justice Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I started dating again a couple of months ago. I can't say I enjoy it. I don't like all of the nerves and fuss associated with it at all. It stresses me out. I try to be myself which isn't that hard, but the couple of guys I've gone out with seem like after the first date or two, they want it to be more than just dating. I've been very up front about that too. I don't want a relationship. I only want friendship. Seems like they get way too serious, way too fast. I don't want to be glued to someone, I just got divorced a year or so ago. They just don't seem to get it that I like living alone, that I don't want to go to bed at the drop of a hat. And I am not thinking wedding bells after the first kiss!! This is so frustrating for me. I am secure in my own right, I'm not really looking for that special someone. Companionship yes, friendship yes, one night stands? Out of the question. Serious, committed relationship? NO. Seriously if I had a dime for everytime I've been asked "Aren't you lonely after living up here by yourself all this time?" I'd be rich. No I don't get lonely. I spend my time doing the things that I like doing. I enjoy lazing by the pool or taking long walks with my dogs, I love working on my cars and I have a very full life. And I have my daughters and grandchildren too. No I don't miss having someone to sleep beside me or to wake up to. I sleep just fine by myself. So is it just me or are the guys getting more serious these days? And am I alone in feeling this, or are there others out there?
2sunny Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 you are not alone with this feeling... i could have written this myself. men tend to feel intimidated when i say - just because i am alone doesn't mean i am lonely. i took some time to get used to my "other half" not being with me anymore after 25 years together. after that passed... i was comfortable with it. i honestly don't know why it goes this way - except to understand that men tend to always want a partner beside them.
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I started dating again a couple of months ago. I can't say I enjoy it. I don't like all of the nerves and fuss associated with it at all. It stresses me out. I try to be myself which isn't that hard, but the couple of guys I've gone out with seem like after the first date or two, they want it to be more than just dating. I've been very up front about that too. I don't want a relationship. I only want friendship. Seems like they get way too serious, way too fast. I don't want to be glued to someone, I just got divorced a year or so ago. They just don't seem to get it that I like living alone, that I don't want to go to bed at the drop of a hat. And I am not thinking wedding bells after the first kiss!! This is so frustrating for me. I am secure in my own right, I'm not really looking for that special someone. Companionship yes, friendship yes, one night stands? Out of the question. Serious, committed relationship? NO. Seriously if I had a dime for everytime I've been asked "Aren't you lonely after living up here by yourself all this time?" I'd be rich. No I don't get lonely. I spend my time doing the things that I like doing. I enjoy lazing by the pool or taking long walks with my dogs, I love working on my cars and I have a very full life. And I have my daughters and grandchildren too. No I don't miss having someone to sleep beside me or to wake up to. I sleep just fine by myself. So is it just me or are the guys getting more serious these days? And am I alone in feeling this, or are there others out there? You seem to like your single life a lot.. so just enjoy it... Why this need for male friends... if your life is so fulfilled.... then get female friends if that's all you need. I doubt you will find men who are just looking for platonic friendship...
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Try dating younger guys... LOL! Oh no, I'm so not going there again. My X that cheated was eleven years my junior.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 You seem to like your single life a lot.. so just enjoy it... Why this need for male friends... if your life is so fulfilled.... then get female friends if that's all you need. I doubt you will find men who are just looking for platonic friendship... I really have no need. I just thought I'd try getting out into the world again to see what was out there. Curiosity. It isn't the same as it was six years ago. Oh and I do have some female friends, but they are so busy with family and kids that we don't often see each other. My life is very full and wonderful. I have need of nothing. Alot better than staying with a cheating dog of a man who put me through so much pain with his every lie. That's why I'm against affairs. Everyone eventually suffers, not to mention it is morally wrong. But then again, I think most who are involved in affairs are not fulfilled in some way, otherwise they wouldn't be commiting adultery.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 you are not alone with this feeling... i could have written this myself. men tend to feel intimidated when i say - just because i am alone doesn't mean i am lonely. i took some time to get used to my "other half" not being with me anymore after 25 years together. after that passed... i was comfortable with it. i honestly don't know why it goes this way - except to understand that men tend to always want a partner beside them. Nice to know I'm not the only one. In getting to know and accept and love who you are, I think that's the key in being happy by yourself.
woodsfield Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I only want friendship. Seems like they get way too serious, way too fast. I don't want to be glued to someone, I just got divorced a year or so ago. They just don't seem to get it that I like living alone, that I don't want to go to bed at the drop of a hat. And I am not thinking wedding bells after the first kiss!! i find it hard to believe that guys want to get married so quickly, but find it very easy to believe they want to do more the "date" . maybe they are looking for someone to fill their void in life and are frustrated when you tell them you just want a friend; you seem to have no void in your life with the exception of a friend or "companion" and they can't fathom that fact. chin up! you'll find someone that can fit your needs/wants. until then, kick it by the pool, spend time with the kids/grandkids (WOW, your a grandma!----that's awesome) and work on cars (what kind of cars?? man, if i were single.........sorry) and walk the dogs till your heart is content.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Oh no, I'm so not going there again. My X that cheated was eleven years my junior. Yikes! LOL... I suppose you got tired of changing diapers? I'll give you a tip on older guys... they have had long histories of failed relationships. They tend to be super insecure, and really feel like they need to see some kind of commitment from you.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 i find it hard to believe that guys want to get married so quickly, but find it very easy to believe they want to do more the "date" . maybe they are looking for someone to fill their void in life and are frustrated when you tell them you just want a friend; you seem to have no void in your life with the exception of a friend or "companion" and they can't fathom that fact. chin up! you'll find someone that can fit your needs/wants. until then, kick it by the pool, spend time with the kids/grandkids (WOW, your a grandma!----that's awesome) and play with the dogs till your heart is content. Thanks Woods!!! It isn't really that they are thinking marriage that soon, just that they seem to like to glue themselves to me and I cannot stand that. I need lots of space. LOL that happens and it's definately sayonara for me. I don't think I'm going to date anymore, seriously. I don't really want "anyone". LOL I'm selfish that way and I value my alone time. Yeah, I have four grandsons that age from 2yrs. to 8yrs. They are the light of my life. Thanks. Although the Great Dane and the Pomeranian are great "kids" too. I appreciate your insight.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Yikes! LOL... I suppose you got tired of changing diapers? I'll give you a tip on older guys... they have had long histories of failed relationships. They tend to be super insecure, and really feel like they need to see some kind of commitment from you. *laughs* Well they ain't gettin it from me. And yes, I compare my x's affairs to dirty diapers and I got damn tired of changing them all the time. I just think I can do well enough without dating again.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 *laughs* Well they ain't gettin it from me. And yes, I compare my x's affairs to dirty diapers and I got damn tired of changing them all the time. I just think I can do well enough without dating again. Well, then make dating fun! The more fun it is for you the more fun it will be for him!
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Well, then make dating fun! The more fun it is for you the more fun it will be for him! That's what I tried doing. It just didn't seem to matter. I want it very light hearted and fun, not like I'm shopping for a replacement husband. LOL Therein, lies the problem, one or two dates later and it's like it is just assumed by the date that we are exclusive and I "belong" to him. NOT. That's the point where I usually block their number and run for the hills.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 That's what I tried doing. It just didn't seem to matter. I want it very light hearted and fun, not like I'm shopping for a replacement husband. LOL Therein, lies the problem, one or two dates later and it's like it is just assumed by the date that we are exclusive and I "belong" to him. NOT. That's the point where I usually block their number and run for the hills. Hmmm.... something there just doesnt sound right. So, it kind of sounds like these gentleman are getting scared. Are you putting out that heartbreaker vibe? Also I note your use of ownership verbage. Is that how the guys you are dating see relationships... or is that your own interpretation?
Herzen Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I'm the male version of you, justice. After being married over 20 years ago, I separated and divorced about 3 years ago. I enjoy being single, and I have no need to get serious or re-marry. I'm having fun.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Hmmm.... something there just doesnt sound right. So, it kind of sounds like these gentleman are getting scared. Are you putting out that heartbreaker vibe? Also I note your use of ownership verbage. Is that how the guys you are dating see relationships... or is that your own interpretation? I've dated two different guys so far, I don't know if they are scared or just what is happening. I just know that I don't want to get serious or attached. Not because I want a long string of different guys to date or anything...just that I don't want to end up being owned or thought of as that way. And that's how those two men seemed to see it, jealousy, possessiveness, the whole bit, it sucked! I don't think I'm putting out the heartbreaker vibe. By the last few dates, I literally had to let them know that I didn't want a one on one relationship, in strong terms too, not because of wanting to be single but because that is just not what I want. I'm in it more for companionship and camaradery(sp?) than anything else, but I'm also an intensely private person and think that it's way too soon within two or three dates to get that darn serious. Am I wrong there? I did make it clear to them that I wasn't interested in an exclusive relationship.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 I'm the male version of you, justice. After being married over 20 years ago, I separated and divorced about 3 years ago. I enjoy being single, and I have no need to get serious or re-marry. I'm having fun. Me too. I just don't feel the need for a permanent partner.
VIP Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I think you don't let them know that you are only looking for friendship. That's why they assume that you are looking for a relationship. If it's only friendship you are looking for, why do you kiss?
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I'm the male version of you, justice. After being married over 20 years ago, I separated and divorced about 3 years ago. I enjoy being single, and I have no need to get serious or re-marry. I'm having fun. If you are the male version of her.. do you only date for companionship...no sex involved??? because from what I read...that's what she wants...
VIP Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 You should let them know about your intentions before you go on a first date, not after two dates.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 I think you don't let them know that you are only looking for friendship. That's why they assume that you are looking for a relationship. If it's only friendship you are looking for, why do you kiss? Oh believe me, I do let them know right up front. I see no point in letting it go further than that. I'm not talking an open mouthed, steamy french kiss or anything, more like a quick peck when I say goodnight-kind of kiss.
Author justice Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 If you are the male version of her.. do you only date for companionship...no sex involved??? because from what I read...that's what she wants... That's exactly what I want. Nothing more. I respect myself far too much to just hop into bed like some do.
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 That's exactly what I want. Nothing more. I respect myself far too much to just hop into bed like some do. Good luck with that...
Herzen Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 If you are the male version of her.. do you only date for companionship...no sex involved??? because from what I read...that's what she wants... Well, as to some things: enjoying the single life. As for other things, I am a guy.
Meaplus3 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Nice to know I'm not the only one. In getting to know and accept and love who you are, I think that's the key in being happy by yourself. Hi Justice, I so agree with getting to know and love yourself, it is the key to happiness. It's also a very important factor while beign involved in a Relationship. As far as the "Dating" scene these day's I have NO clue after 15 year's of Marriage and 3 children. I think you are taking the best approach by seeking a friendship, at this point since your divorce is still "Fresh" so to speak. I am sure if you keep searching you will stumble upon someone when you least expect it! Best Wishes Justice your a beautiful person inside and out! Hug's. AP:)
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