KATANYA Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I was having an interesting conversation with my MM about our relationship and how he sees it and how I see it. I have very little, if any, expectations on him nor do I ever expect him to have any on me - he is married, I am not. One of the topics that came up is feeliings about my dating others and/or him having other OW.........ironically, his response was "please don't ever think that. I would never do that!" and I could not help laugh profusely........I don't believe he can say that with any truth; he has obviously cheated once (more than once for my particular MM), and will no doubt do it again! He has a wife, an OW, what would stop him from taking another OW or with having a fling here or there is he so chose and could get away with it. My question is twofold; to the OW/OM I would like to know how you feel about/ would handle the situation where your MM/MW would have another OW/OM and also to the BS in so much as what is worse in your view, a spouse who engages in a long term A or one that has flings that result in no long term commitment. Obviously, I would think the long term A would be worse for the BS but IMO I also think that as a BS I could forgive a long term A that I knew has meaning more easily than I could knowing my spouse was jumping in and out of beds at random with no emotional attachment to the act itself.
OpenBook Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 One of the topics that came up is feeliings about my dating others and/or him having other OW.........ironically, his response was "please don't ever think that. I would never do that!" and I could not help laugh profusely........ I think he said that to manipulate you into not cheating on HIM. It would be too big a blow to his ego. Men cannot deal with being cheated on, although they don't seem to have a problem doing it themselves. I really don't think they regard it as being the same thing. What's good for the goose has NOTHING to do with the gander (to them, anyway).
JuicyPeach Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I think he said that to manipulate you into not cheating on HIM. It would be too big a blow to his ego. Men cannot deal with being cheated on, although they don't seem to have a problem doing it themselves. I really don't think they regard it as being the same thing. What's good for the goose has NOTHING to do with the gander (to them, anyway). Yeah, these guys want it all! Players! I tell ya Players!
justice Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I'm a former betrayed wife, and you know, I couldn't accept either. That's why he's now my x h. In my opinion, if you are married, you shouldn't cheat. You made a promise. If you wanted optional/multiple partners, you shouldn't have taken those vows...
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 If he simply wanted more and more OW to plug the gaps in his M, I would not be part of that. I am in our R because of us, because of love. I have expectations of my MM and of our R. In your situation, if you have no expectations of him and he has none of you, then there should be no problem of you dating other men whilst seeing him (although sexual protection would be an issue).
CAT100 Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 My question is twofold; to the OW/OM I would like to know how you feel about/ would handle the situation where your MM/MW would have another OW/OM. If I found out my MM had another OW id be horrified & devastated & would immediately finish it. This is because I love him & we are planning on being together. I guess if you are the OW but you dont want your MM to leave (ie you are happy with the situation & dont want more) then you could cope with him dating other people, as long as you did too!
Woggle Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 When you date MM this is what you get. The solution is to stop dating MM.
PandorasBox Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 When you date MM this is what you get. The solution is to stop dating MM. I agree. I think at some point things will turn into a big mess.
Woggle Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I agree. I think at some point things will turn into a big mess. The very nature of this type of relationship guarentees a big mess.
frannie Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I was having an interesting conversation with my MM about our relationship and how he sees it and how I see it. I have very little, if any, expectations on him nor do I ever expect him to have any on me - he is married, I am not. One of the topics that came up is feeliings about my dating others and/or him having other OW.........ironically, his response was "please don't ever think that. I would never do that!" and I could not help laugh profusely........I don't believe he can say that with any truth; he has obviously cheated once (more than once for my particular MM), and will no doubt do it again! He has a wife, an OW, what would stop him from taking another OW or with having a fling here or there is he so chose and could get away with it. My question is twofold; to the OW/OM I would like to know how you feel about/ would handle the situation where your MM/MW would have another OW/OM... For your first comment (bolded), I think it depends on why the person is cheating. Is it because he just cannot keep it in his pants? Or is it because he isn't getting a good relationship at home (needs not being met, whatever). IF he's cheating because he wants a good relationship and doesn't think that's possible with W, then having one OW is understandable (if not commendable), so why the need for two? I'm in my R with my MM because not only does he fulfil a lot of my needs, but I know that he wants (and gets) a good relationship with me. IF he had another OW..? What for..? It would make him one of those 'can't keep it in your pants' men. And I'm not with him for sex or to fill a hole in my life, we actually want a future together. Him being just a loser who needs the adoration of several women would make that impossible. So how would I react..? I'd just end it. Without any trouble at all. Couldn't see the point and I have a life to get on with. Actually, I'd probably be relieved, because being in this relationship is tough at times, it would be good to be rid of the mental questioning! To find out he was just a loser after all... yeah it would be a relief
Lizzie60 Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I was having an interesting conversation with my MM about our relationship and how he sees it and how I see it. I have very little, if any, expectations on him nor do I ever expect him to have any on me - he is married, I am not. One of the topics that came up is feeliings about my dating others and/or him having other OW.........ironically, his response was "please don't ever think that. I would never do that!" and I could not help laugh profusely........I don't believe he can say that with any truth; he has obviously cheated once (more than once for my particular MM), and will no doubt do it again! He has a wife, an OW, what would stop him from taking another OW or with having a fling here or there is he so chose and could get away with it. My question is twofold; to the OW/OM I would like to know how you feel about/ would handle the situation where your MM/MW would have another OW/OM and also to the BS in so much as what is worse in your view, a spouse who engages in a long term A or one that has flings that result in no long term commitment. Obviously, I would think the long term A would be worse for the BS but IMO I also think that as a BS I could forgive a long term A that I knew has meaning more easily than I could knowing my spouse was jumping in and out of beds at random with no emotional attachment to the act itself. I know my current MM doesn't cheat... but given a chance, maybe he would... but I don't care... as long as I don't know.. LOL He's leaving for Chicago for a week (next week) for work. Is he going to cheat... I doubt... he'll be sooo freaken busy with all the companies taking them out on all kinds of luncheons and dinners... etc... I know others MM I see... would cheat if given a chance for sure... some even tell me openly about their other affairs... I don't care... we openly talk about our sex life.
norajane Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 He's leaving for Chicago for a week (next week) for work. Is he going to cheat... I doubt... he'll be sooo freaken busy with all the companies taking them out on all kinds of luncheons and dinners... etc... I know others MM I see... would cheat if given a chance for sure... some even tell me openly about their other affairs... I don't care... we openly talk about our sex life. Why do you think he wouldn't cheat? Those luncheons and dinners are precisely where MM meet women to cheat with...it's no stretch to have dinner, go out for drinks after, and then fall into the hotel bed with someone...happens all the time. Just curious why you think this MM wouldn't do that, though you know other MM who would?
Guest Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 to the OW/OM I would like to know how you feel about/ would handle the situation where your MM/MW would have another OW/OM . Had a not dissimilar conversation earlier with my MM... Must be something in the air? I've always had several Rs at a time - I have a very short attention span and being with only one person would get old very quickly for me. I prefer MMs because the terms suit my needs, and don't cramp my life. I've always accepted that a MM cannot be sexually exclusive with me - he's married, after all - and since I'm not sexually exclusive with him that's equal. Over time with this MM though things have shifted - our expectations have changed and we have become sexually exclusive with each other. Just something that happened, not a choice. He hasn't had sex with his wife in almost a year and I've not had sex with any other men in a few months. He has admitted that he would feel jealous if I did, although he would never ask that of me nor hold it against me. From my side though I don't have an issue with it, although I know that he has no interest in other women and his wife physically repulses him. So long as he takes care, and doesn't expose me to any risk through carelessness, what's the problem? If sharing was an issue, I wouldn't be with a MM in the first place.
Lizzie60 Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Why do you think he wouldn't cheat? Those luncheons and dinners are precisely where MM meet women to cheat with...it's no stretch to have dinner, go out for drinks after, and then fall into the hotel bed with someone...happens all the time. Just curious why you think this MM wouldn't do that, though you know other MM who would? I know him very well... Even though he is an extraordinarily good lover... his wife was his first lover and they were both virgins when they got married... he never had much sex all his life with her... cause she's not a sexual person....but he thought that all women were like her... He had one A with one of her friend, but this woman did the first move... he slept with her maybe 4-6 times... Then he fell in love with me... we both work together... He said he fell in love with me before we even slept together... But eventhough I know him very well... you can be right... he could have a fling while there...but I very much doubt it.. he is gone with 2 of the high end management (highest level) so I think they will all behave... since it's the first time with those guys from work.... but to be honest I don't care... I don't own him... Last January I went down south and I had a fling... he asked me if I had sex while I was there... I said yes I did... he didn't ask any more questions... LOL... He said he cried every day while I was away... He loves me a lot more than I love him...
raslers Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 to the OW/OM I would like to know how you feel about/ would handle the situation where your MM/MW would have another OW/OM I found out by accident MM had another OW. I truly believed he was true to me and I was only OW (yes, I know, if he isn't true to W how could he be true to me). I was sorely mistaken and have cut off contact with him (after I called him out on his bull SH*T). He works with this other gal and sees her everyday. I just can't deal with that. My heart is broken. It happened over this summer, so I know my heart is still healing, but I am the idiot that fell for it all hook line and sinker. I do run into him from time to time, as I live in a small town and we run in the same circles. I am trying to live well and keep my head high. Each day gets easier. It was a 4 year relationship, so it was quite devistating at first. I blamed myself, but now I know if it wasn't this gal it wouldn've been another one. I was a fool. Funny thing is rumor has it his W is aware that there is something with him and this other gal. She has him on quite a short leash now. I guess that's what he gets.
Trimmer Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I know my current MM doesn't cheat... Wha???? You do realize that somewhere a little tiny piece of the fabric of the universe has twisted and torn open and sucked a cute little kitten to its death because you said this, don't you?
Meaplus3 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 The very nature of this type of relationship guarentees a big mess. YES! and even a bigger mess if it's a MW/MM Scenerio!
Woggle Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I don't mean to be cruel but this is why I can't muster too much sympathy for OW/OM. How can they not know how something like this will eventually play out? If you ask me they dig their own hole.
frannie Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I don't mean to be cruel but this is why I can't muster too much sympathy for OW/OM. How can they not know how something like this will eventually play out? If you ask me they dig their own hole. Hmm, but by the same token, how can BSs 'not know he'll keep cheating on them' once he's done it once? How can anyone think of getting married when 30% (or whatever) people cheat..? Relationships are a risk. Some are riskier than others, obviously. But no-one expects the worst will happen, otherwise we'd never do anything.
Woggle Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Hmm, but by the same token, how can BSs 'not know he'll keep cheating on them' once he's done it once? How can anyone think of getting married when 30% (or whatever) people cheat..? Relationships are a risk. Some are riskier than others, obviously. But no-one expects the worst will happen, otherwise we'd never do anything. BSs who choose to stay are idiots as well. If my wife ever cheats I will throw her out on the street and not think twice about it. I am losing sympathy for people who willingly walk into a situation that is sure to end in heartbreak and pain. Logic should tell a person that if somebody is willing to betray their own spouse this person will betray them as well. It is a basic character flaw of a cheating spouse and the ow/om is not so special that are able to change this character flaw. Relationships are a risk but there are absic common sense steps people can take to minimize the amount of pain.
Meaplus3 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 BSs who choose to stay are idiots as well. If my wife ever cheats I will throw her out on the street and not think twice about it. I am losing sympathy for people who willingly walk into a situation that is sure to end in heartbreak and pain. Logic should tell a person that if somebody is willing to betray their own spouse this person will betray them as well. It is a basic character flaw of a cheating spouse and the ow/om is not so special that are able to change this character flaw. Relationships are a risk but there are absic common sense steps people can take to minimize the amount of pain. "Logic should tell a person that if somebody is willing to betray their own spouse this person will betray them as well. It is a basic character flaw of a cheating spouse and the ow/om is not so special that are able to change this character flaw." Woogle, First off "Logic" kind of get's thrown out the door when one is simply in the middle of a big infatuation, that's why IMO it very easy to fall into an a. Second- I don't feel that it's true that every person who cheat's on their spouse has some "Character Flaw". I know in my case I will NEVER cheat again. I think the "Serial Cheater's" on the other hand have a BIG problem. Why even be married if you choose to have several OM/OW on the side? It's Just plain SICK. IMO for a BS to stay married to a "Serial Cheater" is very sad. Do NOT take this as though I am saying it's ok to cheat once, because that's not what I mean here. I know any form of betrayel in a marriage is a big deal and must be delt with between the married partner's to find out the reason why the WS would cheat in the first place. AP:)
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Why even be married if you choose to have several OM/OW on the side? I totally agree...why marry? Cereal cheaters will always be cereal cheaters..
CAT100 Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I dont think every person that cheats can be tarnished with the same brush. There are some MM that will see lots of OW just because they are serial cheats & they can get away with it. There are other MM that simply married the wrong person, meet the right one & cheat with them because they feel they have met their soulmate. I am not condoning cheating whatsoever, Im just saying that every case is different & its different to cheat with one OW that a guy really loves than to cheat with a bunch of OW that mean nothing to him
justfine Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 People who are dissatisfied with their marriages to the point of committing adultery, should just get a divorce, then start to date. Under no circumstances is adultery acceptable.
BubblesKittyShed Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 People who are dissatisfied with their marriages to the point of committing adultery, should just get a divorce, then start to date. Under no circumstances is adultery acceptable. Ya Think! Under no circumstances!!! Where I come from, I have at least 5 wives!!! Totally acceptable under MY circumstances!! Where did you come from? "Just a Fine" place of no brains!!!
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