uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 What do you think of LDR's? About a year ago, I realized that I didn't really click with the people in my area (in general). I tend to go for intellectuals and people into working out and my city....well....it isn't exactly known for that. I also noticed that, of the men that I'd been involved with in the past, (that lived locally), none had been born and raised here....they'd moved here later in life from other cities. More proof that I clicked better with people from other areas. So on the personals, I started to look outside of my area. Recently I browsed the ads that it said I matched with. I normally never initiate anything on the personals but decided to try it again, despite my theory that initiating doesn't work. I found some profiles that I liked and sent them a wink. I've had some write back. They don't sound bad (at least better than the ones that live locally) but I wonder if it's asking for trouble. One good thing is that the two that I'm talking to right now are at least fairly close...driving distance anyway. I mean, we're talking several hours of driving but still driveable. It's either a LDR or settle for what's here (in my city) and I've pretty much given up on that. The fit, intellectual type is so rare in my area that they are snatched up in two seconds. We do, however have a surplus of obese people that cannot speak or write proper English. Unfortunately, they're not my type. Has anyone run into this dilemma? Is it just asking for problems? What other options would there be? (Btw, I know there's a section on LDR's here on LS, but if you look at the number of people viewing, hardly anyone ever is. I'd like to hear responses to this and the "Dating" section always has plenty of people viewing and probably those who have had this situation occur, read the Dating section as well.)
lonelybird Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 ALL my relationship with men were LDR around the world , yeah, I am a loner Anyway, trying won't hurt if your choices in your area is limited. smoochygirl and zona had very successful LDR stories. they proved LDR is very possible, yay for them
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 LDRs take work - more so than non-LDRs. If you think you'd be fine with dealing with the issues that come with the LDR territory (can't see each other often, possible communication lapses, etc.), then go for it. LDRs are easier said than done, even for people who like their personal space a lot. The distance puts a strain on your ability / capacity to resolve issues. And then there's always the specter of people not turning out to be who they project. Actually, some disillusionment is bound to happen within all LDRs. I've been there and done that, and my personal opinion is that if you find someone really exceptional, and the feeling is mutual, then it's all worth the effort. But often, one or both partners are not willing or able to keep it going. You can try and test the waters if you want. Just tread carefully.
Lyssa Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I'm in a LDR and it has worked out well so far. It takes a lot of effort from both sides. For you, it's drive-able which is not too bad... my only way over to him is by plane! Lol - so that is really hard. I agree with TTSP - it's all worth the effort when you're with someone exceptional...
amber1 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 It is weird you bring this up because I was thinking the same thing earlier. I actually live in a large city but from my experience the guys I have met around here are very flakey and kind of self-absorbed. I use the same dating site as you do and have been glancing at some of the profiles from other cities and even other states. I think I might start looking into some of the guys who live furthur away because to be really honest, the relationships I've had with guys I've dated in my OWN CITY have been like LDRs! I barely ever saw any of them while we were dating!
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 You can try and test the waters if you want. Just tread carefully. I've done some corresponding (emails, phone calls) with several over the last year and have planned to meet them. But I wasn't really that thrilled about them so it never got to that point. (one was too young, one was flaky, one seemed sort of aimless.) And then, this year, I did talk to one and meet him and well....if you've read my threads....that went very badly. But, there were red flags from the start that I chose not to see because there was a lot of online chemistry there. And it's not like we didn't have chemistry in person either. I DO believe that if you click really well with someone in emails and on the phone and like their pictures, then you're going to click in person. I mean, if you like talking to them on the phone, you're going to like talking to them in person. And nothing was really hidden to me before I met him. He'd been a bit of a jerk to me before I'd met him (but that would resolve and he'd be great again). So I really don't think....if someone is paying attention and is perceptive....that they'll be fooled. Unless they want to fool themselves.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 It is weird you bring this up because I was thinking the same thing earlier. I actually live in a large city but from my experience the guys I have met around here are very flakey and kind of self-absorbed. I use the same dating site as you do and have been glancing at some of the profiles from other cities and even other states. I think I might start looking into some of the guys who live furthur away because to be really honest, the relationships I've had with guys I've dated in my OWN CITY have been like LDRs! I barely ever saw any of them while we were dating! One of the guys I'm talking to (who lives in another state) said that his ex-wife has said that THEIR area is hopeless and now SHE is looking in a different area herself. I think it could get a bit messy....he's there and is talking to me here......his ex is there and talking to guys somewhere else.....and they both have kids there. Hmmm...that could be a problem. It'd be even trickier if the guy she ends up meeting has kids as well. "cause with kids....people just can't up and move! Hey, I wonder if we should come up with a list of the good states for men and the good states for women. Oh, this reminds me of another personals question I wanted to ask. Wonder if I should start a new thread on it though.
Recommended Posts