Jmina Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Is anyone on here the dumpee and has had the urge to just try and 'fix things' through the whole breakup but it ended up pushing them away and resenting you?? my ex was continuously jumping to conclusions about me and my intentions during our breakup, she thought i was out to get her... it just leaves me feeling sad, shocked and in disbelief that she could truely wholeheartedly believe that. i still love her so much, and i miss her so much and i still dream of being together again one day. im just angry at her and angry at myself at how we have both acted. but when i think about her the breakup im not so angry as i have an open heart and i know that she is dealing with a lot, and i know that she thinks im trying to hurt her because it has what has happened to her in the past, shes young and confused and doesnt trust me at all anymore. (21) anyway i just wrote her this letter i wont send it to her because i dont want to bring anything up for her if she is doing well. is taht the right choice? plz give me your views especially if you are on the other side of the breakup (like my ex) I hope this finds you well. I have so many mixed feelings towards the whole thing, overwhelming sadness, confusion, some acceptance, hope, anger, frustration, but mainly just sadness. And it attacks me every day. Looking back now, I wish it all ended differently, I wish I acted differently, I wish you acted differently. I wish I was able to just let you walk away and not go after you, or try to fix things. That is what I was trying to do I just wanted to fix everything so there was peace, because I knew that there was a lot you were angry or upset about but I never intended to hurt you, or I never did what you accused me of in the first place so I wanted to set it all straight. I never thought I would offend you by messaging you how much I loved and cared about you, I never thought talking to you about my concerns (with how you told me you loved me so much) would push you over the edge and end in huge fight, I didn’t see it coming. I never ever In a million years would dream of trying to make things hard for you when we were together! I still stand by it because my heart was ALWAYS in the right place. And I have been totally burnt!. I don’t want to apologise because I am always the one apologising. I shouldn’t have to apologise and explain anymore, you should know or realise where my heart was. And if you know who I am, who I was, you would know in your heart that I am better than what you have accused me of. I am so much better than what you have said to me “you’re playing the victim, you’re a psycho, your playing the blaming game…"everytime you said this stuff other than being overwhelmingly frustrated at your confusion to my efforts and your ability to jump to conclusions I felt the urge to make things right even more because I couldn’t believe how someone could think of me like this when every message every convo was aimed at making peace or trying to fix something, especially you… But I won’t grovel anymore, and try to get your acceptance, I won’t try to fix things, because I know at the end of the day it does absolutely nothing when your heart is so closed! I should have been angry at you when you called me names, I should’ve hung up on you a few times or ignored you at the accusations but instead I just accepted your point of view because I knew the feelings you had were real and I tried to make it right even though some of it was so way off target. I would be very sad for you if you can’t see how I was never out to get you, because it means you will live a life of defensiveness, and you wont ever be able to fully give yourself to someone. I’m ending this letter now, I don’t want to say anymore except open your heart, and you will see a whole lot more to life, to this, to your own problems. Jmina
Ssheena Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 No. Do not send it. It is not going to change anything and more than likely just confirm to her what she already things and has said to you about yourself. Just take the high road and walk away. Do not contact her at all. Keep the letter so you can read it again - say in about 4 months. I know believe me, I've written letters like that before and sent them. While I've poured out my feelings and what is going on in my head, and they have made sense to me at the time, when I remember what I wrote...I'm embarrased. You can not make anyone love you. I begged and pleaded and tried to justify everything to myself. In your letter you beg and plead and then end with attacking her and saying what you think is wrong with her and that you are angry. Let it go. (and try using paragraphs to make it easier for us all to read).
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