Frazzled and tired at 2am !!

[MonroeVonOh]

A special man came into my life about a year ago. We starting out dating and then I broke it off because I felt I wasn't ready. We then became FWB , and after awhile that drove me nuts and so now we are giving the " boyfriend / girlfriend " title another try.

 

I love this man so much and I know he loves me to , but it seems that I can't do anything right and it's taking its toll on me and the relationship. And having it feel like everything is my fault has left me feeling pretty awful for some time now.

 

He is older than me , has a great job and a good life . I have recently lost my business , currently out of work and am planning on going to college in Jan. He has only had one girlfriend and one fling before he met me , and I starting out young,have been in many abusive relationships leaving me with baggage. We live an hour and a half away from eachother and only get to see eachother on weekends.

 

All this has left me so stressed at that stress has come out onto the relationship. As of late I have been feeling like a big loser around him as I haven't been able to afford much since the business went belly up , he almost always has to front the bill for everything and that leaves me feeling awful inside . I try to keep up with him financially but it's not working, I have tried to tell him I can't afford much , but it doesn't seem to be sinking in because he has money! I don't want our only time spent together ( his weekend) indoors because I can't afford to go out as much , so I spend what I can , which is very little , and I feel that he is starting to look at me differently because I am so down about it which he doesn't seem understand. He just sees me being moody again.

 

 

I hate the feeling that no matter what I say or so , if something goes wrong within the relationship , it's my fault . I feel guilty every time I bring something up that is bothering me , I always just feel like I am the screw up and he does no wrong ( he is very easy going which can be frustrating at times as I feel I am complaining all the time )

 

It just seems to go around and around in circles I feel young, dumb , and like I don't fit in and can't keep up with him anymore and its tearing us apart because I feel this way all the time .

 

it wasn't like this in the beginning , when I had my business I thought I had extra cash , I was happy , my life was going OK .

 

I don't want to break up , we do have a lot in common and get along great when I hide everything for a night and pretend that none of this bothers me .

 

but thats the thing , its all really starting to bother me and trying to explain all this to him just leaves me feeling worse because once again I'm complaining about something and he is doing no wrong. He has often made me feel like it is all my fault , and always me with the problem(s) which makes me feel worse.

 

I'm way stressed right now with bills , money , distance, and the list goes on . Who wouldn't be moody and unhappy sometimes?

 

I can't stand feeling like one more thing in my life is my fault . When it's not all my fault.

 

should I just break this up even though we are in love ? God forbid I complain once more .

 

I am afraid to break up knowing that this might be the final straw between us I know that after I am done school and have a good job , I will feel more secure and happy , making things better .

 

but is what I'm feeling now worth feeling until this happens? I feel so disconnected from him lately . And I think he feels the same about me .

[Fluffybunny7]

I can't tell you whether to stick with it or not. That's up for you to decide. What I can tell you is that I understand not having the money to spend when the person you love and spend so much time with does. There are free things to do that can get you out of the house too. Walking the local parks can be fun and romantic. Make a little dinner at home, bring a blanket, and go have a picnic. Sometimes you'll find it more rewarding to put the effort into doing something without spending money.

 

As for screwing things up in your life, I'll tell you what my girl told me. "We are all works in progress." I'm sorry you feel that way, but you choose how to react to what you do. Regardless of how your special someone feels about what you do, you have the power to decide whether you are a screwup or just make mistakes like everyone else. I hope you feel better soon. I'm sure you're no more a screwup than the rest of us humans.