sedgwick Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I'm doing a lot better after 6 weeks. In fact, I'm surprised at how much better I'm doing. Of course I'm still in love with him and want him back and all that, but I'm not crying every day now. The one thought that just keeps plaguing me is this. I'm not arrogant, and in fact I get down on myself a lot, but I know I'm sexy (I mean, I'm a bellydancer, fer cryin' out loud), I know I'm smart, and I know I'm funny. I also know I have my faults, but I worked really hard to be the best girlfriend I could. This guy is not a rockstar -- he's a big dork who at 31 has had five girlfriends his whole life. (I just happen to love the big dorks.) And when we broke up, I said to him, "You may have had women tell you this enough that it doesn't mean anything to you anymore, but I really, totally love you. I love you unconditionally." And he said, "I've never had anyone say that to me." So I just keep wondering: is he thinking, at all, "There's a smart, sexy woman out there who totally loves me and we have great sex and I TURNED HER DOWN?!" Like, is this kind of thing just not a big deal to men? Is it so easy to find that it just doesn't matter?
bchlvr Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 It sounds like you are really special. No, it is not everyday that we are lucky enough to meet someone who says they love us unconditionally. It's not everyday that we find someone who we can trust to work the best they can to be the very best partner they can be. Can you a few words about the reasons for the breakup?
Author sedgwick Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 The excuse he gave is that I'm not a musician, and he is, and he feels maybe only another musician can understand him. It's nobody specific; he's still single. But he spent an amazing weekend with me and then left on tour for three months the next morning, and that's the morning he dumped me. It came totally out of the blue. I thought we were madly in love. He also said, "I didn't fall out of love with you, but I was afraid I might, so I broke up with you before that happened."
AriaIncognito Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Sedgwick, I had this similar issue with my ex. My thoughts are, he didn't feel worthy of the love he was getting from me. You might have the same situation. On some level maybe he thinks he wasn't worth it and that you deserve someone who is. I loved him completely and he is long gone. I'm left daily wondering about him. I too am no longer crying over it much, but still, the pain is there.
Double D Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Hi ariawoman! How do you cope thinking about ur ex daily? Im still contantly thinking about my ex even after 11 months since we broke up and its doing my nut in.
niceguy27 Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Not to toot my horn, but I feel the same way with my ex. She has had her share of bad relationships in the past. I know she has never been with someone who truly loved her for all she was. The good and the bad. All her little quirks and habits. She is a beautiful person herself by all means, but we brought out the best in each other because we loved each other for who we are. I am not jealously, possessive, insecure, or lazy. I think that I have some darn good qualities a woman looks for. And then to see her give me up for a chance to "see if Im the one" for her really puts a damper on my mood.
frd150 Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 I loved/ still love my ex in the same way. I even told her. She knew that I was self concious about some things but waited till after the break up to throw those things in my face(long story). It coulda been my fault for not discussing them openly...who knows? All of us deal with insecureties. I loved/love her inspite of hers. Im working on mine and im proud to say ive made big improvements. Sedgwick, if a smart sexy women ever tells me what you told him I promise you that I will never let her go.
AriaIncognito Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Hi ariawoman! How do you cope thinking about ur ex daily? Im still contantly thinking about my ex even after 11 months since we broke up and its doing my nut in. To be honest, i just do my best to not allow myself to dwell on the thought. I see a car that looks like his, my heart drops, but it's only for a minute or two then I can usually get myself to think about something else. basically, whenever I think of him, i try to end that thought with "he let go of the best person he'll ever have and he'll one day regret it". I dont know if it's working or not, but after 100+ days of NC, I'm not crying much at all and I am starting to open up to the idea of dating sometime in the not so distant future, should I meet someone... Not sure if this helps, but post away... :-)
Double D Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Oh I so understand about seeing a simular car. Little things like that trigger me off. Someone who looks like her, places we used go on date and stuff. It drives me mad that after 10 months I cant shake her out of my head yet I fully understand we werent meant to be and have so processed all of this but yet I still think about her constantly and the more I try not to the more I do. Its mad how the mind works.
Curious139 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Don't beat yourself up Double D, you are a good person and your feelings are natural. We all take time to heal from our losses and there is no magic date. Some are able to bounce back more easily than others but there is nothing wrong with you. Keep the faith.
rockinbeyondrepair Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 I'd love to meet this man...AND ATTACK HIM WITH A GARDEN HOSE FOR NO REASON MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!:laugh::laugh::laugh:
kirikat Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 I'd love to meet this man...AND ATTACK HIM WITH A GARDEN HOSE FOR NO REASON MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!:laugh::laugh::laugh: When you are done with her man, can you come take care of mine please?
Double D Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Thanks for the words of encouragement Curious, very much appreciated
Author sedgwick Posted September 30, 2007 Author Posted September 30, 2007 rockinbeyondrepair, i love you!!
Spinderella Posted September 30, 2007 Posted September 30, 2007 rockinbeyondrepair, i love you!! Maybe he feels you give your love too easily;) Seriously though, its easy to think of all the great things they must miss about you, but, the truth is that relationships are subjective and work or dont work generally because two peoples journeys are incompatible. Rejection, doesnt need to be taken personally. By all means look at yourself, where you may have gone wrong, what outworn baggage or habits you may be bringing into your relationships with you, whether or not you had problems you were hoping another could solve for you...all of those things. BUT aside from that, there may be a personal journey that your ex is on, that makes them unable to be in a relationship, or unable to be in a certain type of relationship. It is quite noble in many ways to leave somebody when you realise this is the case. Especially if your feelings are still strong for them. I know that in my past I have let some very good guys go, because I was not in any frame of mind to be having a relationship, or certainly not a close and loving relationship that they wanted. Because my journey was such that I needed to work out my own path. Perhaps he has put his own dream first. It sounds as though he would like somebody who could tour with him. Maybe this is unrealistic, or idealistic, but maybe he hasnt realised that yet. Or maybe its not too unrealistic, and he is holding out for his dream. I dont know whats in his head. But it sounds like you are a great girl, and he is sure to miss you, even if he has to let you go for the sake of his own path.
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