uniqueone Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 It seems like so many people seem to go from one relationship to the next. And when you hear about someone on here that got dumped, it's because their ex had someone new. Is there anyone here (besides me) that seems to be single more often than coupled? My last relationships weren't even serious (although they ended up hurting me a lot anyway). I think I gravitate to the non-serious type of guy. But I guess when I read about how someone dumped someone because they had someone else...and so on and so on......I'm just scratching my head here because it seems so foreign to me. Am I THAT unusual? Several years ago, I dumped a guy from a LTR and I didn't have anyone new in the wings. I guess that was different though since he cheated on me and that's why I dumped him....but I didn't go looking for someone for a long time after that either. I recently had a guy who I went out with for a little while and he was head over heels for me but I just didn't feel the same way back so I ended it. I didn't have anyone else in the wings.....not even so much as a prospect. But that didn't bother me. Heck, I don't even have much in the way of people to hang out with, but still I ended it with him. I could have kept him on, having him take me out to dinner and buy me this and that (which was always his suggestion, not mine).....butI didn't. I chose to be alone instead of continuing it. Am I that rare in being comfortable being alone? Are any of you like me? Does this make me antisocial?
underpants Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Am I that rare in being comfortable being alone? Are any of you like me? Does this make me antisocial? For what it is worth I follow a similar type of thinking. I would rather be alone then to 'just be' with someone. The price of this is being ...well, alone. However, you really know yourself and find your center. People who jump rarely know this. (I think) and eventually feel that void. Just my observations. I do know that when I do (rarely) give in to a relationship. I am my own person with no ties and fully me. Does this make any sense?
justice Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 If you are anti social then so am I. I had a thread on here called dating again. So yes, this made perfect sense to me. Finding your center is a wonderful renewal of self, an affirmation that you are your own person in your own right. So no, you aren't alone but I don't know of many who feel the same way.
birdie Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Is there anyone here (besides me) that seems to be single more often than coupled? My last relationships weren't even serious (although they ended up hurting me a lot anyway). I think I gravitate to the non-serious type of guy. I could have kept him on, having him take me out to dinner and buy me this and that (which was always his suggestion, not mine).....butI didn't. I chose to be alone instead of continuing it. Am I that rare in being comfortable being alone? Are any of you like me? Does this make me antisocial? I can relate to this now 100%. When I was younger, I used to go from relationship to relationship - although they didn't overlap, I just found a new boyfriend quickly. However, they were all serious until I was about 30. Now I'm much more my own person, I know what I look for in a man (and very clear on why relationships didn't work before) and I'd rather be on my own than be with somebody I'm not into. Partly because don't want to lead them on and partly because it's like watching paint dry. Some of my friends are into dating big time and always have someone on the go but frankly, I can't imagine anything more soul-destroying. Went through a phase as well until recently where I would seek out men that weren't looking for a serious relationship, they were in the UK only for a specific period of time let's say. I think it's very healthy to be happy with your own company and you owe it to yourself to compromise for the right reasons and not because you need another person to keep you entertained. That's not antisocial. I can't relate to a lot of the posts here either but try to see their point of view
johan Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I don't date at all. Since I broke up with my ex over a year and a half ago, I haven't been out with anyone. Because I'm rarely exposed to anyone I'm interested in, I'm conditioned not to worry about it. When I (occasionally) run across someone who might be able to light my fire, it kind of hurts and reminds me of what I'm missing. But that doesn't happen often enough to motivate me. There are good and bad aspects of being alone all the time. "Finding your center" is a good thing. Definining a center that makes you difficult to be with may not be. Living a very single life allows you to be as selfish as you want, which can become a habit. Always leaping from relationship to relationship is not really a good thing. But having the ability to form relationships easily is incredibly valuable.
Author uniqueone Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 For what it is worth I follow a similar type of thinking. I would rather be alone then to 'just be' with someone. The price of this is being ...well, alone. However, you really know yourself and find your center. People who jump rarely know this. (I think) and eventually feel that void. Just my observations. I do know that when I do (rarely) give in to a relationship. I am my own person with no ties and fully me. Does this make any sense? Well...I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in being alone.....lol Unders, you and I need to team up!
Author uniqueone Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 If you are anti social then so am I. I had a thread on here called dating again. So yes, this made perfect sense to me. Finding your center is a wonderful renewal of self, an affirmation that you are your own person in your own right. So no, you aren't alone but I don't know of many who feel the same way. I think part of it is just the way I've always been. I've always been a sort of "off from the crowd" type of person. There's like the group that all just floats along and fits in and goes with the flow. And then there's me.....lol. I'm usually going in the opposite direction that they are. Always have. On the other hand, I'm not someone who stands out in any extreme way either. I don't dress "funny" or anything like that. But I also don't go with whatsever "in" that season either. I haven't worn the "in" fashions for the last five years because I hate them all. I'll wear the "in" styles once I like what's in again. I'll see people wearing things and think "don't they know that's really ugly and unflattering?" lol Ok, back to the subject.....I guess I don't understand people who need constant closeness.
Author uniqueone Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 I can't relate to a lot of the posts here either but try to see their point of view I'll read posts here from a 17 year old who thinks the world is over because they haven't had a BF/GF in a year. I didnt even DATE at that age so it's hard for me to understand people who've needed a partner since their early teens. I don't know if it's the fact that I was a loner or the fact that because I was a loner, it made me a very late bloomer with dating. I did want to date and it caused me a lot of pain when I was younger that I didn't date. That didn't mean I wanted anything serious though. But because I was a loner and shy, I didn't even date. Because of that, I had to learn how to cope on my own. A lot of it was painful because I always imagined everyone else out having a good time while I sat home alone. So maybe that taught me to like being alone. I don't know.
Author uniqueone Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 I don't date at all. Since I broke up with my ex over a year and a half ago, I haven't been out with anyone. Because I'm rarely exposed to anyone I'm interested in, I'm conditioned not to worry about it. When I (occasionally) run across someone who might be able to light my fire, it kind of hurts and reminds me of what I'm missing. But that doesn't happen often enough to motivate me. There are good and bad aspects of being alone all the time. "Finding your center" is a good thing. Definining a center that makes you difficult to be with may not be. Living a very single life allows you to be as selfish as you want, which can become a habit. Always leaping from relationship to relationship is not really a good thing. But having the ability to form relationships easily is incredibly valuable. I know what you mean. With me, I try to keep my hand in the mix at least. When I'm out, I'm never looking for anyone. However, if someone tries to get my attention, I do try to play along...if nothing else, just to practice my social skills and get out of my pattern of introspection.
Lizzie60 Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 It seems like so many people seem to go from one relationship to the next. And when you hear about someone on here that got dumped, it's because their ex had someone new. Is there anyone here (besides me) that seems to be single more often than coupled? My last relationships weren't even serious (although they ended up hurting me a lot anyway). I think I gravitate to the non-serious type of guy. But I guess when I read about how someone dumped someone because they had someone else...and so on and so on......I'm just scratching my head here because it seems so foreign to me. Am I THAT unusual? Several years ago, I dumped a guy from a LTR and I didn't have anyone new in the wings. I guess that was different though since he cheated on me and that's why I dumped him....but I didn't go looking for someone for a long time after that either. I recently had a guy who I went out with for a little while and he was head over heels for me but I just didn't feel the same way back so I ended it. I didn't have anyone else in the wings.....not even so much as a prospect. But that didn't bother me. Heck, I don't even have much in the way of people to hang out with, but still I ended it with him. I could have kept him on, having him take me out to dinner and buy me this and that (which was always his suggestion, not mine).....butI didn't. I chose to be alone instead of continuing it. Am I that rare in being comfortable being alone? Are any of you like me? Does this make me antisocial? you just enjoy your own company... LIKE ME!!! I am a loner... I love my space... I love being alone... most of the time... LOL I have many lovers so I get the physical closeness and sex a lot... but I'm glad when they leave... LOL I don't see myself with only one man...all the time.. that would get on my nerve soooo much. I know it wouldn't last more than a few months... I have been dumped once, when I was 22 and I got pregnant the first time... that was 33 years ago... Being dumped for another woman is also foreign to me... never experienced that... never been dumped by a man either, except for that one time. Since my last separation, 5 years ago... I am the one who get tired of my men... I don't questioned my lifestyle...this is just who I am and where I want to be at this stage of my life... Just be happy and enjoy life the way YOU want to enjoy it... simple.
monkey00 Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Yes, I do think its possible to be too comfortable being alone. Lately this past year I've grown unmotivated see or meet anyone, however being single has its perks too. I agree about the selfishness part, a lot of times it's just easier devoting yourself, time, and your energy to your own needs (& family/friends/work/hobbies) - rather than breaking it in half, some to yourself and some to your SO. But that doesn't necessarily mean we would remain that way if we were to start a relationship...I suppose you can say things tend to take a natural direction in life based on a course of events. On another hand, some people have an easier time being alone than those who always need to be in relationships in order to be happy (or perhaps happily miserable). So I do think it can be a bad thing being too comfortable at being single at times, and even the opposite, that it can be a bad thing to be too comfortable in a relationship that you (or both people) know wont go anywhere. It doesnt necessarily make us bad people or selfish in that respect, but everyone has his/her own needs.
Yamaha Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Being alone is OK but I like having someone else around and I don't want them just for sex. Building a dynamic relationship is work but when it works there is nothing else like it in this world. I look for people who make me happy being around them and I enrich there lives by being there for them in return. Yes, I have been hurt several times in relationships but I am not going to lay down and die and give up. I enjoy being in a relationship and I am willing to put in the work required to achieve my needs.
amber1 Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Am I that rare in being comfortable being alone? Are any of you like me? Does this make me antisocial? Well I am sort of this way. After things end with someone I usually don't have anyone waiting for me. Sometimes I'd rather not be in anything at all in order to save my own feelings from being hurt, but I really DO want to be in a healthy good relationship. It's kind of messed up.
johan Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I think often "I like being single" is a euphemism for "I'm too afraid to do anything about it". This isn't a reference to anyone here, but I think that's true more often than not.
lonelybird Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I AM a loner, and can relate to many feelings you decribed here. I think a relationship needs extra energy. and all people go circles like newess--familiar--conflict--break up. I am the one who can stick around if nothing dramatically or unrespect happen. but if they want to walk away after the newess wear off, I won't try to stop them. guess just 'not meant to be' but I believe if meet right one, things would be different, and efforts would be paid back
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 you just enjoy your own company... LIKE ME!!! I am a loner... I love my space... I love being alone... most of the time... LOL I have many lovers so I get the physical closeness and sex a lot... but I'm glad when they leave... LOL I don't see myself with only one man...all the time.. that would get on my nerve soooo much. I know it wouldn't last more than a few months... I have been dumped once, when I was 22 and I got pregnant the first time... that was 33 years ago... Being dumped for another woman is also foreign to me... never experienced that... never been dumped by a man either, except for that one time. Since my last separation, 5 years ago... I am the one who get tired of my men... I don't questioned my lifestyle...this is just who I am and where I want to be at this stage of my life... Just be happy and enjoy life the way YOU want to enjoy it... simple. Hmmm.....I don't know if I'd go THAT far. Once I get attached to someone, I'm attached. It doesn't mean I want to be around them all the time, but I'm attached emotionally. And if all they wanted was some fun, they ended and then I'm shattered. So I can't say that I'm exactly like you are.
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 It's been so awhile since I've been really close to anyone that I wonder if I even can be anymore. I'm still making attempts at it, so I guess all hope is not lost. Unfortunately, I've experienced a life where I know what it's like to have no one there for you at all, not even when you feel like ending it. Maybe this is what's made me rely on myself so much....because in my experiences, people weren't reliable.
underpants Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 It's been so awhile since I've been really close to anyone that I wonder if I even can be anymore. I'm still making attempts at it, so I guess all hope is not lost. Unfortunately, I've experienced a life where I know what it's like to have no one there for you at all, not even when you feel like ending it. Maybe this is what's made me rely on myself so much....because in my experiences, people weren't reliable. I hear you. I have been down that trail myself and it is a lonely road. Having come out of the other side of that though. I can say that I will never let myself get that down again. You are right, really hard life experiences do teach us to rely on ourselves. This is ultimately a good thing. I too hope to find a close and loving relationship again. I feel that it will happen for me again. If it never does, then you know, I guess that is okay too. I do believe it is possible and very likely for both of us. Finding some dude (or I guess 5 married guys) is easy. Weeding through the not genuine or unreliable ones is where wisdom prevails. I am thankful for the wisdom that my life lessons have given to me. Even if there was some pain to bear. You are right, we would make great mates. We could be each others' wing girls. Perhaps we could take late night trips to the awful Walmart for entertainment purposes. You sound like a very smart chick that has a great sense of humor and keeps fit. You would be an awesome catch for a man that has the common sense to hold on. Keep your eyes and heart open and it shouldn't be too long.
lonelybird Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 maybe being single is a period like 'pre-healthy relationship training camp', many people rely on others for their own happiness too much, and lead to unhealthy relationship. Even people learn to be peaceful and ok with themselves, people, well most people:o still hope find another human being to deeply connect with, maybe just it is about "right timing", when we do not notice, that right person will walk into our lives
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 You are right, we would make great mates. Whew...I forgot you were British and that "mates" means "friends" over there. I was ready to say "Look Unders, I like you and all.....but I'm just not THAT way......." :laugh: We could be each others' wing girls. Perhaps we could take late night trips to the awful Walmart for entertainment purposes. Yeah, you could show me the freezers that turn off and on..... You sound like a very smart chick that has a great sense of humor and keeps fit. You would be an awesome catch for a man that has the common sense to hold on. Keep your eyes and heart open and it shouldn't be too long. Aw, you're so sweet. You sound like a great catch too, Unders.
Mary3 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I can relate to this now 100%. When I was younger, I used to go from relationship to relationship - although they didn't overlap, I just found a new boyfriend quickly. However, they were all serious until I was about 30. Now I'm much more my own person, I know what I look for in a man (and very clear on why relationships didn't work before) and I'd rather be on my own than be with somebody I'm not into. Partly because don't want to lead them on and partly because it's like watching paint dry. Some of my friends are into dating big time and always have someone on the go but frankly, I can't imagine anything more soul-destroying. Went through a phase as well until recently where I would seek out men that weren't looking for a serious relationship, they were in the UK only for a specific period of time let's say. I think it's very healthy to be happy with your own company and you owe it to yourself to compromise for the right reasons and not because you need another person to keep you entertained. That's not antisocial. I can't relate to a lot of the posts here either but try to see their point of view This is totally ME 100% !!
Lyssa Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I was too comfortable being alone for the past few years that it took me almost a year to get back into having someone in my life... I think kids nowadays date way too early and take it too seriously way too early too...
Mary3 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I was too comfortable being alone for the past few years that it took me almost a year to get back into having someone in my life... I think kids nowadays date way too early and take it too seriously way too early too... Yea , I enjoy my freedom sooo much that as soon as a guy starts putting down rules or wearing out his welcome, I am trying to get him out the front door ! lol . Maybe its too late and I am a confirmed successfully single female who won't change for someone . Its just easier being me !
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Why is being single, being alone? I love being single. I have my family, more than enough friends, a great guy I'm dating in a non-exclusive way and a big, genderless, jerk of a cat who loves me. How much more could a woman want?
Author uniqueone Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 Why is being single, being alone? I love being single. I have my family, more than enough friends, a great guy I'm dating in a non-exclusive way and a big, genderless, jerk of a cat who loves me. How much more could a woman want? Being single here is defined as not dating anyone. Also, some people don't have "more than enough friends" and some don't have family.
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