Ironman Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 firstly, i am a 28 yr old guy, i own a succesful business with 7 employees, i am not a lovesick teenager, nor am i inexperienced in matters of the heart. i have served in the british military, and apart from my personal life, i have it pretty good. about 2 years ago, i was living with a girl who due to emotional tragedy in her life (the loss of a brother) had become dependent on me, and i had become more of her carer, than her partner. although i cared deeply for her i did not love her; but because this tragedy struck her early in our relationship, i could not leave her. we talked for some weeks and then decided to call it a day. we still lived together, in seperate rooms and were flatmates, in effect. i had no intention of meeting anyone else, and so i was in no real hury to leave. it was at this time i met terri - the most vibrant and beautiful girl i have ever seen. i explained to her the situation i was in, but she said she understood and that she was patient and i was worth waiting for. She is truly a wonderful person. after 3 months of being just friends, we lost control one evening, and made love. from this moment on i did everything in my power to find an apartment and move out of my flat with janine. it was a very tough time for both of us; not being together all the time; she would often ask me if i still had any feelings for my ex, which i did not. a month after this, i got a great apartment, and we moved in together - and it was the best time of my life. i have never felt so completely loved before, and i cherished her so much. a few months later, i came home to find the apartment trashed, with her crying on the sofa. my ex had rang me, but my phone was at home, and when terri answered it, my ex decided to try and hurt us both, out of bitterness or whatever, and told terri that i was just using her, and that i had been regularly sleeping with her (the ex). after a few hours of talking, i assured her i was telling the truth - there were many holes in my ex's story, and so terri accepted that my ex was a very bitter person. terri has self esteem issues. she is the youngest of 3 sisters, and admits she feels overshadowed by them. the hurt that terri felt that day changed our relationship. over the next year, we had many moments in which the conversation would turn to how her mind could not let go of what my ex said. i must tell you at this point that i have never loved anyone as much, as passionately, as intensely, and as selflessly as i love terri. one month ago, terri felt her life needed to change, because she felt she had no direction any more. i own my own business, so my life in this respect is unchanging. after a week of talking and tears, terri told me that she loved me more than anything in the world, but the moment that phonecall happened, it changed 'how' she loved me. She then left me. i have considered suicide more than once, but can never take this option because terri has lost a relative this way and it affected her life deeply. i talk to her most days....usually just to hear her voice. i have lost over a stone in weight and cannot sleep at night. i enjoy nothing now, and my nights are empty and black. i can still smell her hair. everything reminds me of her.... when i do smile at something, i am immediately sad, because in my head i see her smile back and its killing me. she is not insensitive, and has tried to remain my closest friend, although the pressure of me wanting her back is taking its toll on her, and has pushed her further away from me. she says she would never rule out the possibility of us starting again, but that she does not believe it will happen. she has started socialising with her friends more, and i am terrified that she will meet someone new, who does not bring stress into her life like i did. i recently found a box of love letters from her. some of them written only a few months ago. i cannot stop looking at them. i cherish them. i cannot see the next step. i am scared i will feel like this forever i have cried every day since. sometimes on the phone to her, and i already feel like the guilt she feels for hurting me, pushes her even further away. i want to die, but cant. i am lost and heartbroken. i am 28 and have lived a full life so far. she is all i have ever wanted. i do not have a close family, and all of my friends have their own full lives, some of whom have families of their own. The only person i have ever been close enough to, to talk about my feelings is terri......but that only makes things worse. to make matters even more complicated, a month before she left, she came home with a pair of kittens, and said that even though she felt too young for kids, these could be our babies for now. when she left, she left them with me, and although i love them, they constantly remind me of what i have lost. people have told me to just get on with my life; to take up something new; even get a new girfriend somebody said; but it feels like i will never recover from this. please help. strong men do cry.
Curious139 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Oh man I feel for you. Yours is such a sad story, to have your relationship poisoned and ruined by another person, effectively by something outside your control. That must hurt so badly. I can only suggest that time heals all wounds. That is of no comfort to you right now of course. It sounds as though everything is not lost though. Terri needs some time to evaluate the relationship so you need to accept that. She may eventually see that what the two of you had is precious and come back. However you need to protect yourself in case this never happens. Some people would say you shouldn't hope but my view is that hope is a normal and natural emotion. Just don't bank on it. I suggest you need to confide in trusted friends and family. If there aren't people you can trust then see your doctor and better still, see a counsellor. Talking to a non-judgemental professional makes a huge difference. Your pain is so real at the moment it must be consuming all of your emotional energy. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. Suicide was very real for me but I have 3 children and can't leave them that legacy. I also suggest you start a journal or a blog if that works for you. Write down all of your feelings and thoughts as often as you want to. It is surprisingly therapeutic finding the right words to express yourself in writing. Exercise is also a very good way to combat the pain. It will be hard to find the motivation but just walking can do it. The more exercise the better. Be strong and know that we understand. I'm still devastated after 2 1/2 months but the days are slowly getting better.
Ssheena Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 How is your relationship with your x now? I'm wondering if you could appeal to her and tell her how much T means to you and what effect her call had on your relationship. Perhaps you could perseude her to go with you to talk to T or call her and tell her that she made a mistake and what she said was very wrong. If T is not able to let what your x said pass and work through this with you and be assured of your love and the place in your life she holds then that, unfortunately, says something about her. If she is so untrusting and unable to forgive, it is better to know this now rather than later. I know how hurting you are. I've been there. It often seems like the easiest way out is just to end it all. The only thing that has stopped me in the past in my children but you don't have any and I doubt the kittens really count as kids. (NOTE: This is also why it is not a good idea and not recommended to get pets unless it is a mutual decision and both parties know that you just don't leave a responsibility). That's another thing to look at. Those kittens were supposed to be your "babies for now". She just left them. Maybe she is just too young and needs some time to grow up. Throw yourself into your work and yourself. The only thing you can do, in my opinion, is to tell her what you feel.
marty Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 i feel for you. if she knows how you trully feel about her , i'm afraid thats about all you can do right now. so hard, i know. it will get better , trust me, i was where you are now only a few weeks back. thinkin all sorts, and not caring much about anything. feeling your life aint worth livin. but hang in there, i didnt believe these guys here when they said it'll get easier,,,, but they were right. 7ish weeks for me now and starting to feel like i can live again. your heart has taken over, and will for a while till it stops lookin for that which it needs. but it will calm,,, it will. you obviously are madly in love , and none of this is your fault. if T cant get past this thats her issue,, but its better you know now than later. please use this place to write whatever you feel,,i do,,, still. i'm not lookin for any response from anyone, but its like a journal i can look back on. it helps, trust me. i was never the one for writing things down or anything like that,, but it has really really helped. you'll get relief from it. and a lot of ppl here know what pain your feelin and will help. take care.
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