Cardinal64 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I'm in the process of divorcing the woman I have been married to for over 7 years - been together 8 1/2. We have a 6 1/2 year old son. She's 38 ( will be 39 Nov.12 ) - I'm 42. Now my S-2-B-EX-W has decided that she wants to have a second child as soon as she is able to afford it. She said that she will decide who the father will be - obvioulsy not me - so I suppose she will choose some guy and get herself pregnant. I know that she's free to do as she pleases - but I'm worried that she is not thinking things through. Its hard enough raising a child when one is single ( we have joint custody of our son - one week he is with me - other week his mother - I share all expenses for our son with her ). But having to raise 2 kids is much harder. While we were together - she told me that she always wanted a second child - but due to our financial circumstances she decided against it. I was of the mind set that if she got pregnant we would manage. Do I have any right to feel this way? I mean we are divorcing - just worried about my son.
Woggle Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 It is her life but take this as yet another sign that you are better off without her. She sounds like a Maury Povich guest.
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 ( we have joint custody of our son - one week he is with me - other week his mother - I share all expenses for our son with her ). Just make sure that you don't end up paying MORE when the new baby arrives... I can understand your fears, her being a single parent, having a newborn and another child around WILL affect your son too - BUT, I assume she's a good mom and won't neglect your son, or exclude him.
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Now my S-2-B-EX-W has decided that she wants to have a second child as soon as she is able to afford it. She said that she will decide who the father will be - obvioulsy not me - so I suppose she will choose some guy and get herself pregnant. There is not much you can do... Has she thought this over? Maybe, maybe not.. Methink she only said that to p*ss you off... I think her mistake WAS to tell you about it... She could have just keep it to herself and have a child whenever she felt ready to have another one. After the divorce, I'm afraid that whatever she does with her life, unless it's affecting your son, (I mean dangerous for him)... there is nothing you can do.
Art_Critic Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Methink she only said that to p*ss you off... Yep.. she said it to take a poke at you.. Honestly my reaction would have been "Really ?.. Good luck with that.. I wish you the best "..I then would've walked away and laughed.
Author Cardinal64 Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 Hi. I just got a call from my S-2-B-EX-W - she was a bit upset because our little son was crying and said he was tired of this ping-pong ball routine ( One day with his dad - next day with his mom ) we are supposed to now alternate each week now. He said that he wants his parents back together. She wants me to come by her place to see what the two of us can do to help our child. I told her that it was entirely normal - our son sees other kids his age with two parents - basically an intact family unit - and he wants that back. But it was her that wanted us to split up so she could have her "freedom' ( yeah freedom to bang other guys ) Maybe now she is regretting her infidelity because she sees the damage that this iis causing to our child. Well she should have thought of that before splitting our son's family unit in two to satisfy her "carnal desires". It breaks my heart knowing that through her actions - our child has to suffer. Very selfish . For the record, I have NEVER CHEATED ON HER , never was verbally or physically abusive, Always did over and above my share of the housework and helping to raise our child, let her have complete control of the finances, never was controlling - let her go out with her GFs when she wanted and lastly tried my best to show her as much love and affection that a man can show. Did I make mistakes? - yes I did. Ok I'm human. People am I wrong for feeling this way? Sorry for ranting like that but I'm mad as hell that now she may be having 2nd thoughts about what she has done. I just hope that she is very proud of herself as well as her lover(s). Bravo.. Well done.
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Maybe now she is regretting her infidelity because she sees the damage that this iis causing to our child. Well she should have thought of that before splitting our son's family unit in two to satisfy her "carnal desires". It breaks my heart knowing that through her actions - our child has to suffer. Very selfish . It's too bad she couldn't foresee this happening BEFORE she chose to cheat on you and ruin the family unit as one. Everyone makes mistake in marriages, noone is perfect...The thing is, the 'normal' mistakes most make aren't type of mistakes that completely ruin a marriage and lose trust...Most are very fixable. Sidenote - Post abit in other sections so you can enable your private messaging...I'd like to send you a note but can't because you don't have more than 50 posts...
Woggle Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 As tempting a sit is if she wants you bak don't take her back. Believe me she will cheat again and she will leave again and it is better for your son not to have the back and forth.
Melovator Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Have you read any books about co-parenting after seperation? Shared residency arrangements like yours can work if there are clear boundaries and communication. Of course there should be room for flexibility but changing the routine everytime she feels bad is not going to work. Its about routine and adjusting to it. That takes time, once your son has a rhythm and knows what is happening when and is secure in that then things will start to get easier. At least that's what everything I've ever read says...
bestadvisor Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 But it was her that wanted us to split up so she could have her "freedom' ( yeah freedom to bang other guys ) How did you find out about the affair? Did you eventually tell the OM's wife about the affair? Did you at one point, knowing that she was sleeping with someone else, still wanted to take her back? The talking about having another baby is either 1) to test you or to piss you off or 2) she is actually with someone already and just give you some warning so it won't be a surprise.
tonyp56 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 IMHO, she is telling you this because she wants to get a rise out of you. Either she wants you back (very unlikely, sorry) or she just wants to piss you off and hurt you. Next time she brings it up, tell her you know a good Dr./clinic/book, etc. about pregnancy. And leave it at that, and see what her reaction is. Chances are, she'll get pissed and never bring it up again.
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