Author forbidden fruit Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Thanks Ap, You know how hard it is for me and I know what I have to do. I really have been ill about the ill over the whole thing. It is funny that I am the one who is going through all the anguish and despair which just proves that having an A is no big deal to the xmm and he will do it again. I guess I needed to hit rock bottom mentally in order to pull myself up again. Your right I don't care if I am bit.... to him or whateer he thinks because look how far that has gotten me. It is time to take care of me and let him take care of himself. I was always protecting him, but those days are done. I don't care what he tells his W why I am suddenly not talking to him. Not my problem and as far as my H goes he will no doubt be happy I am not talking to him. I am so exhausted just thinking about what to do and I need to gear up for the big encilidada NC as oldeurope would say. It i he only way out of this mess i have made. Thanks Ap and Chrome I know you were giving me tough love and that is just what I need.
Meaplus3 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Thanks Ap, You know how hard it is for me and I know what I have to do. I really have been ill about the ill over the whole thing. It is funny that I am the one who is going through all the anguish and despair which just proves that having an A is no big deal to the xmm and he will do it again. I guess I needed to hit rock bottom mentally in order to pull myself up again. Your right I don't care if I am bit.... to him or whateer he thinks because look how far that has gotten me. It is time to take care of me and let him take care of himself. I was always protecting him, but those days are done. I don't care what he tells his W why I am suddenly not talking to him. Not my problem and as far as my H goes he will no doubt be happy I am not talking to him. I am so exhausted just thinking about what to do and I need to gear up for the big encilidada NC as oldeurope would say. It i he only way out of this mess i have made. Thanks Ap and Chrome I know you were giving me tough love and that is just what I need. "which just proves that having an A is no big deal to the xmm and he will do it again." FF, Your Welcome! Now FF Remember what you typed here above and ask yourself this. "Why would I want to ruin my life, and break apart my family if this Xmm might do this again? Because you see FF, it will be to you that he does this again to if you were to leave your H and he his wife and commit to him! Do you really want that? I am sure you will answer NO! Also, Don't worry about what his wife think's as to why you are not speaking. She will draw her own conclusion's and if she has question's then I am sure she will ask her H. In my situation my H, Xmm and W used to all get together for game night's sort of on a regular basis. I have never asked again for a get together and I am sure the W wonder's why, but I could care less. My Xmm's W can draw her own conclusion as well. Stay away from ALL of them, even the kid's if you can. This is where I'm at and ya know what life is so much more peaceful! I do struggle still but, hey time will heal all wound's! Good Golly I am starting to sound like Whichway, LOL:lmao:and that's a good thing! Hug's AP:)
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Well, you were all right. He is a true narcisssist and just got back in contact because he needed supply. All we have been doing is fighting since talking. We fight every opportunity we have to see each other. I made a wrong decision and actually had sex with him again. I was finally at my rock bottom and said fine if this is what you want then you can have it because I have nothing left. So I hit rock bottom and now for the past few days i have slowly putting my sanity back together. i told him yesterday if he comes near me or my kids i will tell his W. So that was enough to keep him away. Ofcourse he said i will call you tomorrow to discuss things and i said no . Of course he did not call, so now I am in total NC. For once in two years I do not care what he is going to think about me being the biggest bi.... he has ever seen. He always played on my guilt with the kids and now I am Nc the entire family. Boy do I feel relieved to have this monkey off my back. At the end of the day it finally hit me that none of his feelings were real. I just filled a void that was missing in him . Nothing more, nothing less. I am left with anger , but most off wiith regret of what I did to my kids and H for putting them through this. I now he will never be truly happy and that is my best revenge. I will be happy even if takes awhile. So living well is really the best revenge. Sure I would still love to ruin his life, but he really isn't worth it and he will ruin his own life. He does not need me to do it. It was bad before me and it will be bad after me. Boy he thought I was nice, he hasn't seen anything yet. I will most definately put my kids above his kids and it will be he who is thrown under the bus for once.
woe_is_me Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I now he will never be truly happy and that is my best revenge. I will be happy even if takes awhile. So living well is really the best revenge. Amen sister!!
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 i just saw him and walked right by him. he was sucha jerk to me and he whispered something under his breath, but i just kept ignoring him. I can't believe just two days ago and even up to yesterday he was telling me he loved me. What a weird feeling, but this is the way it has to be. How do I not let him get the best of me? I guess keep ignoring him. What an a***
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Hey hey hey! Looky who just reached her enough point! I hope you keep it up. Good for you!!! Don't react, ignore. No looking his way, no smiling, no laughing... FF, why not tell your husband and let your H confront him? That oughtta shut the guy up.
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 Hey guys, I was just outside and I was out there with my kids. He was out there also,but we id not even look at each other. He is being such a as*** and I do not understand why? I know it does not matter and i think it is because I am Nc the whole family and he is pissed. Do you guys think he will come around again and if so should I get H involved? Wow how things have changed in one day. Just yesterday he was telling me he loved me and wanted me , but could not have me because he could not hurt the kids. Well how about when he was screwing me was that not hurting the kids. Oh yeah he said he flet tons of guilt from that. I do not know why I am so angry, maybe you guys have some ideas and when does the anger go away . When is it replaced with indifference.
woe_is_me Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Hey guys, I was just outside and I was out there with my kids. He was out there also,but we id not even look at each other. He is being such a as*** and I do not understand why? I know it does not matter and i think it is because I am Nc the whole family and he is pissed. Do you guys think he will come around again and if so should I get H involved? Wow how things have changed in one day. Just yesterday he was telling me he loved me and wanted me , but could not have me because he could not hurt the kids. Well how about when he was screwing me was that not hurting the kids. Oh yeah he said he flet tons of guilt from that. I do not know why I am so angry, maybe you guys have some ideas and when does the anger go away . When is it replaced with indifference. When you stop worrying about him i guess.. why don't you think about relocating?
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 1. Do you guys think he will come around again and if so should I get H involved? 2. when does the anger go away . When is it replaced with indifference. 1. I think if your husband knew the truth, it might help diffuse things a bit. You can't continue to keep telling him that it was less than it actually was. If your H knew the truth, you better believe there will be some changes made. Right now, he thinks it is in the 'harmless crush' category - anyone who is cheated on will accept that lame lie because they don't want to deal with the truth. I think in this case, if you really confess, then you will see some real changes - exposure to the BS tends to do that. Can you do it? I don't know. Telling your H the truth would pretty much close the door completely on MM - I expect it wouldn't be long before MM's BS finds out too and that would doubly slam the door. One or both of your families would end up moving, is my guess. This is your way out. The sad thing is that I don't think you want that. 2. The anger goes away when the love for MM goes away. Indifference sets in when both anger and love are gone.
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Do you guys think he will come around again and if so should I get H involved? Yes and yes. Just yesterday he was telling me he loved me and wanted me , but could not have me because he could not hurt the kids. Well how about when he was screwing me was that not hurting the kids It was hurting the kids. Yours and his. And your spouses too, they all weren't privy to that information that you two were screwing eachother. Anyway, put THAT out of your head because you do not need to think of him in a sexual way AT ALL. It will go away when you take control and eventually become indifferent.
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 How long does it take to be indifferent. He is being such a a***. I don't know why and I know I am not suppossed to care. What did he want me to do. Can't he see i am saving both families by stopping this selfish deceptive lie continuing. Did he think we would be all one big happy family until the end of time? I know I am doing the right thing even though it hurts. He thinks i am being selfish because i won't the kids play,but too bad. I need some words of encouragment so i can keep going with Nc. I sometimes have doubts and then I think about my kids and H and those doubts go away. He acts like I am intentionally out to hurt him. I know there will be that day I don't care, but I am only human and I do still care just not enough to break Nc.
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 You have to work at it to make yourself feel indifferent. You have to WANT to feel indifferent. The problem is, you still like how he makes you feel and you think about him too much. The reason why you have doubts about your own life, and your H is because you haven't let go the exMM. Once you do that you can see if you still love your H enough to want to stay and put that energy into him and not your exMM.
Author forbidden fruit Posted September 17, 2007 Author Posted September 17, 2007 It has been four days of NC and I had a close friend around for support. Remeber I have to see him all the time. The other day I saw him driving with W and i had mini anxiety attack. I don't know why, but he still represents all these feelings and emotions and most of them are not good. So yes it is getting easier and I am starting to see through all the games and lies. I am glad he is in his situation and I am in mine. My H is being so supportive,strong and what a real man is, not a backstabbing, two-faced coward like xmm. He is very weak and I see now how insecure he is. I see I was just filling a void in his life that was missing. Don't get me wrong I still think about the good times and all the the things he said and I believed, but I see now how he sucked me in and I allowed it. Wow, it has to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I could of kept the A going because that is what he wanted , but for what to ruin my life and my childrens life all for a mm who really did not care. No thanks, for all the ow out there try to get some space away from xmm because they all pretty much tell the same lies and know the drill. If you think you are getting played or think you are getting hurt you probably are. I know it is hard to see the forest from the trees sometimes, but if all these people are telling you the same thing then all of their advice and words cannot be wrong. I know there are some exceptions with some mm's ,but for the most part they seem to have their schtick done to a science. I would love some words of encouragement because LS has gotten me through some rough patches. I don't think I am through the worst part yet.Thanks
precious1357 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 Is it wrong to want him to leave??? I feel bad...
on_my_way_out Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I applaude you for your strength. NC is very hard once you had constant contact for the escape. GREAT JOB. Focus on a stable you. Focus your energy in places where it has value and truth. The pain does sting, but the sting will fade. NC is the best thing to finding out realities.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Stay with the NC, focus on your husband, and continue to love him. Anytime you want to talk to the XOM talk to your husband, Be intimate with him, let him in your heart again.
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 FF, you can do this, all that pain and suffering that the MM brought into your life will come back if you talk to him...Keep busy, distract yourself, post here too. Also, make plans to go OUT with your husband! Get a babysitter afew days a week and you two go out to dinner, catch a movie. It doesn't always have to be on the weekend, sometimes mid-week dates are just as fun.
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