sliding backwards

[heartoutside]

It's been almost 3 months since my ex broke up with me. 3 weeks ago, even 2 weeks ago I was doing well. But then she started contacting me again out of the blue (i've already posted that story in 2nd chances) and now it's like I'm sliding back to where I was in the weeks following the break up. I haven't cried since then, but yesterday and today I find myself waking up and hurting big time, and lost. I just want her back in my life, i miss her horribly, and i just want to cave in and call her....i just can't make any sense of any of this, why would she do this, walk away from a perfect relationship, and then contiune to contact me when she said on numerous times that she wouldn't be. Why she would text me her school schedule? I just want her back, and it's killing me. Why can't i just move on..........

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

She's probably getting lonely and hasn't found anyone new yet.

 

It's up to you. Do you think you two will be able to sustain a relationship?

[Rayofsunshine]

Boy can I relate to you. I thought I was doing better but now I am back to square one.

 

It has been about 2 1/2 months since the break up and I was doing surprising well. Now not so good.

 

I have been trying to move on with my life but lately he seems to be showing up everywhere. He has been contacting my friends and even was invited to a party that I was going to be at. Seeing him was hard but I kept my space and acted like I was okay with him being there.

 

Just this week we had exchanged emails and of course the relationship was part of the talk. Amazing how a question about a cd leads to that. In one of his emails he told me that space and freedom was not the cause of the demise of the relationship it was the finacial burdon (we lived together, bought a house) that we both had. Also that he is doing quite well and he is glad to hear that I am doing well too. It felt good to hear that because I thought that it was the finacial and more.

 

Now my mind is telling me that maybe there is a chance that we will get back together. I know that right now it is not the time but that hope is still there. I know that I must move forward but it is difficult.

 

My friend wrote in her blog that she watched a tv show called Side Order of Life on Lifetime and in the episode a character named Jenny was doing a story on a doctor who theorized that your first love leaves a physiological imprint on you, becomes part of your genetic makeup, and forever changes the course of your life. The idea that your first love becomes a part of you is said to explain why when you meet up with him/her, you have all those old feelings again, or any feeling at all. this may include wanting to be with them again, regardless of your current status.

 

I wonder if this is true and this is why we are feeling the way that we do? Any thoughts?

[heartoutside]

She isn't my first love, and I almost sure I'm not hers (her other relationships were a mess, but she never told me if it was "love"). I do know this the first relationship where she was in it 100% and trully wanted marriage, same goes for me, I knew for sure we were equals and balanced and loved. As for her getting lonely and not found anyone yet, i'm not sure about that. She says she's still single but there's another guy, who kind of creped in from the start. He thinks they're dating i guess (got jealous when one of our mutual friends put his arm around my ex), when my ex was confronted about him by one of our friends she said she wasn't dating anyone. That was well over a month ago. So who knows. From the get go she said she need space, that she didn't love me any less or didn't want me out of her life, she was just confused. As for keeping a relationship if we were to establish one again, I think from my stand point yes. I know what I did wrong (smoothered her too much, didn't focus on me, my career and my friends, just her needs.....i'm reading a book about it now, no more mr nice guy, I suggest everyone reading it, girl or guy.)

 

Tonight I'm going to a condo warming party with some mutual friends, and the condo just happens to be in the same building as the one my ex now lives in with her college roommate. Although my friend told me she's going to some engagement party, which for some odd reason kind of got under my skin.....so i doubt i'll run into her...

[Alexandra-Girl]

Heartoutside,

 

I understand that you are going through a rough period right now, but I would like to point out an oxymoron in your text.

 

I did notice that you wrote "I know what I did wrong (smoothered her too much, didn't focus on me, my career and my friends, just her needs". To start a new relationship with this woman, it would most certainly require that these wrongs be righted before she would consider romance again. I know you think you are working on them, but I also think there is much more work to be done. Your last sentence about being irked by her going out to an engagement party reminds me of the same smoothering character you were when the two of you were together.

 

Keep learning and improving. You can do it.

[heartoutside]

The reason the party bugged me is because that is something we would have done together, and now were not. By smoothering I meant that I never really went out unless she went out with me. I always had to do things with her, but that was only because I enjoyed being with her. But, in hingsight, I can see how that would make her feel. I mean we did everything together (living together makes that so much easier, and in hindsight maybe made things worse) By smoothering her and not focusing on myself, I know that has to change.....if anything I'm totally aware of that. Which is why I've been going out with friends like I've never done before, I'm volunteering, doing things that I never did before....I"m even looking into a bike trip down the west coast with my dad. But I understand what you're saying, I know I have to make changes, I saw that from the start.