starlite Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Let me start by saying...I am not in the mode and ready to break up with my bf but I have been thinking about a lot of stuff. We have been together almost 2.5 years and god do i love him. I cant imagine being without him, it would be devastating! BUT We have so many differences. Sometimes I feel like I want more than what he can give me. Examples: He waits until last minute for holiday shopping and always gets me the wrong things. He likes to go out late at night at least once a week and I mean like 3 and 4 am and I just dont like it. I want to be engagaed in a year...i actually have a cut off date at our 3.5 mark and he doesnt know it. I wont be someones gf for 5 years and I guess he should have known this before moving in. He does know, but i have seen no effort of him saving money for a ring. He talks about paying his debt off (which he needs to do) but he doesnt actually do it. He thinks we have "forever" and I dont like that logic. How do you know it is time, and how do you make yourself realize it enough to not have the break up break you?
niceguy27 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 you have to "know" it deep inside if you want to be with him. The first and biggest thing you need to do is sit down and talk to him. Tell him what is bothering you and then LISTEN to what he says. So many times things break down with people just for the simple lack of communication between the two. Also, there is no thing as an easy break up. They are all hard to do. But seriously, just listen to him and talk with him before you decide anything.
Author starlite Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Thanks niceguy...that is good advice! I appreciate it and if i get serious really serious about it i will do it. Problem is we have been fighting quite a bit lately and I feel like this may trigger more and maybe what we need is to just be good for a while ya know. I guess I have to figure out what I can be ok with.
niceguy27 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Your welcome. Try to set aside some just you and him time once or twice a week. And make it a point to just be the two of you. My ex and I did date nights every week. That way you can try to focus on the positives of the relationship instead of the negatives. Good luck!!
birdie Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 hi starlite, maybe you are fighting because you argue about small things (like how he leaves his holiday shopping until last minute) and don't deal with the big stuff: ie how you see your lives moving forward and whether you are both in the picture long term. you have to find a balance just like niceguy says but also make sure you get to the bottom of the fundamental issues rather than keep scratching the surface and fight
Woggle Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 You won't change him so ask yourself if you are willing to deal with his ways and make a decision based on that. Believe me when I say trying to change him will only lead to more frustration. About the holiday shopping tell him what type of things you like and if he has some sense he should know what to get. As for the stayomg out late I don't see an issue with that. I stay out late as well.
Lyssa Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I agree with Woggle. It won't make things better by changing him. Staying out late once a week? You should count yourself lucky. Some guys stay out late every other day... or at least, 3 times a week. What if he doesn't like you doing certain things (esp the things you like doing)? Would you change? So if a guy you really love and can't see yourself living life without him, you still wouldn't wait for him?
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