lost cause

[mrchristian]

Hi, im 19, and I just went through a breakup 3 weeks ago yesterday. I need some help as I feel I am getting some really mixed signals and I dont know how or what to do about them.

 

bit of back story, it is sort of important as to why I am confused. I started going out with her just over a year ago, we were together for about 4 months, and during that time we had around 7 separate breakups, all of which we got back together with one another within the 2 days after that. I broke up with her the final time of those 4 months as I wasnt sure I could be in a proper relationship. She was angry and we didnt speak for a few months after that.

 

We started speaking just before Christmas that passed, she had a new boyfriend and I was beating myself up about it. We met at coffee shops and went of walks and just chatted. One day I was walking her home and when I went to give her a kiss on the cheek good bye, you could say I "accidentally" missed her cheek and kissed her on the lips, which was reciprocated. Then we started seeing each other for around 2 weeks, seeing each other and continuing kissing properly and "heavy petting". During one of these sessions I said to her that "I am sorry I didnt say it before, but I am in love with you" to which she replied in tears "why didnt you tell me sooner". However she was still with her boyfriend, to which I asked her its gotta be me or him. In the end she chose him, and then broke up with him 2 days later. She text me saying something along the lines of I cant be in a relationship just yet, then a few weeks after that she started seeing a new boyfriend.

 

Further months passed and when the new boyfriend said he loved her, she didnt, couldnt, say it back and broke up with him, then we started meeting again and so on and so forth.... you can see where this goes.

 

We start going back out again and she finally tells me how she loves me so much and has missed me since the first time we went out. Another thing that happened is that she gave her virginity to me, and that she told me previously she would only do this with the man she loves.

 

I was in complete love (or stupidity depending how you view it) and I went on holiday with her, however we started having arguments and I started to get jealous of her actions and how she spent more time with her best mate on holiday than me (they were sharing a room). Then when we got back it was never the same and after a few weeks and exam results she broke up with me, as I didnt give her her space

 

yes i know now, I shouldve given it to her.

 

However on the way back, yes i was walking her home from the breakup spot, we stopped in the park where we always got back together and just sat on our bench with my arm around her, and she starts to cry really sobbing about how she's feeling she's throwing it away, and it was so painful that I couldnt even get her to look into my eyes. I was kneeling in front of her trying to calm her down when a kid comes over and asks if I'm proposing I joked around saying yes and she laughed while looking shy. I kissed her after the guy left - not wanting to show younger kids of course cause I am respectable like that...... lol. It was like our last kiss, and then she burst into tears at the end of that. So i walked her home and we still kissed and hugged and stuff, and as I left her with one kiss before she went inside she cried more, which resulted in a further kiss then a goodbye.

 

Then on msn I was getting messages like how I was missed and stuff, and then later on she texts me saying shes wearing my hoodie, the yankies one I gave her, and I joked around saying she could view it as me giving her a hug then and there, then she responds saying I would do anything to be in your arms and does that mean ive made the wrong decision, I think I should wait til after Italy to see if I miss you (she's there now) and then she sends me pictures of her and me at the prom asking if she'd like proper copies as shes making prints of us for herself (mixed messages?) and she wants to see me on my birthday (before we both go to separate unis). Though I tried contacting her recently to see if thats still on and I have been blanked ever time I try to message her and I know shes getting them. Whats even more irritating is that I have seen her wearing the necklace I got for her 18th birthday, a tiffany floating heart, which she says she uses as a reminder of me when shes sad and alone (she told me this on holiday with her, when we had an argument she was glad she had the heart to remind her of me, and that she plays with it).

 

I know its a long story but I have mixed messages, considering we've reunited nearly double figures im just wondering whether I should move on, or hope for the best, that maybe she still loves her first love (thats me ) and like the song goes "if you love something let it go and if it comes back then thats how you know". Can someone help me move on? Can someone tell me what to expect lol

 

Please help me I am so confused, if any of this doesnt make sense, tell me and I will try to rewrite or clarify.

 

many thanks

 

MrC x

[outrageousxcgirl]

this girl is more confused than you are.

She's making all the decisions.

 

She can't decide whether she wants

to be with you, or if she can find

something better. She keeps

looking and everytime she's

let down she uses you for

consolement, which is

DEFF not fair to you.

 

The stories are very sweet and it seems like you guys were very close sweethearts when you were dating, but it seems you both WANT to be together but neither of you seem to have the complete commitment (not sexually, more emtionally) to be together.

 

I think your really stuck up originally on when you broke up, and you can throw all the details you want.. but what it comes down to it just plain and simple..

 

does SHE want to be with you?

 

because it's quite obvious you want to be with her..

 

and if I was you (your opinion will be TOTALLY different than mine)

 

I think it's time to move on as sad as it is..

 

I hope this helped. =]

[Reactor]

I don't think you should be quoting songs after being on and off with this girl for almost double figures.

 

Sorry dude, you're only 19. There are as they say plenty more fish in the sea. This sort of age is very confusing (I know I'm going through it) and as a result relationships often suffer.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it. Give yourself lots of space away from her so the wound heals. Eventually you might be able to sort it out, but thats a long way away.

 

As outrageousxcgirl said, it seems your ex is making all the decisions and thats bad. One person shouldn't be in control of the relationship, in fact no one should. It should be just natural.

 

Regards,

Reactor

[mrchristian]

@reactor & outrageousxcgirl. thanks for your responses, they both raise important issues as to where this relationship is going and how im pretty much being a lap dog waiting at her beckon call.

 

your right about the looking for other people and coming back to me thing though outrageousxcgirl i guess i just didnt want it to be for consolement but cause I thought I was that something special.

 

I think my main problem is not walking away, i guess cause of the history of us just keeps me thinking theres hope for something to come about again. would there ever even be a icicles chance in hell of it happening again? i've never had a relationship like this turbulent one lol so i dont know.

 

and your right its supposed to be mutual, and it isnt, its such a shame

 

its just the mixed signals of having pictures of me and her being put up on these facebook sites like the one of us at prom etc, and all this being able to post what mood your in **** is messing with me.

 

but thanks again to the both of you, im re-reading this advice a few times so it sinks in I guess theres just still a hell of a lot of me that hopes that these wounds heal and that results in another chance, but thats up to the future - and the both of us.

 

thank you, if theres any more nuggets of advise you wish to share with me on my situation i would be really grateful.

 

thanks again

 

Mr C :] x