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Posted

Well, I can honeslty say that until I joined LS, I didn't realize how deep I was into this EA. I new I was flirting but considered it to be harmless, because I wasn't seeing the OM outside of work. There wasn't any intention of a physical realationship so I figured it was harmless. I thought the "it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home" rule was ok.

 

I know now how wrong it is and I've made some nessessary decisons to end it. This is where I could use some help and support. I told him on the phone that it has to end and he always fights me on it because he also thinks we are doing nothing wrong because we haven't slept together. Maybe this is true for him, but I know that I have crossed the line.

 

So, I wrote him a big long letter, asking him to please give me the space to get over my feelings and to please don't talk to me anymore at all. NO Contact as everyone else states.

 

My question is, how do I avoid him when I see him at work everyday? My view from my office is directly into his. Do I put my head down as we pass in the hallway, or do I make every effort to turn and walk the other way? Or do I just say a pleasant hello, and pretend it's not killing me to not be able to talk to him?

 

Help!!

Posted

If it was me, you keep your head up, and ignore.

 

He knew perfectly well what he was doing was

 

wrong, and you realized it. He'll

 

understand why your ignoring him, and

 

eventually things will calm down back to normal.

Posted

I'm glad that you now understand that the EA you're having with the OM is a bad thing.

 

You can't control what he thinks/feels and if he chooses to ignore your request to go NC, just control yourself around him. If he tries to talk personal with you - Ignore him. A hello is good enough, if you two pass eachother in the hallway...Business related things, definately can talk to him, but NO personal stuff. The less he knows about your life outside of work, your marriage, your husband, the better...

 

I know it is hurting you not talking to him, but would you rather your husband be hurting and possibly ending your marriage? Better for the OM to hurt and get over you. DO all that you can NOT to lead this guy on which is why you MUST make sure YOU stick to the NC, so your actions match your words.

 

Yes, never show him it hurts you. EVER. You gotta make it seem like it doesn't matter and you've moved on.

Posted
I new I was flirting but considered it to be harmless, because I wasn't seeing the OM outside of work.

 

I told him on the phone that it has to end and he always fights me on it because he also thinks we are doing nothing wrong because we haven't slept together. Maybe this is true for him, but I know that I have crossed the line.

 

Didn't he invite you for "ice cream" outside of work not long ago and you were somewhat tempted?

 

He think it's nothing wrong because you haven't slept together, but he didn't say it's nothing wrong because you will never sleep together or there is no way that will lead to that.

 

"Meet me for ice cream" is just one step away from "meet me at this motel."

 

IF he doesn't honor your wishes, he is NOT religious. You're both married, just stop the personal talk.

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Posted

Yes he asked if I wanted to meet him at he park, and I didn't go. We didn't talk for three days after that and when we did talk I told him about the no contact. We had a disagreement about that and that's when I sent him the big long letter.

 

The reason he thought the busy park was a "safe" place to meet and talk, is because he doesn't want to put us in a tempting situation. I know him well enough to know that he takes his wedding vows very seriously and would never put himself in the position to be tempted. I'm not saying he's made of steel, he probably would cheat if we were alone and I was trying to suduce him. What I am saying is that he is strong enough and devoted enough not to put himself in that situation. And no, he's never tried to get into my pants!

 

He doesn't want to go NC, maybe he thinks of me just as a good friend that he needs me talk to, Maybe I am the only one with deep feelings, perhaps I am the only one who is going to be crushed by this. I just know when I go to work tomorrow and see him, I'm going to be a mess.

Posted

All I see is how you talk about his "potential" feelings and your own feelings. From an outsider's point of view, I feel bad for your husband, who has done nothing wrong and knows nothing about what's going on.

 

Every time, you talk to this other guy, you're stealing time, affection, energy away from his wife. If you spent more time talking to him, you are potentially wrecking your own marriage as well as some poor woman's marriage.

Posted

I thought he wasn't married...??

 

He has NO CHOICE BUT to go NC with you. It's an emotional affair, charged with alot of feeling that have grown, and will continue to grow unless you end it for good.

Posted

The reason he thought the busy park was a "safe" place to meet and talk,

 

You're so naive to think to meet him at some pubic place would be "safe" by probably comparing it to meeting some stranger at a public place.

 

Any place outside of work is NOT safe because there's no one in the park who know the two of you and you both feel free to do and say anything and that's just like being alone with no one around. Even a hint or a suggestion by any of the two of you to some motel while you're at this park will lead to disaster and destroyed your husband's and this other woman's feeling along with two wrecked marriages.

Posted
I know him well enough to know that he takes his wedding vows very seriously and would never put himself in the position to be tempted.

 

Does he really believe that his wife would be OK with his friendship with you? If she knew about the feelings and sexual chemistry between you two? The closeness you two have, the conversations... He's FOOLING himself and just trying to justify and down play 'it' so he can continue to feed feelings and have you in his life.

Posted
Yes he asked if I wanted to meet him at he park.

 

I know him well enough to know that he takes his wedding vows very seriously and would never put himself in the position to be tempted.

 

When you do meet outside of work, both of you will lied to your spouses where were you and that can definately lead to more lies.

 

Once ice cream at the park is OK, having coffee with him doesn't seem that bad, and then maybe just a movie, and movie plus dinner. While all these stuff are going on, the temption become much greater than it is now, while at the same time lies will be told. After couple of dinners and all the talking, getting a room at the motel doesn't seem that bad either by that time.

 

You have already crossed the line behind your husband's back and him behind his wife's back. Now back out of the line and no contact. Whether you should tell your husband is based on your own assessment, determination, and whether he deserve to know or not.

Posted

You should tell your husband what you've been doing, that way there is an even less chance of you two getting physical! Exposure kills affairs, but, you still have to go NC with OM forever.

Posted

So, Danis, how are things going?

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