uniqueone Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 So my ex -- whose reasons for the breakup were "It's not you, it's me. I don't know who I am and need to find myself. It has nothing to do with a lack of feelings for you; all the romance, chemistry and passion are there. But I don't know the true character and being of my soul, and I'm barely going to have time for myself, let alone another person. It wouldn't be fair to bring you along on such a dubious and introspective journey" -- and who emailed me 1.5 weeks after the breakup asking me if I "were down for a 'friends with benefits' relationship' :)" didn't mean it and was hoping for more? Her previous relationships weren't crappy. Was she just confused? Naw, she just wanted to use me, while she went on dates with other guys, until someone she thought was better came along. Women are capable of these relationships. They do initiate them. They don't always want more. Sometimes they just want to f*ck. I should have worded it better on the crappy relationship part.....I should have said that women who want FWB relationships are usually effed up in some way. And no, emotionally healthy women don't just wanna f*ck. Gotta disagree with you there.
Izzy B Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 So my ex -- whose reasons for the breakup were "It's not you, it's me. I don't know who I am and need to find myself. It has nothing to do with a lack of feelings for you; all the romance, chemistry and passion are there. But I don't know the true character and being of my soul, and I'm barely going to have time for myself, let alone another person. It wouldn't be fair to bring you along on such a dubious and introspective journey" -- and who emailed me 1.5 weeks after the breakup asking me if I "were down for a 'friends with benefits' relationship' :)" didn't mean it and was hoping for more? Her previous relationships weren't crappy. Was she just confused? Naw, she just wanted to use me, while she went on dates with other guys, until someone she thought was better came along. Women are capable of these relationships. They do initiate them. They don't always want more. Sometimes they just want to f*ck. Ex sex isn't really fwb. It's totally different than asking for an fwb with someone you haven't dated or been involved with before so it really doesn't apply. The reasons she broke up with you saying those things about her feelings is to let you down easy rather than saying she no longer felt in love with you, but you were familiar sex. And yes, honestly when she proposed the exsex "fwb" or whatever, to answer your question, yes, it is absolutely possible she had no intentions of following through with it and in fact did NOT mean it. I mean she emailed, didn't even bother to call. Sorry if this is a blow to your ego but...well, she probably didn't mean it. Personally I don't know why you'd be upset over that offer for ex sex being a guy and all.
Mary3 Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 In most FWB situations, the people aren't really friends in the true sense of the word. The term should be AWB (acquaintances with benefits). And why aren't FWB's really friends? Because it's really based on self-centeredness. It's a barter....an exchange. You want something from someone. The "friendship" part is more of a facade. To put this in our cultural society's terms....calling it a "friendship" keeps the guy from thinking he's a user and keeps the girl from thinking she's a slut. Very well spoken. You took the words right out of my mouth !
Alexandra-Girl Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 It is quite simple... watch out for STD's and unwanted pregnancies. If you are doing a FWB, I can bet you she is doing it too - with some others. So go ahead and start multiplying how many others you are sleeping with at the same time. I hope you aren't vomiting now:D FWB's to me are a hassle if anything. Especially if they go longer than a month. Someone gets hooked, someone gets hurt, someone gets slandered. If you want substance then choose a relationship - that's right, a RELATIONSHIP! FWB gives you nothing but drama.
Krytie TV Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 If you want substance then choose a relationship - that's right, a RELATIONSHIP! FWB gives you nothing but drama. And most relationships are sooooo much better right?
Lishy Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I agree with all of you! You all have your own poimnt and they are all right! My opinion is that any woman who has self esteem and no baggage (ie emotionally healthy) would not put up with a sex only arrangement I think you will find that most girls who have one/had one/want one are girls who have been hurt and do not want to be in a relationship as they are damaged!
oppath Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 Ex sex isn't really fwb. It's totally different than asking for an fwb with someone you haven't dated or been involved with before so it really doesn't apply. And yes, honestly when she proposed the exsex "fwb" or whatever, to answer your question, yes, it is absolutely possible she had no intentions of following through with it and in fact did NOT mean it. I mean she emailed, didn't even bother to call. Sorry if this is a blow to your ego but...well, she probably didn't mean it. Personally I don't know why you'd be upset over that offer for ex sex being a guy and all. Why would I be upset...same reason you posted about a guy asking it of you No, it's my opinion. If a guy ever asked me to be an FWB, I would consider that very disrespectful. He is basically telling me I'm good enough for sex but nothing more than that. How could a woman NOT take that as disrespectful and the guy a total loser? Women need to have more self esteem and pride in themselves than to fall for the FWB crap that's going around by men. It's really sad. It meant I was good enough for sex with her while she went on dates with other guys, but nothing more than that. And I disagree, I don't think a woman would ask that unless she WERE serious. I agree ex-sex isn't the same thing as a true FWB because feelings are already involved, and that is what makes the offer WORSE and even MORE disrespectful, because you aren't willing to abide by the "rules" of FWBs: that you can't expect a relationship to happen, and that once feelings exist, the relationship needs to end. Basically what you are saying is it is disrespectful for a man to ask a woman for a friends with benefits relationship, but it is ok for a woman to ask a man, because a man shouldn't be offended if a girl only wants to use him for sex by nature of him being a dude. Men can and DO get hurt in FWB relationships. Men can be equally disrespected. It does not occur as often as the woman being disrespected or hurt, but it can happen.
mental_traveller Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Have more sex, tie less strings, make no promises, shoot down any attempts by her to get you to agree to commitment (no matter how small). Oh, and use protection at all times.
mental_traveller Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 In the end I hurt her and didn't treat her kids right.. That reminds me - never have a FWB with a single mother. No matter what they say, eventually they'll pressure you into adopting the father role.
Mary3 Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Have more sex, tie less strings, make no promises, shoot down any attempts by her to get you to agree to commitment (no matter how small). Oh, and use protection at all times. Wow, like tonite I just want to get laid..lol.....I don't advocate FWB but when you are single and need * some *.. sometimes you just think about having someone you know pretty well come over and satisfy your needs... But no FWB is not for everyone. I used to delve into it and then got tired of the emptiness of it . But then again a relationship is something you need with the right person so some women can admit they sometimes need to get * some * now and then. I have a high drive so its a little tough to go without....
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