Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Hi Justice, I so agree with getting to know and love yourself, it is the key to happiness. It's also a very important factor while beign involved in a Relationship. As far as the "Dating" scene these day's I have NO clue after 15 year's of Marriage and 3 children. I think you are taking the best approach by seeking a friendship, at this point since your divorce is still "Fresh" so to speak. I am sure if you keep searching you will stumble upon someone when you least expect it! Best Wishes Justice your a beautiful person inside and out! Hug's. AP:) Thanks AP!
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I've dated two different guys so far, I don't know if they are scared or just what is happening. I just know that I don't want to get serious or attached. Not because I want a long string of different guys to date or anything...just that I don't want to end up being owned or thought of as that way. And that's how those two men seemed to see it, jealousy, possessiveness, the whole bit, it sucked! I don't think I'm putting out the heartbreaker vibe. By the last few dates, I literally had to let them know that I didn't want a one on one relationship, in strong terms too, not because of wanting to be single but because that is just not what I want. I'm in it more for companionship and camaradery(sp?) than anything else, but I'm also an intensely private person and think that it's way too soon within two or three dates to get that darn serious. Am I wrong there? I did make it clear to them that I wasn't interested in an exclusive relationship. It sounds like these two guys had different goals in mind. They both wanted something you didnt. See it kind of seems like you go into a dating situation and tell the guy that you have no romantic interest in him. Your going to get some confusion from that. I dont think what you are asking for is wrong or even that uncommon. Perhaps you may need to refine your man selection and approach. See, I have alot of male friends that would look at a situation like that and say "Ok, so Im providing the emotional crap for her... what do I get? Why am I here? I'm not even the only guy, so whats the point?" Does that make any sense?
Krytellan Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Well justice, it kinda sounds to me like you're setting guys up here. Why "date" just to make platonic friends? Most people don't date to make more friends, they date to have romatic relationships. I mean, be totally honest up front, but it sounds to me like you really shouldn't be dating at all. Sounds like you should be joining a book club... you'll find "friends" there.
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Well justice, it kinda sounds to me like you're setting guys up here. Why "date" just to make platonic friends? Most people don't date to make more friends, they date to have romatic relationships. I mean, be totally honest up front, but it sounds to me like you really shouldn't be dating at all. Sounds like you should be joining a book club... you'll find "friends" there. Exactly .. that was my point.. she should get female friends... cause I doubt she'll get any guys for that... a bood club... good idea... or bird watching club
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 It sounds like these two guys had different goals in mind. They both wanted something you didnt. See it kind of seems like you go into a dating situation and tell the guy that you have no romantic interest in him. Your going to get some confusion from that. I dont think what you are asking for is wrong or even that uncommon. Perhaps you may need to refine your man selection and approach. See, I have alot of male friends that would look at a situation like that and say "Ok, so Im providing the emotional crap for her... what do I get? Why am I here? I'm not even the only guy, so whats the point?" Does that make any sense? To be objective, yes, looking at it from another point of view it does. That's why I've decided not to date again. I guess with some you just can't date and be friends at the same time.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Well justice, it kinda sounds to me like you're setting guys up here. Why "date" just to make platonic friends? Most people don't date to make more friends, they date to have romatic relationships. I mean, be totally honest up front, but it sounds to me like you really shouldn't be dating at all. Sounds like you should be joining a book club... you'll find "friends" there. Can't you be friends that go out and do things together without it getting complicated? That's my question here. I do make it honest up front and if they can't deal with that then they don't have to and I don't expect them too. I already have a book club, and Lizzie, I'm not into bird watching, I prefer muscle cars.....Thanks for the input Kry, I appreciate it.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Exactly .. that was my point.. she should get female friends... cause I doubt she'll get any guys for that... a bood club... good idea... or bird watching club LOL... Lizzy you are a crack up! You've never had a platonic male friend I suppose.
Krytellan Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I guess with some you just can't date and be friends at the same time. That comes off as an unfair statement. Many people can date and be friends at the same time... in a romantic context, not platonic. Dating and platonic friendships are commonly understood as being mutually exclusive. Also, if you're a hottie (as your avatar suggests) you're asking even more of a man to be platonic.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 To be objective, yes, looking at it from another point of view it does. That's why I've decided not to date again. I guess with some you just can't date and be friends at the same time. Well, I would say you have to be friends and date at the same time. Why would you date someone you cant be friends with? I think its the seperation of the two your having difficulty with. Its the removal of the romantic element that has the men buggin out on you. If your approach is like... Hi, I like you but I want to take this really really slow... then you may get a much better reaction.
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 LOL... Lizzy you are a crack up! You've never had a platonic male friend I suppose. Of course I had.. and I still have... maybe 5-6 all together... but I don't say I'm dating them... they are platonic friends... Dating is not having platonic frienship...these are TWO different things in my book...
Krytellan Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Can't you be friends that go out and do things together without it getting complicated? That's my question here. I do make it honest up front and if they can't deal with that then they don't have to and I don't expect them too. At least you're in the right place then. Just don't be so surprised that a majority of people won't be on the same page as you. You will have many hiccups along the way because what you ask of a man is unusual. However, if you wade through enough people that want traditional arrangements, you will eventually find someone who can work with you. Though, they would probably always be thinking of you romantically... it's the "When Harry Met Sally" principle. Guys are only friends with women they want to have sex with. I subscribe to this theory 100%.
VIP Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 If your approach is like... Hi, I like you but I want to take this really really slow... then you may get a much better reaction. But that wouldn't be true, the truth is she doesn't want a relationship.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 But that wouldn't be true, the truth is she doesn't want a relationship. Sorry, I didnt see her statement that way. It sounded more like "I dont want a relationship now"
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Sorry, I didnt see her statement that way. It sounded more like "I dont want a relationship now" 110% correct Cobra. If I am feeling this way now, then I'm not ready. I accept that.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 At least you're in the right place then. Just don't be so surprised that a majority of people won't be on the same page as you. You will have many hiccups along the way because what you ask of a man is unusual. However, if you wade through enough people that want traditional arrangements, you will eventually find someone who can work with you. Though, they would probably always be thinking of you romantically... it's the "When Harry Met Sally" principle. Guys are only friends with women they want to have sex with. I subscribe to this theory 100%. Too True. And I'm not ready for that right now.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 That comes off as an unfair statement. Many people can date and be friends at the same time... in a romantic context, not platonic. Dating and platonic friendships are commonly understood as being mutually exclusive. Also, if you're a hottie (as your avatar suggests) you're asking even more of a man to be platonic. Ok maybe it was. I don't see myself as being a hottie. I'm just me, I'm who I am and I'm just not into romance right now. But I don't think that you should just expect someone to get exclusive that fast, maybe I'm old fashioned but when you tell someone up front then that should be the way it is and you should either stay and accept it or cut your losses and let go. Things are pretty much black and while for me.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Exactly .. that was my point.. she should get female friends... cause I doubt she'll get any guys for that... a bood club... good idea... or bird watching club Sorry, not interested in birds, I collect vintage f-body cars for a hobby. Nor do I collect guys. Don't believe in that.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Of course I had.. and I still have... maybe 5-6 all together... but I don't say I'm dating them... they are platonic friends... Dating is not having platonic frienship...these are TWO different things in my book... Depends on what you see as dating, I suppose. If dating means you go out with someone and jump into the sack with them, then no I am definately NOT into dating. And no, before you say it, I have nothing against a healthy sexual relationship, I just believe you ought to be sure before taking that step and that it should be monogamous if that is the case.
Pyro Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Depends on what you see as dating, I suppose. If dating means you go out with someone and jump into the sack with them, then no I am definately NOT into dating. And no, before you say it, I have nothing against a healthy sexual relationship, I just believe you ought to be sure before taking that step and that it should be monogamous if that is the case. Great post. Couldn't agree with you more.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 *yyyyyaaaaawwwwwnnnnn* If you are so bored, might I suggest that you go to bed? Alone. To sleep.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Great post. Couldn't agree with you more. Thanks Rid. Muchly appreciated.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 If you are so bored, might I suggest that you go to bed? Alone. To sleep. LOL... are you suggesting she go kick some guys out of bed just so she can catch some shut eye? Sounds like alot of work to me!
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 LOL... are you suggesting she go kick some guys out of bed just so she can catch some shut eye? Sounds like alot of work to me! LOL from some of the things she writes, it sounds that way. I asked for advice here, and from most I got good answers and honesty, what I don't need is catty, I've never been one for being catty but I call it as I see it. If the thong fits....
fray718 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Hmmm.... something there just doesnt sound right. So, it kind of sounds like these gentleman are getting scared. Are you putting out that heartbreaker vibe? Also I note your use of ownership verbage. Is that how the guys you are dating see relationships... or is that your own interpretation? Yea I agree with cobra....why do you assume they are already wanting to be exclusive? Do they ask you straight out or do you just interpret it that way? I think until they ask you, you should just enjoy it and be treat them as friends. Don't worry about it until they ask you hahah. The irony ofcourse is that I cant seem to find a guy who wants to commit to me! Gosh, can we switch problems? hahah
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