Is there any hope he might leave?

[Chrome Barracuda]

it's all pretty stupid if you ask me. one day her husband is just gonna be fed up with her, and divorce her, then let's see if he'll leave his wife for her. My thoughts are is he's probably not, the truth is 90% of the time the OW is no more than a covient pice of a**. that's it.

 

How can you stomach a man who probably lies to his wife, the one who made vows to, has kids with, has a family with, Has a life with, and forsake everything for one woman who's nothing more than emotional black hole who's high off the idea of this forbidden love. and once that wears off then what?

 

FF I thought you was putting this affair behind you, instead you fall right back in it? What happened? are you that weak to actually consider leaving your husband for a scumbag of this OM?

 

And then what if you leave, the family destroyed, the kids hate you because you hurt daddy, and then you find out the man you sacrifised everything for in your little fantasy basically has been plowing another woman just like he groomed and plowed you too?

 

All you cheating men and women, need to understand all actions in life has consequences to them and your negative ones hurt others around you in unforseeable ways. Dont be so selfish to think it will be all roses.

 

Your always gonna be the OW who broke up the family, always gonna be the cheating x-wife, always gonna be the whore momma who couldnt keep her promise.

 

Think real hard of the consequences before you act.

 

The more you keep in contact, you remain in an affair. either crap or get off the pot. it's that simple.

[forbidden fruit]

I have to say I am physically ill from this whole thing. I cannot even take care of my kids today. I know that it is over at least from my end and it is almost too much to deal with. Yes in all honesty I wanted mm to leave because for two years he has been talking about how miserable he was. So I think he should leave for himself and not for me. He is not strong enough and that is was makes me so mad.

I will leave my m when I have had enough. MM told me the other day he had enough and I believed him and yes also when he was sober. However, the fact is he was just lying to me to get me back in the affair and that is what hurts the most. He used my love for him and used it for his own advantage and yes I allowed it to happen. It really hurts to let go of someone you loved and maybe that is why I am having such a hard time with. I am not sure what I expected him to do. I guess none of that matters now. What is done is done unfortunately for him he does not think so. Maybe that is why I am so devastated is because I know there is no way to go back. Any thoughts?

[bestadvisor]

Oh, please. Every married man say they stay for the kids. But, the reality is, there is something he has with his wife that you can't replace and that's years of love and living together. He is using your for comfort and some fun on the side, but at the end of the day, he is with her for everything else. Some of what he told you is the truth, but some is what he knows that you want to hear to keep you around.

 

Why did you bring yourself to such low level by involving with a married man in the first place, especially when there are kids in the picture?

[Meaplus3]

I have to say I am physically ill from this whole thing. I cannot even take care of my kids today. I know that it is over at least from my end and it is almost too much to deal with. Yes in all honesty I wanted mm to leave because for two years he has been talking about how miserable he was. So I think he should leave for himself and not for me. He is not strong enough and that is was makes me so mad.

I will leave my m when I have had enough. MM told me the other day he had enough and I believed him and yes also when he was sober. However, the fact is he was just lying to me to get me back in the affair and that is what hurts the most. He used my love for him and used it for his own advantage and yes I allowed it to happen. It really hurts to let go of someone you loved and maybe that is why I am having such a hard time with. I am not sure what I expected him to do. I guess none of that matters now. What is done is done unfortunately for him he does not think so. Maybe that is why I am so devastated is because I know there is no way to go back. Any thoughts?

 

 

FF, Why not sit down and have a talk with your H about the state of your marriage? forget about this mm for a while! Try and see if it's worth saving. I feel for your H and kid's in this whole mess. I think you really need a full few month's of ZERO contact with this mm and I mean ZERO contact I am not seeing as though this has happened for you. When my NC reached a few month's with xmm I was able to see the "Fog Lift" so to speak. This helped me in many way's to look at the path of comeplete destruction I was on. I found I was able to get off that path and get some what back on track! I will be very truthful in saying that I still stuggle with all that's happened however what comes first here for me is either making my marriage work or getting out and doing this without xmm in the picture or some other man. Please FF, do what's right for YOU, YOUR H and YOUR kid's. Big, Big Hug's my friend!

 

AP:)

[bestadvisor]

FF, Why not sit down and have a talk with your H about the state of your marriage?

 

Wait, wait, wait, she is married? That's even more low than I previously thought. Does her MM's wife and her husband know about this affair? How she sleep at night?

[whichwayisup]

I have to say I am physically ill from this whole thing. I cannot even take care of my kids today. I know that it is over at least from my end and it is almost too much to deal with. Yes in all honesty I wanted mm to leave because for two years he has been talking about how miserable he was. So I think he should leave for himself and not for me. He is not strong enough and that is was makes me so mad.

I will leave my m when I have had enough. MM told me the other day he had enough and I believed him and yes also when he was sober. However, the fact is he was just lying to me to get me back in the affair and that is what hurts the most. He used my love for him and used it for his own advantage and yes I allowed it to happen. It really hurts to let go of someone you loved and maybe that is why I am having such a hard time with. I am not sure what I expected him to do. I guess none of that matters now. What is done is done unfortunately for him he does not think so. Maybe that is why I am so devastated is because I know there is no way to go back. Any thoughts?

 

FF, maybe in MM's mind, he can say the exact same thing about you, your marriage and what you haven't done to leave....

 

You both are not going to ever leave your marriages for the 'unknown.' he has his reasons for staying with his wife, like you have your reasons to still stay with your husband.

 

I agree with AP, you need to focus on your marriage, make it better, fix things, become ONE again with your husband instead of thinking about exMM.

[forbidden fruit]

WWiu-You make it sound so cut and dry. You have to understand my xmm has got in my head and heart. He told me things very personal and I believed him because I loved him. Yes I believe he is not going to leave even though he told me he wants to. It took me a long time to get here and it is going to be a long road to somewhat normal.

 

I did NC with him for almost four months before and the fog did lift, but I never stopped loving him. I just got used to being without him. He knew I was almost over him-key is almost and he pushed his way in and I allowed him. So you see I am mad at myself because I believed him this time and now I see nothing has changed.

Everyone on the boards thinks it about I want him to leave and I am not leaving, but it is more about the fact he lied to me once again. However, what did I expect he lies to his W so why would I think he would tell me the truth.

 

I thought we had something real and boy it is a shock to the system to know as pointed out by all of you guys I was just another piece of a...The heartbreak is overwheming and I feel like this cycle will never end because I am so weak right now and I have to see him everyday. Any ideas on how to face him everyday?

[woe_is_me]

Wait, wait, wait, she is married? That's even more low than I previously thought. Does her MM's wife and her husband know about this affair? How she sleep at night?

 

Best..a wedding ceremony doesn't really change the fact that FF can/could still be reeled in by a lying conniving hard up married man...

 

She's in an awful place at the moment and it's probably dragging on for longer than it should because she is forced to see him on a daily basis....she doesn't yet know that he's nothing but a prat and that shes better off ignoring him...

She can't see the forest for the trees at the moment and FF if you read this..drinking will only make things worse...try to hold your head high and forget this sap....or relocate:confused:

 

oh and btw Best i'm not married or cheating...

[justfine]

Cheating wives deserve to be miserable. That's God giving you exactly what you deserve.

 

You say you can' even look after your kids right because you're so messed up. Why don't decide once for all to stop being so selfish and start taking care of your family. Buy yourself a dildo.

[NearlyThere]

Cheating wives deserve to be miserable. That's God giving you exactly what you deserve.

 

You say you can' even look after your kids right because you're so messed up. Why don't decide once for all to stop being so selfish and start taking care of your family. Buy yourself a dildo.

 

 

You say cheating wives deserve to be miserable, well you don't seem to think that this applies to your own wife, you wrote this on your own post

 

"In closing, I have accepted the fact that as humans, we are all fallible. I've decided to forgive my wife and will tell my family members so that they, too, can forgive her. I hope that someday, we can be friends again. She's quite a terrific person and we enjoyed being with each other for many years. However, nothing lasts forever."

 

So in your own words all humans are fallible, FF is human so therefore fallible.

 

You thanked everyone for their help and support on your thread, well that's why FF is here, whether you approve of her or not. If you dont like what she has to say, or cant say anything contructive or useful then its best not to say anything.

[justfine]

Yes, I forgave my wife, my choice.

 

This is not the same as saying she should not suffer any consequences. Yes, we are all fallible. This does not mean we should not pay for our sins. If my wife suffers now or in the future because of her adultery, she deserves it. Even if I have forgiven her, it does not mean that God won't hand out some sort of appropriate punishment. Does she deserve to be miserable? Yes. Actions have consequences.

 

Just because I told my mother and Aunt that I forgave my wife for cheating, do you think that this automatically makes everything ok? Hell No. She is suffering right now. People really look down upon adultery, and, she knows people know. She is suffering humiliation at this point. Does she deserve it?

Hell yeah.

 

There is a huge difference between being forgiven, and, whether or not someone deserves to be miserable because of their actions. If no one ever paid a price for adultery, then more and more unscrupulous people would do it.

[movinon05]

Yes, I forgave my wife, my choice.

 

This is not the same as saying she should not suffer any consequences. Yes, we are all fallible. This does not mean we should not pay for our sins. If my wife suffers now or in the future because of her adultery, she deserves it. Even if I have forgiven her, it does not mean that God won't hand out some sort of appropriate punishment. Does she deserve to be miserable? Yes. Actions have consequences.

 

Just because I told my mother and Aunt that I forgave my wife for cheating, do you think that this automatically makes everything ok? Hell No. She is suffering right now. People really look down upon adultery, and, she knows people know. She is suffering humiliation at this point. Does she deserve it?

Hell yeah.

 

There is a huge difference between being forgiven, and, whether or not someone deserves to be miserable because of their actions. If no one ever paid a price for adultery, then more and more unscrupulous people would do it.

 

Fine, then forgive her. I'm glad you did! But did you ever look her in the face and tell her she's pathetic the way you did that other person?

[justfine]

The last time I spoke to her was after I found out she was cheating and had proof. She called me on the phone and I told her I knew and that she was freakin' ho and hung up.

 

I've forgiven her only in my own heart. She still thinks I'm pissed at her.

 

Okay, perhaps, I'm being too harsh. But maybe, her misery will deter her from having an affair with a married person in the future. To be honest, I don't have sympathy for cheaters. My sympathy goes to those who are betrayed.

[movinon05]

The last time I spoke to her was after I found out she was cheating and had proof. She called me on the phone and I told her I knew and that she was freakin' ho and hung up.

 

I've forgiven her only in my own heart. She still thinks I'm pissed at her.

 

Okay, perhaps, I'm being too harsh. But maybe, her misery will deter her from having an affair with a married person in the future. To be honest, I don't have sympathy for cheaters. My sympathy goes to those who are betrayed.

 

Very few OW/OM expect sympathy in these type situations. But a battering is uncalled for, and certainly not, as I said, from one who has given forgiveness to their own spouse's betrayal. I do think its great you have forgiven her despite all your pain. One cannot move on without forgiveness. I wish you the best. But just as your wife was obviously feeling some pain to have made her make that decision to stray, so are others. That's all I'm saying.

[plexus]

Question for FF.........what is your marriage like? Why are you so hung up on MM leaving when you are still married. Are you sure you want to really leave you marriage for this MM???

Just asking this b/c I was going through the same situation.....I have to tell you that more likely than not, he will never leave.......no matter how unhappy he claims to be...

does this sound familiar..." I have never loved anyone like I love you", nobody makes me feel like you do, my wife and I dont sleep together anymore, I would leave in a second but the kids, how do I leave.....etc.....

I'm not saying in their minds, they dont feel these things but when push comes to shove and for whatever reason they dont leave.

How often do you see him or did see him in the heart of the affair? Do you really think he is the type of person you would want to spend youffr life with? Is he different from your husband? what made you start the affair?

[forbidden fruit]

Question for FF.........what is your marriage like? Why are you so hung up on MM leaving when you are still married. Are you sure you want to really leave you marriage for this MM???

Just asking this b/c I was going through the same situation.....I have to tell you that more likely than not, he will never leave.......no matter how unhappy he claims to be...

does this sound familiar..." I have never loved anyone like I love you", nobody makes me feel like you do, my wife and I dont sleep together anymore, I would leave in a second but the kids, how do I leave.....etc.....

I'm not saying in their minds, they dont feel these things but when push comes to shove and for whatever reason they dont leave.

How often do you see him or did see him in the heart of the affair? Do you really think he is the type of person you would want to spend youffr life with? Is he different from your husband? what made you start the affair?

In answer to your questions. I see him all the time. At least 2 or three times a day,but we have not gotten together physically in about 6 months.

He is completely opposite from my H. He is physically different as well. He is

sponaneous,crazy and when I am with him he makes me feel like I can be my true self. I started the A because we were friends for over a year and we became closer and we were very attracted to each other. We were both pretty unhappy in our marriages and I know my biggest mistake was letting it get past friendship. I should of stopped it. After all he is just a guy who thinks with his other head.

 

Yes he has said all of these lines to me and now as I have sat ina depreesion all day I feel worse and tomorrow I have to see him. Any advice or do you think me telling him I never want to see him will suffice. I told him that two days ago and he has been working so maybe he will finally see it is ended? What do you guys think.

[Cheesecake]

FF, I understand how strong and all consuming your feelings for this MM must be. Many of us have been there (in love, that is, not just with MMs). But, for your own sake, please for a minute stop thinking about MM, and start thinking about your own situation - how your actions or lack of are effecting the people around you who you supposedly also love. It seems like you have a hard time with introspection. I think about half these threads are from people asking you questions about YOU and you just keep dodging them and going to the same place in your head about MM.

 

Your mind is on a hamster wheel and you keep asking yourself the same things over and over again about MM - and never pointing the finger at yourself and what YOU can do to make things better. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. I honestly don't understand why you keep asking for some kind of validation that your MM is a bad person, and a liar, and that he'll never leave, etc. etc. from the people on this board. Maybe because it will be easier for you to let him go if everyone tells you that he's evil? I can understand that too. But the truth is, they don't know him, neither do I - and, as with every situation, people will usually draw from their own experiences which means they know jack poop about yours. Go ahead, call him a liar, a user, a cheat. But remember, anything you say about him, can also be said about you since you are in the same exact position as he is- YOU ARE MARRIED, YOU ARE LYING TO YOUR HUSBAND AND CHILDREN, YOU ARE NOT READY TO LEAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. And by the way, if you honestly want MM to leave for himself and not for you, then why are you getting so banged up about the fact that he's not leaving if he is not ready just as you said you were not ready? I am not saying all this to judge or bash you. I am honestly trying to help you. I just want you to snap out of it and turn the microscope on yourself. I know its not easy, but if you want to progress and get off the hamster wheel, you will need to do it before something dreadful happens, and then, you will have to wake up the hard way when the poop really hits the fan and its too late.

[LucreziaBorgia]

when I am with him he makes me feel like I can be my true self.

 

This is pretty sad, actually to think that the 'true you' can only be revealed in the context of an affair. Regardless of whatever happens, for the sake of your family, I hope you get the help you need to help you figure out why it takes lying, cheating, and sneaking around to bring out the 'real you'.

[whichwayisup]

WWiu-You make it sound so cut and dry. You have to understand my xmm has got in my head and heart. He told me things very personal and I believed him because I loved him. Yes I believe he is not going to leave even though he told me he wants to. It took me a long time to get here and it is going to be a long road to somewhat normal.

 

If you want to make yourself get over him, then you have to be cut and dry with yourself.

 

Look, you KNOW the guy had feelings for you and cares...He just loves his life, his wife and what has NOW more than you. Timing isn't right and who knows if it will ever be right. You want to leave your H, but you haven't left yet either...Again, timing...

 

Can you tell me this? DO you love your MM more than your husband, your life at home, being a family unit? Are you willing to give up everything?

 

Him telling you he wants to, but doesn't means just that. He may want to, just like you want to, but it will never happen because of your families.

 

I did NC with him for almost four months before and the fog did lift, but I never stopped loving him. I just got used to being without him. He knew I was almost over him-key is almost and he pushed his way in and I allowed him. So you see I am mad at myself because I believed him this time and now I see nothing has changed.

 

I know you're mad at yourself, you did 4 months of NC in hopes to get over him. He tested the waters again and you tested it back...It didn't work and boom, back to NC.

 

All I was doing was trying to get you to see things from a different angle...The family thing. NEITHER of you really want to wake up without seeing your kids daily...I think bottomline, you both know what is more important and that's why neither of you are going to leave your spouses...

 

Everyone on the boards thinks it about I want him to leave and I am not leaving, but it is more about the fact he lied to me once again. However, what did I expect he lies to his W so why would I think he would tell me the truth.

 

FF, sadly though, you've lied to your husband as well...He may feel the same towards you - Why should he trust you when you've lied to your H as well? I am just trying to get you to open your eyes abit more, take a giant step back...

 

I thought we had something real and boy it is a shock to the system to know as pointed out by all of you guys I was just another piece of a...The heartbreak is overwheming and I feel like this cycle will never end because I am so weak right now and I have to see him everyday. Any ideas on how to face him everyday?

 

You know you meant something to him. He just loves his wife more and the life has more...

 

If it truely was real - BOTH of you would have left your spouses a long time ago and worked through everything to make the transition as easy as possible...

 

All you can do now is avoid him. Or move. Sorry FF, I know you're hurting and this sucks for you...Love your kids, cuddle with them and focus on them as much as you can...Kids are a wonderful distraction.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Alot of y'all talk real wisdom but FF isnt really listening, What she wants is validation. She's the type of women that likes destroying things for her own personal gain no matter the cost and when it's over she turns around and says sorry expecting everyone that was hurt to forgive her.

 

Affairs are an addiction and should be treated as such.

 

Right now all that energy she's putting into this scumbucket of a MM and her affair is not being diverted to her family and her marriage.

 

Did any of you see that girl on Dr.Phil who didnt forgive her mother for cheating on her stepfather for 18yrs!!! and the mother went up there expecting the daughter to just say no biggie. Your happy, im happy, it's ok to cheat as long as your happy.

 

To condone cheating is a distant cousin to condone murder. It is still wrong correct?

 

I wonder what would happen if FF's husband found her posts and decided to just dump her, and take the kids? and expose the affair to everybody!!! and then what? Does she expect the MM to ride to her rescue?

 

He's not coming FF wake up!!!

 

Please those two little girls need you... Dont be stupid.

[Meaplus3]

In answer to your questions. I see him all the time. At least 2 or three times a day,but we have not gotten together physically in about 6 months.

He is completely opposite from my H. He is physically different as well. He is

sponaneous,crazy and when I am with him he makes me feel like I can be my true self. I started the A because we were friends for over a year and we became closer and we were very attracted to each other. We were both pretty unhappy in our marriages and I know my biggest mistake was letting it get past friendship. I should of stopped it. After all he is just a guy who thinks with his other head.

 

Yes he has said all of these lines to me and now as I have sat ina depreesion all day I feel worse and tomorrow I have to see him. Any advice or do you think me telling him I never want to see him will suffice. I told him that two days ago and he has been working so maybe he will finally see it is ended? What do you guys think.

 

FF,

 

"I see him all the time. At least 2 or three times a day."

 

Why do you have to see this MM 2 or three times a day I thought he has a job? Is there anyway you can change your schedule so You don't have to see him so much? How did you acheive 4 month's of NC is you have to see him that much? You need NC, and complete NC FF and I mean that. You need to figure this out before your destroy your life, your better than all this FF and I know deep down that YOU know it! I am always's here for ya girl!

 

AP:)

[Meaplus3]

Alot of y'all talk real wisdom but FF isnt really listening, What she wants is validation. She's the type of women that likes destroying things for her own personal gain no matter the cost and when it's over she turns around and says sorry expecting everyone that was hurt to forgive her.

 

Affairs are an addiction and should be treated as such.

 

Right now all that energy she's putting into this scumbucket of a MM and her affair is not being diverted to her family and her marriage.

 

Did any of you see that girl on Dr.Phil who didnt forgive her mother for cheating on her stepfather for 18yrs!!! and the mother went up there expecting the daughter to just say no biggie. Your happy, im happy, it's ok to cheat as long as your happy.

 

To condone cheating is a distant cousin to condone murder. It is still wrong correct?

 

I wonder what would happen if FF's husband found her posts and decided to just dump her, and take the kids? and expose the affair to everybody!!! and then what? Does she expect the MM to ride to her rescue?

 

He's not coming FF wake up!!!

 

Please those two little girls need you... Dont be stupid.

 

Alot of y'all talk real wisdom but FF isnt really listening, What she wants is validation. She's the type of women that likes destroying things for her own personal gain no matter the cost and when it's over she turns around and says sorry expecting everyone that was hurt to forgive her.

 

You know what Chrome I try to ignore post's that really bug me, but in this case I must defend my friend FF here! FF is Having a very hard time with this situation and I fully understand. She's here to vent and ramble on. Labeling her in the manner as you did above is not helpful at all, leave her alone!

 

AP:mad:

[Chrome Barracuda]

Alot of y'all talk real wisdom but FF isnt really listening, What she wants is validation. She's the type of women that likes destroying things for her own personal gain no matter the cost and when it's over she turns around and says sorry expecting everyone that was hurt to forgive her.

 

You know what Chrome I try to ignore post's that really bug me, but in this case I must defend my friend FF here! FF is Having a very hard time with this situation and I fully understand. She's here to vent and ramble on. Labeling her in the manner as you did above is not helpful at all, leave her alone!

 

AP:mad:

 

Sorry I couldnt come across being more nicer, but apparently the Wayward Wife mindset is needed of some harsh realities every now and again. I am a reminder of the consequences of her actions, nothing more , nothing else.

 

She's going a round in a complete circle and not seeing any progress on any level. So if you have any better ideas for her progreesion do say so.

 

Her kids lives hang in the balance sorry I couldnt make that more clearer. lol.

 

And that mean smiley face isnt really scaring me.

[Meaplus3]

Sorry I couldnt come across being more nicer, but apparently the Wayward Wife mindset is needed of some harsh realities every now and again. I am a reminder of the consequences of her actions, nothing more , nothing else.

 

She's going a round in a complete circle and not seeing any progress on any level. So if you have any better ideas for her progreesion do say so.

 

Her kids lives hang in the balance sorry I couldnt make that more clearer. lol.

 

And that mean smiley face isnt really scaring me.

 

Darn it! I thought that smiley would chase you away, LOL! As for ideas for her progression? I believe it's Complete NC and a Re-focus on her family. I am trying to make her see that. Think that's all any of us can do.

 

AP:eek:

[Chrome Barracuda]

Darn it! I thought that smiley would chase you away, LOL! As for ideas for her progression? I believe it's Complete NC and a Re-focus on her family. I am trying to make her see that. Think that's all any of us can do.

 

 

AP:eek:

 

...I Concur.