Saxis Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Chances are, this won't be the last time this happens. You'll probably deal with this for as long as the relationship lasts, and that doesn't sound like much longer. Eventually she'll just start lying to you about where she's going and who she's with. Move along and see if she's willing to follow. You'll find out quickly how much the relationship means to her.
jcster Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 i can see that, but at least he can stand up for himself and tell her no. if the relationship is indeed doomed, then he can force her to make a choice in an assertive way, not in a passive way Definitely. Say NO, say it loud and say it clear. She needs a wake up call.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 i can see that, but at least he can stand up for himself and tell her no. if the relationship is indeed doomed, then he can force her to make a choice in an assertive way, not in a passive way i never said be passive. i basically said don't beat around the bush; stop wasting time and figure out what is really going on. and i am not saying he shouldn't say she shouldn't go; i agree she shouldn't. my point is that this problem is secondary to whatever the real problem is that's there between them.
Author tenshu2k Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 So we talked a little bit today, and I hope to decide this tonight. Anyway. Couple new things: in regards to 1:1 dinner. She wanted to have a dinner with someone else she met recently. She says he knows that she has a bf. She also brought up the issue of clubbing (they're supposed to go clubbing after) but she said I can come if I want. She also, not today, but before told me that when she goes clubbing (and she now says shed like to go without me with her friends as well) shed also like to be able to freak guys or dance in that manner. Obviously I was against this, but just thought I should throw that in there. I drink, party with my friends, some of which that are girls, but never push anything to that extent. Anyway, she said I was also not invited because things could be akward. There have been instances when im with "her" friends and I told her that I feel kinda akward since her friends and her are busy talking (this particular instance had friends that were all male) and I'm kinda left out. She got angry at me saying that I did not make enough of an effort, but I feel like her friends should have been more welcoming, and she should have made more of an effort to be inclusive. I told her it was either camping or us, and haven't really heard back. Her lack of response, and the fact that shes conflicted over it really makes me wonder. We've been having tough times, and we are cloes to the edge right now. I'm just trying to see whether I want to save it or not. I really want to make things work, but I cant if shes trying to be like this. I told her its not a matter of me trying to control her, but just a matter of knowing boundaries and knowing what is proper and not. I really do not know right now. She seems to think that nothing she suggests is "wrong" since its all friendly and in good fun. I don't see things the same way.
woodsfield Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 sorry, man, she's up to something. it's time to dust of the black skin suit, ski mask, rope & grappling hook and go 007 on her ass.
woodsfield Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 She also, not today, but before told me that when she goes clubbing (and she now says shed like to go without me with her friends as well) shed also like to be able to freak guys or dance in that manner. I drink, party with my friends, some of which that are girls, but never push anything to that extent. I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO START GRABBIN' A LITTLE ASS. I told her it was either camping or us, and haven't really heard back. GOOD FOR YOU. Her lack of response, and the fact that shes conflicted over it really makes me wonder. We've been having tough times, and we are cloes to the edge right now. I'm just trying to see whether I want to save it or not. DON'T TRY...I THINK SHE'S OVER YOU, BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I really do not know right now. She seems to think that nothing she suggests is "wrong" since its all friendly and in good fun. I don't see things the same way. SHE SUCKS, MAN...AFTER THREE YEARS, YOU SHOULD HAVE LITTLE MORE UNDERSTANDING WITH SOMEONE. SHE'S UP TO SOMETHING AND YOU EITHER NEED TO GO GET YOUR SLEEPING BAG, OR TELL HER NOT BOTHER CALLING YOU WHEN SHE GETS OUTTA THE WOODS.
Author tenshu2k Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 Yea seriously. After 3 years, more than anything im angry. Basically I wasted 3 years of my life. I wouldn't have been in this if I didnt want to be in it for the long run, apparently she didn't feel the same way. Part of me just wants to be vengeful, it almost seems appropriate. Not that I would do anything crazy, but still.
Author tenshu2k Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 Yea looks like its reached just about the end. She told me she needs to go out with poeple of her own "ethnicity", and her parents would prefer if she go out with someone of the same "ethnicity". Apparently that is a big issue for her, and this guy, and some of the other guys she wants to have "dinner" with are. I told her that she basically wasted 3 years of my life if this was going to be an issue down the line. I have ethnicity in quotes, because technically we're the same nationality, but she just speaks a different language from the SAME country. In our culture, especially traditionally, its common to marry in the same kind of language/region, but in this day and age, I would hardly think it mattered, especially after 3 years of going out. I told her that it was immature to think that it was necessary to date someone like that, and I'm not sure where the pressure is coming from whether its internally or from her parents, or maybe both. So yea, what did I get myself into? I just wish I could take it all back right now.
tanbark813 Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Sorry to hear that, man. Being angry about the situation is totally understandable but if it's any consolation it's probably not a complete waste of that part of your life. I know, personally, that I've learned things about either myself or relationships or life in general in every relationship I've had, even the most f**ked up ones. There's always been something I've taken away from the experience. One day--or maybe even today--you might look back on all this and realize permanent things you got out of the relationship. Our experiences help shape who we are. I know that all sounds very Dr. Phil-y but it may be a minor consolation.
oppath Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 got to agree with Tanny. You haven't wasted your life at all. At most she has wasted the last 1-2 months of your life as her feelings have been changing and she lacked the assertiveness to be honest about her feelings. But I guarantee you the rest of your time together was legit, it was real. You've wasted nothing. Be angry at her for not being strong enough to be honest. Basically, she appears to be testing the waters while knowing you aren't the guy for her as she tries to detach. That SUCKS, but you've wasted nothing.
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