angel v Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 well as if it is not enough to go through the pain, fear, anger, devastation at losing one's best friend, lover, co-parent and family unit - now those things i find totally overwhelming on their own but even worse for me is the awareness/thoughts of this new girl he is obsessed with. after the awesome life we experienced and created, and after going thru all this hell just so that he could have his freedom and singledom (rather than support me caring for our latest baby), how on earth can he so rapidly (before even moving his belongings out of our house) attach himself to someone else? he still wants to come here and pretend we're a happy family. i feel so sick and nauseous and full of dread and sometimes rage at the thought of her. she is semi-famous here and so i see her name a lot. it freaks me out totally, i feel that all the positivity and sanity i am working hard to maintain is balanced on a tight-rope, and the slightest wobble will cause me to plunge into terror. how do i deal with this? how do i deal with my young children possibly being cared for by some young girl i don't even know? i have her number & long to call & chat but i know i'm in no state to do that yet. i would end up screaming, never in my life have i hit someone or even wanted to, but i feel the most intense urge to punch this girl in the face! i want her to know she is helping to mess up a family. i want her to know he needs some time alone now to deal with his issues. i want her to know he's on the rebound & its a bad bad time to start a relationship (i know, that's how i got with him) i just got to get these feelings out somewhere, have someone hear them and tell me i'm not insane. i have worked out finally that telling him any of what i have mentioned here is totally useless & pointless:laugh: i am learning something at least:laugh: can these feelings lessen? i watched my dad have them for years - he'd get filled with rage at the sight/mention of my stepdad. i can't bear it one minute. i'm scared to be alone to long, i so don't want to be alone with these feelings.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 i really don't think i have any advice, i just wanted to you know someone cared enough to read your story. i found this to be just so very heart-breaking, your blunt but realistic, and not unfair, statements show the honesty of your feelings. since i don't know what to say to you to make it better, i just wanted you to know that someone appreciates your feelings. i felt like it happened to me when i read this, and my heart almost ached for your sadness. i really hope that you find happiness in your life.
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