time it would be great to here from you...sounds like you tell it like it is! plus a big smile..that is what is hard.looks like you have stoped the spell of aging....i think iot is how we live our lives...eric Now, here's one from someone else: I guess you could say that I'm a bit frustrated with the match prospects at this point. The better I've learned to know myself and what I like, the more difficult it has been for me to be genuinely intrigued by someone. I could look at 100 profiles and be interested by two. Granted, I'm looking for that elusive combination of a stunning, witty, intelligent, independent, spontaneous, athletic, cultured, nurturing and scintillating woman...but hey, I know what I want and don't want to compromise! Regarding you and your profile..I have to admit that it's quite compatible with my interests...and might I add, your pictures are stunning. I'm sure that's not new news to you and you get many of those great e-mails like..."you're hot..wanna get together!" or "hey, what's up...you're great looking, wanna get on the back of my Harley?"...great, penetrating prose that really sweeps you off your feet! I've got to imagine that your appearance might be an impediment to you. A woman who looks good and is alluring yet who also has a mind and independence is way too much work for most men. They'd rather have the "cute and simple" model than the "hot and complex" offering. ....... Now see? Is it THAT hard to judge intelligence before meeting?????
underpants Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I am a one at a time girl. Although, if just dating lite, I don't see a problem seeing several people. Also, I am drawn to intelligent men. However, I am considering changing this. My ex had a genius level IQ (so he says) and he was highly intelligent, very manipulative and well, unfortunately perhaps just downright crazy. I dodged a serious bullet there. Maybe I sould just get a puppy?
maynard Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 wow. dating several guys at a time and having sex with all of them? whatever floats your boat i guess. but dont be surprised if the word whore gets floated around
amber1 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I have to say I am basically a one at a time girl too. Maybe two at once, but any more than that it just gets too dramatic and I lose track of what I've told one guy versus the others. Just gets confusing. Haha and what is worse is if you are dating more than one guy with the same name. I had two guys named John at one point. Uniqueone, I am also very picky when it comes to the guys I choose. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 wow. dating several guys at a time and having sex with all of them? whatever floats your boat i guess. but dont be surprised if the word whore gets floated around You know what they say: A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes 15-20 mistakes, she's a wh0re...
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I have to say I am basically a one at a time girl too. Maybe two at once, but any more than that it just gets too dramatic and I lose track of what I've told one guy versus the others. Just gets confusing. Haha and what is worse is if you are dating more than one guy with the same name. I had two guys named John at one point. Uniqueone, I am also very picky when it comes to the guys I choose. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Imagine when you can't even remember his name and have to ask him again... I never heard back from him... LOL At least if they have the same name... you can't make a mistake...
maynard Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 You know what they say: A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes 15-20 mistakes, she's a wh0re... thats true, but i never date multiple girls and wouldnt sleep with multiple girls either. the whole thing makes me feel uneasy. though i guess those people are meant for each other im serious about all my relationships and expect the same
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Not currently but in the past, I've dated more than one guy but won't sleep with them. It's just plain, simple fun, as long as they're aware of where they stand. None of this leading people on which I detest. As for paying, I insist on paying some of the time. Btw, your two examples of messages: Message 1: Can't spell. Eject. Message 2: Way over the top with compliments and a life story. A blatant snow job. Eject.
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